Comments on: The Continuing Saga of Last Names

By: casey

casey — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 22:48:26 +0000

my parents kept their names also. ppl seem to ignore that all the time though and so it’s almost like my mom has TWO names. some stuff says my dad’s last name, and some hers, but legally, she kept her name. my dad hasn’t had anyone assuming he took her name. when i was trying to get a driver’s license, they didn’t believe my mom was really my mother and wanted my mom’s wedding certificate to prove she was my mother!

i had to come back w/ my dad to get it.

another funny thing is when i call my bank, they always ask me, “what’s ur mother’s maiden name?” as a security question, which seems silly. i mean, her maiden name is her CURRENT name. i tried to tell them that once, and they didn’t seem to understand…

related to names, but not last names, my first name (casey) can be used for both genders. i don’t sound like a guy. still, ppl on the phone all the time call me SIR or mr. mylastname. even after i CORRECT them, they go on calling me sir. wtf? and mail is always in my dad’s name even though i haven’t lived with him for 10 years. (dear mr. mylastname)

By: Maggie

Maggie — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 00:25:24 +0000

I’ve been married for years and years without having changed my name — and I gotta admit that I have never had any kind of bureaucratic hassle or social disapproval (other than one-time harsh words from a very elderly aunt).

I do find it vaguely irritating when social acquaintainces address mail to us as Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Name, or when telemarketers address me as Mrs. Husband’s Name. But at least with the telemarketers, I have the satisfaction of politely correcting them on the spot.

By: Thene

Thene — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 21:50:07 +0000

Gumbyanne - snap, except that it’s me who’s immigrating, not my husband. And guess what, because the immigration process is dragging, my first attempt to get my name changed failed, and I now can’t do it for another few months or so. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. :/ Husband keeps asking me if I just want to forget about it and keep my own, but I really don’t.

By: delagar

delagar — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:41:28 +0000

When I didn’t take my husband’s name — which he had no problem with, btw — my father-in-law also had no problem with it. He called me dr. delagar from the get go (he was Jewish, of course, so the whole dr. thing was a big plus for him). But *my* side of the family, ai, I’ve never stopped getting shit from them. Which, you can bet, if I *had* taken his name, I’d be getting shit too — ooo, I thought you were such a feminist, why’d you take his name

By: Antigone

Antigone — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 01:36:23 +0000

Yep, women’s choices are always wrong, and a hassle, no matter what they are :).

By: GumbyAnne

GumbyAnne — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:18:49 +0000

I just got married and did change my name, now I am trying to deal with it all while also handling immigration stuff for my husband and I feel like I have a billion errands and calls trying to get it all worked out. I am actually kinda comforted that not changing your name also comes with its own pains in the ass. Gives me less stress over whether I made the right choice.

By: Antigone

Antigone — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:05:10 +0000

Yeah, trying to keep up with that whole illusion of anonomousness :). And it’s “Ms.”- for some reason “Mrs.” doesn’t sit right with me.

By: Christine

Christine — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 05:44:27 +0000

Fav part of your whole story: Mrs. Antigone Myname and Mr. Hubby Hisname.

Whoa-man June, that is a confusing web of family and names.

By: june

june — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:20:36 +0000

I have no desire to get married, and since I don’t date, likely never will. I aspire to spinsterhood. But should the unthinkable happen, I probably would take his name, unless it were horrible. Not because of TEH PATRIARCHY, but just because I’ve never felt very attached to my last name. I was much closer, growing up, to my step-father than to my biological father. (And still would be, but bio dad died 10 years ago, so it’s moot.) And no one’s ever pronounced my name correctly in 33 years.

A couple times a year I think of changing it to my mother’s or grandmother’s maiden name, or to “Fitzgerald”, which was my maternal grandfather’s father’s last name (but not my grandfather’s, because his parents were actually never married and he carried his step-father’s last name–southern families are confusing). But I’m lazy.

By: Antigone

Antigone — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:45:25 +0000

True enough- and it becomes his problem because he actually cares about me, and how stressed this gets. To his credit, he never suggests, insinuates, or acts like I’m being unreasonable for keeping my own name.