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The worst person on the planet

We have a contender.

Meet Dmitri. He’s a pick-up artist, which in itself gives him about 50 million douchebag points. He met a woman named Olga, who talked to him for a few minutes, gave him her card, and said, “Call me.”

So he did. She wasn’t home, and he left the second-douchiest phone message in history. Olga seems to be a sensible woman who, in realizing her mistake, did the sensible thing and just didn’t call him back. So a few days later, he fired back with the douchiest phone message in history.

Have a listen. He’s from Toronto, and the comments from the good folks at the Toronto Women’s Bookstore in that article are just wonderful.

Hat tip: Rantipole6

22 Responses to “The worst person on the planet”

  1. Kyso Kisaen says:

    Bwaaa-haaaa ha ha ha! Oh, my God! This is awesome!

  2. Alex says:

    Seems from the comments at Holy Taco that this guy is fairly well known…

    http://www.dimitrithelover.com/

  3. Kyso Kisaen says:

    I can’t believe he actually calls a book “Mien Kock.” I can’t even fathom the number of levels of bad taste that encompasses.

  4. Thene says:

    Wow. Go PUA community – it’s like watching an unfixed dog urinate against every lamppost it walks past. The remedy may be the same in both cases :)

  5. anon says:

    Sure. Wonderful. If you can hear. I don’t see anywhere where anyone kindly provided a transcript so that leaves a whole bunch of us out of the joke.

  6. Sabotabby says:

    Anon: Good point. Mockery of misogynistic douchebags, like all things, should be accessible. Part of the hilarity is in his tone of voice, which I can’t convey in a transcript—basically, the whole way through he talks as though he’s trying to sound reasonable and doesn’t realize how douchey he sounds.

    Here you go:

    Message 1

    Yeah hi there Olga it’s Dimitri. Sorry I had to leave such a rushed message with you when we, uh, met the other day, I just wanted to quickly give you my phone number and I had to get the heck out of the area. In any event, I thought I better leave you a more detailed message and explain why I approached you. IIIIIIII am single. I have no trouble meeting women. I mean, women approach me six, seven times a day. But I’m very particular about what I like. You’re extremely elegant. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you and your friends were very jealous. Even if they say they weren’t, they were envious of the fact that I approached you and I was very taken by you.

    Elegant women are very rare. I’m Greek and I’m very particular about what I like. So I’m giving you an opportunity here. I don’t know if you pick up the messages on the weekend but I’m working on a movie script so I’m pretty much around all weekend doing that. I left you my number. [Reads phone number but volume is turned down on site.] This looks like a landline and if it is, you may not get the message til Monday but when you do call me and then we’ll get together for coffee and chat and let the romance begin.

    You looked very taken aback by my approach and I hope that isn’t timidness I hope it was just a little bit of, uh, shock at being approached so, um, ah, directly. Because I don’t really date timid women. Because I’m a very direct, very passionate, very assertive man and I want a woman who’s very independent and strong. So, ah, anyway, we’ll talk about that, but I just wanted to formally introduce myself. Now I have. I leave the ball in your court. You call me as soon as you, ah, have the courage to. Okay, Olga? Talk to you soon. Bye.

    [Continued in the next comment]

  7. Sabotabby says:

    And the second one:

    Message 2

    Hi there Olga. It’s Dimitri calling again, the guy from the street. I left you a message several days ago, you said you were interested. Now here’s the way I work. I don’t like leaving second messages but I like you, you’re a very elegant woman, you’re very attractive but, you know, I don’t play that game. I know your friends tell you not to return calls, you’re playing games like you see on stupid TV shows.

    Here’s how it’s gonna work. It is now 4:30 on Wednesday. Now I’ll asssssume, I’ll assume that you’ve already left work, because, you know, some people leave early and I’ll grant you that. But if I do not receive a phone call back from you by 3:00 Thursday afternoon, I’m no longer interested and you can erase my number. I don’t play games like that. I’m completely single, I’m very intelligent, I’m great in bed, I make great money believe it or not, I’m a complete caaatch. I’ve only been single four months, I had a long-distance relationship, you know, it went a year, it’s very tough to maintain it like that and it didn’t work out.

    There’s nothing wrong with me. As a matter of fact, I’m one of the few men in this city who has nothing wrong with him.

    So I’m giving you that 3:00 deadline. If I don’t hear from you, you lose my number. I’m erasing yours right now. So you won’t be hearing back from me. So that’s it. 3:00 tomorrow or you can just completely forget it.

    Now, I understand if you’ve got other issues. Maybe you’re not playing games, maybe you had, I dunno, maybe you were abused in childhood, maybe your mother has cancer you’re going to chemo, maybe you’re just a person who’s extremely frightened or has an anxiety disorder. Maybe you’re on some medication for that, I don’t know. There could be another issue that I’m not aware of. But NOBODY says “call me,” hands a person a business card, and then doesn’t return calls. It’s extremely passive-aggressive. You should actually look that up: passive-aggressive personality disorder.

    And you let me know. If you’ve got issues, psychological issues, if you’re on any sort of medication for anxiety or depression, I’m not interested. Okay? But if you’re psycholooogically normal, and you haven’t called me because there’s been some horrible thing that’s happened in your life which prevented you, that’s fine. But otherwise, don’t call me.

    Okay? Bye.

    At this point, presumably, Olga is laughing as hard as she posts it to the internet and then calls the police for a restraining order.

  8. junk science says:

    I’m very intelligent, I’m great in bed, I make great money believe it or not, I’m a complete caaatch. I’ve only been single four months, I had a long-distance relationship, you know, it went a year, it’s very tough to maintain it like that and it didn’t work out.

    There’s nothing wrong with me.

    This is great. I especially like how he accounts for the time he’s been single, like he’s at a job interview explaining a work gap on his resume.

  9. Lisa Kansas says:

    Believe it or not, this is not as unusual a scenario as one might fervently hope. I’ve encountered at least two (that spring immediately to mind) of this guy’s clones.

  10. Sabotabby says:

    Lisa, this is not unlike a phone message that I received some time ago, though granted, that was more disturbing than hilarious.

  11. Andrew says:

    Oh, him! They played this on BBC Radio One the other week; he really is internationally infamous.

  12. june says:

    Especially funny to me is that fact that “Dmitri” (really James Sears) is a lifelong resident of Toronto, yet he’s clearly trying to carry off some Eurotrash “The Continental” persona here.

  13. Sabotabby says:

    James Sears—this is not a Greek name.

  14. that one guy from the one place says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_N._Sears

    Superdouche! I’ve heard this thing before, and always presumed it was an act, faked up for the internet and stuff. This is…You know, I’m no idealist. I hate people. They’re just bad. They do all sorts of bad stuff, like war and racism and robbery. The vast majority of bad things in this world were caused by human beings. Honestly, though, I had a hard time believing somebody that self-absorbed and stupid could even exist.

    However, I’ve never been to LA.

  15. RKMK says:

    Seriously, this sounds like the guy who approached me at South Side Louie’s on College a few weeks ago. *shudder*

  16. Lu says:

    There’s nothing wrong me honest…I just murder people at the weekends whilst listening to a bit of Beethoven…you know, cos I’m such an elegant guy myself.

    I didn’t think losers like this existed…but keep it up, it makes the rest of the world completely piss themselves! Hahahaha.

  17. Karley says:

    That Holy Taco comment thread is full of way too many too many Nice Guys, MRAs and other sordid types. Even the ones who agree on the guy’s douchiness are all like “I’d beat that queer-ass faggot up if I ever came across him!!11! LOL what a tiny dicked queer!”

  18. junk science says:

    Even the ones who agree on the guy’s douchiness are all like “I’d beat that queer-ass faggot up if I ever came across him!!11! LOL what a tiny dicked queer!”

    Yeah, I noticed that too. I wonder what it is about the guy they object to, since they obviously have no problem with misogyny and general assholery. Maybe it’s gay to use big words like “anxiety” and “passive-aggressive.”

  19. Erin says:

    Or maybe it’s gay to try to fake being European, and use words like “elegant”.

  20. keshmeshi says:

    I can’t stand his whining over losing his medical license. Even if what he did doesn’t qualify as sexual harassment, there are ethical and legal restrictions against doctors fucking patients. Had any one of those women taken him up on his offer, he would have still lost his license, could have been sued, and could have wound up in jail.

    Idiot.

  21. V says:

    How generous of him to give her 24 hours to call him back “or else!”…my my my…She should be kissing this man’s feet with gratitude for his magnanimous offer…Of all those (alleged) women who he just has to beat back with a stick, he chose her…She should feel privileged…

    Jeeeeezus H Khrist the pretentiousness of that idiot is astounding. What a piece of work.

    (and knowing tone and inflection doesn’t com across in text…that whole first paragraph was complete and utter sarcasm :) the man is a douche, pure and simple.

  22. Pickup Lines says:

    OK, let’s just cut to the chase — this guys is an idiot and gives true Pick Up Artists a bad name. There are so many things he does wrong here. I think the most obvious one is he doesn’t shut the He!! up. I mean he blathers on and on and comes off as a complete Jackhole. He isn’t a pickup artist, he’s a fool.

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