PunkAssBlog.com

Just call me Emma.

Ever since John Kerry ran for President (I think before, too, but that’s when I really started noticing it) Democrats have somehow gotten the label of the party of “elitism.” It has certainly reached a fever pitch during the Obama and McCain campaigns this year. I always found it puzzling but didn’t really start to dwell on it til the recent brouhaha about McCain’s inability to recall how many houses he owns.

(’Scuse me for a second. BWAHAHAHAHA!)

(ahem.)

ANYWAY, at that point the full ridiculousness of the whole thing just descended upon me. WHOA NOW, I thought, now they GOTTA drop that whole “elitist” thing, I mean, my God, can the party represented by the guy who doesn’t know how many houses he owns really sustain some kinda claim of elitism against the party represented by the guy who not only DOES know how many houses he owns but that number happens to be “1,” just like the vast majority of Americans who own homes..?

Apparently so.

[Fox and] Friends defended McCain’s stumble as a desire to be accurate - he doesn’t actually own any of the homes…Cindy and her family’s various trusts hold the titles, and some of them are not for the McCain’s enjoyment but are rather investment properties and housing for family members.

Oh well, that clears THAT up!

Now, see, I always thought that someone who was “elitist” was most likely that way due to having ridiculously enormous amounts of cash and equivalent to call his own. I mean I ALWAYS just assumed that, as far back as I can remember ever considering the matter. However, I now humbly admit I was entirely mistaken and should’ve known that as far back as the Kerry campaign. After all, Dubya and Kerry were both rolling in dough. Ah! I now think to myself. What they REALLY must’ve meant by “elitist” was like, FAMILY money. Lots of money, after all, can be the result of an individual’s insanely and obsessively hard work in the professional millieu–such a person might end up with lots of money but would still be a parvenue, a pushing mushroom, a nouveau riche—

Erm, no. That theory doesn’t stand up either. Both Bush and Kerry’s FAMILIES are wealthy too and have been for quite some time. So’s John McCain’s, and for heaven’s sake, nobody could accuse Barack Obama of having hailed from an old-money family!

WAIT! A sneaking suspicion rears its ugly head…it’s isn’t about MONEY, precisely…it’s about EDUCATION! You know, them snotty types with that-thar book learnin’–

(sigh) No. Not it either. Both Kerry and Bush attended Yale, after all. McCain attended the US Naval Academy, which doesn’t really say an enormous amount about elitism or lack thereof, but he did shoot in there from a private prep school. Obama graduated from Columbia University.

But you know, I did have the feeling, the sneaking suspicion, that I was onto something…like I was close…

And then I figured it out.

“Elitism” is code for “they’re really, really smart.” Smart as in, sheer raw intelligence, you know, Nobel prize and Rhodes scholarship smart. Or like being President of the Harvard Law Review and a professor of law smart. As opposed to, say, Dubya, or even John McCain, who graduated 894 of 899 from the Naval Academy.

I think that people who aren’t very bright…that would be at least half the population, sadly…actually fear people who are very bright. They seriously seem to see being really smart as having some kind of superpower, one that will be used against them if they allow said very smart people to have any power over them. I saw this on a website that turned out to not be a joke or a parody:

Most Atheists are highly intelligent. Probably better educated than you are…You need to read and think a lot too…Don’t be surprised if they manage to persuade you to give up your beliefs.

Really smart people, you know, are dangerous. Like mutants!

Magneto[to Senator Kelly]: Are you a God-fearing man, Senator? That is such a strange phrase. I’ve always thought of God as a teacher; a bringer of light, wisdom, and understanding. You see, I think what you really fear is me. Me and my kind…Oh, it’s not so surprising really. Mankind has always feared what it doesn’t understand. Well, don’t fear God, Senator, and certainly don’t fear me. Not any more.

It sounds pretty pathetic to actually SAY that you fear and hate people who are clearly functioning at least one full mental level above you, though. It sounds a lot more noble to accuse them of “elitism.” Seems to be working like a charm, too.