Do not ask why, let me instead blame it on harrassment by Ann Blartow, as everyone else seems to be atm and I feel I’m at that time in my life when I feel insecure enough in my self to mindlessly follow the pack and fit in with everyone else for once.

Okay, now for some final words:

First off, I call down a curse on feminists, the curse shall be “cuntensquirten”, I urge them to use it wisely.

Second off, I challenge the photoshoppers of Left Blogistan to incorporate the phrase (or some variation of it)…

Do it bold, do it with… Diebold Ultrathins

For when you don’t care about the results

…into something.

And last but not least, I urge everyone to keep their fellatio fingers flying.

Viva La Revolucion!

1) Why am I the only white person in the world it seems who knows that muslim women are not actually commanded by their religion to veil in front of children – which means she’s veiling to avoid the male gaze of her colleagues not the children – according to the Quran? I’m pretty sure I read a english translation of the Quran at some point unless I secretly learned arabic without me realising, so I’m kinda shocked to see so many people who are so utterly unclear about that point, I’d assume it’d be like having at least a passing knowledge of the bible – sort of fundamental to commenting about islam and most of the geo-political hoo-haa surrounding the various islamophobic pogroms really.

2) Last I checked it was illegal for a woman to wander around without a top on in most american states, where are the legions of anti-mandatory-chest-covering protestors? It’s the same principle and I really could have done with out the mandatory bra + shirt combo I had no choice about wearing back in the summer – covered breasts do also seem to send crazies (like ann althouse or John “The Pedobear” Derbyshire) into a complete tizzy so it would save everyone a lot of trouble really because so many people freak out at covered chests and just can’t stop staring for some reason.

Oh, and it’s fucked up to ingringe on people’s personal liberty to wear whatever the hell they like or not just because some crazy white asshole finds something offensive – like that’s anyone’s problem but their own.

3) If a class of 6 – 12 year olds needs to see the teachers lips to understand her (which I’m sure has nothing to do with a presumption by anyone about her ability to speak english – because I’m sure everyone knows that like all most (innit!) british muslims she speaks english better and more eloquently than pretty much any and all canadians ever will), then I assume she has the training to deal with a special ed class and when she say “the kids can understand me fine” (as she has done) we can pretty much take her word on it – and if she’s teaching deaf kids she should need to be able to sign anyway and that she wears a niqab is an incidental side note that isn’t really relevent.

But having said all that, I really do have to agree with all the rest of the knee jerk white reationaries that it’s about time Britain and America both started to deal with the scandal that is muslims wearing hoods on their head.

Don’t you just lurve the deeply ironic context of it all? I know I do.

Like the guy at the end asks “are you on our side or theres?”

Which I find is never a bad question to ask yourself. (via)

I am objectively anti-baby (I’m a feminist, duh)

During the old “intel inside” ad campaign, Apple just had to try to go one better…

I am also objectively anti-Ann Althouse

…And this is your pussy on drugs…

An actual diagram of the female reproductive organs taken from an abstinence only sex-ed class.

If you didn’t have diabetes, I’m giving you diabetes…

“…And then the republicans did Whaat to your right to habeas corpus? You’re joking!?”

Statue entitled “St. Twisty ponders her next act of trolling” (erected by the Radical WASP Feminist Council’s Department for Superior Supereriority Complexes)

An artist’s rendition of Ann Coulter’s childhood, back in Salem during the witch trials

Call you on your bullshit, duh.

And one more kitty for the road:

“…And then the republicans did Whaat to your right to habeas corpus? Fuck!”

Ookay, that’s your lot you bums, you’ve all got homes to go to.

Amanda’s insight undercuts ethnocentrism. It’s harder to think of your culture as the measure of all others when you realize that humanity’s most serious problems repeat themselves everywhere under different guises. If you assume that there are commonalities, awareness of an oppressive practice in another culture should lead you to wonder if your own culture might be doing something similar but less obvious to you.

Let us step the fuck back and examine what the fuck it appears Lindsay is accusing Amanda of here:

Accusation the one: the burka piccie undercuts ethnocentricism.

Reality: the burka piccie is just a reheating of the rightwing meme used to justify the afghanistan invasion after Bushchev let Osama escape into pakistan. It was accompanied by no extra analysis, nor where actual afghani or indian women who are forced – one group through physical threats of violence and rape and another through the social coercion that everyone suddenly gets once the activity that women are being coerced into is a freaking burka and not highheels or gagging on cock* – even mentioned, the point was to compare Ann Althouse to Teh Taliban, who might as well be run by a funny little moustachioed austrian for all the substance found behind the various “you’re worse than the Taliban!!!!!11!” wolf cries I’m seeing atm.

That it was only criticism of the initial burka peice that prompted every ghorii from here to calcutta to start going on about how terrible burkas are is just another layer of irony on the whole thing – complete with a liberatarian style missing of the point; “the taliban had women beaten with sticks – see how oppressive several feet of cloth is!” went the cry, in face of a million and one people who A) knew that already, being feminists, and B) objected to the Uncle Leo style hyperbolic comparison between hardcore violent oppression with Ann Althouse’s hatred of boobies.

That the only real reply to all this is to point out that neither Amanda nor Lindsay denounced the holocaust, which everyone must admit was even worse than burkas are, and in turn to denounce both amanda and lindsay as anti-semites of the worst sort.

That this is nonsensical is of course a case of me meeting both Lindsay and Amanda half way with their pitiful excuse for logic on this subject, what with them having long ago left the safe and comfortable lands of sanityville to go to the crazy place where Ann Coulter’s mind resides.

Accusation the two: That the burka piccie shows how many of humanity’s problems repeat themselves in different cultures, and in turn makes it harder to make your home culture the one against which all others are judged.

Reality: If any such empathy was involved, then the burka piccie would have been something a bit more substantial than a cheap snipe at ann althouse’s fear of boobies – it would have been a complex and crosslinked examination of hijab customs in both the west and the developing nations where islam is strongest, with ample comparison between burkas and Dawn Eden/Crazy Clown Ladies for America’s modesty cult and other rightwing memes – with no expense being spared to examine how the gag cult of RandomBird and others is a remarkable hyper-reaction to the modesty cult that oppresses no more or less than burkas really, but exploits the wins feminism has made to liberate women in the west and turns those past successes into more bondage to bind us in.

In short, it would have been a completely different post, and while my experience within and around muslims in the west, and in africa and india too, barely starts to give me the depth of knowledge that might enable me to write such a post, I would do it with the sort of care and tenderness that such a complex and intricate subject deserves.

Or to put it another way; if the word “complex” is used to describe anything but the nonsensical rationalisation that Amanda and Lindsay have been pumping out, I shall laugh until I wet my bra. Lindsay here is of course confusing the reaction to the burka post with the burka post itself, and is at the same time forgetting or wilfully ignoring the fact that if no one had mentioned and pointed out the badness involved in the use of the burka as a cheap symbol of islamic patriarchy then no actually talk about burkas would have occurred in the first place, leaving us with what actually occurred: A middle class white woman using the oppression of muslim women as a cheap gag to get back at Althouse with.

Not to break too fine a Godwin’s law but, what if it had been the holocaust that was used instead for the cheap snipe? Say a black triangle? Would criticism of such an obvious retorical misuse of the holocaust been so readily slapped aside? I doubt it.

All of which invalidates the third accusation, which rather relies on the first two being somehow accurate.

And while some of Lindsay’s commenters bitch and moan about how certain (name no names) feminists’ refusal to be inclusive to this sort of unconcious and offhand islamophobia is of course what is really holding the feminist movement back – unlike the white, middle class heterocentric feminists propensity to be total assbags, which one can only presumes is all to the good – I have to wonder why they’re wasting their time writing and reading mutiple page essays on burkas, when they could be doing something they probably think IS useful, like banning headscarves in french schools (again).

Because if we don’t denounce islamic culture as the “ultimate” form of patriarchal oppression, well that’s as good as letting the terrortalibanists win.

How dare you imply that I’ve swallowed and am now repeating right wing talking points, I know I’m not because I didn’t intend to, and I should bleeding well know eh, what?

* Not that I’m bitter, razafraza…

And I don’t care if you don’t do it on a concious level, it’s still fucking racist. Feminism is about women being accepted and treated like people, which includes *gasp* the ones with darker skin tones as well. If you’re focusing on the “C” in “POC” and not the “P”, you’re approaching it all wrong and letting the whole fucking side down in the process.

Fuck you FDL, and myself*.

* the bear of racism eats me today, mea culpa, mea culpa, the only thing I can say in my defense is that I didn’t actually make the damn thing, and I hold no shame for remembering the damn thing from a random search for zardoz months ago (something that offensive just stays in your head for wrongness).

What’s shames me is that A) I thought that would be funny at the time, when the implementation was sporked to a fine fucked up paste of nastiness and it’s clearly not, and B) that part of my brain is now going “No! you can still use the O Ry? Owl for good! It’s Just the implementation that you did wrong!”.

I’m slapping it down with the mantra “IN WHAT POSSIBLE UNIVERSE DOES THAT HAVE TO BE USED AT ALL!?” followed by lots of cussing.

I’m So fucking sorry folks.

…Except marriage, obviously.

I love you amanda, but the thing is that while a burka is a handy dandy symbol of patriarchal oppression, it is not Your symbol to use you silly cracker.

You see, one of the ways the islamic patriarchy pushes hijab onto women who would otherwise prefer not to wear head scarfs or burkas or any of that stuff is to use the KultureKampf that western imperialists are waging against muslims as an excuse to guilt trip young muslim women into donning the patriarchy uniform that goes with the particular family’s cultural background.

So many muslim women have been raised and told over and over again by their famlies that they’re betraying their culture and their fellow muslims if they don’t wear the headscarf or dress super modestly that they start to go along with it as they realise how incredibly racist western society is towards them, and you can justify any patriarchal bit of bullshit with that line – way too many of the FGM victims I’ve met (all of whom were fundigelical christians) used the line to justify chopping their daughter’s clits off.

And as the KultureKampf increases in intensity – and it will, the anti-muslim pogroms haven’t even really begun yet, just wait until the repugs notice how many african-american muslims there are in america – the more subversive the act of wearing highly visible symbols of islam will become, and so the more attractive burkas and hijab will in turn become to muslim women.

Racist whtie people are one of the big reasons why it’s hard for white liberals to talk about non-white systems of patriarchy, they dirty the waters and support the islamic patriarchy by giving it something to justify misogyny or homophobia with, because the minority culture can start blaming such evils as equal rights for women and homoseuxals on the white man, and even go so far as to blame the “bad” behavior of minority women and homosexuals for the shitty social status of the minority groups, and so the oppressive systems maintain themselves with a huge intersystem circle jerk powered by whitey and their knout loving POC allies.

Your burka piccie falls on the bad side of that Amanda, not to the same extent as Mark A Rose’s bullshit you understand, but it is still less helpful than it is helpful because it spreads the meme that he was touting that there’s something exceptionally misogynistic about islam (which is where the Othering comes in – out of all the oppressive cultures you could have picked, you picked that one, and remember that authorial intent is irrelevent okay? So note that I’m not implying intent either), and that false belief in the exceptional misogyny of islam is of course then used as justification for mass murder and colonialism that then feeds into things like the Iranian Revolution, where iranian women observed hijab as a direct act of defiance against western imperialism, and so on, and so forth.

If you want to get rid of these bullshit, rape culture affirming, customs and support muslim feminists, you can’t do things like this – there’s too much baggage floating around because of the neo-cons and while you can pretend that the cultural context isn’t relevent, it really is and it’d be easier for everyone if you just stopped digging a hole for yourself.

Remember the golden rule for white people dealing with nonwhite politics: Don’t be T-Rex!

And if you don’t accept any of those other reasons, then just remember that at the very least it’s like the “calling repugs morons is an insult to morons” movement, what did muslims do to you to deserve being compared to Ann Althouse huh?

Smock may refer to one of the following:

* Smock (garment) The smock was formally invented in 1033 at the battle of hastings by Eimher Seonhog a combat of the greatest skill, before painting his battle shield he put on a pice of drying englishman’s stomach, to protect his uniform and war paint from dirtying with filty infidel blood. After this and winning the war he journeyed to Mecca where the great Muhammed Angelo, the greatest painter to the ancient world was working on his newest piece, Dwarders In Motion, Eimher presented the smock to not get his clothes dirty whilst painting and Angelo took it and turned it into the modern day smock, what we now use to wear when eating lobster and chinese food on a zimbabwean pedestal.

W. T. F!?

Now of course a feminazi would suggest that you find a way to have self esteem that didn’t rely on other people’s opinions and judgments of you – but think about that for a second, do you really not want to care whether a stranger thinks you’ve got a fat ass? For one thing, it fails to in anyway deal with the problem at hand – namely your fat ass – and for another, it completely ignores the fact that as a woman you in no way deserve to feel good about yourself.

And that is the most important lesson of all: You are ugly and therefore worthless as a lady.

But despite you sucking toast like there is no tomorrow, you probably don’t hate yourself quite as much as you should, even those really ugly women (you know, feminists) have some remnant of childish self worth after all, so what you need is some sort of arbitrary and objective way of measuring exactly how much you can ugly up a room when you walk in.
Now there are, in theory, many ways to measure your objective worth as a person, from professional/academic achievements, monetary or social status or how many children your partner had using your vagina, the trouble lies in the fact that ladies can only really have worth that’s worth having based on one thing: Their appearance.
Sure you can act like a man, with your high heels and shoulder length hair, but when it comes down to it, all women are like houses – it doesn’t matter what’s upstairs when you’re being entered by dinner guests, and no amount of academic achievements are going to make it rise in value as much as wood paneling on your pelvic floor will.

But appearance is a matter of subjective preference right?
My God, how stupid are you to ask me such moronic questions? Of course it’s not, why do you think they call them “beauty” magazines? But how do you actually take such an objective external concept of beauty and turn that into a accurate way of measuring your personal level of ugliness? Well the first step is to find a good example of externally agreed upon beauty, like say Paris Hilton or Ann Coulter, cut out all the pictures of this woman you can find and stick them all around the full length mirror you are going to have installed, before you strip completely naked in front of the mirror and start comparing yourself according to my freshly patented Hate Scale™.

The Hate Scale

It is a well known fact that men have a way of judging women on a ten point scale, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest. Now what is not so well known is that, free of the essential stupidity that is caused by having a vagina, men have actually come up with a method of judging feminine beauty that has been proven in study after study to be scientifically objective, in each study of multiple men the researchers asked to rate women with a number between one and ten, they all gave the women a number between one and ten (and it don’t come more objective than that). And while judging a woman objectively with no external frame of reference is something so utterly beyond women that even a set of 5lb prosphetic testicles and a love of playing with them won’t help you do so, you can use the scientifically proven method invented by men to hate yourself to a better (i.e. better looking) you!

So you’re naked, in front of a full length mirror surrounded by the pictures of Paris Hilton or who ever you’ve picked to be your reference point, now what?
Write down “10″ on a piece of paper, and, by comparing your mirror image and the reference, subtract from that number every single difference you see between the reference’s body and your own and keep doing this until you run out of differences even if you go into negative figures, is your nose a different shape? Minus one, hair not blonde? Minus one? Eyes not empty souless holes that open up onto a bottomless abyss of despair?Minus one…
Now after you’ve finished comparing, add to your score so far, one point if you…

Between 10 and 5: You’re a very good replica of Ann Coulter, you can now fuck into spermatozoic slavery any leading townhall pundit who’s dick you can actually find.
Between 4 and 1: DAMN you’re Ugly, but not join the islmaofacist cause for the burka privileges ugly.
Between 0 and -5: Put the five course meal down and step away from the fast food joint.
Less than -6: if you go out in public you’re a selfish, inconsiderate person ontop of being a hideous creature no doubt spawned from the fevered imagination of HR Giger after a night of heavy drinking with his good buddies Escher and Lovecraft.

Now you may be thinking, “but I don’t really hate myself that much now, even after doing your stupid test, where’s my refund?” but you must just be patient with me and allow time for my patent pending Hate Scale™ to work it’s charms, you’ll only really start to feel the hate after you take an hour or so out of your day to perform this exercise for a week or two (you don’t have to shout “Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate!” while you do it, but my test subjects say it helps).

But when you finally really got your hate on, we can move on to phase 2: Hating yourself to a slimmer, more antifeminist you.

Tune in next weeks folks, same Betters Blogger time, same Betters Blogger idiot…

Well one apparently hates logic, sanity and irony more than usual, because they’re sueing an abortion provider for, I fuck you not, pretending to be a crisis pregnancy center. (via)

The fuck?

But you can sort of see the scene can’t you though?

*a pregnant woman walks into an abortion clinic and goes up to the reception desk*

Pregnant Woman: Excuse me, is this the crisis pregnancy center? I was hoping to be fed deadly lies by misogynistic terrorists like a gay sultan being fed sticks of poki by a harem of buff man-houris.

Receptionist: I’m afraid not, the crisis pregnancy center is next door, this is an abortion clinic.

Pregnant Woman: Oh. What do you do here then?

Receptionist: Well we tell pregnant women Truths so that they, and any children they might want to have, can grow big and strong due to none of them being killed by their genitalia for crimes they didn’t commit.

Pregnant Woman: So you won’t lie to me at all?

Receptionist: Well, I could call you a slut as though there’s something wrong with women having sex.

Pregnant Woman: Hmmm… It’s not really a deadly lie though, is it?

Receptionist: I could call you a slut and then… stab you in the face with a stapler?

Pregnant Woman: Deal!

This is, of course, very very stupid.

*because they hand out bullshit advice designed to keep women looking for an abortion from going to get an abortion untli they are past the legal limits – which also means that pregnant women don’t get pre-natal care, which increases the chance of maternal death during the pregnancy