1. I’m pretty sure that I automatically don’t fit her criteria for “taking care of myself,” even though I’ve active and dress well. I do have a pretty impressive “life of my own,” mostly consisting of an interesting career and a lot of hobbies. I don’t live close to family and am not super-social.
2. I made the first move.
3. I only try to be sexy when I feel like it – it’s not a normal part of my presentation.
4. I slept with him immediately. That was originally the whole point. I wasn’t looking for a relationship.

So, my opinion? Her “dream man” is probably not my “dream man,” she’s probably nothing like me, and her advice probably only makes sense for women her are just like her, who like the same sort of men she does.

Why are people like them considered the default? Who knows. I think they’re boring and kind of sad. It must be hard keeping up that kind of a front, even with your partner.

Eliot: Yes, one more than the sluts and one less than the prudes.

Dude, sluts totally put out on the first date. Duh.

Aah….. So this is the Seduction Community for women. I guess you get what you pay for. Poor thing.

Okay, let me blow the evil Lisa’s mind: oxytocin is produced in men, too.

I mean, you could maybe say that oxytocin is potentially produced more in women, because lactation and uterine contractions during birth are triggers for oxytocin release (to bond one to the baby creature). But a woman who never gives birth and never breast-feeds will produce the same amount of oxytocin as a man. And, actually, women without deft fellows will be producing less than their male counterparts, since it’s triggered by orgasm.

Yeah, snap.

And the way this works, see, isn’t because oxytocin somehow magically imprints obsessiveness and crying jags upon women. It’s that oxytocin makes you feel all extra nice and cuddly, and the moments it’s released become associated with that love feeling, creating a nice feedback loop. So if a nice guy constantly releases your love goo, you will start to feel the love goo even when you are not having orgasms with him — just thinking about him might be enough to trigger the joy.

And if you choose to have sex with multiple partners IN DEFIANCE OF ALL THINGS LISA DAILY, the oxytocin will still get released (assuming here that “sex” is a synonym for “orgasm”, which is a pretty big assumption), but won’t be associated to any one partner. In fact, it might be associated with having good sex. Which is why we can, say, masturbate and feel all love gooey afterwards, and not be consumed with the desire to make the first move on ourselves, or call ourselves just to see what we are doing. Because feeling good after an orgasm, and generally pleasant towards the means of arriving there, doesn’t really have anything to do with behaving like a freakish martian stereotype. It’s just evolution’s way of saying, “Keep doin’ that thar stuff, we likes it, mm.”

Here is my scientific research, FTW: I googled “oxytocin”, and couldn’t find a single article that didn’t mention men. Try it! It’s a new game, called “More Well-Read Than Relationship Columnists.”

I think one basic assumption here is that women and men never are actual friends. So that one particular situation never arises to mess up your count.

Eliot: I always wait 4 dates to have sex.
Carla: Four?
Eliot: Yes, one more than the sluts and one less than the prudes.
Eliot’s Boyfriend: Ready for our third date?
Eliot: Fourth, you’re forgetting about that time we bumped into each other at the water fountain.

And I can never think of oxytocin without thinking of that commenter (I think on Pandagon) who said “I guess this means I only love my first child, and the second and third were just a desperate attempt to recapture the high.”

Interestingly enough, though, when I want to have sex, cuddling is the last thing on my mind, and if it’s on his, he certainly hides it well. I’m a tad suspicious that the two urges are really all that connected, especially via a single hormone pathway.