It’s Caturday, after all, and I exercise my right to be a crazy cat lady on the internet.
I hadn’t heard of Rachel Lucas before today, and it’s probably just as well. (I object on principle to cutesy diminutives of the name Rachel—Rachie is bad enough, but Wachel is the worst I’ve heard. Also, people who dress their dogs in bonnets are to be shunned.) On a more substantive note, though, she’s a member of the Serena Joy school of women-bashing, the Malkins and Coulters and Dowds and Edens who believe that if they devote time to writing about how silly and subhuman women are, they’ll get a pass for their own sin of lacking a peen.
Gotta say that she’s refreshingly straightforward about it, though:
Speaking of pigs, The Other McCain dares to inflame the wound in his role as a patriarchal misogyny oppressor, and Vox Day goes further with a list of things to do if you want to be taken seriously:
1. Have at least half a brain and demonstrate that it actually functions by not writing egregiously stupid stuff.
2. At least 75 percent of your posts should have nothing to do with you or your life.
3. Don’t post a picture or talk about your romantic life, your children or your pets.
4. Don’t threaten to quit blogging every time anyone criticizes you.
5. Learn how to defend your positions with facts and logic instead of passive-aggressive parthian shots fired off as you run away.
Which led to me being dragged into this because as we all know, I routinely violate rules #2 and 3 and yet I’m one of Vox’s favorites, which was pointed out a few times in his comment thread, and thus was born the Lucas Exception by Vox Day, which states that “if a female blogger can be confirmed to be as amusingly bloody-minded as Rachel Lucas, she may post about her dogs or other non-feline pets, so long as such posts are not made more than thrice per week. Kids and cats are still right out.”
Don’t be jealous. Not everyone can have an Exception named after them. You see, Vox gets me.
Eh. You’re easy to “get.” There’s a certain class of women, who if they’re regular enough in differentiating themselves from both trivial, vacuous femininity (while still maintaining the trappings thereof, and being conventionally attractive, of course) and vocal and “unladylike” feminism, gain the temporary approval of professional misogynists. They get patted on the head and trotted out in blog wars for the menz to hide behind. It’s a survival strategy that would be pitiable were it not so damned irritating.
For what it’s worth, I do think there are substantive criticisms that can be made of BlogHer, which sounds far too corporate and fluffy to appeal to my politics. But I’m guessing that this isn’t what’s sending the concern trolls over to Feministe.
Anyway, ladies, let it never be said that I complain without providing constructive advice. Here’s what you really need to be do to be taken seriously by the misogynist blogosphere:
1. Be conventionally attractive. Post occasionally about the supposed ugliness of feminist bloggers in comparison to anti-feminist bloggers, using the same one or two pictures of yourself for comparison.
2. At the same time, mock teh femme. Complain about women who are too interested in stereotypically female concerns—menstruation, bras, motherhood, and so on. While it’s the duty of women to serve and defer to men, you get a pass to be as brash and outspoken as you want, as long as you direct your vitriol towards other women.
3. Link to and quote from well-known male conservative bloggers. Act as though you know them personally, even if you don’t.
4. Post about your guns. If you don’t currently own guns, get some.
5. Blogging about material acquisitions or pop culture that is interesting to men is Serious Blogging About Serious Issues. Blogging about material acquisitions or pop culture that is interesting to women is the reason no one takes you seriously.
6. Go farther in your far-right rhetoric than men. You must be twice as fascist to be considered half as good.
7. Dogs are better than cats, for some reason.
8. Bleep out your cuss words, because adding asterisks robs them of their power and shows that you’re a Good Girl. No one wants to marry a f**king pottymouth.
I hope this helps! *giggles and flutters eyelashes demurely*
Thanks for the fucking link! I just spontaneously menstruated again!
“There’s a certain class of women, who if they’re regular enough in differentiating themselves from both trivial, vacuous femininity (while still maintaining the trappings thereof, and being conventionally attractive, of course) and vocal and “unladylike” feminism, gain the temporary approval of professional misogynists.”
Oh, I KNOW this woman way, way, way, way too well. My second ex’s sister was just such a broad. This inspires me!
Of all the things I could imagine saying to myself in the darkest night to comfort and reassure myself that I’m not alone, “Vox gets me” is not on that list. That poor woman.
So if I was a real hard-ass feminist, I’d blog about my periods a lot? Oooookay. Umm, more into the hot flashes thing, really.
As for being “conventionally attractive,” it’s a lookist world. It’s how humans are wired. Buy some soap and give it a try! You’d be amazed how well a clean face, brushed hair and sweet breath stand in for attractiveness. Gu knows I’d be nowhere if that didn’t work.
Rachel Lucas is funny. Her politics? Sweet screaming jeebus on a hotplate, do you want to live in a world where everyone’s in mental lockstep with you?
What is it with the Left that they wanna colonize everyone’s mind? Makes me happy I’m an anarchist. And a misanthrope.
Makes me happy I’m [...] a misanthrope.
Thanks for the advice on how to win friends and influence people then.
PhysioProf, watch your fucking mouth on this fucking PunkAssBlog. Or no one will marry you.
Hee hee hee. Hee hee. Hee.
Wait- no one wants to marry pottymouths?
Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, that’s just fucking ri-goddamn-diculous. What the fuck am I gonna do now?
Fuck. Shit. Rove.
Karley: “Thanks for the advice on how to win friends and influence people, then.”
Me: You’re so welcome! ‘Cuz you know being nice and having lots of other gurrls in your clique is what us girls are all about. That an’ pink lacy stuff. An’ stuffed plushy toy animals. And blacksmithing.
…Great Death of the Rats. (Anybody can type “fuck.”) This here’s the Internet (strictly speaking, it’s the Web, but the kids these days…) and one of the best damned things about it is the wide and wonderful range of ways people have of being completely, individually, goofily way the everlovin’ Valeffinghalla out there. When bloggers of one stripe get all bent’n'twisted over checkered or polkadotted bloggers because they’re so- so- so not striped, what they are doin’ is, they’re hatin’ on diversity. You remember diversity? Good thing. (Shux, I thought even the West’s Left thunk that. No?) It means that in any situation — even one as trivial as blogging — we can count on a wide range of approaches, many of which will turn out to work quite well; and we can count on some folks who will stick with the one that don’t work worth a hoot, too. They serve as Instructive Examples.
You live in a big and very assorted world, right along with bloggers who have Technorati ratings in the 500s and little below-the-radar noisies like me. Very few of them agree with one another. Get used to it.
Roberta, I was going to leave a comment on your comment, but then I realized I could not figure out what your point was starting with “Great Death of the Rats.” You seem to be saying something like “yay free speech!” which is great, but I’m not sure what it has to do with the post or with what anybody else said in comments. Can you clarify?
‘Twas a comment on the silliness of getting all cranked up over Rachel Lucas. Whatever happened to the wondrous lovingkindness and acceptance of the differences of others I keep hearin’ about?
Plus, Wachel pulls in the traffic. This makes dissin’ on her sound a bit, well, jealous. Tsk. Are those sour grapes politically incorrect?
I see…you’re mocking others for getting worked up about something ideological that they perceive will have negative concrete effects on their own lives in particular and the lives of humanity in general…apparently that’s something only you’re allowed to do and be taken seriously.
Nice.
LOL, I sincerely doubt that anybody on here is jealous of Rachel Lucas. (I for one had never even heard of her before this blog post.)
‘Twas a comment on the silliness of getting all cranked up over Rachel Lucas. Whatever happened to the wondrous lovingkindness and acceptance of the differences of others I keep hearin’ about?
“Why won’t you liberals tolerate our intolerance?”
When have I been intolerant, Karley? When has Rachel suggested round-ups and deportations, or J. Edgar Hoover-style surveillance of dissidents? And what power has she to make any of those things happen?
–Seriously, are you unable to see the inherent contradiction of your position?
Lisa: “Mocking?” Nope. I am stunned to read that you think one somewhat silly blogger whose politics you object to “will have negative concrete effects on [your] own [life]…and the the lives of humanity in general.” Holy crap, she’s starvin’ babies with her own bare hands? C’mon, how’s some blog making your life more awful, let alone the lives of all humanity?
I’m pretty sure Wachel doesn’t have The Bomb. She does have a dog dressed as a bee, but that’s never been banned by The Hague Accord or the Geneva Convention.
It just seems so petty.
It’s been fun but I should let you guys get back to the echo chamber — and me to mine. Enjoy!
It’s funny that you think conservatives are only intolerant when they resort to deportations and “baby starvin’”, while liberals get branded as such when they commit that most heinous of crimes against humanity- criticizing a blogger’s ideology.
“HELP HELP I’M BEING OPPRESSED”
I never heard of Rachel Lucas before she was referred to in the discussion at Feministe about how nobody would marry me because I am a “pottymouth”.
Good lord, Roberta, if there’s anyone who needs to rethink their “side’s” tendency to colonize minds, it’s fucking anarchists.
I never heard of PhysioProf before this, but with languange like that, no one’s going to want to fuck his punk ass.
“it’s the duty of women to serve and defer to men.” I glad that you’re finally getting it. Now get me a beer.
And when are you going to post about your guns?
1. Be conventionally attractive. Post occasionally about the supposed ugliness of feminist bloggers in comparison to anti-feminist bloggers, using the same one or two pictures of yourself for comparison.
Or you could just post about whatever takes your fancy and not let sexist stereotyping enter the equation.
2. At the same time, mock teh femme. Complain about women who are too interested in stereotypically female concerns—menstruation, bras, motherhood, and so on. While it’s the duty of women to serve and defer to men, you get a pass to be as brash and outspoken as you want, as long as you direct your vitriol towards other women.
From the start of the second sentence to the comma, correct. Everything else. Crap.
3. Link to and quote from well-known male conservative bloggers. Act as though you know them personally, even if you don’t.
Instead of well known ‘conservative’ bloggers, put pictures of ‘The One’ on your site, insinuating infatuation with a political figurehead that means nothing in the larger scheme of things.
4. Post about your guns. If you don’t currently own guns, get some.
Agreed. If you hate guns, insert a phallic replacement. Literally.
5. Blogging about material acquisitions or pop culture that is interesting to men is Serious Blogging About Serious Issues. Blogging about material acquisitions or pop culture that is interesting to women is the reason no one takes you seriously.
Blogging about Non-Serious Issues in a Serious Manner is the reason why no-one takes you seriously. That, and your an asshat.
6. Go farther in your far-right rhetoric than men. You must be twice as fascist to be considered half as good.
Two legs=Good. Four Legs=Bad. Fascism=Belongs to the left. Twice as fascist=Nazi. Godwin says “hi!’.
7. Dogs are better than cats, for some reason.
Because they can open beer cans with their teeth and lick their own balls. Beats licking your own pussy. Tastes like sardines, I reckon.
8. Bleep out your cuss words, because adding asterisks robs them of their power and shows that you’re a Good Girl. No one wants to marry a f**king pottymouth.
No one wants to marry a fucking half-witted, vacuous, tunnel-gutted dickbrained slag. Allegedly.
Why hello there, Jonah Goldberg.
I’d like everyone to observe the gendering of animals here. There are female dogs and male cats, but they don’t enter into the illustrious Mr. Paratestickles’ worldview. Remember when you were two and thought that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls? Our friend never left this phase.
There are a million other things wrong with this comment, but these were the most hilarious.
(sigh) unoriginal, pseudo-illiterate, one-dimensional…but I keep having this feeling that if I can figure them out I’ll also finally comprehend the motives behind and the attraction of such things as “reality TV,” “war” and “Miley Cyrus.”
Remember when you were two and thought that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls?
That wasn’t just me?!
No, human, I thought that too. Also that Coke was Canadian and Pepsi was American. Because of the colours. Children’s minds are odd places.
No one wants to marry a fucking half-witted, vacuous, tunnel-gutted dickbrained slag. Allegedly.
Really? Because I have anecdotal evidence to the contrary. We’re actually in pretty decent demand.
I have to admit, while I consider myself somewhat of an aficionado of colorful language, “tunnel-gutted” is a new one for my armamentarium. Thanks!
You mean you have the faintest fucking clue what it’s supposed to mean?
Great Death of the Rats, what a tunnel-gutted sorry lot you pottymouth feminist types are.
Jaysus bleeding tits on a libertarian-lovin’ lady of negotiable reputation! Of fucking course I want people to think like I do, RobertaX! I’m godsbefeathered right, and if everyone thought the way I do, the world would be a much more sensible place!
There’s not a ruttin’ thing wrong with wishing more people would think the way you do. There’s a great deal ruttin’ wrong with curtailing or abrogating their rights or abilities to either think or express their thoughts. Calling out people’s stupidity on the internet does not constitute an abrogation of their ability to express whatever idiocy they espouse.
Vomit! Ordure! Afterbirth!
(See, I can be filthy too!)
Wait- according to my sources, “tunnel-gutted” means “to be a promiscuous female.”
So yeah, where did I get the impression that these folks were sexist and intolerant? :eyeroll:
Oh. Then it’s not going into my armamentarium. Darn. It sounds so innocently colorful.
Instead of well known ‘conservative’ bloggers, put pictures of ‘The One’ on your site, insinuating infatuation with a political figurehead that means nothing in the larger scheme of things.
Who is “The One”? Is it Keanu Reeves, or did I miss another sequel?
Before I found out that tunnel-gutted actually had a meaning, I had a ball last night coming up with insults and interjectives as used by the Non-Pottymouthed(tm) in this thread. It’s like Mad Libs, blended with college freshman-esque thesaurus abuse, and with just a pinch of death metal song titles to taste.
“I can imagine why no one would want to befriend a phantom fishmonger such as yourself! Marrow from my bones!”
The “misogynist blogosphere”? Lolz.. You do realise the reason less and less people take you lot’s corruption of feminism seriously is because all that’s really left of the movement is a bunch of cranky skanks claiming the reason nobody likes you is because you’re victims of society — rather than that you’re simply unpleasant and abrasive? It’s not society’s perogative to adjust its conciousness to think of you cussing or being ugly as a courageous stand against male hegemony, and something that should be celebrated as such. It’s your perogative to understand that people don’t generally like other people who are like that, and most people couldn’t care less about some imaginary male hegemonic oppression that’s preventing people from enjoying the wonder of your blog. To most people it just looks like no-one reads your blog or takes you seriously because you’ve got nothing better to talk about than how society is victimising you — guess what, other women who blog get more hits than you because what they write is “interesting,” not because they conform to outmoded and oppressive gender stereotypes and therefore teh magic intarweb misogyny filter sends more people to their site..
Yes, mandible claw, by gum you’ve found us out! We’re ugly and rude and we swear like fucking sailors, and we’re also fucking old. But we still get laid more than you do, despite our hideous appearances and wretched personalities, and so thus, we’re skanks. No one pays attention to us, and yet there is a torrent of people reading this blog just so that they can clutch their pearls and tell us what rotten meanies we are.
Makes total sense.
“No one pays attention to us, and yet there is a torrent of people reading this blog just so that they can clutch their pearls and tell us what rotten meanies we are.”
Wow, Sabotabby, you could actually read that block of crap? I’m impressed. I got as far as ‘Lolz’ and then it just started to read like “blah blah small penis. blah bark bark my wang. blah blah golf.” But that must be because I am just a lady. With a simple lady mind.
Also, nice blog, punkass… I shall be returning here!
*snrk*
I love trolls… they all seem to have graduated Asshat University with a BS in Missing The Point. Nice takedown, Sabotabby.
Semi-serious question from the one person on the web who doesn’t own a cat:
Don’t cats do this too?
“blah blah small penis. blah bark bark my wang. blah blah golf.”
laughing my ass off.
My cat doesn’t have balls, but he licks where they would be, theoretically, if he had them.
Cats especially like to play the cello when you have guests over, during awkward lulls in conversation.