The last post seems to be fairly unanimous: people want to see wedding pictures. This makes me happy that people care, but it also makes me a little bit nervous.
I have never put pictures on any of my political blogs before. Even back when I was on live-journal, my avatar was always something besides a picture of me.
I would hope that people would respect me enough to not to take my wedding pictures, pictures that have particular meaning to /me, and spread them, and photo-shop them, and make them into something dirty, crude, and mean. But, this is the internet, so I have no guarantee of that. I would also hope that this would not undermine any credibility I have as a feminist, based on my appearance (for good or for ill), but again I have no guarantee of that. I always thought that people who put their photos out there (particularly feminist bloggers) were brave: they deal with all this stupidity day-in and day-out, and it just seems to roll off their back.
But then I thought about it some more, and I realized that I put myself out there on this blog all the time. I talk about personal things (hopefully, linking them back to feminism), I put my opinions out there for people to mock and ridicule all the time. It hurts, but I have a number of ways to deal with it (from ignoring it, to rationalizing it, to sometimes actually responding to it). Why should my appearance be any different? I then realized that I am so worried about my appearance because it is the thing that I am least secure about. If someone calls me stupid, I can easily ignore it: I know that I am at average to above-average intelligence. If someone says my logic is flawed, I can re-examine it, and change it if I made a flaw, and leave it if I did not.
But if someone says that I’m ugly, they might be right. It’s not something I can argue against. And it’s already something that changes the terms of the debate into something that I don’t want to talk about. If I write that “women are judged on beauty standards that don’t have a reasonable basis in reality, and those women who do meet those ridiculous standards are rewarded with illusonary and temporary benefits to undermine everyone else” someone can come back with “Well, you just say that because you’re ugly”. Even if I respond “that has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic at hand, and whether or not those unreasonable standards are moral or not”, it is still an effective method in derailing the thread. People will come in and defend my looks, and others will go against it, and the whole thrust of the post is lost. (If you think I’m being overly cynical, please give me a link to any post by a feminist author about beauty standards where it hasn’t happened.)
So, I’ve decided to go with somewhat of a compromise. I will post some pictures, heavily moderate the comments, and the pictures will be taken down in a week.
Photos have been removed.
I like the blue dress. And am more impressed than ever by what you paid for it.
And remember, everyone’s ugly to someone, and pretty to someone else. And that’s not even taking into account how finicky cameras are. I’m smoking hot in my vacation pictures, and hideous troll in my sister’s wedding pictures. The important thing is that your dress fits and everyone looks so happy in your wedding pictures, everything else is icing. My friend’s wife was a rail-thin, professionally made up bride in a white dress, and their pictures look awful because everyone involved looked as excited as a police lineup.
PS: I think you’re attractive.
It’s funny you post this (the commentary about female beauty and feminism, not the pictures!!) because a recent Amanda post inspired me to start writing a blog about advantages that can be helped vs. those than can’t be helped, physical attractiveness being one of the latter.
But not to digress off onto that topic–I’ll leave it for the blog–I think the pictures are awesome. That color is perfect on you and you look pretty and happy–what more can one hope for? My first wedding…er, maybe “marriage ceremony” would have been more accurate, as it took place on the fly in a courthouse–all I was hoping was that I didn’t look as five months pregnant as I was in the pictures. The second wedding, my dress was strapless and I’d lost between five and ten pounds between buying it and the wedding day (another courthouse adventure) so I was spending the whole time surreptitiously trying to keep it from slithering entirely off my body (now, that might’ve made for some interesting pictures, though) so all the pictures were of me looking a bit strained with my arms clamped firmly to my sides. So see how much better yours are!
I love the trees picture. That looks so fun.
I’m always amused how trolls will comb over all the pictures of me to find one that’s not flattering to use as “evidence” that I’m ugly. At first it distressed me, but now I recognize it for what it is—classic cherry-picking. Not that it’s relevant to your wedding pictures, but more to your intro.
Seriously, I love seeing the faces behind the screen names.
Kyso-
I was extremely lucky on this wedding: I got top-of-the-line services for extremely cheap or free. The dress was so pretty, and so cheap, I want to commission her for another one (maybe a shorter one for dancing). The photographer was for free, the invitations (which you guys saw the cover of) were for free, the DJ was for free, and all of these were pretty much the best I could have got. All in all, it went well, and the reception was a BLAST.
And why shouldn’t I look happy? I finally was freed from wedding planning, and I could just goof off with my friends and our toys (we have another picture of us playing with the swords, and the bridal party using the flowers as swords).
You look fantastic. (Not least because you look so HAPPY). And ooh, the great outdoors!
I wanna see the sword pictures!
The trees picture is very nice. I like wedding pictures that are at least kind of creative like that. My sister’s album is very boring, my roommate’s friend’s was fantastic. They paid about the same. It all depends on the photographer.
In my unbiased opinion you are the most beautiful woman ever
I think you look great. Of course, my opinion doesn’t count for anything, but still.
And I love the swords. Absolutely love the swords.
That looks like it was so much fun! Very Much Ado About Nothing. It makes me want to have a wedding. I don’t know anyone I want to get hitched to right now, but it looks like a blast to get dressed up and run around with swords. Did you manage to convince your elder family members to run around with swords at all, too, or did they just look on in bemusement?
If I get married again, there will be swords. That is so cool.
Ks
Of course your opinion matters.
It was a cool wedding. I figured if I was supposed to have a “traditional” wedding, than we were going to go old-school traditional. Non-white dress, weapons for the groom and best man (just in case there was any problems) and no rings exchanged.
The reception was even more fun
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I don’t think you should have worried about the comments – you looked beautiful. Congratulations, and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.