when the status quo frustrates.

SmackDOWN!

Thursday, March 5th, 2009

Just beautiful. ::sniff!::

Immature Humor Break

Friday, December 12th, 2008

A friend of mine posted a link to this site, called “Failblog: Fail, Owned and Pwn moments in pictures and videos.” It made me giggle, so I am passing it along to anyone else who’d like to also. A sampling is below the fold.

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Things I did not see on TV two days ago.

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

ANDERSON COOPER: Well, we’re here at CNN headquarters, gearing up for a controversial, tight race. Yes, a tight race that could go for days, mired in legal challenges and—what do you mean we just called five states?

(more…)

Light bulbs, possibly an allegory.

Saturday, October 25th, 2008

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is problematic, as it contains a number of coded assumptions that make it both inadequate and harmful as a means of developing social justice.

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If only I’d known!

Sunday, October 5th, 2008

But even though it came too late to save me, I can at least reach out a helping hand to my fellow Americans who haven’t yet sat down and slogged through all ninety minutes of last week’s veep debate.

Here’s the condensed version. This is really all you need to see. Trust me.

I Like Laughing

Monday, September 29th, 2008

It’s either that or crying, c’mon!

(Though in Real Life, of course, Congress did not actually go for it.)

Jon Stewart Weighs In Again on Obama and the Importance of Foreign Policy Experience

Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008

“Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.” -Christopher Morley

(His previous weighing-in can be found here.)

But I thought he loved the way I insert those tampons!

Tuesday, March 11th, 2008

Ah, MSN, to live in a world where your advice was helpful.

Yeah, I’m phoning it in this week with MSN’s Surprising (their word, not mine) Sex-Appeal Deflators; you know, those “subtle behaviors that abate your allure faster than it takes a pair of Hollywood lovebirds to get engaged.” Zing! I’d give you something better, but it’s midterms so let’s just see what innocent things you might be doing that are possibly repellent to your new love.

Number 1: Shitting in front of them. This is what passes for subtle at MSN?

“I’m sorry, but watching her — or any woman for that matter — saddle up to the ivory pony doesn’t make me feel more connected … It makes me kind of sick.”

Does anyone without toddlers or not in prison actually do this? In my closest ever relationship with a man we were just close enough that I could joke about his toilet habits, which were only revealed to me because of a very regular work schedule on his part and an unfortunate proximity to the bathroom on my bedroom’s part. Maybe in a survival situation, I could crap in front of another human being, but only after we’d accepted we could actually die out there and started cannibalizing the less fortunate members of our party. On the other hand, my newest male friend requires only 2 beers before he begins announcing his every fart to whomever is around, as a courtesy. If I were to list his most endearing traits in any order, that would not appear.

Number 2: Being a bitch, especially about people he likes. Ok, I’ll give them that.

Number 3: Making beauty appear anything less than effortless, unless it’s those sexy finishing touches like in the commercials.

Watching you smooth scented lotion all over your bare legs? Priceless. But you couldn’t even pay a guy to eyewitness the ugly side of getting pretty — think clipping your toenails, extracting a blackhead, flossing those back teeth. Just ask Walter, 28: “Maybe it’s not totally PC, but I want my girl to be sugar and spice and everything nice,” he admits. “I mean, I don’t really need to know that my girlfriend uses a special antifungal cream to help keep her yeast infection at bay. Gross! Let me keep the fantasy alive.”

I’m sorry, but if you’re attracted to girls who wear tight pants and thong underwear, then you deserve what you get. Besides, it’s good to be comfortable with the good and bad things about your girlfriend’s body. If it helps, just think of it as Tinactin for the crotch.

Number 4: Flirting with other guys. It’s not nice to remind him that there’s a million other guys you could be with.

Sure, being playful with another man may score you a free drink or get you out of a speeding ticket. But by the umpteenth hair flip and giggle, your guy’s wondering just how “friendly” you would get if he weren’t right next to you.

Wait, you’re flirting to get free stuff and charm cops, and you do this enough that your boyfriend actually suspects you want to have sex with the next highway patrolman you zip by? Either slow down or get a less insecure guy.

OK, so to wrap up, the subtle, nay imperceptible things that may squick out your boyfriend are: defecating in front of him, being a toe-nail clipping, flossing bitch, and hardcore flirting with other men. Good to know, good to know.

Before Ayn Rand, philosophy was crap

Saturday, December 15th, 2007

Generally I think that it is a bad thing that our current economy shoves our over-supply of articulate, overeducated people into wage slave customer service jobs that are expressly designed to squander the talents the articulate, overeducated people. On the other hand, thanks to the internet, we can all benefit from the combination of an aware mind and soul-gnawing tedium and or absurdity.

After I took you to the philosophy section to show you her absense in person, you began to explain your personal theories to me.

You explained to me that Ayn Rand is the first person to radically change philosophy in history. You explained to me, in a soft, intimate voice, that capitalism should in fact be called “liberalism,” due to the fact that it comes from the French word for “free,” and that capitalism makes us free.

I would like to apologize at this point for the fact that my employer prevents me from engaging in political or philosophical discussions with customers, because instead of nodding quietly, at this point, what I really should have done was point out that liber actually comes from Latin, from which both the French and English words are derived. I also apologize for not explaining that capitalism actually falls under the subject of economics.

Why I (heart) Men’s News Daily

Wednesday, December 20th, 2006

Men’s News Daily is the news aggregator and blog that has all the hits!

Carey “Them womens is voting and they’re out of CONTROL!” Roberts:

But that turned out to be a Faustian pact. Because when it comes to women’s issues, it’s the rad-fems who pay the piper and call the tune. Suddenly the Grand Old Party found itself beholden to the dictates and whims of the National Organization for Women.

John “After these messages, we will return to hating Mexicans, already in progress” Lillpop:

Which means that the classic Christmas carol titled “Come, Let Us Adore Him,” has literally been changed to “Come, Let Us Abort Him.”

Oh, and by the way, Merry Christmas!

Denise “Not even I know what the hell I’m talking about” Noe (shit, I need to email her still):

Bolivar today is very different in many ways from the town in which BJ Dickerson grew up but the caring and hospitality of its people has remained constant. Hopefully, these characteristics will remain a part of the town of Bolivar as it continues to enjoy the current technological improvements and as it meets the challenges yet to come.

But the superstar of the last few days has been Robert Paul “I saw Spears’ labia and I can’t get it out of my mind” Reyes

Anyone with a modicum of decency would have kept a low profile after exposing her genitals to the entire world.

But the word “decency” is not in Britney’s lexicon. The shameless tramp continues to make the rounds of clubs — drinking and cavorting into the wee hours of the morning.

But like all sites where men go to be angry, eventually they must turn on each other – and that’s when the comment sections become comedy gold!

First, the set-up: what happens when the need to hate on the women conflicts with the need to see some more T&A?

I’m sorry, but the male in me just can’t condem any good looking woman who likes to expose herself..Go Skanks Go!

But, I’m sure glad that I don’t have any daughters that might be looking at these skanks as role models…

she IS a slut – it’s not name calling but ‘truth calling’.

I have to support the idea of Mr. Reyes here. As an old police force maxim said; If it walk like a duck, looks like a duck and quack like a duck, maybe because it’s a duck.

Next, Robert is cornered and begins commenting defensively:

reply to comment 13 by The Ranger:

I am as fed up as you with America’s silly celebrity culture. The reason I write so many essays about bimbos like Mariah Carey and Britney Spears is because bloggers can get away with telling it like it is. MSM columnists aren’t very likely to call Britney and Paris Hilton sluts.

Then, somewhere, a connection is made, a circuit is closed, and a light begins to dimly glow:

RPR, your essays about washed up pop divas are at odds with the rest of your agitprop. Islamic goons likewise fly into a sputtering rage at the sight of a woman not covered to their satisfaction. Your response is different only by degree…

If you are truly opposed to the “exposure” these women get, do the one thing they can’t stand: ignore them.

Which sets us up for the punchline (emphasis mine):

Islamic Goons going into hysterics because a devout Islamic woman has the temerity not to cover her face. I’m criticizing a slut for being a serial vagina flasher. A question of degrees? Sure, about 360 degrees.

There is one thing that celebrity skanks hate more than being ingnored, and that’s to be ridiculed.

Bwaaa-haaaa-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Oh, you can’t make shit like that up.

Get it? Here’s some help.

degrees-360.gif

Being a Geekly Blog We Prefer Not To Pick On The Geeks, But Here I Go

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

One of the perks of working at Big Media Co. is free services. Free internet connection, free movies, free cable, free telephone. For someone making jack-shit-you-owe-us-a-dollar wages this is a mighty big benefit, not to mention that it helps with the porn sales:

“I understand that you didn’t mean to order Barnyard Bunnies: Taking Out the Trash eight times while your family was at church last Sunday, but have you ever considered a broadband connection? There is a lot of adult programming on the internet for free. I could have it installed for you within the week?”

I forget how important it is for people to have a solid internet connection, considering I don’t pay a penny for my own. And considering they usually pay upwards of forty dollars a month. And considering that our service hasn’t exactly been up to par lately. Rolling outages have been plaguing the area after the failure of a major piece of equipment several weeks ago. This infuriates users of Vonage and MMORPG enthusiasts.

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from one client, a man who seemed disproportionately angry at what was at that time a temporary issue. While he bitched and moaned and threatened to cut off his service I perused the notes on his account. Not only had he been given two months of credit for two weeks of outages, he had already called the office twelve times that day. Like a good customer service representative, I forwarded him to technical support mid-sentence.

His name is quickly becoming a metaphor for “pain in the ass” around the office. I get you’re pissed that your service isn’t working. Disconnect and move along.

During a slow period today, because I remember douchebags like this guy, I read his account notes again to see what he’d been up to. As usual, he’d been calling more than ten times a day, demanding managers and credit, completely flipping his shit about the internet service. Every time he called he threatened to disconnect and yet neglected to do so. Finally, I saw why.

Buried in his account notes was a small detail I had neglected to see before. Because he had been unable to use the internet at full download speeds, he couldn’t get the amount of gameplay needed to maintain his skill level as a Level 4 Mage in World of Warcraft. And although I am loathe to speculate on others’ lives or rely on the use of stereotype to discern a person’s life experiences, I suddenly realized why he has the time to call us over twenty times in on 24-hour period.

Borat gives these guys the chance to be assholes on the national stage, and they aren’t even grateful.

Friday, November 10th, 2006

This is too delightful: the asshole frat boys from “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” are suing basically every production company involved in the making of the film.

Legal papers said the two men “engaged in behaviour that they otherwise would not have engaged in”….

According to legal documents, a production crew took the pair to a bar to drink and “loosen up” before taking part in a documentary they were told would be shown outside the US.

Bwa-haaa-haa-haaaaaa!

I hope to hell the case gets thrown out. Looking at those guys, I hardly think that drinking themselves stupid and then saying racist and sexist shit is “behaviour that they otherwise would not have engaged in.”

A quick google search finds a statement from the not-sueing fratboy and indicated, yep, these guys were dumb as all hell:

“I got a call from one of my buddies asking me if I wanted to get paid $200 to get drunk, and I said, ‘Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.’ So I went down and I went though an interview process and I was one of the lucky, I guess — or the unlucky — that I got chosen,” he said.

They interviewed for the chance to make $200 to get drunk? And this did not strike them at all suspicious? Borat was supposed to have one hell of a release form, which I guess they didn’t read.

Let’s set up a hypothetical scenario here. Say one of these guys had met a girl at a bar and bought her round after round until he was finally able to fuck her without too much of a fight. And the next day she sobered up and decided she’d been raped and wanted an investigation and prosecution. How much do you want to bet these frat boys would be among the first to join the “doesn’t matter that the bitch was drunk, she didn’t fight back so obviously she consented” choir? But when the tables are turned and suddenly it’s them being sweet-talked and boozed up until they miss the obvious warning signs and end up hurt and humiliated, oh, now it’s different.