No, I’m not making this up.
It’s been over fifteen years since I was a teenager; maybe teenagers have changed. A lot. A whole lot. Unrecognizably! Then again, I have a teenager of my own at home, and much as I myself wouldn’t have been at his same age, he would not be caught dead in one of the above t-shirts under any circumstances whatsoever. Unless he is very unrepresentative of teens everywhere, no kid noplace nohow is ever gonna wear this t-shirt. It’s bewildering that anybody would invest any money in thinking that they would.
Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to believe something is for real, isn’t it? But I trust Pam! From The Passion For Christ Movement, the folks who are bringing us the above fashion craze that is about to sweep the nation’s youth:
Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don’t have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you’re lonelier than you did before you violated yourself…
I don’t even know what to say about this, other than that I don’t think I’ve ever had this experience, and if I did, I would immediately check myself into the nearest mental institution.
I think adults wearing this shirt would rock! I am buying one!
Actually, when I first started masturbating as a teenager, I remember being amazingly ashamed at it, especially that first time. Every time I finished, I would feel really dirty and swear not to do it ever again, and my resolve never even lasted a day, making me feel weak and horrible. The feeling went away relatively quickly, like within a year, maybe even months, but it was still there at first.
You really shouldn’t underestimate the cultural conditioning done to kids. It’s not even like I had it bad, either. My house wasn’t really religious (Easter and Christmas were the only times we went to church, along with Sunday School, where they never discussed that kind of stuff), I had already had middle school sex ed that wasn’t abstinence-only and didn’t moralize, and my parents never really discussed it one way or the other.
I can easily imagine kids who were being directly indoctrinated against sex and pleasure having the sort of reaction she mentions, although never wearing this shirt, since they would have to admit to it and probably talk about it with others because of the shirt.
Uh, wow. My first thought was that the teens pictured were a couple, and hence ex-masturbators (and maybe saddlebackers) because now they could just have sex with each other.
This would be funny if it weren’t so sad and pathetic. All I can say is – that woman isn’t speaking for me – because I was never left curled up in shame going “I can’t believe I just did that” – not even when I was eleven. The only response I’ve ever had is, “Oh yeeeeeaaaah.”
I’m with Jaden. I thought it was nifty, right from the start. But am I surprised if many American kids don’t? Look at the messages our culture sends them about sex.
Yeah, I do remember feeling guilty if I woke up accidentally touching myself.
And though losing my faith as a teen was pretty difficult overall, I do recall realizing pretty immediately that if there was no god, masturbating was totally okay, and making up for lost time figuring it out.
I definitely felt guilty, though it didn’t last. Also, I discovered masturbation with the tether ball poles at recess, so perhaps that contributed in some way (to the guilt or to its amelioration, I couldn’t say).
Oh, but I would very much like one of those shirts, perhaps in more-flattering black. Or perhaps the EX-homosexual design would be preferable. After all, it’s true! I am no longer interested in romantic or sexual relationships with women (provided they are Ann Coulter), and I am solely interested in pursuing such relationships with men (provided they are Johnny Depp).
Also, I think it would be a smash hit at lesbian night.
I had also been considering the EX-fornicator shirt. I found its description amusing:
That would be this American Apparel, then?
Who does these peoples’ marketing? Seriously.
This is effin’ rife with parody-potential, or for simply being co-opted as the newest ironic hipster fashion trend. Reminds me of my 20yr old brother who went around for a while wearing a tight pink baby-doll tee with “I’M A VIRGIN!” printed on in sparkly glitter letters. (Extra funny because he was, in fact, a virgin.)
Can I get one that says “ex=ex-homosexual?”
Also, I don’t believe you. You would love to help Ann Coulter explore her skittle side.
(The cat knocked something onto the keyboard right onto the enter key. Oops. [ fixed! ~ v ])
Ooh. Blurring the line between authentic and ironic. Wait, is there a line there? Maybe it’s more of a smudge. Or a manifold?
I think these people might actually be banking on that. I mean, I don’t imagine that Real True Christian teens (or their parents) will be overwhelmingly enthusiastic about wearing around a tee that says, “Masturbator,” even if proceeded by, “EX-.” Perhaps they’re hoping that some ironic hipsters will ironically give them lost of ironic money to fund not-very-ironic hate speech.
Then again, the design is such shite that they might genuinely think this is a brilliant plan.
“Yes! Sales are through our roof! Obviously, our t-shirts are converting kids nowadays to Christ at an unprecedented rate!”
Can we get baby onsies that say Future masterbator?
That was my reaction as well…what self respecting teenager would be caught dead wearing something like this, regardless of their private feelings about masturbation, sex, etc. Especially if I had felt guilty about it.
Every timeI see that picture, I’m pretty much convinced t here is someone off camera aiming a gun at them. Because. That’s the only way you would have gotten a picture of me wearing something like that at that age.
Now? I’d probably wear it and LMAO all day long. 20 years makes a bit of a difference, though…
I didn’t start off ashamed about masturbating, then for awhile (ages 10ish-15ish?) I was, then I got over it.