when the status quo frustrates.

The Texas School Board Is At It Again

Friday, March 19th, 2010

All I can say is, thank God my kids aren’t being educated by the Texas public school system. Much like Sarah Palin, they lend themselves to easy mockery–but unfortunately they can’t be discounted; they did win at least part of their battle to cheat the children of Texas out of a thoroughly factual science education (State education board approves science standards: New standards remove specific references to age of the universe) Like kids today need to know how old the universe is anyway! Tchaa!

Now that science has been gutted as well as they could manage, the Texas school board is turning its gimlet eye upon our history books, with fairly predictable results. Here are a few of my favorites from the Proposed Revisions to 19 TAC Chapter 113,Texas Essential Knowledge and Skills for Social Studies, Subchapter C, High School Curriculum, with the Board’s deletions shown crossed out and additions in bold –hope you enjoy them as much as I did:

(4)
History. The student understands the emergence of the United States as a world power between 1898 and 1920. The student is expected to:

(A)
explain why significant events, policies, and individuals, including such as the Spanish-American War, U.S. imperialism expansionism, Henry Cabot Lodge, Alfred Thayer Mahan, and Theodore Roosevelt, Samuel Dole, and missionaries moved the United States into the position of a world power;

(8)
History. The student understands the impact of significant national and international decisions and conflicts in the Cold War on the United States. The student is expected to:

(6)(D)(A)
describe U.S. responses to Soviet expansion aggression after World War II, including the Truman Doctrine, the Marshall Plan, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, and the Berlin airlift, and John F. Kennedy’s role in the Cuban Missile Crisis;

‘Cause when we do it, it’s quite different from when those nasty Commies do it!

(B)
describe how McCarthyism, the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC), the arms race, and the space race increased Cold War tensions and how the later release of the Venona Papers confirmed suspicions of communist infiltration in U.S. government ;

(Notes from the Board meeting: Back when McLeroy was chairman of the SBOE, he sent a list of hand-scrawled editing instructions to the board-appointed curriculum writing committee, made up mostly of educators (the exception was McLeroy’s appointee, contrarian conservative gadfly Bill Ames). It included a note on this standard…it read: “Read the latest on McCarthy — he was basically vindicated.” …McLeroy said he got his ideas from a book by M. Staton Evans, a conservative writer, entitled Blacklisted by History. A Publisher’s Weekly review says Evans is “given to conspiracy thinking—an approach that, by its nature, yields claims that can neither be confirmed nor falsified. Defense attorneys and debaters like Evans follow different rules than historians—they try to score points, not to advance knowledge.” TFN quotes what it calls the leading scholar on the subject, Harvey Khler, a professor at Emory University and author of Venona: Decoding Soviet Espionage in America. “The new information from Russian and American archives does not vindicate McCarthy. He remains a demagogue, whose wild charges actually made the fight against Communist subversion more difficult.”)

Sixty years from now, Texas will also be teaching its children that the Patriot Act is the only reason why we’re not all now facing Mecca with turbans on our heads five times a day at gunpoint. Civil liberties are so overrated. Can’t wait!

(C)
identify the causes of World War I and reasons for U.S. entry involvement in World War I, including propaganda (information disseminated by an organization or government to promote a policy, idea, or cause) and unrestricted submarine warfare;

Can’t have the kiddies learning about the government engaging in propaganda to garner popular support for engaging in a war on foreign soil! They might apply that knowledge somewhere outside their history class, you know.

(E)
evaluate the explain the roles played by significant military contributions of leaders during World War II, including Omar Bradley, Dwight Eisenhower, Douglas MacArthur, Oveta Culp Hobby, Benjamin O. Davis, Chester A. Nimitz, George Marshall, and George Patton; and

Women and black people are overrated too!

(D)
identify the roles of significant leaders who supported or opposed of the civil rights movement, including Martin Luther King, Jr., Cesar Chavez, Betty Friedan, George Wallace, and others;

Well, I guess it wasn’t possible for them to delete the black people from the Civil Rights history bloc, but hey, at least they managed to get rid of the women!

(10)
History. The student understands the impact of political, economic, and social factors in the U.S. role in the world from the 1970s through 1990. The student is expected to:

(A)
describe Richard M. Nixon’s role leadership in the normalization of relations with China and the policy of détente;
(B)
describe Ronald Reagan’s leadership in domestic and international policies ,

Because kids in high school won’t understand otherwise that the President is a “leader” and think instead that the Presidents’ “roles” are what they ate for breakfast..? I’m actually kinda surprised they didn’t go ahead and amend the above to say HEROIC leadership! or possibly Chuck Norris wears Nixon-and-Reagan pajamas to bed every night! (which now that I think about Chuck Norris’s political views, he probably does)

(C)
discuss the role analyze the impact of third party parties candidates such as Ross Perot and Ralph Nader on presidential elections ;

And for a contrast to the pedestal being raised for previous presidentially-related folks, we now see who deserves to have his name cast down forever into oblivion BLEHHH! ..third parties are clearly inspired by Satan anyway.

B)
identify analyze the causes of the Great Depression, including the impact of tariffs on the decline in worldwide trade, buying stock on margin, the stock market crash speculation, and bank failures, and actions the flawed monetary policy of the Federal Reserve System;

Whatever causes the US economy to collapse have a few issues, be it farther back in the past OR IN RECENT TIMES DAMMIT, it so isn’t the fault of Free Enterprise!

And last but not least:

(B)
describe the impact of significant examples of cultural movements in art, music, and literature such as Tin Pan Alley, the Harlem Renaissance, the Beat Generation, rock and roll, the Chicano Mural Movement, and hip hop , and country and western music on American society , including;

(Notes from the Board meeting: “I’d like to delete hip-hop and add country,” said McLeroy. Some board members, particularly African-American member Lawrence Allen, D-Fresno, did not take kindly to the suggestion. “What exactly do you think hip-hop is? You might be deleting something you know nothing about,” Allen told McLeroy. An extended debate ensued, and McLeroy lost.)

We played an L Word drinking game last night.

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009

And, thanks to Twitter, you can share our pain!

(Well, not all our pain. Unless you drink along. I am still hung over.)

I don’t think Ann mentions it in her post, but this is episode 6×04, “Leaving Los Angeles,” in which nobody leaves Los Angeles.

Not Really

Friday, February 6th, 2009

No, I’m not making this up.

It’s been over fifteen years since I was a teenager; maybe teenagers have changed. A lot. A whole lot. Unrecognizably! Then again, I have a teenager of my own at home, and much as I myself wouldn’t have been at his same age, he would not be caught dead in one of the above t-shirts under any circumstances whatsoever. Unless he is very unrepresentative of teens everywhere, no kid noplace nohow is ever gonna wear this t-shirt. It’s bewildering that anybody would invest any money in thinking that they would.

Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to believe something is for real, isn’t it? But I trust Pam! From The Passion For Christ Movement, the folks who are bringing us the above fashion craze that is about to sweep the nation’s youth:

Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don’t have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you’re lonelier than you did before you violated yourself…

I don’t even know what to say about this, other than that I don’t think I’ve ever had this experience, and if I did, I would immediately check myself into the nearest mental institution.

Delighting little girls with hours of enchanting entertainment.

Wednesday, January 28th, 2009

1.

So, Ann and I are poking about, looking for lunchboxes suitable to house her new computer. We came across a mind-blowing amount of Disney merchandise, some miscellaneous transformers paraphernalia, some cute retro designs… and this.

One of the greatest adventures on–(sic) or under–the seven seas, this charming, lively tale based on Hans Christian Anderson’s beloved children’s story comes to splendid life ini an enchanting animated film. The beautiful and adventurous mermaid, Princess Lena, lives with her family in a watery castle and has everything she could ever need, but she longs for only one thing; to explore the world of humans. Determined to marry Prince Stefan, whom she sees when a whirlpool takes her to the surface, Princess Lena must turn to the evil sea witch Cassandra and pay a heavy price for her promise of help.Description of The Little Mermaid

I’m sure I’ve seen that movie. I just… can’t quite place it.

(more…)

Priceless

Friday, December 19th, 2008

Those of you who peruse Pharyngula are doubtless already familiar with this episode; for those of you who are not, from PZ a few weeks ago:

The Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden and the Creation Museum have made a joint marketing agreement and are selling “combo tickets” to get into both attractions for one price.

The Cincinnati Zoo is promoting an anti-science, anti-education con job run by ignorant creationists.

Unbelievable.

I believe the Cincinnati Zoo has betrayed its mission and its trust in a disgraceful way, by aligning themselves with a creationist institution that is a laughing stock to the rest of the world, and a mark of shame to the United States. I urge everyone to contact the zoo; write to their education and marketing and public relations departments in particular and point out the conflict between what they are doing and what their goal as an educational and research institution ought to be.

While you’re at it, it might be even more effective to contact the newsroom at the Cincinnati Enquirer and the Cincinnati weekly, City Beat. Let’s raise a stink and give these guys the bad PR they deserve.

The zoo did end up withdrawing their “combo ticket” offer, much to the anger and dismay of a certain subsection of upstanding American citizens, who have promptly written to inform PZ of their massive displeasure. It’s great readin’. :) Check out the priceless gems below!

You ought to be ashamed of yourself forcing your religion on others this is a free country and it should not happen. If your religion is so faultless and absolutely correct then debate with a professional from a creationalist Mr. Morris. Scientist thought the universe revolved around the earth about 1000 years ago,they thought the earth was flat 500 years ago and 200 years ago man couldn’t fly so as we progress we find science is very fallible. So as long as people like you think you are an infallible god and socialism is the way you chose to deal with unproven fact there are always people that won’t and can’t believe another false religion.

Let’s see. PZ is an atheist, socialism isn’t a religion, and what exactly is an “unproven fact?”

This nation is going crazy with left wing attacks on traditional America and the Christian principles on which it was founded (not the revisionist historian separation of church/state myth).

Always good to know that the separation of church and state as one of America’s founding principles is just a nasty, left wing myth!

Evolution is used now as a tool to promote the vulgar and disgusting homosexual movement that has recently become violent.

Vulgar AND disgusting! And how come I missed out on the news reports about the recent upsurge in heterosexual beatings at the hands of gangs of roving homosexuals? Maybe the writer’s getting confused by stories like this one–homosexuals, homophobes; they ARE very similar-looking words, I have to admit.

I just found out that you were one of the main reasons that the Cincinnati Zoo cancelled its partnership with the nearby Creation Museum. How dare you!!! And you should be ashamed of yourself, but since you are obviously an intolerant, left wing liberal, I can probably count on the fact you have no conscience, at least not one that would make you ashamed of something like this…You spout your speech about how people should be tolerant of others. Of course what you mean by this is that Christians should be tolerant. Well, sir (and I use that term extremely loosely), Christians are probably the most tolerant people on the planet. If we weren’t, and if we spoke up more, then asinine liberals like yourself wouldn’t be trashing this once great country…And I hope you have the courage to answer this e-mail, but then again I’m sure you don’t. You, just like so many other pea-brained, pinheaded liberals I know, just want to make your stupid little comments then go into hiding and not take any responsibility for what you say or do…Your actions have proven that you are..a pseudo-intellectual snob.

A veritable model of Christian tolerance!

Context-sensitive advertising.

Friday, November 21st, 2008

Scene: the marketing department.

“We should like to advertise our fine retail establishment on the Google!”

“But we sell so many different products! How will we ever register enough ads to cover everything a potential customer could be searching for?”

“A solution! Google will let us advertise with a template that includes anything a user might search for! Surely, then, whatever someone is trying to buy—be it an object, idea, or person—they will be directed to our store!”

“Brilliant! Nothing could possibly go wrong.”

(more…)

So who’s the Veep for “the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy?”

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

Gad, who’d say such a dumb-ass racist thing as that?!

Oops!

Rita MacNeil, Communist menace

Tuesday, August 5th, 2008

Mountie
How quaint! Too bad he’s spying on you.

I’m no fan of the RCMP, one of our glorious national symbols. They had a historical role in abducting indigenous children from their families so that they could be tortured, brainwashed, and frequently killed in residential schools. More recently, they’ve been responsible for an out-of-control taser epidemic that has included the violent sexual assault of a young girl.

Occasionally, though, their role has been laughable as well as simply evil. Yesterday, for example, it came out that they spied on the Canadian feminist movement in the 1970s, apparently on the lookout for commie infiltrators.

Instead, they found Canadian musical icon Rita MacNeil.

Rita MacNeil
Communist menace Rita MacNeil

This is particularly funny if your knowledge of MacNeil comes primarily from catching the odd Rita and Friends on CBC when you were a kid, but apparently she wrote a lot of “women’s lib songs” back in the day.

The article is a scream. Some choice quotes:

While the Mounties recognized the groups were out to “stop so-called exploitation of women,” as one officer put it, the force was much more concerned about the apparent infiltration of the movement by avowed Communist interests.

So-called.

The memo on the Winnipeg conference describes one session as “consisting of about 100 sweating, uncombed women standing around in the middle of the floor with their arms around each other crying sisterhood and dancing.”

I am really glad it wasn’t my tax dollars paying for Mounties to go see Rita MacNeil in concert.

The Mounties, used to keeping tabs on organizations run by men, didn’t know quite what to make of the long-haired women in scruffy blue jeans.

“They were at a loss to understand their strategies, their goals, their tactics,” said Sethna, who teaches at the University of Ottawa.

Blue jeans, as we know, are a feminist and lesbian uniform.

Anyway, my country is apparently laughing its collective ass off today, but I hope some people will pause in their well-earned giggles and see the reflection of this absurd “intelligence gathering” in the present day War on Terror.

Russia wages war on emo

Monday, June 16th, 2008

emo beatdown
What Americans do half-heartedly, the Russians will attempt with gusto.

Russian lawmakers are weird.

Parliamentary hearings were held yesterday at which the “Concept for a State Policy in the Area of Spiritual and Moral Education of the Children of the Russian Federation and Protection of Their Morals” was discussed.

Really weird:

The draft law “On Children’s Toys” would ban the production and importation of toys that “provoke aggression,” “model actions of a sexual nature,” “justify extremism and a criminal lifestyle,” “depict horror or unbearable pain” or that are created “on the basis of the psychologically incongruous.” That might be, for example, candy in the shape of skeletons or stuffed toys in the shape of bacteria or viruses.

(Psychologically incongruous? But those are the best toys!)

But wait. It gets stranger. Apparently, the Russian government feels it necessary to fight the growing emo menace:

The drafters of the concept took a particular negative stance in regard to the Goth and emo youth subcultures, which are characterized by black clothing, piercings and a depressed outlook on reality. They authors compared the danger those subcultures hold for society to the dangers of skinheads, soccer hooligans, National Bolsheviks and even anti-fascists. Emo youths, according to the concept, “are subject to suicidal tendencies” and Goth children cultivate bisexuality. “The cost of the sexual services of an underage boy prostitute with Goth attributes is lower than for students in military schools but higher than for usual gay prostitutes,” the authors say, demonstrating their knowledge of life.

I like to think that the last sentence is just a poor translation, but really, judging by the rest of the proposed legislation, it probably isn’t.

If you’re a Russian emo kid now, though, don’t worry too much. You’re apparently already beyond hope:

The authors of the concept say that many of its clauses will have the power of law by the summer of 2009. “Nothing can be done with the current younger generation. It is lost,” said film director and Duma member Stanislav Govorukhin. “We have to save those who are two years old now and those who have yet to be born.”

Oh, just go read the whole thing.

Hat tip: shelestel

Vote Lemonparty!

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

The hideous GOP convention logo that Pam posted the other day is suggestive enough without Photoshopping, but I thought I should add my contribution to the pile-on.

GOP convention original
The original. What were they thinking?

Remix after the cut.

(more…)

Group of angry drama queens threatened by internal strife, “gah! Mexicans!” edition.

Saturday, March 3rd, 2007

Got some dark corn syrup and Kaluha? Well, get thee to a grocery store, because it looks like it might be time to make a Schadenfreude pie for the Minutemen.

Internal strife is at an all-time high and there are ousters! And take-overs! And shrieky banners screaming “ALERT! HIJACKERS HAVE HIJACKED THIS SITE!” on the official minutemen website, which I would totally upload if I could so that you could see them in all their glory without dirtying your browser history with a visit to the actual site. After printing all the emails he’s recieved on the topic, Men’s News Daily’s Casey Hendrickson reduces the problem to its essence:

Question is … are the three “hijackers” really doing this because they feel Gilchrist is corrupt? Do they just want money, and power? Are they in fact working for the Mexican government?

OK, maybe he was a bit subtle, but you really do have to read all the recriminations in all the hysterical emails to really get why that last sentence (emphasis mine) is so very crazy. Casey’s harping on the accusation that the Minutemen’s conquorers have stolen email lists and pre-signed official stationary, while ignoring the conquorer’s accusations that Gilchrist was mismanaging donations in a way that they felt they’d be held accountable for when the IRS came a callin’. By immediately suggesting that the group’s boardmembers are puppets of the evil Mexican government, it’s clear that Casey is on the side of those who are willing to do any mental gymastics necessary to keep their faith in their charismatic leader. Which means that if the situation escalates, there will be bloggy fun for all!

From the sounds of it, either a) this is a very ordinary hate-group power struggle of the type that commonly tears newbie men’s rights groups and racist organizations asunder or b) Gilchrist actually has been mismanging funds. Either way, it’s time for pie. The pie, of course, is for the part of the drama that
has bubbled up into the mainstream. If in fact, Jim Gilchrist was fleecing the Minutemen’s money, then maybe sueing the people who kicked his ass out wasn’t the best idea. The board of directors claims to have “unreleased tape recordings” that will prove they did have the authority to kick the guy out. Oh, God, please let there be tape recordings, and please let them become public record.

Here’s looking foward to a long, resource-sucking, group-crippling clusterfuck of suits, counter-suits, and the public airing of dirty laundry.

News for the Cynical

Monday, September 11th, 2006

Dude is surprised to find that women are less than charmed by his winning personality.

William Kaper is apparently unfamiliar with the Saturn test. Kaper, the Barrington attorney who made headlines by suing the ex-wife he’d hoped to re-marry in order to get back the $98,000 engagement ring he’d given her, says he was shocked — shocked! — by the raw materialism of the dozens of angry women who left nasty messages on his office phone last week.

“All of them disliked me,” he said, sounding just a little too sensitive for the aggressive litigator he actually is, “but none of them even knew me.”

The basic gist of the messages was that Kaper’s ex-wife was absolutely entitled to keep the five-carat diamond ring, even if they didn’t re-marry, as a kind of payment for spending time with him. This line of reasoning struck Kaper, who says he’s given his ex-wife lots of other expensive gifts over the years, as rather crass.

Bitches! You’re all bitches! You don’t even know me.