For me, this was a whole ‘nother level of challenge. I’m the producer, director, co-writer, editor, and cinematographer, which has translated into some insane work weeks so far in ’08. We’ll be releasing 51 episodes between now and the end of April, so I’ll continue to be a little erratic here at PAB, but soon this show will be done and I’ll be back to ranting and raving with regularity.

In the meantime, anyone who likes football should check out our shows at ON Networks or here.

The introduction to Draftguys TV:

A profile of Appalachian State’s star WR Dexter Jackson:

And feisty Rutgers DT Eric Foster:

Thanks for checking it out, and if you liked what you saw, please pass it on to your friends and check the ON Networks site for 2 new profiles every weekday.

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Oh, and did I mention that the article he was spazzing over was written by a woman? Kinda sheds an even uglier light on some of those comments.

Anyway, the unintentionally hilarious assholery insipred me to mash it up. Enjoy!

I’m a Man by Mike Gundy and Survivor

[My After Effects skills are improving, though I still make things a little "busy," huh?]

This happens in all walks of life, and particularly in the high stakes world of pro football.

After the NFL draft in April, I wrote a post titled Dumbest Texans Around, a label applied to Houston Texans owner Bob McNair and then-GM Charley Casserly. Staring them down in the draft were two franchise-making players: a sure-fire offensive star in RB Reggie Bush and the biggest football hero at any level in Texas, Longhorn QB Vince Young. To make matters more interesting, they had the option to walk away from their underhwelming current QB, David Carr, with no salary cap penalty.

Reggie Bush felt like a can’t-miss selection, but Young would’ve been the bold choice. After they passed on both for defensive lineman Mario Williams, I wrote:

The only hope McNair’s team would ever have of passing the Cowboys in state importance lay in the possibility of Vince Young finding stardom in a Texans uni. Houston-born and raised, the kid is already a folk hero there, and building around him would have bought the team eternal loyalty from hundreds of thousands of locals.

And:

Young will be taking snaps for Tennessee — you might remember them from such franchises as the Houston Oilers. Should Young make the Pro Bowl in the traitorous Titans jersey, Bob McNair might as well fold up his retractable roof stadium and head for the hills; the locals will never let him live it down.

After a record-setting comeback 2 weeks ago and another last-second comeback against the 10-1 Colts last week, Vince hit the trifecta Sunday by coming home to Houston and running away with a victory in front of a very pro-Vince Texans crowd. I say “running away” because the man took off for a breath-taking 39-yard game-winning TD scamper on 3rd and 14 in overtime:

The worst fear of the Texans has been realized, and it’s happened sooner than expected. Along with Drew Brees (another Texas high school product, by the way), Vince Young is the hottest QB in football. His scintillating performances have left other players, coaches, and beat writers using the kinds of superlatives reserved for athletes like Magic Johnson — those unorthodox, once-in-a-generation talents who change the game while inspiring teammates to raise their play to another level.

Young will torture the Texans for years. He plays in the same division. He plays for the team that deserted Houston. He signifies everything the Texans franchise lacks, including inspiring leadership and game-breaking talent. And maybe Tony Romo’s catching up, but I bet VY is still the most popular football player among Texas residents. If you need evidence, look at what the Texans’ best player, WR Andre Johnson, just said about Young:

I mean, when I first got here, I heard about Vince and couldn’t wait to meet him myself. He’s a star here.

It would’ve been difficult for the Texans to dump the QB they’d been grooming since the franchise’s launch to draft Vince Young. If Young bombed out and Carr became a capable QB for another team, the team would’ve been humiliated. But anyone who’d observed Vince Young’s psychological impact on the previously soft and scared Longhorns should’ve been able to see precisely why he was more than the bold choice; he was the right choice.

Young’s inspirational x-factor has always been underappreciated by the football punditry. That’s probably because there’s really no comparison in his sport. Honestly, other than maybe Joe Namath for a single game, has any other football player ever made his teammates feel as invincible as Vince’s?

At every level, VY’s teams have played with absolute certainty they will win the game. His joke-cracking in the huddle, his exhilarating play, and his difficult-to-replicate cocktail of humility and confidence transformed the Longhorns from underachievers into winners of the most exciting college football championship game in modern history. Now, in 10 NFL starts, he’s turned a talent-light Titans squad into the scariest team on anyone’s schedule.

As silly as it might seem, Vince Young inspires me, too. Whenever I watch him make another improbable game-altering play, a giddy, irrational optimism washes over me. Anything seems possible. I’m like a wide-eyed, hope-filled kid again, and I honestly didn’t know I could ever feel that way as an adult. Maybe I should feel that way about someone more important than a football player, but I can’t help myself.

The Texans landed a solid defensive end with the #1 selection in the 2006 draft. Twice a year in person (and every day in the division standings) for the next decade, Texas Football Jesus will never let them forget it.

I love it when a piece that, by all accounts, should be nothing more than synergistic network propaganda (ESPN is airing a doc called “Ali Rap”) turns out to be far more provocative than the event it’s promoting.

Fans hugged and cheered, throwing popcorn into the air and their arms around one another. On the field and in the locker room there were similar scenes of celebration.

After pulling off perhaps one of the most improbable victories in NFL history, the Titans and their fans had the feeling that maybe they’ve finally gotten over the hump.

I had the pleasure of watching Vince’s unprecedented 24-point 4th quarter that led to the Titans’ 24-21 upset over the Giants. Deja vu doesn’t even begin to capture the sensation I felt as I watched him grab a game’s momentum by the throat and force it to bend to his will. Although with VY, it usually feels more like a dance; he calmly and smoothly seduces the game into submission.

It was the biggest comeback by a rookie quarterback in NFL history, passing Hall of Famer John Elway, who led the Broncos from a 19-0 deficit to beat the Colts 21-19 in 1983.

Young passed for 249 yards and ran for 69. He cheered the fans who stuck around — many left after three quarters — before heading to the locker room to get intravenous fluids for cramping.

“It’s a sneak peek of what’s going to happen, not just with me, but with this team in general,” he said.

“It’s a sneak peek of how our future can be if we just continue to play hard and keep working to get to the point we want to be.”

Why not believe him? He’s done it before, and you get the distinct (if previously improbable) sense his presence, determination, and leadership will have the same effect on this NFL franchise as it did on his college team.

Speaking of those Longhorns, they sure look lost without him all of a sudden, don’t they? Maybe Vince Young really did bring all the mojo they used to win a title. It certainly seems he took it with him when he left.

As the Longhorns revert to form, a new era dawns in Tennessee. No coincidence there.

For formerly unbeaten teams that had their bubble burst, though, week 3 can be a sobering bummer. The Falcons and Patriots are suddenly pelted with questions about weaknesses they’d been praised for overcoming just a week ago.

As we look back on the last week of NFL action, two big stories stand out: the Bengals beating the Steelers and the Jaguars losing to the Colts. Each fits one of the descriptions above. The 3-0 Bengals are being hailed as potential champions, and the 2-1 Jaguars’ newfound credibility from their MNF win has been all but washed away.

Both storylines have it exactly wrong. Dig a little deeper, and you’ll see the Bengals win was a fluke, while the Jags’ loss revealed them to be as strong as previously advertised.

Cincinnati isn’t better than the Steelers.
They won the game. They may win the divison. But that game turned on bizarre gaffes, like the wind gust that sent a punt off the helmet of Steeler Ricardo Colclough that resulted in the Bengals’ possession in which they took the lead. Roethlisberger is also not back to full strength, or fully sharp yet. He threw 2 picks in the endzone he probably won’t throw in the second half of the year. His other pick came when he stepped on an OL’s foot. Had the lineman not stepped backward, an open Hines Ward might have scored a go-ahead TD.

The normally stout Bengals line couldn’t stop the Steeler rush. Palmer faced sack after sack in the second half, and had he not gotten the ball back in outstanding field position thanks to lady luck, he would’ve had an awfully hard time moving the ball down the field. Palmer also threw a few ugly intercepted floaters himself, and seemed genuinely rattled by Pittsburgh before their turnover flurry.

Willie Parker was able to gash Cincy for huge gains right up the middle and on the edges all day. Rudi Johnson had nowhere to run at any point. And Chad Johnson was completely cut off from the football.

The Bengals D was handed some freebies, but was otherwise manhandled. Their offense couldn’t run or stop the pass rush. If the Steelers had gotten a little less unlucky, or if Ben Roethlisberger played at even 80% of his capacity, the champs take the win. Cincy’s problems in the trenches will bite them badly in the postseason, so I won’t be looking for them to hoist up the Lombardi trophy anytime soon.

The Jaguars have what it takes to win the AFC
A week after throwing for 400 yards the week before, Peyton Manning couldn’t get anything going against the Jags in the first half. He couldn’t complete half his passes for the game. This is huge news, folks. Regular season Peyton Manning is usually unstoppable, especially when it comes to completion percentage. The Jaguars are the only team in the league that consistently gives him trouble, and every game they seem to get a little better at disrupting the Colts’ gameplan. Indy mustered only 14 points on offense, and 7 of those came on a Manning bootleg. That tells you how far out of their comfort zone the Colts were. I like the Jags’ D at every level, and if they get/stay healthy, they’ll be a threat to pitch a shutout every week.

The Jaguars’ offense absolutely gouged the Colts on the ground, too. Rookie Maurice Jones-Drew got whatever he wanted between the 20s, gaining 100+ yds on almost 8 yards per carry. Old man Freddy Taylor slowed down in the second half, but tore the Colts apart early in the game.

Byron Leftwich did struggle on Sunday. After completing over 66% of his passes in each of the first 2 games, he lost his rhythm and never got on track. But he and his WRs already performed well against 2 tough Ds in Dallas and Pittsburgh, and Leftwich has a history of making clutch plays in big moments. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about the passing game too much come January.

The Colts scored their first TD on a punt return that turned out to be the difference in the game. This one-time gaffe by an otherwise impressive Jacksonville special teams unit won’t be something other teams can count on against them. I like the Jaguar offense and love their defense. Their QB is a gamer, and the thunder and lightning running game lacks only a strong goal line presence.

Watch out for Jacksonville this year, folks. They scare me a lot more than Cincinnati.

The Haves

Atlanta
Okay, they don’t have a kicker (rookie Koenen was 0/4 on FG attempts on Sunday), but they have a defense whose motor won’t quit and a quarterback who’s reclaimed his confidence. While their win at Carolina was tempered somewhat by the Panthers’ clunker vs the Vikings, against Tampa Bay they displayed the same two-way dominance as last week and confirmed they are the team to beat in the NFC South. Their game 3 matchup against the 2-0 Saints in the newly refurbished Superdome on Monday Night Football should be telling.

Jacksonville
A defending Super Bowl champ hadn’t been shut out the following season in a quarter century. Whoops. Last night, the Jags demolished the Steelers, holding them to 153 yards on 46 plays. Their physical corners pushed around the Pittsburgh receiving corps, which allowed Jax to run-blitz on every down and frazzle the champs. Matt Jones has soft hands and precise foot control, qualities that can turn a 6’6″ speed WR into an MVP candidate over time. And my favorite play of the night came from little rookie RB Maurice Jones-Drew, who took on savage twister Troy Polamalu 1-on-1 on a blitz and stood him straight up. After Dallas whupped the ‘Skins, the Jags’ win in week 1 looks even more impressive. These guys are one to watch.

Baltimore and San Diego
Neither has allowed a TD yet, but combined they’ve played Tampa Bay, Tennessee, and Oakland twice — 3 of the worst teams in the league. But good teams thump bad ones decisively, and both 2-0 starts were dominant, to say the least. If Steve McNair stays healthy and Phil Rivers stays calm, look out.

Cincinnatti and Seattle
Both struggled a bit in week 1 and turned in solid performances against mediocre clubs in week 2. They are both offense-oriented teams with competent defenses and stable coaching situations. Neither has wowed me, but barring QB injuries, both seem like locks for the playoffs. The definition of “solid.”

I didn’t include Chicago because I’m not sold on their running game, which has struggled in both games. If they can’t run, they’ll lose out to more balanced teams. Ditto for Indy. While Addai had a decent game against Houston, I’ll remind you it was Houston. Unless they can run on the good teams, they’re pretenders; the run and shoot never wins titles. I haven’t seen enough of New Orleans, the Vikings only won because the Panters got stupid on a lateral pass during a punt return (and the Vikes still needed a fake FG TD pass to pull it out), and New England could’ve lost both games (don’t Belicheck’s games always feel that way, though?). Any of these teams could be division champs, but I’m not sold yet.

The Have-nots

Oakland
They have a WR who laughs on the sideline when his QB gets sacked. Their coach has trouble staying awake during the game and unable to prepare his team on either side of the ball during the week. The have 6 total points this season. I smell 0-16, and I’m seriously wondering if they’ll score an offensive TD all year.

Tampa Bay
Chris Simms couldn’t wait to be handed a starting job without earning it so he could crap the bed in pefect Chris Simms fashion. Unfortunately for him, there are no North Texas or Rice games on the schedule to pad his stats. They have 3 points on the season, and Simms has 6 picks, one going the other way for a TD, to show for Gruden’s faith in him. Any Texas fan could’ve saved Gruden some time and probably his job by pointing him to any film of Chris Simms in a game that mattered. Nobody has done less with this many impressive physical attributes.

Miami
Woof. A popular dark horse Super Bowl pick nearly got shut out by the Bills at home. They also allowed JP Losman to throw a TD pass against them. I’m not sure which is more embarrassing. Meanwhile, the Steelers shouldn’t feel so hot about barely beating them, huh? And I guess New England shouldn’t feel so bad about nearly coughing one up to the Bills.

Tennessee
Kerry Collins. Nuff said.

Washington
Many dollars spent on WR/PRs, assistant coaches, and various team ornaments. It helps if some of those dollars go into the QB position, but someone forgot to tell Grandpa Joe.

Detroit, Green Bay, Cleveland, KC, Houston
Poor D + no QB = few wins. Hardly news.

Several teams can fold up shop for the season, a few others have reason to be cautiously optimistic. I can’t wait for week 3 to prove some or all of this wrong, too.

Mike Vick slaps around a chic Super Bowl pick.
Today’s MVP was Michael Vick, who took the Falcons on the road and kept the Panthers off balance all day with his feet and his arm. Any time Vick completes a TD pass to a wideout, you should check hell’s temperature, but if I didn’t know better, I’d say he looked downright comfortable making his reads and tossing the ball downfield to someone other than TE Alge Crumpler. The Panthers normally have some success against Vick, but today even studs like DE Julius Peppers were left sucking wind after Vick beat them for another first down. If Vick can consistently control games like this, the Falcons can win that division.

Chris Simms proves the hype machine wrong. Again.
Newsflash: Chris Simms chokes when the lights are on. He’d be a hall of fame preseason QB, but as anyone who ever watched him play a game of any import at Texas knows, the kid has zero leadership skills, even less heart, and no guts. Chris Simms brings a famous name and a hand around his own neck to a game, and that’s about it. Tampa’s rookie backup, Bruce Gradkowski, may see the field sooner rather than later after Tampa Bay was shut out by Baltimore today. Simms scored more points for the opposition than his own squad today, and I’m guessing the locker room wasn’t too tolerant of his petulant pretty boy routine after the game. Fortunately, Gradkowski might be the perfect fit. I covered him at the Shrine Game before the draft, and the kid looks born to play in Gruden’s west coast scheme of short and play action passes. Simms looks like he’s ready to throw another INT.

Brett Favre needs help. He has none.
Bless his heart, Favre still slings the ball around like Sterling Sharpe or Antonio Freeman are catching balls in their primes. Too bad all he has are a double-covered Donald Driver and some NFL Europe hopefuls to throw to these days. Favre needs to retire or demand a trade before we forget the good times and remember only lines like those of today against the Bears: 15/29, 170 yds, 2 INT. Will the Aaron Rodgers era begin soon in GB? Either way, they look primed for a 3 win season.

John Kitna sucks.
Even Mike Martz can’t fix him, people. Can we stop pretending the Lions will emulate the Rams now?

So do Alex Smith and Losman.
Smith checks down to his backs and TEs like wideouts are a disease, and Losman continues to eschew the smart play for a big one that usually never materializes.

New Orleans paid Drew Brees $10 mil, and all they got was competance.
It’ll get them wins against have-nots like Cleveland, but we’ll see how he fares against potential playoff teams. He sure looked happy to have Reggie Bush on his team, though.

Drew Bledsoe must hate reality TV.
Because once that dude has to go off the script used for the first few series, he falls apart like Jimmy Fallon trying to hold it together during even the mildest of jokes. Seriously, for the first few series of the Dallas-Jacksonville game, Bledsoe was masterful. But once he had to go away from the well-practiced opening script, he fell back on the three things that have always made him Drew Bledsoe: holding the ball too long, moving at the speed of a sleeping elephant, and throwing a clutch pick. Improv ain’t his bag, clearly.

We thought Trent Green was dead.
No joke. Cincy Bengal Robert Geathers nearly killed him and should be severely fined for clobbering a sliding Green, who was prone and unable to protect himself. Also, someone might want to tell KC to invest in a real backup QB, not a lookalike like Damon Huard. Of course, Herm Edward’s patented “play for the tie” strategy [as noted by footballguys.com writer and fellow scammer of Johnny Jet's NFL package Sigmund Bloom] doesn’t demand excellence, does it? Gonna be a long year in KC, even if Green’s okay.

Donovan McNabb haters forced to shove it. For a week, anyway.
He’ll never get his due as one of the top 5 QBs in the league. Is it racism or just the eternal skepticism of Philly fans? Methinks a little of column A, a little of column B. Either way, he fucked up Houston but good. On the other side of the ball, David Carr showed flashes of adequacy… until he took his first big hit. Then he was back to flipping out about pressure that wasn’t there, and his jitters sunk the Texans hard. He’s broken.

Jake Plummer plays chicken, lays egg.
The calls for rookie Jay Cutler to take over in Denver are probably pouring out of the Colorado watering holes as we speak. Plummer couldn’t wait to overthrow his receivers today, and a solid performance by the Broncos’ running game and defense against the new look Rams were wasted because of his Bledsoe-esque ineptitude.

Pennington shocks the world by throwing 10+ yards.
Who knew Chad Pennington wasn’t done? Certainly the Tennessee Titans looked suprised as he carved up their defense for over 300 yds passing. When we last saw Chad in a regular season game, it was week 1 last year, and he was fluttering footballs like they were papier mache and taking precisely one big hit before he was out for the year. Again. Will he take a team most people consider one of the worst in the league and make a surprise push for the playoffs? I doubt it. But he looks healed, and Jets fans like my pal Johnny found that reason enough to celebrate. Well, that and a week one win, anyway.

The exception: RB Frank Gore runs his ass off in a losing cause.
That guy will win a lot of fantasy league titles for smart drafters who selected him this year. The Niners were smart to dump Barlow and let Gore drag the 49ers into closer games than any team featuring Alex Smith has any right to play. The Cardinal defense is nothing to lose sleep over, but any time a guy drags 5 or 6 defenders a solid 5 yards into the end zone, you’re looking at a good back. When he also catches 8 passes, you’re probably looking at a franchise one.

So at the end of the afternoon, among many other things, Jets fans were probably happier than they should be as the Titans will easily be the worst team in the league, Cowboy fans got a wake-up call about the potential of any team featuring Drew Bledsoe and a crappy o-line, and the Ravens look ready to put a scare in the rest of the AFC now that they have a real QB in Steve McNair.

I’m looking ready to put a scare in some more Fritos next week.

UPDATE: Manning the middle still pwns Manning the youngest. And if Plaxico Burress hadn’t made one of the sickest catches of the day off a tipped ball in the end zone, it would’ve been even worse. The younger Manning has a knack for a big fumble or pick at the wrong time. Only time will tell if he shares his brother’s penchant for mewling during a playoff game.