when the status quo frustrates.

McCain surge devastates Britney/America

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

Longtime PABers (well, longtime in el blogosphero) might remember the startling connections we discovered between the fates of Britney Spears and America itself. It was proven without a doubt that, like it or not, Britney Spears is the living embodiment of the United States.

I’ve stayed away from expounding on this theory because none of the recent developments Britney Spears’ life are funny, and because I’d hate to be mistaken for one of the jackals profiting off her evisceration.

But today I awoke to find these two pictures side by side @ Google News, and I couldn’t hide from the truth any longer:




Ignoring the unbelievably creepy site name of “Dog Flu Diet and Diseases” being placed under Britney Spears’ picture, the top two stories can really be condensed down to one:
McCain’s win in Florida sent Britney to the hospital. And as unbelievable as this sounds, she was hospitalized earlier this month… on the exact same day evo-phobic Mike Huckabee won Iowa.

So here we sit, America, on the edge of psychological and emotional collapse. Why? Because what’s destroying Ms. Spears is destroying us. Our anti-intellectual, celebrity-porn-addicted, ignorant-by-choice [and overly-hyphenated] culture is imploding on itself. This site has been proclaiming the likelihood of a McCain victory in 2008 since the early days, and the condition of our national avatar should be cause for concern for anyone who still dismisses Republican chances. This is HAPPENING.

Like Britney, we need to accept some ugly truths about what we’ve become while simultaneously taking control of our lives from the greedy manipulators prodding us down the path of self-destruction for their own ends. Neither of these things will be easy. We’ve accepted our powerlessness, and change seems impossible. But I urge Britney, and thus all Americans, to resist the path of least resistance. Don’t take the bottle of McCain pills by the bed. Don’t let the Iraqarazzi win.

Don’t do gown without a fight.

31.01.2008 Celebrity, McCainery 1 Comment

McCain ad reveals his one shining moment… and the dirty fetish of GOP faithful

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

I want you to close your eyes and imagine, if you will, that you’re in the following situation…

…Okay, wait, open your eyes, because either you can read with your eyes closed or you’ve stopped reading this post all of a sudden; neither makes me comfortable.

*Anyway,* pretend you’re a doddering Republican presidential hopeful falling behind in the polls. If you were participating in a debate with the other Republican candidates, attacking which of the following topics would score you the most points:

a) Drugs.
b) Rudy Giuliani’s secret desire to be as hip and awesome as you.
c) Hippies. Dirty, commie-loving hippies.
d) Places where people learn things.
e) Spending public money on places where people learn things.
f) Rock music.
g) Fun.
h) Hillary Clinton.
i) All of the above.

Answer after the fold.

(more…)

25.10.2007 Filtered Propaganda, McCainery, Wingnuts No Comments

McCain awash in zeroes

Sunday, May 6th, 2007

Aww. America’s Official Cranky Old FussbudgetTM waddled out onto his lawn to make the peace with the neighborhood kids causing all that digital ruckus with their interwebs.

An audience of far younger and far more liberal Google employees sparred politely with Republican presidential candidate John McCain, who praised the mostly 20-somethings Friday as “the future of the nation.”

Though they asked him tough war questions and what-not, apparently they were also easily amused by a little string dangled in front of their face to distract them:

He also won the crowd over with a promise to buy his daughter a Prius when she graduates from college.

Riiiiight. Good call, Googlers. Because that’s the best thing a powerful legislator can do to combat global warming. It certainly makes up for all of his recent official acts of energy injustice.

I would’ve hoped the people who will soon control the flow of information in America would’ve been a bit more discerning in handing out their kudos.

And can I just say that I question the Google Nation’s liberal credentials? They turned down punkassblog as an advertising partner, and I have to believe it’s either because the word ‘ass’ appears in our title (along with it being prominently featured on network sitcoms these days, I might add) or because we have a middle finger for a logo (whereas I say if it was good enough for Goose it should be good enough for Google).

Can any group so prude actually be liberal at heart? What’s next for Google ad partners — swear jars that dock them revenue for every word of which the notably un-liberal FCC is afraid?

Remember these trends in 10 years, when Google is morally policing our tubes. Which by then will be their tubes. [And no, John McCain's artificially animated corpse still won't understand them.]

06.05.2007 Punkass!, McCainery, Technology 10 Comments

The left’s wishful thinking on McCain

Saturday, January 27th, 2007

The subtitle of Sidney Blumenthal’s essay in the Guardian today got me quite excited. Printed under The Myth of McCain was this titillating phrase: “Once the presumptive next US president, the Republican frontrunner’s popularity has nose dived.”

Now this sounded like a good read. Surely there would be some evidence demonstrating the sour turn of fate for Johnny “Reb” McCain and his rootin’-tootin’ warmongering.

Unfortunately, Blumenthal just reaffirmed that McCain spews non-stop hate in private (and sometimes public), and has now tied himself inexorably to our Flummoxed-In-Chief:

He is now chained to Bush. As Bush’s war has escalated, McCain’s popularity has nose dived. Still the frontrunner for the Republican nomination, he might have made himself more acceptable to the base, but his political strategy has shattered his myth. Bearing the burden of Bush, he may have become unelectable.

Boy howdy, if there were some truth to that, I’d french-kiss my athletic socks. No Republican presents the electable threat McCain does. If his political capital’s turned to confetti, this country stands a much better chance of actually turning the corner.

But Blumenthal doesn’t back that statement up with any new info.

In this space, we’ve already covered McCain’s atrocious voting record and vampiric desire for more bloodshed in Iraq. But we’ve also discussed the alarming notion that even self-identified liberals don’t seem to notice this and continue to back him. Yeeargh.

Democrats can’t just sit around hoping the American public realizes McCain’s nothing more than another Bush in waiting. We have to begin a concerted effort to reveal his true nature.

John Edwards calls Bush’s idiotic troop surge “The McCain Doctrine,” and that’s the kind of grenade we have to lob in his lap. The more associations with Bush and his failed choices, the better. We can’t just self-congratulate ourselves in British papers for McCain’s failings and hope everyone else connects the dots.

27.01.2007 McCainery 3 Comments

The art of compounding your crimes

Wednesday, January 17th, 2007

The new conservative party line on Iraq is simple: now that we’ve gang-raped the bitch, now that she’s all choking and sobbing and looking a mess, we have to kill her, or else we’ll really be in big trouble. Sure, maybe we feel bad about raping her now — we didn’t know she’d put up such a fight and get this upset, but now that she has, well, we can’t just leave her like this. If we do, she could seek vengeance, or go to the police and get us thrown in jail — basically, if we quit now, our first mistake will really come back to bite us in the ass. So, regardless of how we feel about rape, and even about murder, we have to kill her if we don’t want our lives totally ruined.

Really, what’s different between that line of reasoning and arguing that, even if it turns out we were wrong to go into Iraq in the first place, we have to finish the job, whatever that means, or else it could be even worse for us than life was before we screwed up in the first place?

Isn’t that precisely the implication here?

If we walk away from Iraq, we face the prospect of a strengthened Iran with a half-crazed madman threatening nuclear annihilation, the entire Middle East in flames, as our economy here in the U.S. takes a nightmare nosedive beyond anything even imagined in the Great Depression. America’s enemies would have us by the throat. As we’ve outlined before in this column, the Islamofascists and Marxist regimes the world over are just waiting for the time when this nation is as helpless as Gulliver was when tied down by the Lilliputians. That’s when they will move in for the kill.

The only justification offered by this nutcase at Renew America* is that we’ll be in deep doo-doo if we don’t keep fighting. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that is classic Machiavelli. Apparently, we have to keep fighting an unjust war because the goal of a stable puppet regime in Iraq would still be tremendously beneficial to us. The ends justify the means.

McCain’s quote on the troop increase strikes the same chord:

McCain said those advocating the start of a troop withdrawal, which includes many Democrats, ”have a responsibility to tell us what they believe are the consequences of withdrawal in Iraq. If we walk away from Iraq, we’ll be back, possibly in the context of a wider war in the world’s most volatile region.”

I hate to burst Johnny “The Reb” McCain’s bubble, but we don’t have to explain the consequences of a dadgum thing. All we have to do is demonstrate the morality or immorality of our actions. The results are irrelevent.

America was built on precisely these principles. Founders insisted the process must be just above all, regardless of the outcome. Our judicial system, flawed as it might be, is the shining example of this ideology. So why are we presented with this conservative line of questioning as though it’s anything but deeply un-American?

The bottom line is that we don’t know what’s going to happen in Iraq, whether or not we stick around. Even if Republicans think they’re pursuing just ends, they can’t guarantee those result will come to be. That’s why we can only worry about the morality of our actions, not their odds of bringing prosperity.

Nobody thinks of themselves as a bad person. That’s why doing whatever you have to do to protect yourself always seems like such a justifiable motive. I guess that’s why wingnuts feel just fine about all the blood on their hands.

*Something I’ve never understood about Renew America: what the hell does that name mean? Is America an overdue library book? Is it a prescription? A subscription? Maybe a driver’s license? If we don’t renew it, will the President get pulled over by the UN for expired tags? This is all very confusing.

17.01.2007 Imperialism for Dummies, McCainery, Wingnuts 15 Comments

McCain denies rumors of feasting on virgin blood, claims “most troops aren’t virgins”

Friday, January 12th, 2007

He’s baaaaack…

In case being anti-choice, pro-fraud, anti-environment, pro-Big Oil, anti-education, pro-AIDS, anti-fiscal responsibility, and pro-suffering wasn’t pragmatically centrist enough for you, America’s shining beacon of integrity, John McCain, is publicly backing the oh-so-popular troop increase:

“I believe that together these moves will give the Iraqis and Americans the best chance of success,” said McCain, R-Ariz., a leading presidential contender for 2008.

When asked for further comment, Senator McCain paused the movie Ishtar on his Betamax player and took a sip of Crystal Pepsi before replying, “Nobody smells a winner like Johnny McCain.”

Truthfully, he should back the troop increase. After all, as pointed out by little green footballs’ favorite al-Qaeda agent, Reuters, he’s been one of the central figures behind it:

After months of calling for an increase in U.S. troops in Iraq, Republican Sen. John McCain got his wish — and the fate of his 2008 White House bid could hang in the balance.

Reuters suggests McCain’s 2008 prospects may hinge on whether the troop increase actually turns the tide in Iraq. I’m not so optimistic as to believe enough people (particularly in the MSM) will connect the dots back to McCain on this one, but it’s a pleasant thought.

Meanwhile, we should really give the Senator credit for finally living up to his previously exaggerated “maverick” billing. After all, seldom have so many political experts, military strategists, and American citizens agreed as strongly on anything as they do on the futility of this war and the irrelevance of this 16% increase in our forces.

By bucking common sense and moral decency so cavaliarly, the Senator from Arizona proved he’s made of the finest presidential timber. You don’t even have to take my word for it — take his:

Last week McCain likened himself to past U.S. presidents who had taken stands that ran counter to public opinion.

“Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Harry Truman — many other presidents have taken unpopular positions for the good of the nation,” he said.

Sure, he’s not a president, and, no, he’s never actually done anything even remotely as noble or memorable as the presidents he listed. But by putting himself in that collection of leaders, Johnny McCain proved once more that you don’t have to be smart — or even marginally self-aware — to be a maverick.

12.01.2007 McCainery 2 Comments

McCain’s flip-floppery reveals SCOTUS womb-lust

Sunday, November 19th, 2006

A few weeks ago, I was hanging out with some very well-educated, generally liberal friends. The subject of the ’08 race came up, and much to my surprise, people I had assumed to be of the straight-ticket Democrat variety expressed a good deal of support for John McCain as president. Against Hillary, it was unanimous for McCain. Al Gore made it “tougher” for them, but I got the distinct sense they would still choose McCain over Gore.

His trips to fundie campuses didn’t bug them. They didn’t really see why the US legalization of torture with his signature on it posed a moral dilemma. They still believed him to be a capable, moderate man of principle.

Un-brainwashing the middle and middle-left about the “reasonableness” of John McCain remains one of our most important fights over the next two years.

We might wanna start by connecting it to another of the most important fights over the next few years: protecting reproductive freedoms. This morning, McCain performed a complete flip-flop on Roe V Wade. He’s now calling for it to be overturned and admitted he expects it to happen.

ThinkProgress linked to a SFO Chronicle article from ’99 in which McCain stated his pragmatic support of Roe v. Wade:

I’d love to see a point where it is irrelevant, and could be repealed because abortion is no longer necessary. But certainly in the short term, or even the long term, I would not support repeal of Roe v. Wade, which would then force X number of women in America to [undergo] illegal and dangerous operations.

His current stance expressed this morning on ABC:

I don’t think a constitutional amendment is probably going to take place, but I do believe that it’s very likely or possible that the Supreme Court should — could overturn Roe v. Wade, which would then return these decisions to the states, which I support.

That statement came after he expressed support for the afore-mentioned constitutional amendment to ban abortion. Nice principles, jackass. You can practically smell Bushco’s dick on his breath.

Oh, and please note that “it’s very likely or possible” SCOTUS will act against Roe v Wade.

If our newly installed Democratic Congress had any ovaries at all, it would pre-empt the Court’s move by passing explicit, comprehensive abortion protection laws. While Bush would veto, the legislation would push reproductive rights into the spotlight and might help reveal just how strongly most Americans feel about protecting them from legal intrusion.

Failing that, I suppose I’ll have to enlist Bob Barker to help me promote a new national vasectomy campaign. If we can’t save the womb, maybe we can snip the peter.

19.11.2006 McCainery, Reproductive Rights 10 Comments

Is this the face of pragmatic centrism?

Friday, August 11th, 2006

For those who would like a quick snapshot exposing the false belief that John McCain represents the Tootsie Roll center of the American political Tootsie Roll Pop, I thought I might hit the high points of his recent voting record (thanks to Project Vote Smart).

McCain inhibits reproductive responsibility:
S Con Res 18
“Vote to adopt an amendment to the Senate’s 2006 Fiscal Year Budget that allocates $100 million for the prevention of unintended pregnancies.”
McCain vote: NO
S 403
“Vote to adopt an amendment that authorizes grants from 2007 to 2011 for sexual education programs dealing with contraceptives and abstinence for the ‘prevention of teen pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases.’”
McCain vote: NO

McCain stands against transit security:
HR 5441
“Vote on a motion to waive the Budget Act in order to adopt an amendment to the Department of Homeland Security Appropriations bill increasing the funding for transit security by $300 million, including funds for passenger rail security research, and development and overtime compensation in high threat areas.”
McCain vote: NO

But he’s all about tax-dollar spending sprees:
H J Res 47
“Vote to pass a resolution that increases the public debt limit to $8.97 trillion.”
McCain vote: YES

He refuses to investigate government fraud:
S 1042
“Vote to adopt an amendment that creates a special committee to investigate the awarding of contracts in Afghanistan and Iraq taking into consideration: bidding, methods of contracting, subcontracting, oversight procedures, allegations of wasteful practices, accountability and lessons learned in Afghanistan and Iraq.”
McCain vote: NO

He enables Big Oil fraud:
S 2020
“Vote on a motion to waive the Budget Act in order to adopt an amendment that makes it illegal to sell crude oil, gasoline, or petroleum distillates at a price that is excessive or takes unfair advantage during a declared state of emergency.”
McCain vote: NO

And wants us to remain dependent on foreign oil:
HR 6
“Vote to adopt an amendment that sets a goal to diminish imports of foreign oil by 40 percent over the next 20 years.”
McCain vote: NO

He even refused more help to Katrina victims:
HR 2862
“Vote on a motion to suspend paragraph 4, Rule XVI and allow for a vote on an amendment to increase the federal governments financial aid package to the victims of Hurricane Katrina by providing food assistance, bankruptcy relief and tax help.”
McCain vote: NO
S 1932
“Vote on a motion to waive the Budget Act in order to adopt an amendment that provides Disaster Relief Medicaid (DRM) health care for Hurricane Katrina victims for five months and requires the Federal government to completely reimburse States for the cost of emergency health care.”
McCain vote: NO

He also voted:
-against AIDS drug assistance
-against a $7.25 minimum hourly wage in 2008
-against low-income household energy assistance
-against elementary/secondary education funds
-against education funds for children with disabilities
-against restoring pre-2003 tax rates on those earning $1+ million/year

To summarize, he promotes big government spending as long as it’s for war. He blocks medical assistance and education aid, refuses to increase help to hurricane victims, backs big oil _and_ foreign oil, won’t look into government fraud, underfunds tansportation security, inhibits reproductive freedoms, and keeps taxes low on the rich. And these are just some of his votes in the last 2 years.

Maybe some of the bills listed above had bad language or tacked-on pork or some such thing, but all of them? I doubt it. And anyway, his entire record is littered with travesties of justice.

John McCain is no moderate. He is no maverick. He only represents more of the same. Don’t be fooled by the hype.

11.08.2006 McCainery, Politics 5 Comments

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