when the status quo frustrates.

Delighting little girls with hours of enchanting entertainment.

1.

So, Ann and I are poking about, looking for lunchboxes suitable to house her new computer. We came across a mind-blowing amount of Disney merchandise, some miscellaneous transformers paraphernalia, some cute retro designs… and this.

One of the greatest adventures on–(sic) or under–the seven seas, this charming, lively tale based on Hans Christian Anderson’s beloved children’s story comes to splendid life ini an enchanting animated film. The beautiful and adventurous mermaid, Princess Lena, lives with her family in a watery castle and has everything she could ever need, but she longs for only one thing; to explore the world of humans. Determined to marry Prince Stefan, whom she sees when a whirlpool takes her to the surface, Princess Lena must turn to the evil sea witch Cassandra and pay a heavy price for her promise of help.Description of The Little Mermaid

I’m sure I’ve seen that movie. I just… can’t quite place it.


Ariel, you look different, somehow.

I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that the parallel Christian universe has a parallel Disney (or two), producing parallel ripoffs of stories in the (not actually parallel) public domain. Glancing at IMDB, it looks like American Film Investment Corporation—a fine, upstanding studio, I’m sure—may have lost the race against Disney to produce The Little Mermaid (by five years), and Pinoccio (by a piddling fifty-three years), but they actually just beat Warner Brothers to Thumbelina and Dreamworks to Sinbad.

Along with The Little Mermaid, you also get two double features: Sleeping Beauty / Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella / Snow White. With animation quality that’s merely gut-wrenchingly terrible and, I’m sure, writing to match, what’s not to love?

2.

Going off this post’s title, I was going to present a nifty toy I heard about over the weekend: It’s a dildo meant to be worn for penetrative sex. The cool thing is that it doesn’t rely on a strap-on: one end is angled and has a large-ish ball—you (if you’re penetrating) put it in your vagina, and hold it there with your PC muscles (you’ve been doing your Kegels, right?). (Non-vagina-possessing individuals can also penetrate with it, provided they can hold the ball comfortably in their ass.)

I wanted to have pictures and links and everything, but, sadly, a bit of cursory searching (“strap on without the strap,” “PC muscle strap-on ball,” etc) didn’t turn up anything, and honestly, I was becoming a little concerned about the search results that were coming back. Since, um, I was doing this at work.

But I’ll be home soon, so I’m trying an appeal to y’all:

Dear Lazyweb,

What are these toys called, and where might I find them? They sound quite lovely.

11 Responses to “Delighting little girls with hours of enchanting entertainment.”

  1. Antigone says:

    That version sounds a little bit closer to the Hans Christen Anderson version anyway. Disney is legendary for fucking up people’s stories.

  2. violet says:

    That’s kindof funny. I wonder, though—how does sneakily defying your authoritarian parents and making pacts with witches reinforce Good Christian Values? Or perhaps I’m reading too much into the store in which we found this.

  3. em says:

    I don’t think there’s a generic name for them, but if you look for them on a toy site, like Babeland, which IIRC has a nice selection of them, they should be in the double-ended dildo section. Two major brands are the Feeldoe and the Nexus.

  4. Kyso Kisaen says:

    Not kidding – when Disney’s Little Mermaid came out, my mom didn’t want to spend the money to take us to see it in the theaters, so she went to Marc’s Discount Store and rented an animated Little Mermaid under the theory that close is close enough. Nearly two decades later, all I remember is a) animated mermaid boobies! and b) lovelorn mermaid suicide. After the witch with her voice wins the prince and causes her to lose the bet, the little mermaid, in a wedding dress for some reason, casts herself into the sea inwhich she can no longer survive.

    That was our last off-market animated feature for awhile.

  5. violet says:

    The Feeldoe looks exactly like what was described to me. Sweet! The nexus looks more-or-less right, but it’s designed for a strap (alternate interpretation: you can strap it, should you feel the need).

    Kyso, that Little Mermaid sounds quite a bit cooler than the Disney version, actually.

  6. ferlessleedr says:

    A lunchbox for her computer? Is it an Eee PC? In the name of fair treatment of technophiles, I demand linkage!

    TRH

  7. ann says:

    No, it’s not an Eee PC. I am transitioning from giving Steve a hand(jobs) with my hard-earned money to building my own computating machine. I wanted to build it in something a little more fun than a standard case. It looks like we’re going to need at least two lunchboxes, one to house the motherboard and one to house the power supply. I’ll probably post some pics once it’s finished.

  8. violet says:

    Specifically, it’s like to be based on a board like this one, with a beefy processor attached. Resulting in a power supply that is quite likely as large as the electronics (I was somewhat comforted to see that the Mac Mini is in a similar situation).

  9. James H says:

    “I’m sure I’ve seen that movie. I just… can’t quite place it.”

    Surely you mean plaice it?! (sorry)

  10. violet says:

    No! The puns, they kill! Or krill! They might do that, too!

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