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I see there’s a how-to project going on for the broke folks and figured I could add to the project since I’ve not only worked with the down and out but have experienced the same. And I’m drunk. Working at Big Media Co. has given me some insight into utility billing, although this is entertainment utility billing and not a gas and electric kind of billing. As I understand it, my company is beginning to follow protocol along the lines of other utility companies and are not as apt to waive past due payments and make payment arrangements. So here’s how it works.

1. You have a monthly billing rate. Find out what the approximate rate is — this will be different for each company based on expenditure, but figure it on the heavy side. If you like to order six-hour blocks of Playboy, for example, you might include that in your budget.

Let’s say you have a bill that equals $100 a month.

2. If you can’t pay in full, most companies will ask that you pay a certain percentage of the total amount due. This percentage must at least cover the past amount due on your bill. My company starts at 80%, and if this can’t be met 70%, then 60% and so on. If you can find an honest representative, find out what this percentage is.

Thus, if you are thirty days late at $100 a month, you would have to pay $180 or $170 or $160 et cetera to keep your service on.

2a. My company does not go under the most past-due amount. If you have made partial payments and your bill equals $260 dollars:

61-90 days $100
31-60 days $100
1-30 days $60

You must pay $60 to keep your service on. Again, find an honest rep that can verify how many days past due you can make your payment (in our case 60 days is the maximum). In this example, if you can go up to the three-month mark, you have to pay $60 to keep your service on and $100 by the next due date to keep your service on, and so forth.

3. If you keep getting a bill that seems higher than usual, it’s because you keep paying past it’s due date. The next bill is printing before the company receives your payment. Thus, your next bill does not reflect the payment you made. Again, it is important that you know the day that your bills are due every month, and the day that your bill prints every month.

4. Gas and electric companies are legally bound in most states to keep their services on during certain seasons thanks to extreme temperatures. If you need to get away with not paying your bills, do so during the coldest of winter and hottest of summer. This is usually when your bills are highest, so I imagine if you’re broke you can get away with it.

5. Most utility companies allow you to pay on an average rate system. They take your past utility usage and average it over the course of a year and you pay a flat rate every month. Despite this being a benefit in that you can anticipate the amount of your bill every month and budget accordingly, it’s actually kind of a rip off. Gas and electric rates change with the market — and they are averaging for the previous full year — just pay what you actually owe. Ignore their payment programs.

6. Learn the difference between a “soft” disconnection and a “hard” disconnection. A soft disconnection is when the company discontinues certain aspects of your services as a “friendly reminder” to pay your bill. If you can’t get on the internet, if your voicemail stops working, if any piece of equipment that is connected to said comany stops working, call immediately. A hard disconnection is when the company has written you off as a customer. Simply, you’ve gone without paying for too long. You will probably expect to pay a reconnection fee after this point.

7. Does your company make payment arrangements? Many companies allow you to make payment arrangements. If your utility company is not bound by the strict measures I’ve mentioned above, you may be able to pay off past debts gradually instead of all at once. My company, for example, makes you pay off past debts, along with a reconnection fee and a first month of service, before you can get service reconnected again. This is not necessarily the case with all companies. Find out for yourself.

8. Keep contact with the company representatives. They make notes on your account, can give you deals and specials, and often their stats (which dictate their schedules and pay) are dependent on what they get you to buy. Your best offer, i.e. the company line, may not actually be what the rep is telling you. Press the issue. You can tell if your rep is being honest or not, primarily because they get paid about as much as you do. These are not elite folks.

8a. Be nice to your rep. They are far more likely to be sympathetic to your situation if you aren’t calling them losers and bitches. This happens at least ten times a day. They aren’t fazed by your insults and they aren’t fazed by your threats to disconnect. They may be able to cut you a deal or tell you what exactly you need to do to keep from being disconnected.

And finally, scoring credit:

9. If your service is shitty, call in. Don’t call in only when you’re fed up enough to turn service off. If you have consistently complained about the rate of your service the rep is more likely to offer you credit for your troubles. This accounts for installations, billing, credits not received, service that you have not received, etc.

9a. However, if you call in every time your service has an interruption and have insisted on a credit, your rep is going to see you as a money grubber and refuse credit. Especially if you have a history of not paying your bills on time.

Any other questions you might have I can offer answers in the comments. Thanks for calling Big Media Co. and have a nice day.