Comments on: Musing on Flirtation

By: Antigone

Antigone — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:33:08 +0000

It is possible where this is one of those cases where we’re agreeing forcefully.

By: SamSeaborn

SamSeaborn — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:12:16 +0000

Lisa,

sorry, you’re right, sorry for confusing you with Antigone.

Antigone,

I suspect we’re not actually disagreeing.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:04:55 +0000

I agree that women can be assholes. But another thing is that female assholishness (at least in the context of hostile responses when you get turned down) is less likely to be socially sanctioned.

By: Lisa Kansas

Lisa Kansas — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:04:26 +0000

Sam,

I didn’t write the comment you’re ascribing to me.

By: Laurie

Laurie — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:02:53 +0000

I just want to be clear that I never said or thought that Nomad IS a rapist (though his thinking may border on rape apology). And I think you are right that he is a Nice Guy who hasn’t thought deeply about the issues from a feminist perspective.

I will admit that I did strongly suspect him of being a troll (i.e. possibly a Men’s Rights Activist trying to stir things up on a feminist blog while pleading ignorance and good faith), but since he is not, I hope that he will come back and that I haven’t driven him off.

By: Antigone

Antigone — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:06:49 +0000

I’m not saying women can’t be assholes. I’m saying equating a guy being violent with a woman is not equal to having your feelings hurt because someone said something bad behind your back. Saying bad things behind someones back is in fact non-violent, if not incredibly painful.

Women can easily be assholes. But, that doesn’t mean all assholish stuff is created equal.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:04:42 +0000

I’ve realized that (a) any dude who talks to me about himself before asking me about myself is not worth my trouble, and (b) the guys worth flirting with don’t flirt, nor do they look for sex in places like clubs or bars. Go figure. Oh lordy.
I always feel really, really obvious and kind of vapid if I flirt, so I don’t do it.

By: SamSeaborn

SamSeaborn — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:03:52 +0000

Lisa,

“Bullshit on so many levels. First and foremost, no, it’s not the same thing, or on the same level AT ALL. If a guy hits a woman, there is exactly ZERO chance that the guy is not also calling her a slut behind her back as well. So, not only is she getting the psyc harm, she’s also getting physical harm.”

I’m giving up. When have I said it’s the same? I said psychological pain is not necessarily less painful than physical pain. You’re lucky if you’ve grown up without haveingfound that out for yourself. But why this need to pretend that women cannot be a**holes as well? They’re human, too, if I remember correctly.

By: Lisa Kansas

Lisa Kansas — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:38:31 +0000

OK, I see what happened.

Now, anybody can have changed massively in so many years, but I can definitely assure everyone on here that at least when I knew him, Nomad was not remotely any kinda rapist or had the remotest of rapist tendencies of any description. And I really do doubt that’s changed–I can’t really get that reading out of anything he’s said.

My best guess is that (a) Nomad’s not a feminist nor has he ever really given the situations he’s describing much thought or understanding from the perspective of the women in them, and (b) his intentions commenting are good, just undeniably flavored by, as he more or less states himself, a combination of midlife crisis and Nice Guy (tm!) issues.

I’d give him the benefit of the doubt rather than immediately jumping down his throat like he’s a real, live troll, folks. To the best of my knowledege, this is the first time he’s commented on any blog of any description whatsoever.

By: Lisa Kansas

Lisa Kansas — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:28:45 +0000

Aw, poor Nomad. Dogpiled, I see…just in case anybody is interested, Nomad is actually my boyfriend from my senior year in high school, who I have not clapped eyes on since I was eighteen years old but you know, MySpace and Facebook are definitely changing the way people used to totally lose contact with each other. Lessee what he had to say and how that ruffled some punkassfeathers (I was too busy getting huffy with Amanda to really take note before, shame on me).