Greetings, Earth Mortals
Published by Quin June 12th, 2008 in Punkass!, Al Gore Cares About You, Circle Jerking
(I’d forgotten that I’d met Sabotabby before.)
And also, if we’re all going to die someday anyway, does it really matter if we each die one at a time or together all at once?
Oh, that’s right, I haven’t introduced myself yet. Guess I better do that before getting all of you to join me in a group suicide pact. My name’s Quin. I’m the dude on the right in the pictures just above.
I’ve pestered this site with a few too many comments over the past weeks, so I guess any regular readers here already know me and are probably sick of me already. Well, too bad for you! Cuz I’ve been one of Marc’s hanger-on buddies for a little while now, and so when I asked him if I could start posting on his blog, he felt like he had to say yes. I mean, first he said no. But then I reminded him I still have the negatives of his Playgirl photo test.
First thing you should know about is that I’m not actually very knowledgeable about anything at all. I mean, if I wrote about jazz piano or acting, I might have some small claim to expertise. But how much do the people who hang out here actually want to hear about those things? No, I’m an ignoramus, actually. But that’s why I want to write on this here blog.
See, I have this idea that I’m not the only ignoramus out here.
Quick, pop quiz: what’s the population of the planet Earth? No cheating– say an answer to yourself…
…now!
THEN click on the answer here.
How close were you? If you were off by a billion people or more, well, congratulations, so was I. And then sit and let that sink in for a minute. That’s a billion fucking people you’re confused about. I mean, a few hundred million, sure– but a billion??? (If you got it right, well, good for you. I give you permission to permanently skip every one of my posts whenever you see one forever and ever.)
Really, I think I only have the same general knowledge as a somewhat bright eighth grader. And actually, I’m probably flattering myself there too much. Sixth grader? Would you believe fourth?
So, my idea in coming here is NOT to bloviate on and on about stuff I don’t now about; but rather to engage in an act of public auto-didacticism. (I sure hope that’s as kinky as it sounds.) I’ll stop by in order share the stuff “everybody knows” but which is news to me. Maybe it’ll be news to a few of you out there too.
To the rest of you smart folks, please be patient with me and my mental midgetry. And feel free to teach me stuff– I have lots to learn.
I should also warn you that the comic above is not far off– I DO have rather grim expectations for the human race’s near future. If you can show me why I’m wrong, by all means, have at it. There’s nothing I’d rather be wrong about, after all! (As I’ve said already, I’m a know-nothing ignoramus, so the good news is that actually, I’m PROBABLY wrong.)
And now, for my next trick… Two posts for the price of one! Here’s a taste of the kind of patronizing-yet-earnest writing I intend to be bringing here in the future, from a recent comment thread at one of my favorite sites. I was writing about charcoal, for some silly reason (something to do with Al Gore or something).
Well, I suddenly realized that I wasn’t making any sense of any of the stuff I was trying to read about biochar. Like, I didn’t even know what a kiln was. God I feel stupid sometimes. Anyway, I decided to make this handy-dandy vocab chart for anybody who, like me, is mentally stuck at an eighth grade level.
CARBON = the stuff that there’s too much of in our atmosphere. It’s bad bad bad and could KILL US ALL
CHARCOAL = carbon-rich fuel used for burning stuff, made by heating biological matter (that is, from animals or vegetables) in the absence of oxygen. It can also be used as fertilizer
KILN = a special insulated oven provides the right conditions for producing charcoal
PYROLYSIS = the name for the process where you turn things into charcoal in a kiln
BIOMASS = living and recently dead biological material that can be used as fuel
AGRICHAR = charcoal made specifically with biomass. Apparently agrichar may be even more effective as fertilizer than regular charcoal, perhaps due to its recently-deceased status
BIOCHAR = same as “agrichar”
CARBON NEGATIVE = any process that removes carbon, in any form, from the atmosphere, hydrosphere and biosphere in such a way that it cannot return
THE AGRICHAR PROCESS = is, as a whole, considered carbon negative because after you make charcoal, you can bury it to increase soil fertility. And since it’s so carbon-rich, this takes it CO2 out of the atmosphere! Yay!
So… If I’m reading things correctly, Agrichar is NOT going to help with global warming if it’s used as fuel in people’s homes. Unless I just have totally no grasp of chemistry (which, um, let’s face it actually, I don’t, since I didn’t even know what a kiln was), I’m pretty sure that burning the agrichar would just release the carbon right back into the atmosphere. In which case we ALL STILL FRY.
However, it’s still great to use it as fertilizer, which can only help as other fuel sources get more expensive. Plus the carbon locked inside is thenceforth safely removed from the atmosphere, thus allowing kittens to safely frolic in the fields.
The Truthout article seems to talk about using Agrichar as both fuel AND as fertilizer. I guess the idea is that by replacing current charcoal kilns with more efficient Agrichar kilns, less carbon will be polluted out in the process– also a net win.
Can somebody with a bit more knowledge on this stuff look over what I’ve written and tell me that I’ve understood this all correctly?
Well, how about it? Any of you science-type ladies who regularly risk their lives standing too close to giant centrifuges and so forth have any insight?
No. No insight. Drunk . But hurrah Quin, you’ve beein one of my favourite commenters and I want to read your posts. Yay.
Oh, and by the way– not that I think dozens of commenters will suddenly throng here right now– but I should mention that unless you live in Asia like I do, you’re in a WAY different time zone than me. So I may often take a while to respond to comments. Sorry about that.
Speaking of which, I really should have gone to bed five hours ago. Good night!
Hooray! Not only my first commenter, but my first drunken commenter! Thanks, MissPrism!
Okay, now I’m really going to bed. I mean it this time.
I guessed 6.5 billion. Owned, losers!
Oh good, cuz I know you like to type.
Shush, didn’t you know that overpopulation is a verboten topic?
The irony here is that people get defensive about having kids, when maybe they should think a little harder about defending the world for said kids.
(If you got it right, well, good for you. I give you permission to permanently skip every one of my posts whenever you see one forever and ever.)
Really? BYE.
Before I go - at least agrichar is carbon-neutral, which is a huge step up from where we are now. Though it fails at being carbon neutral if the process by which you create it and then set it to work in people’s homes creates CO2. Stupid CO2.
Welcome, Quin! Since I made that comic, I’m afraid that my doomsday clock has moved a little closer to midnight.
Crap! Well then, goodbye MH and Thene!
Hey Thene, if you do happen to pop your head back in here again, can you tell me if using biochar/agrichar as fuel is any more carbon neutral than using regular charcoal? I’ve been trying to wrap my head around why it’s being seen as this great thing compared to charcoal. Or is it simply that the process for making biochar requires newer, less-CO2-polluting kilns, which means that by updating regular charcoal kilns into biochar kilns on a large scale, humanity would be polluting less?
Lisa: yes, Iv’e always been prioud of my typhng skilsl.
Amanda: Word. But you know, if the end is coming, maybe everyone should have lots more babies. Misery loves company. Go Quiverfulls!
Sabotabby: If that’s all there is, then let’s keep dancing.
But — but — but there’s plenty of room on the planet! God says so!
(This is what my Fundie students tell me. It’s in the Bible. Somewhere. They’re not sure where, since they haven’t read it, but they know it’s there.)
Phew, that’s a relief to know. Why doesn’t God ever tell ME these things? Always hearing about it through a third party. I’m starting to think she doesn’t trust me anymore.
Regarding agrichar and carbon-negativity: Yes, burning the charcoal would be carbon-neutral. (Carbon comes out of the atmosphere into biomass, then is turned into charcoal, then into free CO2 again. No win there.)
However, the big advantage of agrichar is that the pyrolysis process produces a bunch of short-chain hydrocarbon gases which can be used like natural gas. This is IN ADDITION to the charcoal. So you burn the gas (sending it back into the atmosphere) and then bury the charcoal and end up with less carbon in the air than you started with.
Ah! Thanks for that, octopod! That was the missing link in my understanding. And now that article I linked above suddenly makes a lot more sense.
NOW I get it. I didn’t really comprehend that part until you brought it together for me.