when the status quo frustrates.

So What Do You Get Your Wife If She’s Butt-Ugly?

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008

An Assortment of Holiday Gifts for Your Lovely Wife
By Esquire

Nope, not making this up! I was visiting Yahoo.com for some other, entirely unrelated reason such as looking up old ’80s rock videos or trying to find a Chinese restaurant within twenty miles of my house, and this article popped up instead. It’s hard to resist a headline like that, though it does give rise to immediate musings like the title of this post. “A paper bag for her head” comes to mind, or maybe in that case you just use this list to shop for your lovely mistress! Fascinatingly enough, there are no holiday gift shopping recommendations that I could find entitled, “An Assortment of Gifts for Your Handsome Husband.” Apparently there is no cultural need to tack a hawwtness rating to the male spouse; you should probably just be thanking your lucky stars that you have one at all.

After reading through the, er, assortment, it becomes clear that this particular gift guide is actually only useful to those men who are married to a cliche. For the rest of you guys, I strongly suggest you simply ask her what she wants. Because it’s probably not any of the ridiculous shit on this list. The winners, in my opinion:

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Nice Guys (TM), summed up.

Friday, December 12th, 2008

From the always-brilliant XKCD

Immature Humor Break

Friday, December 12th, 2008

A friend of mine posted a link to this site, called “Failblog: Fail, Owned and Pwn moments in pictures and videos.” It made me giggle, so I am passing it along to anyone else who’d like to also. A sampling is below the fold.

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Homosex

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

I am straight as an arrow. I am possibly the most hopelessly heterosexual woman you will ever meet. My obsessive and undying love affair with the male anatomy has been a fixture of my life ever since puberty and now, in my mid-thirties, has yet to show any signs of slacking off.

Why bring this up? Because it is how I know, instrinsically and to the bone, that homosexuality and bisexuality are not “lifestyle choices.” (You have no idea how I despise that phrase.) You see before you here a woman who was given every possible opportunity and encouragement to be at the minimum, bisexual, if not outright homosexual–yet it simply refused to take.

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From Hell: Modified Food Starch

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Warning: This entire post is one long sustained pity party. Read at your own risk.

Last night was a typical Wednesday night. I took my younger son to hockey practice (yes, I am a “hockey mom;” shoot me now, please!) and it runs too late for me to be able to cook dinner and have it on the table before his bedtime–so I planned to pick up fast food of some variety or other on the way home. As I knew that I would be unable to eat any of said fast food, while he was practicing I nipped over to the organic grocery store–Wednesday night is my night to go there, because it’s in the same city as his ice hockey rink. The town I live in, and all the surrounding towns for about a twenty-mile radius, do not have organic grocery stores.

Whoa, back up–unable to eat fast food? That’s a li’l strong, isn’t it? Not grossed out by fast food or morally opposed to the artery-killing nature of fast food–really unable to eat it? How bout if I were starving in a desert and somebody offered me a Big Mac, how ’bout then, huh?

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What the Bloody Fuck is Wrong With Burger King?

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

I haven’t eaten at Burger King ever since their “Man Food” commercials, (which wasn’t exactly a huge imposition since I didn’t think their food was that great in the first place); but if I ate there, this would be enough for me to kill it again.

Their newest ad campaign apparently decided that sexism wasn’t selling, so they went for the racism angle. The premise of it is this: they go to “remote” third-world villages, and give the people there a Burger King Whopper or a McDonald’s for the world’s “purest taste test”.

Burger King

(My own Transcript after the Fold)
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Afraid of productivity?

Monday, December 8th, 2008

Wikipedia has a list of common misconceptions. As with everything else on Wikipedia, it is vaguely interesting, oddly compelling, and oh my gods what do you mean it’s five pm?

Now, you too can be the life / death of parties by knowing such Mythbuster-friendly tidbits as follows:

  • Different tastes can be detected on all parts of the tongue[18], with slightly increased sensitivities in different locations depending on the person, contrary to the popular belief that specific tastes only correspond to specific mapped sites on the tongue.[19] The original “tongue map” was based on a mistranslation by a Harvard psychologist of a discredited German paper[20] that was written in 1901.
  • People do not use only ten percent of their brains. This myth is thought by some to have emerged after the discovery of glial cells in the brain, or it could have been the result of some other misunderstood or misinterpreted legitimate scientific findings, or even been the result of speculation by self-help gurus.[21]
  • It is not true that air takes the same time to travel above and below an aircraft’s wing.[38] This misconception is widespread among textbooks and non-technical reference books, and even appears in pilot training materials. If this were truly the case, there would be no lift generated by the wings and the plane wouldn’t fly.
  • Lemmings do not engage in suicidal dives off cliffs when migrating. This misconception is due largely to the Disney film White Wilderness, which shot many of the migration scenes on a large turntable in a studio. Photographers later pushed the lemmings off a cliff using a broom.

As with most things Wiki, I happened upon this list while reading the page on What the Bleep Do We Know, which atop its fantastically typographically annoying title, sounds like precisely the kind of quantum bullshit about which my views are largely unprintable.

Of course, I have a deep, burning urge to see the thing. Or rather, I have developed such an urge coincident with my realization that we could quickly devise a hilariously lush-friendly What the Bleep drinking game.

Looking Forward to More Epicycles, Space Ether and Laetrile

Sunday, December 7th, 2008

Clearly I’ve been feeling a little sensitive lately on the subject of, er, “science.” Er, “science” is defined as the stuff put forth by various ideologues and media hacks that contains science-y sounding words in an attempt by them to impress whatever hair they’ve gotten up their ass at that particular moment into other people’s brains.

So when I stumbled across this article yesterday, my interest was definitely piqued–it begins thusly:

The job of science reporters is to take complicated subjects and translate them for readers who are not scientifically sophisticated. Critics say that the news media oversimplify and aren’t skeptical enough of financing by special interests.

Somebody else has noticed this problematic trend! I am thrilled. Seriously. The main difference between the article author’s take on the situation and mine is that she seems to feel that said oversimplification and credulity are more accidental than not. I think that some of it goes beyond oversimplification into outright agenda-oriented slanting and that the credulity is, at the minimum, blindly wilful. Or maybe I just don’t want to believe that so many people could really be THAT stupid…she does have some great advice for those who are screwing up science for public consumption out of well-meaning ignorance, though.

-Look for the evidence. News organizations should give weight to scientific evidence, whether it is about global warming or what the medical establishment says about Lyme disease.

Post science reporter David Brown, who is also a physician, talked about this in a recent speech at the University of Iowa. It will be published next year. “In science, there is a natural tension between evidence and opinion, and evidence always wins. What authority figures have to say about anything in science is ultimately irrelevant.

That’s just beautiful. (sniff!)

-Look for context. Are the results preliminary? Does the research conflict with or confirm earlier work? Has it been published in a reputable science journal or been presented at a science meeting?

Put more plainly: No matter how beautifully some crackpot shit dovetails with your personal preconceptions, you don’t get to jump upon it like a starving tiger shrieking to the world that you’ve found “scientific proof of–!” unless it meets the above criteria.

-Look beyond the lead paragraph and headline. Remember that antioxidants were touted to prevent all sorts of disease; research proved that not to be true. One recent Page 1 story, by veteran Post science reporter Rob Stein, attracted comment and criticism. Stein wrote that a study produced “powerful evidence” that a blood test designed to monitor inflammation could identify “seemingly healthy people who are at increased risk for a heart attack or stroke” and that a widely used statin drug offered “potent protection against the nation’s leading killers.” The story quoted the study’s author and other prominent experts as calling the findings a “breakthrough,” a “blockbuster” and “absolutely paradigm-shifting.”

The Foundation for Integrative AIDS Research (FIAR) — which has a stake in the issue because AIDS drugs can raise “bad” cholesterol levels — said stories about the study reflected “shoddy boosterism for the pharmaceutical industry rather than a careful and balanced analysis.”

and

-”Marcia Angell, a physician and former editor of the New England Journal of Medicine who is now a senior lecturer at Harvard Medical School, said journalists can write “overly dramatic” stories for “gullible” readers. “Everyone has an interest in hyping news of medical research — the researcher, the institution, reporters. Readers should be very skeptical of new findings. Newspapers are in the business of telling you the news, which needs to be startling or counterintuitive or flies in the face of what we knew. By definition these stories are less likely to be accurate.”

Don J. Melnick, professor of conservation biology at Columbia University, said that if a story “doesn’t sound newsworthy or front page-worthy, it will be buried or not printed at all. That tends to promote people hyping the research. They have to convince their editors to put it in the paper.”

In other words: “Buyer beware.”

In related news, via PZ at Pharyngula:

CNN, the Cable News Network, announced yesterday that it will cut its entire science, technology, and environment news staff, including Miles O’Brien, its chief technology and environment correspondent, as well as six executive producers. Mediabistro’s TVNewser broke the story.

“We want to integrate environmental, science and technology reporting into the general editorial structure rather than have a stand alone unit,” said CNN spokesperson Barbara Levin. “Now that the bulk of our environmental coverage is being offered through the Planet in Peril franchise, which is produced by the Anderson Cooper 360 program, there is no need for a separate unit.”

I’m a little startled by the assertion here that environmental science news is the overwhelming bulk of all science reporting out there and once you’ve got some dude covering that, you don’t really NEED anybody else to cover any other science-y topic, b’Gad!

No, I will not immediately assume that the pooled IQ of the general editorial structure is twenty points lower than that of the previous science, technology and environmental news staff, nor make any snarky remarks of any other description. I will just regard it as yet another sign of the coming apocalypse, like when I found out that Ann Coulter was going to pointlessly destroy another crop of innocent young trees by putting out yet another book.*

*The suggested titles in the linked article are awesome and now that the super-secret book title has been revealed, surprisingly on target. Or perhaps not surprisingly.

Oh, PLEASE do!

Sunday, December 7th, 2008

If only we could get so lucky. What a dream team!

Huckabee, Palin top list of 2012 GOP contenders, poll says

Women submitting unto their husbands as their husbands submit unto the Lord! Open season on Sodomites! Quiverfuls! Not to mention a severe loss of altitude for public school science achievement. What are we WAITING for?!

Oh yeah. 2012. Well, it just can’t come too soon.

Lessons from Xena (Or Why I Agree with FFR)

Friday, December 5th, 2008

I was watching the “Xena” episode “Altered State” (instead of studying for my property exam) and it made me think of the story it is CLEARLY based on, that of Abraham and Isaac. For those of you lucky enough to avoid having to go to church (or, like most, have completely forgotten the story) Wikipedia has a pretty good run-down of it. The short version runs as follows:

God: I’m bored. Huh, I bet I know what would liven things up; I’ll be a giant jackass and test the faith of one of my most faithful. I’ve already split the family up, what with the whole Hagar/ Sarah thing, let’s see what I can do. Yo, Abraham?

Abraham: Yes my lord? I live to serve the. Though normally hearing voices would be a sign that I’m clinically deranged, it is surely that I am holy and God has chosen me.

God: Go and kill your kid on top of a mountain.

Abraham: Yes sir. *clicks heels* Come on kid.

Isaac: What was with the whole “sacrificing kid” thing? We didn’t bring a goat, or a lamb or anything.

Abraham: I’m sure something’ll turn up. *Ties Isaac to rock*

Angel: Yo, God, how far are you going to take this joke?

God:….oh yeah, tell him to stop would you? I would, but my show just started.

Angel: Stop killing your kid. Here’s a wild Ox, god likes those too.

Abraham: If you’re sure. *kills and burns ox*

Isaac: Um, yay god?

Now, the lesson you’re supposed to take from this is that you should always have faith; if god says jump, you say “how high?” and don’t ask any other question. My question from this is: what kind of fucked-up, psychopathic god, says “kill your kid” even (and maybe especially) as a test of faith? I have a running theory that the god of the Bible is more akin to an abusive spouse, than any kind of benevolent being. This is an example of that; this is like an abusive spouse asking the other to get rid of a pet because “you love it more than me” and then pouting until you do, and then saying s/he was “just kidding”. This story is one of the many, many stories that are supposed to be inspiring, but are really just insane in primitive. Even if there was any evidence that god existed, this would be a damned good reason not to worship it. Just as a general rule of thumb: if the voices in your head say “Kill” don’t listen to them.

This story was particularly sticking in my head in light of this; the atheist sign in Washington put up to the Nativity Scene. The sign said “”At this season of the Winter Solstice, may reason prevail. There are no gods, no devils, no angels, no heaven or hell. There is only our natural world. Religion is but myth and superstition that hardens hearts and enslaves minds.” Hubby was mad when he read this sign, because as a still-vaguely religious person with fond memories of his church, he disagrees that religion “hardens hearts and enslaves minds”. I, of course disagree. Paul the Spud over at Shakesville disagrees with the sign as well, saying:

GAH. Thanks SO much for handing Bill O’Reilly and his like-minded knuckleheads more ammo. I’m seriously beginning to wonder if these War-on-Christmasers and You’re-telling-us-we’re-going-to-hell atheists are profiting together off of this bullshit.

Not surprisingly, I disagree with both of them. Yeah, I think Freedom From Religion is at best insanely naïve if they didn’t expect people to be pissed by this sign, and at worst disingenuous. And yeah, this sign is probably not the best in way of being persuasive.
But you know something? FFR is right. Religion has been used for many good things over the years, and inspired (or at least paid for) some of the best art work in the world. But, it does harden your heart and enslave your mind. If one of the “role models” in the Bible was willing to kill his own kid because he thought god said so, that’s what I call a hard heart and an enslaved mind. If religion teaches you to do what god says, and never to question it, (and god amazingly always sound like the leader) than you have a hard heart an enslaved mind.
And Bill O’Reilly and the like don’t need ammunition; they’d make it up if they didn’t have this. And just like I won’t be cowed when someone says “if you feminists just ask for it NICER, you’d get more rights” and “if you gay people would just stop being so AFFECTIONATE in public, people would accept you more” I find it completely unpersuasive to tell atheists not to get their message out as often as possible, or to say it nicer if they want to be taken seriously. Atheist organizations have every right to say this where everyone else is allowed to say their beliefs. No one has convinced anyone of anything by staying silent and hidden.
So, good for FFR. I hope either Christian organizations will take this as a lesson to stop using government property for their beliefs, if they don’t want them contradicted.

Oh, That Genetic Programming!

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

From some dude named Garth George in New Zealand:

…men and women are different physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It astounds me that in this age in which knowledge of the makeup of the human being is greater than at any time in history, we will not concede that men and women are genetically programmed for differing roles.*

(via)

Now, this sounds kinda familiar. What was that advice column thing I was cheerfully mocking the other day…oh yeah!

…women should never, ever pursue a man. Instead [wait] for the man to initiate and plan dates…If the woman is always the one calling, she will never know if he is really interested in her or if it’s just convenient for him. She may find herself questioning the relationship every step of the way. Men simply aren’t programmed to think like that and therefore are better suited to the chase

New rule: Nobody is allowed to use the phrase “genetic programming” or any related phrases harking back to that concept and be taken remotely seriously unless he or she can, right now (no Googling!) define for me what a gene is, and no bullshit copouts like “the basic building blocks of life!” either–if your definition can be stretched to include any other scientific and/or philosophical or theological concepts besides genes, it ain’t one. You are also required to know the definition of any and all words used in the definition, and you are not allowed to use any part or variation of the word “gene” to define a gene.

Go!

::crickets chirping::

*He has somehow managed to link this to abortion; I read his article three times and still couldn’t figure out how he got from point A to point M or N. I wish better luck to anybody else that makes the attempt.

The Revised Church of Homophobia

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

I am tired of the tiptoeing around and kid glove treatment that these assholes automatically get because they associate themselves with Jesus. Spare me this holiday season–please?

No? Well, let me help you, then.

The Pope’s Christmas Gift: A Tough Line on Church Doctrine Vigorous Support of Ten Years to Life in Prison For Teh Homos*

and

Split in Episcopal Church hits new level
Conservatives who fled liberal views of Scripture believe that Teh Homos should be publicly reviled and burn in Hell have formed a breakaway church in North America.

There–much more accurate. Don’t they want their message gotten across more clearly? I’m sure they do!

*The pope also says, Stop touching each other before Mass–we can’t tell which of you are Teh Homos when you do that!