when the status quo frustrates.

Shocking update: people do bad things anonymously on the internet

Thursday, November 1st, 2007

Via N4G, Britain’s Sky News is up in arms over a playground location in the video game Second Life in which child avatars perform sexual favors:

Getting off on pixelated children humping your digital avatar is both twisted and sad. I get that. If someone I knew confessed to this sort of behavior, I admit I’d be pretty appalled. Ditto trolling Second Life rape clubs. But is anyone surprised by this? I think I’d be more surprised if it turned out that absolutely no one in all of Second Life was trying to fuck people and things they shouldn’t.

Whenever enough humans assemble in one location, be it digital or tangible, weird and/or disturbing activities will occur. This will only be exacerbated if people can do it anonymously, which is certainly the case in Second Life. Plenty of people are repressed, or their curious, or they’re simply deviant, or whatever — and this is no fault of Second Life. The game is merely a reflection of our actual society and the desires of the people living in it. Millions of people on this planet want to fuck kids. *Of course* some of them play Second Life. Has Sky News clued into how much pedophilia and rape/sim-rape happens online involving *actual* people? Perhaps they should send their smarmy investigator to track down people who’ve already passed through the supposed gateway drug of Second Life and are molesting more than 1s and 0s.

I fail to see what Sky News hoped to accomplish here, other than being linked by Deviant Titillation Central… which they were.

Court rules no warrant necessary for FBI to see that you visit PAB 8 times a day*

Sunday, July 8th, 2007

The Ninth Circuit court of appeals has made a decision that has serious implications about your online privacy:

Federal agents do not need a search warrant to monitor a suspect’s computer use and determine the e-mail addresses and Web pages the suspect is contacting, a federal appeals court ruled Friday.

…In Friday’s ruling, the court said computer users should know that they lose privacy protections with e-mail and Web site addresses when they are communicated to the company whose equipment carries the messages.

I see the analogy beteen emails and phone records. There’s a difference between the FBI knowing I called punkass marc and knowing what I said to punkass marc even without a warrant. Similarly, the FBI can know that I emailed him without actually being given the contents of the message. But the webpages part is a little different. Any legal minds care to comment?

*What? You don’t? *sob* I thought we meant something to each other!

Sprint sez providing proper service cuts into the profit margin, so if you’re going to bitch about our every little mistake then you’ll have to leave.

Saturday, July 7th, 2007

If AT&T starts doing this, I promise to start calling them twice a day every day.

If you persistently insist the Sprint fix their numerous errors you will be dropped as a customer, according to reader Michael. He’s been having trouble with Sprint but instead of resolving his problem, they’ve decided to drop him as a customer according to a letter he received yesterday.

Michael claims that he had to call Sprint customer service all the time because they kept making the same errors in his bill over and over again, plus he was unable to get a satisfactory resolution to an expensive phone repair. I think that sounds plausible. Sprint prefers to emphasize the fact that guys like Mike, with their neurotic obsession with not overpaying each and every month, are sucking up valuable and expensive customer service resources. They’ve graciously given him 30 whole days notice and aren’t even charging him the early termination fee, so what else could the man possibly want?

There seem to be two main schools of thought on the situation: the first says that Mike was treated unfairly and should continue to bitch all the way to court. The second says Mike is better off without those douchebags. A third, minor contingent defends Sprint’s right as a profit-making company to eject particularly unprofitable customers; I’d have more sympathy with this viewpoint if the high volume of calls that these customers are making didn’t mostly stem from Sprint’s employees own repeated errors.

The big problem that I see here is that Mike wasn’t able to cancel the contract without heavy fees back when he first realized that Sprint’s service was not satisfactory. Yet somehow, Sprint can drop his ass with a letter that manages to imply that they’re doing him a favor simply by not charging the early termination fee that would apply if he had tried to drop them. I don’t think that Sprint should be forbidden from dropping needlessly expensive customers, but it is not right that the customers can’t drop Sprint if halfway through their contract they find that they are not getting the service that they pay for. Which, you know, *cough* *hint* would be a nice piece of legislation for a certain Congress to pass if they want to show they’ve got the balls to stand up against big business interests, hint, hint. It would make a lot of citizens very happy and probably not cost the poor phone service providers as much as they’d want you to think.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice at up to three times the price, well then I guess I deserve what I get.

Saturday, July 7th, 2007

After months of foreplay, the iPhone failed to bring America to orgasm, although not for lack of effort:

My old phone, one based on Windows Mobile 5.0, had almost every feature the iPhone has – point by point. The differences between the products (like the differences between their desktop cousins) have to do with how functionality is exposed to the user. In this matter, you’ll find that Apple’s product is almost infuriatingly superior.

At $600 most people have to say, sexy, but not $600 sexy. Apple products are known for being a bit spendy and as they fan out into the non-computer consumer electronics market, smart shoppers know to let those near-psychotic first-adapters test the techie waters first before they blow that kind of cash themselves. Even die-hard Apple fans had an excuse for being wary – Apple doesn’t have a phone network so that part was being handled by AT&T. Unlike iPod, whose iTunes are an Apple-controlled service, meaning that even when iTunes is pissing you off you can at least expect Apple’s comparatively ball-licking customer service, the iPhone has two providers: Apple for your hardware and non-phone bits, and AT&T for the phone part.

In the Apple world, you hand them obscene amounts of money and they hand you exactly what you want. In the AT&T world, you hand them an amount of money that you are just barely OK with, and in return they almost provide you with a service. This is not a good marriage.

Two providers means two hundred times the confusion, and customers accustomed to the loving arms of an Apple store were in for a rude surprise: even though you give them lots of money, AT&T hates you.

The line was less than a hundred, and it seemed for a while that the wait might not be too long. Wrong! The employees at the AT&T store at 2195 Broadway were in no hurry. In fact, a woman employee at the door seemed annoyed by all the people in line and would offer no information about wait times or availability of the iPhones.

But one thing she did make certain, this AT&T location was closing at 11 p.m., line or no line. There were no promises to service those who had been waiting for hours.

A friendly restaurant next door handed free samples of a mango drink and even offered take-out food, but not one AT&T employee ever came outside to interact with waiting customers or to explain the situation.

…Even though the line was longer than that at AT&T, the wait was short — less than 15 minutes. Friendly Apple employees stood by with wireless credit card terminals taking orders. The process took only
minutes. Leaving the store, a cheering row of Apple workers high-fived new iPhone owners.
(emphasis mine)

I can imagine that it is terribly difficult for a consumer base accustomed to being actually applauded for making a discretionary purchase to come back to earth and have to deal with the kind of sales employees and tech support that make the rest of us loathe our phones and computers so much. However, my sympathy only extends so far:

A consumer advocacy group has expressed outrage over Apple Inc.’s battery replacement program for the iPhone…”The cell phone industry is notorious for not being consumer-friendly while Apple has a fairly good reputation, so for Apple to stand on a technicality of a hidden disclosure that’s going to cost the user as much as 20 percent of the purchase price I think will prove to be a colossal mistake,” Rosenfield said.

People are upset to find that the iPhone’s battery is soldered to it, and will cost almost $90 to replace. This is shocking! Horrible! Completely unfair! And only something they’ve done like once before

Many of you may remember the furor surrounding failing (and failed) non-replaceable batteries found in iPods, which ultimately resorted in a class-action lawsuit against Apple. That was sorted only after years of irritation and bad press, so Apple’s being a little more proactive this time, announcing just how much it’ll cost you to replace the little battery tucked inside your shiny new iPhone long before its warranty expires.

Regular Apple users might not have too much of a problem with this (well, sure they’ll bitch about it but they’ll still pay it), but Apple has spoiled them into expecting to get stuff for the scads of money they spend so they’re going to have a real hard time with AT&T. On the other hand, non-Apple users who buy an iPhone may accept AT&T’s horrid service as par for the course, but will balk at routinely spending close to $100 and three days to keep their extremely, uncomfortably expensive all-in-one device in working batteries.

The latter catagory of customers is the one I’d focus on if I were Steve Jobs. Once they get over the sticker shock and join the Apple cult, they’ll hardly remember how angry they were the first time they had to ship their phone out for service. But the former group may never get over the sense of betrayal that will come the first time they have to get AT&T to solve a problem and the AT&T employee kicks him the the balls because Mr. Apple-user didn’t pay the $25 monthly “Employees won’t kick you in the balls for speaking” fee, which in Applelandia would already have been factored into the price of service.

Celebrating 50 years of “femineering”

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007

137056185_d7e2ae46cd
Ethel says women’s traditional role as family accountant/killjoy prevents her from spending $1000 on a camera more suitable for a photography major, especially if it’s just going to piss her off, which is why she’s not getting an SLR until you invite her to a focus group

Others already
jumped all over (and rightfully so!) this New York Times article that gapes in open-mouthed wonder at the interesting new trend! That one where companies realize that women! Control! Like a bunch of money! And make purchases! And you can sell them more shit! Just by giving them what they want! Zounds! Who knew? Just who fucking knew?

Eight months ago, Ms. Duarte, the 44-year-old chief executive of Duarte Design, bought an Apple MacBook. Soon she discovered just how useful her digital camera became when it conversed with her Mac’s iPhoto software, spilling her pictures on to the laptop’s screen with a single touch. A short time later, she said, she was making homemade DVDs with slideshows and videos, and beginning to notice that various manufacturers “make really cute bags now to carry around your laptop.”

This mysterious behavior is in marked contrast to that of men, who long ago grew resigned to the fact that they’d have to make DVDs and slideshows of pictures using FinalCutPro. I remember back when my roommate wanted to turn his precious memories into a slideshow – it took him hours just to learn when to cut and when to fade. But me, I was all “F-that! I’m waiting for someone to make a software suite that will come pre-installed with my computer and allow me to do those things that I never once have ever needed to do before. Then I will focus on accessorizing.”

Although I do like that I can now have a laptop bag that doesn’t scream “I CONTAIN A LAPTOP! GRAB ME AND RUN!” if it really took the influence of the mysterious woman before manufacturers saw the benefit of that, then they should really consider promoting more women. Then they can have insights like “maybe this shouldn’t be needlessly complicated or quite that hideous” right at the beginning of the design process, and we don’t have to waste valuable time every decade marveling over that special touch that women bring to a product, if only they’re asked.

So OK, what’s the take home lesson here? Women buy shit, then they buy more shit. Just like guys, they prefer to buy shit they like. Maybe someone should exploit this.

Ms. Duarte represents a growing number of women who are embracing consumer electronics just as the technologies are reaching out to embrace them. Behind this quiet revolution are engineers and designers who are bringing a more feminine sensibility to products historically shaped by masculine tastes, habits and requirements.

Yawn. Same old, same old. Sometimes I think industries do this on purpose. They make a toy by boys for boys and eventually, when the boys start playing somewhere else, it’s marketing’s cue to look around and find a ‘new’ market. And golly gee, what have we here! Women! Why shucks, where they here the whole time just ignoring our product because it never met their needs? Well we’ll just change that right now and doesn’t that just save this quarter’s revenue report! Despite the fact that women make an ungodly majority of purchase decisions, we’re like the junior varsity consumer team every damn time, and then we’re expected to clap our hands in delight and swoon when finally after eighteen-katrillion generations someone finally releases a version we’re willing to spend all that hard-budgeted money on.

And guess what, gals! They’re even starting to drop that pandering pink product nonsense! Isn’t that so modern! Don’t you want to give the executives at Nikon a big sloppy kiss for making the be-vaginaed SLR camera black and not shocking pink?
(more…)

What did Apple expect, going out at night dressed like that?

Monday, June 11th, 2007

Via Freedom to Tinker, Apple’s DRM Freeee! iTunes are going to set your file-stealing ass up:

Recently it was revealed that Apple’s new DRM-free iTunes tracks come with the buyer’s name encoded in their headers. Randy Picker suggested that this might be designed to deter copying – if you redistribute a file you bought, your name would be all over it. It would be easy for Apple, or a copyright owner, to identify the culprit. Or so the theory goes.

Of course, easy to mark, easy to find, easy to frame:

But there’s another problem – and a pretty big one. All a digital signature can do is verify that a file is the same one that was sold to a particular customer. If a file is swiped from a customer’s machine and then distributed, you’ll know where the file came from but you won’t know who is at fault. This scenario is very plausible, given that as many as 10% of the machines on the Net contain bot software that could easily be directed to swipe iTunes files.

Apple is offering DRM free tracks from the EMI music library at a mere $0.30 more. Supposedly you get a higher-quality track, but is that really worth it if it also makes it easy for someone to steal all your account info?

News site Ars Technica was among the first to discover that downloaded tracks free of Fairplay have embedded within them the full name and account information, including e-mail address, of who bought them.

…It was not clear, said Ars Technica, whether the data was part of Apple’s administration system for iTunes or something else. It said because the data was easy to spoof Apple needed to explain why the data was present.

The information is also embedded in the non-free-for-all tunes, but Apple’s proprietary deathgrip on iTunes meant that no one really looked, noticed and/or cared until now. I realize that until recently, owning an Apple was like being in a really hip family with lots of disposable income. When you owned an Apple, you owned a fairly obscure machine owned only by others to artsy and boring for the meanie hackers and bots to deal with. And as Apple tries to take the act mainstream, the very things that are supposed to make Apple so appealing are being abandoned in the name of competitiveness. Apple’s insides are more like PCs than ever. iPods and subsequently iTunes are becoming very ubiquitous even on already notoriously secure PCs and therefore incredibly targetable. The Apple neighborhood is less safe than it was, but apparently Apple is still leaving the back door unlocked at night. But now it’s my backdoor, and your backdoor, and EMI can walk through it and sue the fuck out of us. This had better be fixed in my next iTunes update, I’ll tell Steve Jobs what. I’ve been seduced by Apple’s sexiness and am willing to convert: please don’t fuck this up.

McCain awash in zeroes

Sunday, May 6th, 2007

Aww. America’s Official Cranky Old FussbudgetTM waddled out onto his lawn to make the peace with the neighborhood kids causing all that digital ruckus with their interwebs.

An audience of far younger and far more liberal Google employees sparred politely with Republican presidential candidate John McCain, who praised the mostly 20-somethings Friday as “the future of the nation.”

Though they asked him tough war questions and what-not, apparently they were also easily amused by a little string dangled in front of their face to distract them:

He also won the crowd over with a promise to buy his daughter a Prius when she graduates from college.

Riiiiight. Good call, Googlers. Because that’s the best thing a powerful legislator can do to combat global warming. It certainly makes up for all of his recent official acts of energy injustice.

I would’ve hoped the people who will soon control the flow of information in America would’ve been a bit more discerning in handing out their kudos.

And can I just say that I question the Google Nation’s liberal credentials? They turned down punkassblog as an advertising partner, and I have to believe it’s either because the word ‘ass’ appears in our title (along with it being prominently featured on network sitcoms these days, I might add) or because we have a middle finger for a logo (whereas I say if it was good enough for Goose it should be good enough for Google).

Can any group so prude actually be liberal at heart? What’s next for Google ad partners — swear jars that dock them revenue for every word of which the notably un-liberal FCC is afraid?

Remember these trends in 10 years, when Google is morally policing our tubes. Which by then will be their tubes. [And no, John McCain's artificially animated corpse still won't understand them.]

Entertainment machine that gave us “Norbit,” “Air Buddies” begins to figure out piracy is never going away, hackers now only 9,999 steps ahead.

Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

Two related and interesting items get slashdotted today:

One, a 6-page Vanity Fair article on piracy in which details the movie and record industries’ losing battle against downloading. Remember those awful anti-piracy commercials that they used to lecture you in movie theatres, where you had clearly just paid them their damn money?

Another P.S.A. argues that people who buy pirated films are hurting Hollywood’s ordinary folks, the humble artisans who toil backstage building pedestals for the stars. The M.P.A.A.’s case might have carried more weight had it not featured the heartfelt testimony of Ben Affleck, a man who was paid $12.5 million to star in Gigli.

Turns out a combination of preaching to the choir and sueing everything in sight and even being able to strong-arm foriegn governments into acting in your interest against those nasty non-American hosts won’t stop the future especially when the future involves more people than could ever be sued easily getting stuff for free. And some industry executives are finally starting to see that:

Among the few senior entertainment executives who have been able to absorb this seemingly basic aspect of human nature is Anne Sweeney, president of Disney–ABC Television. In her keynote speech at the October 2006 MIPCOM audiovisual-content market in Cannes, France, Sweeney broke ranks with her boardroom peers to make a bracingly pragmatic statement. “Piracy is a business model,” Sweeney said. “It exists to serve a need in the market—consumers who want TV content on demand. And piracy competes for consumers the same way we do: through quality, price, and availability.”

Which leads us to our second item of note: with most Americans only somewhat aware that they are in the middle of the VHS/Beta wars of our time and with Blu-Ray and HD-DVD players still in the insanely expensive generations, the security on both super-discs is already cracked. Now you can easily copy and disseminate a higher quality picture than ever before!

Arnezami, a hacker on the Doom9 forum, has published a crack for extracting the “processing key” from a high-def DVD player. This key can be used to gain access to every single Blu-Ray and HD-DVD disc….

AACS took years to develop, and it has been broken in weeks. The developers spent billions, the hackers spent pennies.

————————–

My favorite part of the Vanity Fair article?

…George Lucas came out with the startling announcement that his company had decided that making feature films was now “too expensive and too risky” in the current climate…

I know stealing is a sin, but I can’t condemn anyone participating in a mega-trend that starts prodding Lucas towards a dignified obscurity. If he never makes a feature film again, perhaps we can pretend the last round of Star Wars never happened and remember him only for the good times.

Don’t let the disclaimer at the bottom of the page alarm you, everyone knows that engineers always give the best medical advice.

Saturday, December 30th, 2006

What’s the difference between these two sales pitches:

Good news about looming disaster…it’s easy, inexpensive, fun to get prepared.

WARNING!!! The purest filtered/distilled water may be more dangerous than cigarettes[!]

Answer: the first comes from the WorldNetDaily website, also home to such fearmongering ads as “How the UN will be the death of Isreal and the West” and the “Nukealert 24/7 radiation moniter and alarm” for your keychain. I guess so you can stop lugging that gieger counter around and people have to actually talk to you to discover your raging paranoia.

The second comes from Popular Science. Which really should never allow itself to be compared to WND, but it is the End Times and here we are. And they should be especially embarassed that the WND article/advertisement is more persuasive.

The ad claims that “energized water” will cure what ails you. In a freaking science magazine. The original ad must be seen to be believed.

Better scientists than I have focused on the claim that “Your hydrogen bond angle is 10° greater than ordinary water (114°)! Now we can measure the ability of the blood to reach extremities! Nothing comes close to your water!” So I’m just going to say that if you changed the average angle of the bonds between the molecules of a glass of water by 10 degrees, I’m pretty sure what you’d have in the end would not be behaving like water anymore. 10 degrees is a lot of degrees and the structure of water is kind of unique and leads directly to its some of its more interesting, you know, water-like properties.

But that’s the sort of nitpicking I’ll leave to the chemists, and their claim that people are flushing cancer germs down the toilet where they eventually end up in your drinking water, which is why you get cancer, to the doctor bloggers. There’s more fun to be had in this retro-style text-heavy advertorial:
(more…)

Question 133: if your customer has a notable rack, when is the proper time to make a joke about “headlights”?

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

a) while she is examining the headlights of the vehicle
b) after she has agreed to buy the car
c) after she has left the showroom floor
d) all of the above

Via Twisty, someone, somewhere has finally clued into the fact that women also drive and purchase cars, and would prefer not to be treated like children while doing so. Twisty gets to the heart of the matter:

AskPatty.com isn’t just a handy website of “automotive advice for women.” Here men , too, may take advantage of the perpetually shocking information that women actually buy cars by learning from an actual fake woman (’Patty’ appears not to exist, at least in human form) how to communicate with the alien sub-species. AskPatty.com sells car dealers a book called How to Get Rich Selling Cars and Trucks to Women, a training course, and an exam. Dealers who pass the exam get ‘certified’ as ‘female-friendly’.

…A search produced the disheartening result that there are no certified female-friendly auto dealers — not even, alas, Aston Martin, Lotus, or Porsche — within 100 miles of the Twisty Bungalow, or I would certainly have gone out and bought a car just so I could report back on the experience.

…God forbid the readers of the Clarion-Ledger should think DeVere is one of the Humorless Hairyleg Army. Comfortingly, AskPatty.com was founded by and is currently CEOed by a dude.

And is immediately spammed by askpatty.com, where their eMarketing Manager takes a break from effective marketing to reinforce every stereotype about Marketing that has ever been featured in a Dilbert cartoon:

Thank you for posting about Ask Patty! I want to let you and your readers know that although Patty is a figurehead, we do have 24 automotive expert women who are real and will answer any automotive-related question you might have.
On our panel there are women who work in all aspects of the industry, including dealerships, sales, financing, auto care and maintenance, as well as certified technicians. So send in your questions and we would be glad to help!
Also, if you don’t find a dealer near you that is Female Friendly certified, let your local dealership know about us. We are certifying dealers continuously and would be more than happy to pass along information to newly inquiring dealers.

Thanks again!
Breanne Boyle
eMarketing Manager
AskPatty.com, Inc.

Now, let’s ignore for a second that painting something unisex, like car advice, with pink and purple and girling it up is not going to help evaporate the sexism that runs around the automotive industry. In fact, it may just make it worse. My dad, a former mechanic who knows that ignorance of cars is rampant in both genders, absolutely hates my sister’s turquoise tool set (“Barbies first tool kit,” he calls it) and was very pleased when someone gifted her with a superior, grey toolset that was a smidge less flamboyant. There’s a reason tools are metal-colored, you know: it’s because if you’re using them at all properly they’re going to be filithy and scratched in a manner that makes a shiny pink frufru coating kind of silly. Having a set or girlie tools advertises to all know know what they’re doing with a tool that you have no freaking idea what is going on. Get a used set of tools if you want to impress people. If you need to, lay them next to your pink set and stare at them until you are satisfied that they are the exact same thing.

And I don’t think I’m the only vagina-American out there who would scoff at a certified “female-friendly” auto dealership or repair place. My local Monro Muffler and Brake features a “Ladies Day” every week (I think it’s Wednesday) – they even have a banner! And that’s fucking hilarious because when I was 17, I went to a different Monro for an exhaust system problem and their mechanics pointed and laughed at me through a window while I was staring at them then called me back to look at the car. The bigger of the two Monro Muffler and Brake employees began whap on a pipe with a wrench, causing a gasket of some sort that was clearly missing a fastener to spin around the pipe, making a shrrring! shrring! sound. Without even trying to maintain a straight face, the guy told me that that sound was my catalytic converter which would need to be replaced right away or else it would explode! I insisted on taking the car back and, the ignorant 17 year old that I was, had to resort to a higher male authority (“I wanna talk to my dad first”) before I could wrest the car from their evil clutches. Considering the area that we lived in, the mechanic (and I use that word in the loosest possible sense) probably thought that my dad was a lawyer or businessman or something, and instructed me to tell him exactly what I told you probably in the hopes that I would return a few hours later with my frightened father’s credit card. So I did, and dad said exactly what I thought he would (“Bullshit.”) and I decided that I would have to abandon my dream of getting my tiny little problem fixed quickly. I turned the car over to the septuagenarians who ran an autoshop near the Monro Muffler and Brake, and when they were damn well good and ready they replaced the pipe and the gasket that were giving me problems.

The point of this still-hilarious story is that my experience was so bad, and reflected not only deeply ingrained sexism but also deeply ingrained (and probably even unofficially encouraged by corporate) dishonesty, that nearly a decade later I can only interperet “Ladies Day” as a cynical attempt to get women to feel a bit more comfortable with how badly they’re about to be reamed by the assholes in the store. I don’t, for a second, think that the smug, condensending sexism that I experience at (mostly franchise) auto repair shops reflects how they treat women, exclusively. It’s just a little extra icing on the cupcake they serve anyone, male or female, they think is an easy mark. Of course, the sexism declares all women easy marks where men may get a cursory once-over before the reaming, but still.

So when I read this
:

To be certified, members of a dealership’s sales team must read a book on how to communicate with women, titled How to Get Rich Selling Cars and Trucks to Women, and take a training course. Then they must pass a 134-question test, which takes about an hour to complete.

my first reponse isn’t “Well, thank god things are finally going to change!” it’s “134 questions in about an hour??!!? I got more time per question on the GRE.” Somehow I doubt that askPatty’s exam is a probing examination into the success of the course in changing the attitudes and assumptions of the men that lead to their industry-wide piss-poor reputation as a bunch of sexist dishonest fucks. Between that and the title of thier text, I am going to have to assume that a “certified female-friendly by askPatty.com!” certificate on the wall means exactly jack-shit. In the meantime, I will continue to use the only method worth a damn for finding a reputable dealer or auto repair place: word of mouth and reccommendations from trusted mechanics.

Being a Geekly Blog We Prefer Not To Pick On The Geeks, But Here I Go

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

One of the perks of working at Big Media Co. is free services. Free internet connection, free movies, free cable, free telephone. For someone making jack-shit-you-owe-us-a-dollar wages this is a mighty big benefit, not to mention that it helps with the porn sales:

“I understand that you didn’t mean to order Barnyard Bunnies: Taking Out the Trash eight times while your family was at church last Sunday, but have you ever considered a broadband connection? There is a lot of adult programming on the internet for free. I could have it installed for you within the week?”

I forget how important it is for people to have a solid internet connection, considering I don’t pay a penny for my own. And considering they usually pay upwards of forty dollars a month. And considering that our service hasn’t exactly been up to par lately. Rolling outages have been plaguing the area after the failure of a major piece of equipment several weeks ago. This infuriates users of Vonage and MMORPG enthusiasts.

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from one client, a man who seemed disproportionately angry at what was at that time a temporary issue. While he bitched and moaned and threatened to cut off his service I perused the notes on his account. Not only had he been given two months of credit for two weeks of outages, he had already called the office twelve times that day. Like a good customer service representative, I forwarded him to technical support mid-sentence.

His name is quickly becoming a metaphor for “pain in the ass” around the office. I get you’re pissed that your service isn’t working. Disconnect and move along.

During a slow period today, because I remember douchebags like this guy, I read his account notes again to see what he’d been up to. As usual, he’d been calling more than ten times a day, demanding managers and credit, completely flipping his shit about the internet service. Every time he called he threatened to disconnect and yet neglected to do so. Finally, I saw why.

Buried in his account notes was a small detail I had neglected to see before. Because he had been unable to use the internet at full download speeds, he couldn’t get the amount of gameplay needed to maintain his skill level as a Level 4 Mage in World of Warcraft. And although I am loathe to speculate on others’ lives or rely on the use of stereotype to discern a person’s life experiences, I suddenly realized why he has the time to call us over twenty times in on 24-hour period.

“Diebold’s AccuVote is crap” finally entered into Congressional record a whole 4 weeks before next election.

Friday, September 29th, 2006

A while back I linked to Edward Felton’s examination of Diebold’s voting machines.

He’s submitted written testimony to the House of Representative’s hearing on e-voting, and has testified in person as well just yesterday. Here is a link to his 10-page written testimony. Some highlights:

One lesson of our study is that security depends on getting the technical details
right. A security measure that sounds robust in the abstract may be useless or worse if
implemented poorly. Too often, the designers of the AccuVote-TS failed to get the
details right.

A good example is the AccuVote-TS access door. The access door on this
machine protects the removable memory card that stores the votes, so the door should be
locked securely and access to the keys should be strictly limited. In fact, the tens of
thousands of AccuVote-TS machines can all be opened with the same key, and this very
same key is used widely in office furniture, jukeboxes, and even hotel minibars…
————
The AccuVote-TS suffers from many such problems. It encrypts stored votes, but
stores the secret decryption key where it is easily found by hostile software. It keeps two
redundant copies of each stored vote, but both copies are subject to easy tampering…
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More worrisome than any specific vulnerability is
that, despite its many problems, the system we studied was certified, purchased and
deployed by many states and counties, and is slated for use in the upcoming November
election. This leads us to conclude that existing certification and procurement
procedures are inadequate to prevent the kinds of serious vulnerabilities we discovered…
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For example, the AccuVote-TS system we studied will
silently accept and install any software update offered by any memory card that is
inserted into the system. The system makes no effort to verify that the offered update is
authorized by the vendor, election officials, or anyone else…
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