when the status quo frustrates.

Changing Tacks

Don’t you hate when bloggers write self-consciously about blogging? Yeah, me too. Please don’t read the rest of this post.

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You never listen to what I say, do you? Typical.

So, a few of you may have noticed me not blogging a lot lately. A lot of this has to do with the new position I’ve acquired at my job. At the moment, I am in the midst of flying solo on a huge curriculum development project for the school I work for. As far as homo sapiens go, I know how deliriously good I have it– I’ve found myself making very decent money, doing work that I actually enjoy doing, and which gives me the satisfaction of feeling like I’m making a worthwhile difference in some people’s lives.

The only price I’m paying is giving up my free time for a few months– doing regular 12+ hour days, still teaching real-life kids in the middle of those days, no breaks even on weekends. But really, I’m not complaining. Bragging is more like it. It feels good to work really hard for a while, at least every now and then.

I was considering quitting the blogging thing for a while, though. On top of regularly pulling 12+ hour days at work, the fact is that I’m a dreadfully slow writer. I guess I just feel anxious about making everything as right as I can make it. Most times I’ve written here (this post being no exception), it’s felt like the mental equivalent of taking a dump after skipping my veggies for a few days. Not always as much fun as it ought to be, in other words, though there is sometimes a nice feeling of release at the end. If I’m not bleeding from my anus by then, that is.

(See, aren’t you glad you kept on reading?)

Also, I’ve become a little bit disappointed in myself. When I started out here, it was with this vague idealistic notion of making it a kind of public self-education project. I didn’t want to just write my uninformed opinions on stuff, like all too many others out there already do. So what did I proceed to do? Just write my uninformed opinions about stuff here all the time. How lame is that? Who the fuck cares what I think of Barack Obama, you know? I’m just another stupid American who doesn’t even know that Azerbaijan is a country.

Wait, Azerbaijan is a country?

So, because it’s something (I think) I can do in a time-efficient way, I’m revisiting the notion of treating my work here as a form of hot and steamy auto-didacticism. Once every few days, I am going to pick an encyclopedia article or blog post or book excerpt that I’ve recently read, and digest it, here, in more detail. Not to fisk it– just to understand it. Kind of like Cliff-notes, but on politics and world affairs.

Hint: if my blogroll is not your cup of tea, you’ll probably do better to skip my posts in favor of the other fine writers in this joint. At least for posts that I create in this style. I hope that a few people may be interested in the topics I’ll be teaching myself about, but hey, if not, at least I’LL be learning something…

P.S. The ultimate proof I am a slow writer: that whole shitty little post just now took me a little over an hour and a half to write. WHY? I do not know.

That’s it for now. I love you all.

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