I Want Me Some “Marriage Strikers(tm)!”
Published by Lisa Kansas June 6th, 2008 in Wedding-big mistake or bad idea?, Mutterings Of The Disturbed, Looks like someone needs an intervention, Culture, RelationshipsDisclaimer: I am so not commenting on Glenn Sacks’ response to Antigone’s blog post. I have decided that to do so would be thievery, dammit, thievery! so I am simply going to confine myself to the basic concept discussed by both.
God, save me from myself! At the tender age of thirty-five, I’ve already been divorced not once, but TWICE. But if I’da known me some Marriage Strikers(tm)! perhaps I wouldn’t have such an embarrassing history to confess to, eh?
Well, maybe not. It depends on what, exactly, we all mean by “Marriage Strike.”
So, what the heck are Marriage Strikers(tm)! exactly?
When in doubt, go to the expert, I always say! So I nipped over to Mr. Sacks’ original article, which opens with the following statement: “In my co-authored column Have Anti-Father Family Court Policies Led to a Men’s Marriage Strike? (Philadelphia Inquirer, (7/5/02) six years ago I postulated that men were on a “Marriage Strike” because of the way they get manhandled in divorce.” Hey, you can’t beat that for a resume of expertise on the topic. Unfortunately, he doesn’t really define what a Marriage Striker(tm)! actually is in that article. Happily, I found the Search Blog function only a few clicks away. I typed in “Marriage Strike,” slapped the enter key, and eagerly awaited…all of three results, none of which had very relevant-looking titles.
I hate giving up, so I went further down the page and saw that he has conveniently sorted his articles by category. There is no Marriage Strike category, but there is a Marriage category! So into that I go…oh, wow. Lots of articles, but again none of the titles look super-relevant other than the one he mentions having written in 2002 and that one still doesn’t really define the term…and nowhere does it say how many articles came back on search, just that there is more than just this one page of ‘em. Hmm.
I hate giving up. So I am going to turn to my old friend Google and try “marriage strike definition glenn sacks.” Go!
Bingo!
I love Wikipedia. (Note: this particular Wiki article has been tagged for issues like “factuality” and “neutrality” since 2006. Cut me some slack, though, it’s all I have to work with right now.)
Here we go: “A ‘marriage strike’ is the social phenomenon of men seeking to avoid marriage. The ‘marriage strike’ specifically refers to the action of men living within the Western world. Advocates of the marriage strike believe that after a considered cost-benefit analysis, the legal contract that is modern marriage no longer represents an attractive option for men living in the West’s changed legal, economic, sociological, cultural and demographic environment.”
Well, hell. A marriage strike absolutely is not what it sounded like to me. See, I was thinking a “strike” like a JOB strike, where you actually (a) have a specific job already that (b) your employers would like you to keep doing so you (c) refuse to come into work til they fix what’s upsetting you about said job.
Apparently, Marriage Strikers(tm)! don’t actually HAVE a specific job woman who has expressed a desire to marry a specific individual Striker(tm)! So basically what this situation is, isn’t standing outside your job with a big picket sign with your demands on it. It’s being unemployed and standing outside someplace that has jobs, period, none of which are yours, with a big picket sign with your demands on it.
One reason this may lack effectiveness as a way to get what you want immediately rears its ugly head, huh? As in, you’re picketing people that don’t give a crap about you for whom you do nothing and have nothing to offer…wait! Let’s modify the comparison: you are a highly qualified person for a job entry you know is vacant, standing outside the place that has that job, with your big picket sign with your demands on it. I think that’s probably more what the Marriage Strikers(tm)! have in mind…
…still doesn’t really work, though, does it? Since the job probably has a structured application process that includes job ads, resume reviews and invitations to interviews and probably never includes any interest whatsoever in the crazy dude standing out on the sidewalk with his sign reading “WILL ONLY WORK FOR YOUR COMPANY IF YOU PROMISE TO NEVER FIRE ME WITHOUT MY CONSENT, OFFER ME A FULL BENEFITS PACKAGE FREE OF CHARGE AND GIVE ME EQUAL LEGAL RIGHTS OVER ALL PROJECTS I AM INVOLVED IN REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH OR LITTLE WORK I DID ON THEM!” Frankly, even if he was the only applicant for the job, I suspect it’d continue on empty…and very, very few jobs have only one applicant.
The biggest mystery about all this is how the Marriage Strikers(tm)! appear to think this is going to impact feminists specifically. Going this route with feminists is exactly like doing all the above, except you’ve added the phrase “ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ART TEACHER” to your picket sign and the building you’re standing outside houses an auto mechanics shop. I’m sure you can imagine the uncontrollable laughter that would ensue behind the walls at this scenario.
I really think that if anybody is REALLY a Marriage Striker(tm)! it’s probably more me. Since the age of sixteen, every romantic relationship I have been in that has lasted at least six months has ended in a marriage proposal being fired off squarely at my noggin. It’s amazing I haven’t been married even more times. I could get married again next WEEK if I wanted to! Admire the fortitude it has taken to fend off at least MOST of these determined suitors. Seriously, where have these Marriage Strikers(tm)! been all MY life?
Something about throwing you into a brier patch?
The biggest mystery about all this is how the Marriage Strikers(tm)! appear to think this is going to impact feminists specifically. Going this route with feminists is exactly like doing all the above, except you’ve added the phrase “ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ART TEACHER” to your picket sign and the building you’re standing outside houses an auto mechanics shop. I’m sure you can imagine the uncontrollable laughter that would ensue behind the walls at this scenario.
I see your point but for a lot of us it’s not about makeing any other statement then we don’t want to be ruled by feminism. We know what the result of a divorce is going to be for us and we don’t want to put ourselves in that position anymore and the “strike” is that we may one day return to marriage if things change so I guess a better term would be a “Marriage boycott” instead of a strike. As to say we don’t want anything to do with the product untill it is fixed. As it stands now divorce is very socially acceptable and very profitable for women so there are no real good reasons to stick it out through rough patches in a marriage for women and men are left to support them after the divorce. Why any man wants to do that any more is beyond me.
“Reality” - I don’t want to be ruled by misogyny. Your point?
Lisa - I think (like most of us, surely) that there are a shittonne of criticisms to be made regarding marriage, both socially and legally. I’m just surprised by how the supposed ‘marriage strike’ is framed. Tons of people are refusing to marry for non-misogynist reasons, and yet the ‘marriage strikers’, insofar as they’re not a complete invension, get positioned somewhere different, way to the right of that.
Wow, first I learned that guys are now thought to be the sexual gatekeepers, instead of men, and now I learn that divorce is profitable for women. The things that MRA’s keep saying are very enlightening to me, particularily since they contridict everything I’ve ever seen. And, well, every scholarly article I’ve ever read as well.
As it stands now divorce is very socially acceptable and very profitable for women so there are no real good reasons to stick it out through rough patches in a marriage for women and men are left to support them after the divorce.
Wow, first I learned that guys are now thought to be the sexual gatekeepers, instead of men, and now I learn that divorce is profitable for women. The things that MRA’s keep saying are very enlightening to me, particularily since they contridict everything I’ve ever seen. And, well, every scholarly article I’ve ever read as well.
I didn’t say women get rich off a divorce “well some do” but they sure do make more money then a man does from a divorce. Or does alimony, child support, half the family assests and normally the house not count as profitable in your social circle? In my life I have met only one man that receives alimony but countless that pay. Ever heard the phase “It’s cheaper to keep her.” I heard that even as a child. I mean what is it not considered profitable because the women will have to get a job or a better job after a divorce to make up the difference. Oh here I go with my trollness. If divorce is so horrible for women why then are they the ones that are overwhelmingly now the ones pursueing the divorces. Please spare me the duluth model domestic violence statistics where all DV is perpatrated by men or the drug/alcohol BS because he’s usually a druggie/drunk before the wedding.
Your definitions, they please me…
I was worried that I was one of these “Marriage Strikers ™” because I don’t want to get married, nor do I have any opportunity to do so. However, this is not for reasons economical - My best friend’s folks divorced and it pulled a number on him. He was 18 at the time, set to leave for college, so as he says “home evaporated just as I left”. He was kind of a wreck his first couple years of college, when I met him.
So what would you call somebody who doesn’t want to get married because they think the procedures for getting a divorce tend to be too destructive to any children involved and that their potential children’s well being simply isn’t something they want to risk? What if somebody doesn’t want to get married for a reason that may actually be a responsible choice?
One funny thing about “Marriage Strikers” is that they DO actually want to get married…if you check out the manificent Wikipedia article on the subject, that comes through loud and clear…
What would I call you? “Someone who doesn’t want to get married.” Though I must say that if you end up having a child, unless you are a woman who did it using donor sperm, you and the child are going to find yourselves in a very similar situation if it doesn’t work out between you and the other parent regardless of whether or not the two of you actually got married. The destructiveness or lack thereof of the procedure towards the child is going to be most strongly dependent upon whether or not you and the other parent decide to be assholes about the situation.
Exactly. Whenever I hear an MRA say he’s on a marriage strike, I tend to think that he’s trying to put a positive spin on a situation where he’s not getting any interest. Indeed, they come close to admitting this when they whine that American women’s standards are “too” high.
Lessee. In fact, let’s take these supposed profit centres item by item, shall we?
alimony Alimony is generally rewarded at the discretion of a judge in recognition of the fact that one ex-spouse will suffer disproportionately as a result of the dissolution of the marriage. This is often in recognition that the lower-income spouse’s career or career prospects may have suffered as a result of the marriage: that partner might have been encouraged to stay home to raise the children, or may have supported another partner through school or training, holding off on their own training until the other partner was done. In most states a judge will grant alimony only when one spouse has been economically dependant on another for a long period of time. In other words, that party is running a deficit budget. While it’s possible to profit from alimony, mostly alimony payments go to make up a budget shortfall in one person’s coffers.
child support Child support is awarded to the custodial parent and is meant to cover the additional financial burden of providing for a child. Most custodial parents find that child support payments do not adequately cover the additional costs of raising a child—they may cover clothes and food, but not the additional costs of a larger living space, child-care, or medical care. So nope, not exactly a profit centre, unless the support-paying parent is really, really well off.
half the family assets Well, if they were shared, they belonged to both parties, no? So that’s not profit.
normally the house Given that the custodial parent and the kids generally keep living in the house (assuming a family that owned a house–many don’t), I don’t see continuing to live there as inherently profitable.
Most of this is not so much profit as addressing the shortfall that comes of sacrificing one’s own economic well-being to that of the “family,” once the family breaks down.
i want me some of these marriage strikers too. every serious relationship i’ve had the awkward proposals and the general institution have both loomed large, freaking me the hell out. now i just straight up tell people i’m not going down that road. if they have a problem with it they leave and that helps me weed out the idiots early on, before it matters!
Well, I guess I’m on a marriage strike, being 35 and still unwed. Do they call women who avoid marriage “marriage strikers?” Oh no, wait…they call us ’spinsters’. Silly me.
It would be unfortunate if the Women’s Lib and Men’s Rights movements turn on each other. Either movement wants nothing more then equality and freedom for both sexes. Either movement is abhored by “something for nothing” arrangements. So lurching into an era of “Matriarchy” is not any more acceptable than the “Patriarchy” that we had in place (and in some spheres is still in place). Why can’t the needle be stuck in neutral? Why does it have to be in one extreme or the other?
Beyond the obvious favored-sex in either system, who profits from either “-archy”? The lawyers who fight these marriage battles and charge by the hour that’s who. Let’s stop the fighting, let’s meet in the middle. Otherwise this pendulum will always swinging from one extreme to the next; hurting a lot of innocent men&women in each generation.
What pendulum? The one between your legs? Dude, seriously, there is no pendulum. Wanna be “anti-archy”? Fine, first help dismantle the Patriarchy. Otherwise, come back with your bullshit “Matriarchy” argument in a century when the ones who own and run everything aren’t white men.
Damn. Now I’m feeding them too. It’s just so tempting sometimes. Like a scratching a rash.
Gosh, I don’t remember the law which says we need Lisa’s approval — nor anyone else’s — to use the term marriage strike to describe men who have had enough misandry and have chosen to eschew marriage because they do not find the work rules tolerable.
Unlike most of you, I did belong to a union. We did go on strike, and I did walk picket line. More than once. Those who make a calculated decision to avoid marriage because the marriage and divorce laws have left them with no rights or benefits at all, and in a society where women don’t know how to get married and stay married, well understand they simply aren’t willing to work under the work rules that exist.
Sacks is a joke. Not for what he says. But, for believing it is possible to debate women. I remember the time he wrote about the large number of false sex abuse charges being filed, and the need to punish anyone who files false charges, and is convicted beyond any reasonable doubt. And, the lovely Amanda announced MRA’s do not think rape should be punished.
Dude, you are absolutely right. There is no point in you coming here onto my comment thread and debating me. er, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
…think “ELEMENTARY ART SCHOOL TEACHER PICKETING AUTO MECHANIC SHOP…”
“Amanda Marcotte Jun 7th, 2008 at 6:44 pm”
Wrong, I get a lot of sex BUT MARRY WHY?As the Tom Leykis tells
his SIX million listeners. Millions of GEN X, Y and Z women better by cats.
I don’t think many females realise how big the internet is.
Women can not comprehend men are protecting themselves.If females went on a marriage strike it would be out of spite or a power trip, as females project these insecurities on men, they ASSUME men have the same thinking patterns as themsalves, BIG mistake.The marriage strike is not really about feminism it is about not getting ones life destroyed.It is witnessing the BS of the past 40 years and saying NO MORE.The marriage strike will go on for at least 20 years I think, no matter how many females stamp their feet, nothing can be done to stop it.
Dude. Apparently the message contained herein is still too subtle for you. Here, lemme make it as plain as possible:
If every single man on Earth decided tomorrow to never get married ever, I still wouldn’t care.
There! Can’t get much plainer than that!
Actually, if every single man on Earth decided tomorrow to never get married ever, I’d breathe a small sigh of relief.
Getting rid of that arcane institution would make so very many things so much simpler.
“Lisa KS Aug 1st, 2008 at 7:14 am”
Whether you do or do not care is a moot point.Most men I know are getting on to the Tom Leykis bandwagon, pump and dump,by the way in the 2009 economic depression we will not protect women like we foolishly did in the 1928 economic depression, silly girls you have woken the sleeping giant.GM, ford, starbucks this only the tip of the iceberg.
“zingerella Aug 1st, 2008 at 11:04 am”
Well then you agree with us.
“The biggest mystery about all this is how the Marriage Strikers(tm)! appear to think this is going to impact feminists specifically.”
Wrong, feminists are irrelevant in the equation, again it is about self protection, feminists don’t even rate a mention in conversations with most of the marriage/sperm strikers I talk with.
For example I own a car, I did not buy the car because I am loyal to any particular brand, but as a person who wants a good reliable car that is not to heavy on the gas with AWD.
My thinking did not go along the lines of “oh the Japs
where so mean to us in WWII so I will not buy this car” as a logical male I chose the best car on it reviews, lots of test drives
and it’s engineering prowess.The marriage strikes must think of females as cars.We have been left with no choice.
“Lisa Kansas Jun 7th, 2008 at 6:25 am
One funny thing about “Marriage Strikers” is that they DO actually want to get married…if you check out the manificent Wikipedia article on the subject, that comes through loud and clear…”
That’s right Wikipedia speaks for all of us.Arrr Tom Leykis is a genius.
Men age like good wine, woman age like milk….
“Lisa KS Aug 1st, 2008 at 7:14 am
Dude. Apparently the message contained herein is still too subtle for you. Here, lemme make it as plain as possible:
If every single man on Earth decided tomorrow to never get married ever, I still wouldn’t care.
There! Can’t get much plainer than that!
”
No your message is irrelevant and again so if feminism.If you really are interested in what is driving the marriage/sperm strike you would ask, and ask many, over 100 at least.If you are not interested why post it as a blog topic?
Well I have surveyed over 300 men, and it is interesting to note that most of them had not heard of the strike, it is not a strike union style as it has no formal structure, political or otherwise, millions of individual men, black, white, left, right, centre, have reached similar conclusions individually, - most females have a hard time with this as most females are herd creatures by nature - by observing how men are treated in the media and the legal system, particular the family court system, over the past 35-40 years.
Again most marriage/sperm strikers do not even know they are apart of a wider trend, and again, feminists are irrelevant to them.
“irlandes Jun 19th, 2008 at 12:50 pm:
Wrong Glenn is on TV and Radio quite alot debating women.
There are is a ongoing bit of chatter in the hive, mostly dealing with how so many women are put off by the idea of feminism and that they are leaving “the movement” in droves. It’s amusing to watch the capital F feminists bemoaning this situation but while I am not sure if they are sincere in their worry, fear not, there is absolutely no truth in it.
Women have not rejected feminism and all it’s fascist self absorbed mantras, they have however rejected Feminism, NOW, and any other official organization representing it. It’s like when I was young, and in the vile redneck shithole I grew up in there was a stir over how the local KKK chapter was disbanding. I was pleased by this and told my teacher (an elderly black man) how great it was. He responded that it was meaningless, that just because the official organization shut down it didn’t mean racism was over. He was right of course and the same is true with feminism.
Women are not rejecting Feminism because they are bothered by what it stands for, they just don’t want to suffer for it by openly claiming to be feminists. They are quite happy to go on being materialistic self absorbed monsters, they are just uncomfortable with advertising the fact.
Feminism is another form of bigotry pure and simple. Just like the KKK, it had a moment in history when it was chic to be openly hateful but just because it’s no longer popular to do it in public doesn’t mean they have stopped doing it. Women will continue to hate men and tarring the word feminist has made them less open about it.
It is a shame though, when the women were open about their misandry they had a brief flirtation with something else, something they don’t experience too often - honesty.
“No your message is irrelevant and again so if feminism.”
So why are you here on a feminist blog responding to my message?
“If you really are interested in what is driving the marriage/sperm strike”
LOL, clearly I’m not.
“If you are not interested why post it as a blog topic?”
Because it’s funny as shit.
Does a sperm strike mean that you don’t masturbate?
Lisa KS Aug 1st, 2008 at 11:49 pm
No irreverent to the marriage strike.
“Well, maybe not. It depends on what, exactly, we all mean by “Marriage Strike.”
“So, what the heck are Marriage Strikers(tm)! exactly? ”
Reread “KARMA Aug 1st, 2008 at 10:35 pm” and you will have your answer.
“If you are not interested why post it as a blog topic?”
Because I am a professional trouble maker.
“Because it’s funny as shit.”
I agree, it is very funny, gets even better as time goes on for males, and fun, I am getting more poontang than a toilet seat.I have two FB’S right now 24yo and willing, love it.Good to see the lady’s on the blog think it is all good.The two 24 yo’s are smart enough to know that we are FB’S and are happy with that, well Lisa welcome to the marriage strike, welcome aboard.
Who the hell said women can not join the marriage strike not me. or you.Sounds like a win/win situation.
“Sabotabby Aug 2nd, 2008 at 12:39 am
Does a sperm strike mean that you don’t masturbate?”
Nope, I still bone lot’s of chicks, hot young one’s in their 20′S not the dried up bitter old prunes on these blogs.Not sure how you equate the Marriage strike to not getting sex, maybe you are just extrapolating and projecting your life on to me and others, a typical female trait.
Karma, I think if you genuinely were getting good sex, you would be in a better mood.
Dammit, all the young chicks get all the good guys. I can’t tell you how much the phrase “more poontang than a toilet seat” makes me swoon. The envy is eating my soul.
I know if I had a hot, willing piece of ass sitting next to me, let alone several of them, I’d be posting 20 comments a day on some dried-up bitter old prune’s blog.
Well as long as you are not at work.FB’S do not live with me uno.
uno? One? KARMA, you are completely aware that no one here believes a word you say?
OK. Here is another voice ringing in on this issue. I never knew there was such a thing as a “marriage strike” until recently. I am unmarried, not as a result of unwillingness, but as a result of my apparent repulsiveness to women. I never understood why, I am intelligent, articulate, well-educated, with an excellent job. I am even-tempered, considerate and, if I might say so, humble. I have a reasonable appearance, I am not covered in festering boils and both my eyes are the same size. I then realized that my nature is what turned women off. Women don’t want a man like me, except as a shoulder to cry on when their brutish, inconsiderate and aggressive boyfriends or husbands subjected them to abuse. I had years of frustrating failure and rejection at the hands of women who seems to delight in my pain. Then I developed a giant brain tumor that destroyed most of my pituitary gland. It eliminated my sex drive and rendered me impotent. It was the most wonderful thing that every happened to me. No longer was I being controlled by chemical signals that I had little control over, no longer was I a slave to my lizard brain. The tumor was removed and left me a free man. I was able to objectively look at the marriages of those around me and realize that I was very fortunate to have given that particular activity a miss. It seemed to be a life filled with disappointment and unfulfilled dreams, filled with conflict with brief periods of utter misery. With only two exceptions, the married people I know would have probably been better off not marrying. My friends have often expressed their envy of my condition, as they are powerless to not pursue relationships. As for me, I am not worried about dying alone. We ALL die alone, unless, perhaps, you are a suicide bomber. I live a life free of nagging, lying, cheating and mind games. Some might say I am missing out on companionship, but the cost is just too high. I have cats, and they are all the companionship I need. I like peace and quiet, and that is exactly what I have. I don’t go out drinking, I am a responsible person who takes care of himself. I can do my own laundry, fold my own clothes, wash my own dishes and vacuum my own house. I take care of the inside and outside, setting my own schedule for when I take the trash out. I am not a sports fiend, though I do enjoy watching hockey. I have time to throw myself into my teaching job with my full attention and time to dedicate to my hobbies, like hiking, geocaching, storm chasing and making music. It’s the life I have always wanted, and I am living my dream. All thanks to women who saw no value in what I might have to offer and a giant tumor that took away my ability to care. I am not on a marriage strike. I am simply living my life to its fullest and doing it on my own.