I like to give gifts. And I mean real gifts- gifts that I’ve thought about, gifts that I’ve dedicated myself, gifts that give a part of myself to my friends and loved ones. Gifts they think they’ll use. I make my gifts to my friends, generally. Some friends get Christmas cookies in tins that I pick up from the thrift store. And, sometimes, I regift, or give hand-me-downs: books that I think my sisters will like that I’ve already read, a bed-set that I’ve used for my friend that is currently using a couch pillow and a comforter, sewn mittens for a friend using fabric scraps I caught on clearance, or something I found in the thrift store in the first place. And, if I am to listen to the mainstream media, by doing so I am committing a social faux pau on scale with farting at a wedding.
Now, one could make the argument that criticizing the mainstream media is picking the low-hating fruit. That’s probably true- after all, all of those ads on the side of the page for “Brand New Shiny Toy” and “Get Rich Now” aren’t there by accident. These sorts of messages are designed to make one think that worth is something you can put a price tag on and getting the bauble that “everyone” (or Every Woman, or Every Man) wants can be a substitute for the time and energy that pursing an actual relationship takes. The point of these messages can basically be boiled down to “More expensive gifts mean you care more” and it’s quieter message of “If you don’t spend a lot you don’t care that much”.
But, it isn’t just the mainstream media. My mom is paranoid about being caught regifting, I was once told by an ex-boyfriend (who came from a wealthy family) that no gift is better than a cheap gift. And seriously, what a fucked-up idea is that? If you aren’t rich, if you don’t have a ton of disposable money to go buy the shiny, you shouldn’t give a gift? You shouldn’t enjoy the feeling of making someone feel special by giving them something all done up in wrapping paper and bright ribbon? The warm feeling when their face lights up? Or, equally as terribly, if your social circle is broke, you shouldn’t enjoy getting gifts from them? Is it really so much more terrible to get a book that’s already been read as opposed to getting nothing at all?
Getting upset about regifting is a mark of class privilege that is disgusting. Now, of course, I still of the dear belief that you give gifts because you WANT to, not because you HAVE to. I am not an owed a gift, nor is anyone beholden to give me one. But, if the gift is used, but it is still clear that it’s giving was after thought about what YOU would want and need, is that really worse than giving you a shiny that you have no use for? I say “no”. It is the thought that counts, and it is clear if thought has been given.
I know that gifts are not always given out of love. There’s social obligation, there’s expectation, there’s giving to brag. And it’s really sad, because at the end, that’s what makes the holiday season stressful and annoying, as opposed to a time of warmth and joy.
You might enjoy this site/book about regifting! Okay, well, maybe not the site, it’s sort of ugly. Worth a look, though.
I fully support regifting.
Have you ever seen a live production of ‘Anne Frank’? Miep shows up with used items bundled in cloth and tied with string or ribbon (because wrapping paper is wasteful/unavailable), and the families are ecstatic. It’s easy to adjust your mindset and understand that an item isn’t unworthy of gratitude just because someone has licked all the new off it.
Similarly, how can anyone think of reusing or repurposing without ‘Brave New World’ coming to mind? Here, an author has directly pointed out our wastefulness, and yet our society continues to practice “ending” rather than “mending”.
That said… some items are more appropriate for regifting… books being highest on the list. I wouldn’t, for instance, regift someone with a pair of my skivvies. lol
Excellent post.
…but NO, Antigone, don’t you know that the content of a book degrades every time it’s seen by a new pair of eyes?
Oh shit, two people have commented on this post before me. That means I wasn’t the first person to read it. I need to go wash my keyboard now.
I agree with you on the whole, but I know lots of people (family, mainly) who don’t like buying gifts, and are ashamed to admit it. This leads to some pretty strange behaviour on their part.
I’d really prefer no gifts and no lies or guilt or complaints about how expensive it was. I don’t mind getting gifts that obviously cost $2, but I mind getting a hastily wrapped teddy bear (I’m 38) from my sister the day after giving her child a present.
I don’t think it’s just about a stigma against second-hand. Regifting as I know it is when you use it as an excuse to get rid of something without throwing it away. I’m thinking of the useless shiny or the horrible soap set you received one year and pass on the next. It’s when giving is more about clearing out than what the recipient might like.
We once won a garden gnome in a raffle, and were going to donate it to another raffle. That sort of thing.
But what if it’s something you don’t want and you’re giviing it to someone who really would? That seems to fall within your definition, Andrew.
I suppose to some extent it would. But it’s the thought that counts.
I’m not saying I have anything against regifting as Antigone describes it, I just don’t think the stigma is wholly commercialist.
Well, according to the first chapter of fellowship of the Ring, regifting is a long and well established tradition in the Shire. That ought to be good enough for you!
Nice read.