Paul the Spud thinks he understands the horrible depths of the google image search.
But I tell him now, he cannot comprehend the True Horrors of the google image search.
Gaze upon this work ye mortals and despair (this is SO not work safe) (more…)
I’ve talked previously of the Straight Agenda’s selfish attempt to foist the costs of their sick and deviant lifestyles onto the backs of America’s poor, hardworking lesbians but it seems there is apparently no limits to the arrogance of the Straight Agenda’s attempts to force their disgusting and degenerate sexuality into every home in america.
It is bad enough when they try to normalise their revolting sexuality by claiming that sexually transmitted diseases are God’s punishment for sexual sinners, a declaration that, if true, could only lead an impartial judge to realise that, not only is lesbianism the only YHW approved form of sexuality, but that as STDs such as HPV, Chlamydia and conception rarely, if ever, presents symptoms or causes harm to homosexual men who are carriers for such diseases, unlike their heterosexual counterparts, for whom such diseases cause cancer and infertility as a result of the literally damned PIV based decadence of those who’ve been twisted by the Straight Agenda’s accursed propaganda, Homosexual men are protected by none other than God Itself as God sweeps the earth clean of the heterosexual menace. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, they even go so far as to challenge God Itself with their wicked science by creating vaccines and special devices called “rubbers”, if I may use straight “lingo”, that enable the straight lifestyle in the face of the divine plagues that have been sent down from heaven. The straight Agenda even expects God fearing American parents to encourage the spread of straightness among their children by teaching them how to indulge in the straight’s repugnant lifestyle without the consequences. Which is intended to undermine the Lord’s own attempts to Dis-insentivise Straight sex among children, thousands of whom have already lost their futures to unintended pregnancies because the Straight Agenda has caused them to turn their backs to the path of righteousness that only comes with God’s prefferred sexuality. But no! Such proud blasphemy is not even enough for the Straight Agenda, who has been spreading lies about the Blessed sexuality being a Choice!
But I ask you this; We know dogs aren’t born mooing. What about people? Are they “born” straight?
The best research says no. Even propaganda from the Straight Agenda tells us that heterosexuality is merely a choice, for instance: (more…)
What sort of stupid ass abortion doesn’t even have the slight risk of death associated with it huh? Where’s the daredevil thrills, spills and excitement?
Next abortion I’m totally gonna leave the pregnancy to progress a bit so I can get it done surgically, it’s a beautiful and natural part of life, and I feel it should consist of something a bit more meaningful than peeing on a stick and then popping some pills a fewdays later dagnabbit!
Which brings me onto a potential debate subject for y’all (having said that, this post will now collect nothing but the noise of crickets in the comments), which I might as well toss out now so as to really send the fetiiphiliacs into a tizzy by asking… if anyone’s got a good reason why I shouldn’t get my tubes tied? Is there actually a reason to rely on my baby tubes to spawn forth potential little ANWR-Drilling-Monsters-Of-The-Future rather than adopt the already born should the fancy take me to raise kids? (more…)
Well it looks like Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, is a big old compulsive peado:
This brings us one step closer to the day when the past joke about how George Bush could rape a child live on national TV and still being supported by the crazy godbags and Neo-Cons, ceases being a joke and becomes a testable hypothesis.
And Here’s The Hoff, singing and pratting around with the Oonga Chucka song:
And yet, neither of those two ever get partially mangled in a wood chipper.
Twice I’ve found shit like that, I now fear putting the word “kitten” into the Flickr search thingie.
Also:
-President Bush tongue-kissed Cheney’s secret gay lover in Prince’s hot tub!
-Rummy caught smuggling blow to his army of mole-men under the Pentagon!
-Michelle Malkin’s got a raging hard-on for Auguste!
Man, being on the left is FUN. According to intellectually dishonest dingleberries, it’s where we get to make up scandals all the time without any corroboration (except Townhouse, of course).
For my part, I think it suggests that more than just Think Progress and Glenn Greenwald are convinced yesterday’s Hamdan ruling is likely to problematize the DOJ’s assertion that the President was acting within his AUMF authority when he gave the green light to the NSA program. In fact, I suspect we’ll see the media and the Democratic left use yesterday’s SCOTUS ruling to float a whole new round of “scandal” stories, hoping some of them will stick.
Why has the squeaky-voiced scared-y-crat of the Esteem Free Zone decided conjuring magical scandal fibs is our new favorite past-time? It can be tough to wade though the smoky haze of logic burned like incense over there, but I think he believes USA Today’s update that “some lawmakers also say that cooperation by the nation’s telecommunication companies was not as extensive as first reported by USA TODAY on May 11″ means we somehow faked the whole database story.
Shorter G*ldstein (relax, Jeff, I’m not talking about what’s in your pants): Verizon and BellSouth denying participation in the NSA program (though we don’t know they didn’t participate and we do know the NSA badly wanted them on board) means THE WHOLE THING NEVER HAPPENED and the left will now proceed to use the obviously-correct SCOTUS ruling to lie lie lie about all those all those other abuses that actually happened.
So much stinkiness emanates from Jeff’s bullshit parade that I feel compelled to waft some of it back in his Che Guevara-lovin’ mug. After all, I know his Narcissistic Personality Disorder won’t let him ignore the link/trackback once it comes in.
As much as he values the leadership of his sperm, Jeff does possess a brain. That brain knows darn well and good that USA Today’s update does nothing to discredit the moutains of evidence provided by AT&T’s whistleblower. Should it turn out other companies joined Qwest in throwing the punkasslogo in the face of the NSA, that’d be great news. But Jeff and his juices know AT&T and others like MCI were in, and they know the NSA wanted total coverage.
Whatever part of him that does the thinking knows there’s considerable substance to the claims that the NSA crossed the line (by leaps and bounds), but he chooses to ignore that and pretend like we made it all up. Thus, his intellectual dishonesty — and that of his spooge — is confirmed. He would rather make his legion of “creepy Biblehumping bigots” (his words, not mine) monkey-clap to assuage his ego than make arguments of substance.
If he wanted to be taken seriously, he would never imply that the SCOTUS ruling should have somehow applied to a-Qaeda, or that its correctness, something only a fool or a hack would dispute, will somehow lead to false claims of abuse.
Cap’n Insincere knows there are plenty of real abuses going on every day. No need to make any up.
At some point in his recent life, Jeffie Poo faced a conscious choice to either continue to play wordgames and knowingly participate in a false defense of this administration or to switch sides and fight against their enchroachments on his freedom and for the future world of his kid.
So why would he continue to knob-slobber for evil?
Well, he knows his zombies are easy to please, and they’ll tolerate his boring, loutish slumberfests just as much as his short, spastic yipping without calling him down. In other words, he couldn’t handle the rigorous intellectual nature of the left. He would rather stay on easy street.
He also hopes to get his book deal through, and I’m sure a moral transformation might knock him back a few pegs. Why be sincere and fight for good when he can score a sweet advance on a collection of his dribblings?
Finally, though, I don’t think Jeff figured he could handle the criticisms he’d garner from his angry, lonely, slack-jawed porn addicts (let’s be honest, the only reason they wound up at his site was the title). Having to fight for a thinking audience instead of feeding punchcards to pre-programmed conservo-drones would scare the piss out of someone as dependent on external praise as the dingleberry.
I just want Jeff to know that we know that even he doesn’t believe his crackpot upchucks. Any time he wants to quit dancing on strings for goobers, he’s welcome to offer a mea culpa and start making sense again.
We’ll pat you on the head, I promise.
It turns out that Jerome “Only Metaphorically A Manwhore” Armstrong is not just a shill, but is actually a previously convicted shill, which has caused blogs (rightwing ones anyway) to get into an alleged “tizzy” over this “shocking” fact (that he was a quite up front and honest paid for hack of the democratic party is beside the point, rightwing blogs are easily shocked, like old women and herds of buffalo)
Now to add a twist to this little tale, Kos has donned the scary skin tight rubber suit of ToolMan by, first of all, switching on the Tool Signal to warn other tools in a secret bloggy cabal he’s apparently been running, telling each attendant tool to keep schtum about this armstrong business lest the rightwing is mean to one of Them (via), and then attempting, by the looks of things, to drape himself in the symbolic flag of, I fuck you not, “the progressive movement” as a way to get more people to keep the mystery in the left wing blogosphere (which Dawn Eden assures me is important).
This, from the man who declared that he was a democrat, not a liberal, in response to the marginal and very cheaty loss in 2004, and while all progressives are liberal, not all liberals are progressive, and a man who has routinely shown and stated out loud that electoral wins are more important to him and his politics than policy wins (because he’s a huge egomaniacal dork, basically) certainly does not get the right to start gibbering on about how attacks on him and his are attacks on progressive politics.
I’m sooo sorry kos, but progressives will gladly sell you out, fuck you over and urinate on you from on high if they’ve got any common sense what so ever, and you want to know why that is? Because it’s what you’ve said you’re willing to do, and what you’ve said you’re willing to encourage the dems to do as well, to us progressive types, you know, the “single issues” voters and “woman’s studies majors” you’ve so eloquently told to fuck off when you don’t think you need us, and sucked up to when you do.
You’ve made quite clear, time and time again that you’re much happier being a part of the problem rather than a solution, and that is why nothing, except of course the mutilated corpses of neo-centrist bastards being hung from rooftops by meathooks (I should probably put that on my amazon wishlist at some point), would make me happier to see you and armstrong drop out of the political arena because of one of the, no doubt plural, acts of fucked up self centredness from your past that you’ve engaged in.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should be attacked without merit, or attacked without some solid evidence being uncovered about what ever nasty skeletons you’ve accumulated in your illustrious careers as amoral tools, and the thing is, a shadey shares con (that he’s already dealt with by the sound of it) from the 90′s is, again, somewhat less illegal, somewhat less wrong in fact, than Gannon being a current male prostitute and a pre-poked canape at Republican party parties and conferences. (more…)
I apologize in advance, but this was necessary.
The trouble with lacking a college education is you never get the training that involves writing to a maximum word count, which is bad for the blogger who tries to reply to comments.
Because the damn things grow on ya, like leeches or moss, until they’re too huge and unweildy for a comment, and justify turning into a post.
Anyway, first up melissas says:
Um…I like Queen, and I’m 17 years old. I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about when you say “it’s the certainty that eventually Clinton will be elected, that the reagan years will end and that none of the current badness will have happened yet” in relation to liking Queen’s music. I wasn’t alive for any of Reagan’s presidency and during Clinton’s election I was still in preschool. Where’s my nostalgia?
I think every 17 year old likes Queen, gay guys with moustaches singing about stuff, yummy. I think it’s one of those universal constants (The Fuzzy Lipped Q Constant) that neccisitates 17 year olds liking Queen, the sheer normality of liking queen as a 17 year old was practically overcompensation for my also being an anorexic self harming, marx/neitszche reading, nut case with anger management problems who was trying (and failing) to get a chemical addiction to something (the brief experiment that was “chasing the camel”, which involved a pack of smokes and a liquidizer, eventually put a stop to it), but when you reach 18/19 you will grow out of it. If you don’t already, listen to Sleater Kinney and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in preperation for your eventual metamorphosis into an adult with good musical taste. They’re good music, really.
If you still listen to queen regularly after the age of 19 you will be listening to it because you are aware of the history, I personally was born during the whole reagan thing (I’m barely old enough to talk down to you. Yes that is a signal to show I’m kinda joking here so don’t take any of it personally) but as the concept that people are listening to tracks for the reminiscence value rather than musical value holds true for the beatles listeners who were born after Anno Lennoni, it must hold true for queen also (which is possibly a logical fallacy, discuss). (more…)
Final word: Anyone who tries to emulate Tyler Durden — and isn’t punishing Tyler Durden emulaters — is as clever as sheetrock. And the movie blows.
Via Indieblogheaven, we’ve learned that Apple and Nike are uniting in a logotastic partnership of iconic materialism:
Apple and Nike have agreed to collaborate to offer iPod users both apparel and accessories compatible with the iconic device. The two companies have announced specially designed footwear that would allow the wearer to use their iPod nano to monitor time, calories burned and pace. Additionally, the shoes could give real time audible feedback when used with headphones. The Nike+ Air Zoom Moire will be the first shoe to be “iPod ready.”
“We’re working with Nike to take music and sport to a new level,” said Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO.
In conjunction with the Nike announcement, the following press release was not issued by Apple:
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NEW YORK—May 23, 2006—Nike and Apple today announced a partnership bringing the worlds of sports and music together like never before with the launch of innovative Nike+iPod products. The first product developed through this partnership is the Nike+iPod Sport Kit, a wireless system that allows Nike+ footwear to talk with your iPod nano to connect you to the ultimate personal running and workout experience.
“In 1997, we took $150 million from Microsoft, and nobody seemed to care,” said Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO. “We figured we could easily partner with the Microsoft of shoe companies and still retain our alternative image while appealing even more to the McMansion yuppies. It’s win-win for peoples of all coolness levels.”
Indeed it is. Americans who need a coherent brand life narrative can now enjoy their music while wearing Nike+ shoes in their iPod-edition VW Bugs and talking on their iTunes-enabled Cingular phones without fear of straying too far from one of the most recognized corporate logos in the world.
Meanwhile, underdog-loving Americans can continue to scoff at PC-owning sellouts for their reliance on Microsoft products and two-button mice. Their anti-brand-loyalty loyalty to Apple won’t be shaken by our fondling of an unscrupulous corporation with a tidy track record of rights abuses.
“Maybe because we were on life support before the iPod, maybe because we still only have 5% of the PC market, I don’t know,” said Jobs. “Whatever the case, we have Permanent Underdog Status.” After thinking on it some more, Jobs mused, “you know what I bet the key is? The letter i. Nothing says “we’re humble” like a little i. We could use the big I, like you normally do when talking about yourself. We use the little i, because we’re cute and sweet and harmless. And if you say otherwise, we’ll sic Nike on your ass.”
What Mr. Jobs meant was that Apple will continue to offer lifestyle-enhancing products in the “i” family while following the John McCain strategy of being all things to all people.
Apple: where we can get away with anything.
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Over at Pandagon I wrote at the end of a longer general bitchy commentrant about Dawn Eden:
Note also that Dawn is A) unmarried and B) slutted it up in her younger days before converting to post-menopausal prudery.
which prompted commenter AndIf to reply:
post-menopausal prudery.
Nice one. Thank you for reminding me once again the esteem with which older women are viewed.
Now pay very close attention here John, for I shall say this only once, I could, if I really felt like it, piss and moan and insult the intelligence of AndIf and any other reader of this, by declaring that, oh no, in straight white feminist terminology “post-menopausal” is a good thing that doesn’t in anyway slam women with dried up ovaries (and the sexual freedom that entails), and I could probably make it sound plausible too, even though I used the term as part of an insult, an insult aimed at Dawn Eden no less (which makes it far far worse).
But that would be cowardly and show that I’m way too full of myself, and also dirty up the name of all feminists by equating my weasly cowardice and whiney primadonna behavior with the entire feminist community.
I could even do something that is far and away better than what you did, such as apologize for offending someone, but point out that I didn’t really mean it as an insult, that I just inserted that term to denote that Dawn is getting on a bit and used it more for the rhythm of the thing, and I didn’t express myself very well. Which, while not much better than the first one because It’s not actually an apology but merely looks similar enough that it might fool the slow witted, is still better than your primadonna hissy fit.
Or, if I’ve got even an ounce of honesty in my body, I could just note that her age is irrelevent to the crucial fact that Dawn Eden has been poked but never owned, thus making her entire gibbering about the “mystery” of sex even more nonsensical and irrelevent because sex can never be “mysterious” for her, and she has no real experience of a successful marriage either so what the hell is she gibbering about really?
So considering all that is so, and that insulting an often dumped on and fucked over group is unneccesary, bigoted and ageist, plus the neccesity of pointing out that her ovaries have run out of juice, which inherently links any insult of that kind with her reproductive “use”, adds a nasty little patriarchal bit of misogyny ontop of it all, really makes the utterance totally uncalled for and unjustifiable. After which I’d apologize unconditionally.
Unless AndIf hasn’t given money to bellatrys yet, in which case she’s got no room to complain.
Bellatrys kicks ass, routinely and thoroughly.
She is also doing a fundraiser because she needs some extra dough to survive and keep blogging.
But she’s too modest to con people into giving her money.
So here’s the deal, every guy who Doesn’t give money to Bellatrys is a big effeminate poofy-boy, the sort of not-really-a-man who eats girly lettuce instead of manly Meat and who therefore takes it up the ass like Jeff Gannon in prison like a little girl in a cute little pink sundress (who’s being anally raped in prison and has a bald head and an 8+ inch circumcised cock and sold his soul to the Republicans as both a whore and a hack).
Don’t be nature’s bitch, don’t be the feminist gay socialist agenda’s jewish athiest banking conspiracy’s bitch either, don’t let some namby pamby, mincing girly man, intellectual liberal know-it-all tell you what to do, give money to bellatrys instead
And ladies, let’s just say that when you’re over hill, all of 25 years unhawt, and living alone in your house full of cats, never married, never known the love of a Real Man, who never experienced the twin joys of birth and raising kids, and you’re looking back on your wasted, empty, hollow and meaningless life, with your silly little toy Phd and doctorate, you’ll wish you’d sent some money bellatry’s way.
This has been the internet equivalent of having a smelly homeless person bug you until you give them money, on behalf of Bellatrys
Don’t make me have to stick my finger in you and own you.
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