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…I was hoping this wouldn’t happen for a LOT longer…

…yes, it’s true. I actually feel the faintest of desires to have sex.

(Warning: TMI)

To be honest, it’s not much of an urge. For one, it is an entirely physical urge; there are no associated fantasies in general spinning, nor specific persons wandering naked, through my head. For another, it’s not very overwhelming–I have a competing urge to go pour myself a nice, tall, frosty mug of Coke, and that one’s actually got a lot more immediacy to it. And sensual adjectives associated with it, too, from the looks of it.

But—it is there. And this is the first time it has so much as made a peep since the day before my soon-to-be-ex walked out the door, never to return.

Now, as I said, it’s incredibly controllable. As a matter of fact, it is so feeble I could crush it with but one pointed and depressing thought about my divorce. So I am unconcerned for the nonce about this warm little feeling somewhere below my bellybutton. However, it is a warning to be heeded–that eventually, and probably sooner than later–I am going to have to figure out what to do about having me some sex with somebody in the future. And chances are high that the sooner rather than later is going to come way, WAY sooner than I’m going to have any kind of comparable urge to actually invest something in some sort of relationship.

For me, this is a problem. Why? Because I am not good at casual sex. I did try to have some once or twice, several years ago–it wasn’t a traumatic experience by any means! The man was attractive himself, found me attractive, was interested in pleasing me as I was him, and a friend of mine to boot. However, it was rather unsatisfying sexually–not because he wasn’t good fun in the sack, he was! But, because we were buddies, I spent the whole time(s) feeling like we were, well, just sort of mutually giving each other a hand at a long masturbation session. And it did change the flavor of our friendship to the point where said friendship never really recovered.

So what am I to do? Not what I tried a few years later in another hiatus between relationships, which was to actually develop a relationship with somebody for the sole purpose of having sex with him. Very unfair to both of us, and crushed what should have been another good friendship too and would have been if I could just have kept my hands out of his pants. But you know, for a woman, the options are a little limited–

HA! shrieks society. Any woman can get laid any time she wants, especially if she’s hawwt! And I can be, fairly, when cleaned up. (Do not visualize me as I am right now, with hair in a messy ponytail, no makeup, with my Happy Bunny pajamas on inside out and glasses jammed firmly down upon my nose, please. Think of me blinking nearsightedly up at you in a little black dress with mascara and lipstick instead!) And it’s true, in the most basic sense–no doubt if I put my mind to it and went to the right sort of locales, within the next twenty-four hours I could scrounge up somebody to have some sex with. But really, so could most men. If you’re willing to set your standards low enough, you can have sex nearly anytime you want, regardless of your gender. Of course the key phrase is willing to set your standards low enough, so let’s just forget that right now–if a vibrator, for instance, is cleaner and more physically attractive than the person in question, that person shouldn’t count as a choice.

My options for having sex that might be superior to a one-on-one session with a sex toy, since I’ve already nixed the three options of having sex with a friend, starting to date someone that should just stay a friend just so I can have sex with him, and picking up a freak, appear to be the following:

1. Going to a bar or club and choosing someone I find reasonably physically attractive and taking him home with me if he shows an interest in it.
2. Going on a website that specializes in people who specifically want to have relationship-free sex.
3. Hiring a prostitute.
4. Not having sex and just complaining about it on here instead. Think of this as the “practice” blog post. Apparently I do not like to suffer in silence.

I don’t think I could ever do #1 because of safety concerns. Besides the risk of STDs (even with condoms–think “herpes”), there is always the risk of, er, “gray rape.” “Gray rape,” in case you’ve never heard of it, is rape that nobody ever gets convicted of because the victim has not only has liked but has actually sought out sex in the past, sometimes even with the rapist prior to him deciding to become one! and the rapist’s defense attorneys can prove it, too. I have never picked up a guy at a bar for precisely that reason* and I doubt I ever will feel comfortable enough with that possibility to do so in the future. So that’s out.

#2 is itself shadowed by those selfsame reasons, though I suppose if you make it clear that meeting number one is not going to result in sex–that you require getting to know the other person a little better before gettin’ nekkid–you do reduce that possibility somewhat. Also, I have only very general ideas of what kinds of websites those might be, having not really perused them before nor having any friends whose opinions I trust that have either perused them (or at least are willing to admit they’ve ever perused them). And for some reason, Consumer Reports doesn’t have any articles floating around there on hookup sites either…er, surprise!

#3 wouldn’t be too hard to find…if I were male. There are a plethora of prostitutes out there that cater to men, both hetero and homo. However, I’m a heterosexual female, and to the best of my scanty knowledge on the subject, there aren’t too many male prostitutes that cater to women. And even if there were, and they were not prohibitively expensive to boot, I would have a hard time overcoming the feeling that I was exploiting someone else–using their body because they needed the cash. I would really have to be sure that this mythical male prostitute was in the business because he wanted to be, and how would I ever be able to know that that was really the case, even if he told me with big, shiny, fervent eyes that it was? Part of a prostitute’s job, I’ve always assumed (and anybody with more knowledge than me, correct me if I’m wrong) is to make the customer feel good on every level, not just the physical–he’s going to say whatever he perceives his client wants to hear.

Yeah, I’m probably gonna end up stuck with #4. How d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-n-g…unless somebody else has any ideas that I’ve overlooked? Feel free to share! Now, before I REALLY start to want to have sex!

*There is of course the other big reason, which is that I personally just don’t enjoy having sex anywhere near as much just for the sake of having sex, as I do when I’m having it as an experience that I’m sharing with someone I think may become very special to me. But since this entire blog post is devoted to my suspicion that I’m going to want to have sex long before I’m going to want to have anyone become very special to me, I’m not really discussing that one here.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 at 9:14 pm and is filed under He stuck his WHAT in her WHERE!?, If I have to suffer you have to suffer, Mutterings Of The Disturbed, Relationships, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.