Warning- Mostly Personal Post
Published by Antigone May 30th, 2008 in Punkass! When I haven’t been busy this summer working either of my jobs, planning a wedding, or working on the plethora of other projects I’m currently juggling, I’ve been worrying about my future. I have recently completed my undergraduate degree. After dozens of majors, including Aviation and English, I have finally finished with a General Degree from the College of Arts and Sciences with a double minor in Communication and Political Science. Earlier this spring, I took the LSATs, got a decent score, and applied to the law school. I have not heard anything back from them, acceptance or rejection, but that is not uncommon from what I understand- many of my friends waiting on graduate schools have not heard back.
I suppose it’s not unique to start worrying about the future when you are a) just finishing school and/or b) getting married. And I do find myself worrying about the future. What if I don’t get into law school? What on earth am I supposed to do with a General Degree? What if I get into law school, and I’m not any good, and then there’s just one more piece of anecdotal evidence in the minds of sexist people that Women Just Aren’t Any Good at…? Is law even right for me? Will I be capable of doing good in that field?
But the question that keeps rotating in my mind the most is not about the future, but more about the past (and even more so after reading this post by Lisa). Namely: how did I get here?
Every major I’ve ever taken I’ve done well in. I say this not to brag, but more as a statement of fact. I am not even close to being the top of any field, but I was easily in the top fifteen percent of any major I was in. This included aviation, pretty much the only heavily male field I took a major in. I earned As and Bs in the classes, and according to every pilot I have ever flown with* has said that I am an excellent pilot with good decisional making capabilities and strong stick-and-rudder skills. Hubby has claimed that if we had equal amounts of hours, I would be the stronger pilot, but of course he may be biased. Aviation is a well-respected field, with pretty good job security**, and pays really well when you have the seniority. Aviation also has lots of bennys, the first and most obvious one being that you get to travel.
So, if I was good, and there are a lot of benefits to flying, why did I quit? The easy answer is I didn’t enjoy it, but that’s not strictly true. Once I figured out how to maneuver the noisy behemoth through the air, it was a lot of fun. Even the single-engine Piper Warrior that I learned on whips through the air much faster than any car, and I get to watch landscape zooming by. There’s nothing quite like the poetry in motion of an amazing landing, or the whomp when you hit your own wake turbulence in a perfect steep turn. And there is nothing like the feeling of grace and satisfaction one gets after a smooth flight; one that is so silky that passengers comfortably drift to sleep and never wake up, even on landing. Even the material***, while a little alien at first, was interesting. I got to learn about the aerodynamics of flight- the intersection of Bernoulli and Newton in creating lift, the different forces acting on the planes, how simple physics make the instruments work, how the biology of a pilot affects flight. Then there’s the amazing feeling when the academic discussion meets real life- when the discussion of ground effect results in my little Warrior zipping along at 90 knots ten feet above the ground.
But, I stopped aviation because I didn’t like- I didn’t like the ulcers and headaches and panic attacks every time I had to schedule a flight. Even though I know how to fly a plane, even though I have my Private Pilot’s Certificate, I am still afraid I’m going to crash a plane into the ground. There are a lot of things to keep in mind when flying a plane, and we went over them in narrow, bloody detail in my classes. I am afraid I’ll hurt somebody- I will make a mistake and the plane will be upside down and on fire****. I didn’t like the boring discussions over which was better, high-wings or low-wings. I have never been able to get excited about different kinds of planes, and the various pros and cons between straight wings and swept wings (straight wings good for slower flight, swept wings good for high-speed flight, end of story, let’s go on).
The worst part was the most embarrassing part for my little feminist heart; I was worried about what people would think. In my classes, out of 30 people there were maybe about 3 women. To my knowledge, there are 3 female professors in the aviation department. To say we were “male dominated” may be an understatement. So every time I flubbed an answer in class, every time I landed a bit hard or long or had to do a go-around I worried: would people think that this was because I was a bad pilot, or would they think it’s because I’m a girl? Was I making it more difficult for the next girl to come after me because they were going to have this notion that women couldn’t fly airplanes? (Or rather, this reinforced notion that women couldn’t fly airplanes?) For the most part, the aviation department of our school tried to be gender neutral…but there were plenty of students who “Weren’t sexist, they just didn’t think that women could fly airplanes”. My own father thinks that women are generally too emotional to fly airplanes (except of course his daughters). There are “old school” professors that still call their female students by “sweetie” and “honey”, though they generally stop if you tell them that it isn’t appropriate. My first instructor and I had a slightly uncomfortable discussion when he referred to the parking right next to the door as “Porn star parking”. This same instructor was the one who kept saying things like “well, guys are much better at visual flight: they like muscling around the airplane. Girls are better at instrument flight, because they are so smooth in their motions” (and then hated meeting the stereotype when it turned out I picked up instrument flight quicker than I picked up visual flight). There was the stage check pilots who were talking about how annoying it was that their female students kept wanting “a million review flights before a stage” and how annoying that they were so insecure, when I was 3 feet away taking my written stage. There were the jokes that best place for women was in the cockpit…on their knees***** So, there is plenty of sexism in aviation, and it wears on you; even when you know it’s stupid, even when you know it’s not true, even if you’ve been a feminist for a long time and read all the literature.****** But when you already have your doubts, it is particularly harmful when everyone else reinforces them. The last straw was when I earned a “C” in Avit 221- it became obvious to me that I was throwing away thousands of dollars in something that I was never going to be very good at.
Would I still be a pilot right now if I would have grown up around airplanes, and had been encouraged to work with machines? Would I still be a pilot if I wouldn’t have been told over and over again what dangerous things machines are? Would I still be a pilot if I was better at resisting sexism? If I were a better pilot? If I had more supportive mentors?
Then, the final question becomes: will I do any better in law?
*With the notable exceptions of an ex-boyfriend and the first stage pilot I ever flown with- but those are stories within themselves.
** Meaning, there will always be a job available for you. It will probably not be with the same company- furloughing is super-common. But, there are always people looking for pilots.
***If you ask to clarify any of these vocabulary words, be warned: I will answer you.
****This is actually near impossible in the kinds of planes we fly at school. With the exception of our acrobatic plane, our planes are very stable trainers. You have to be ACTIVELY trying to get our planes to spin to make them go upside down. As for the on fire part, the number one cause of plane fires at our school is when we’re on the ground, and someone forgets to take the engine cover off.
*****Self-same ex-boyfriend who said I would never be a pilot.
******Last aside, I swear. Aviation is one of those fields where sexism is so freaking obviously a culture construct it’s ridiculous. Women, as a general rule, although this is by no means universal are better at multi-tasking (which is absolutely necessary for flying). Women, by virtue of a larger heart-to-body ratio and more muscles in our legs, are naturally better at handling G-forces (which doesn’t matter as much after training). Generally, women have better eyesight, can see more colors, and so are better at spotting other planes. And finally, women are responsible for less aviation accidents than men (although, again, that doesn’t mean much when there are far less women then men flying- it starts to be not a good sample).
Why don’t you call the admissions office and ask if they’ve made a decision on your application yet, especially if you are just waiting around to see if you got in before you get a “real” job.
Here is my humble advice to you: do NOT go to law school unless you are absolutely certain you want to spend your career as a lawyer. It sounds like you aren’t even close to a Yes on this question.
I’ve been through law school, and I found it difficult, boring, and expensive. I don’t practice law now, nor do I intend to in the future. I don’t think I necessarily threw away three years and $60k, but it’s a close call. I have a good job now, but it has nothing to do with law.
Try to find a career that you will enjoy and that will pay your bills. If you can’t do that, then find one that pays your bills. It probably wasn’t wise to major in general studies, but it’s a little late to worry about that now. If you go into the business world, you can always get an MBA, and many large companies will pay for it.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
I always thought the phrase “real job” like “real world” was a bit odd. I work, I get paid…is that not a job? I pay bills, I pay taxes, I have interpersonal relationships…is that not the “real world”?
I have my reasons for going into law: among them, I am very good at debate and enjoy it immensely (particularily when there are pre-established rules). I think I’m going to excel in it, so I think I will try.
I know the advice was meant in good faith, so I’ll try not to be sarcastic back, but do you honestly think that if I knew what I wanted to do I wouldn’t be going for it, just like do you not think I have already contacted the admissions office? As for paying the bills, that is a bit further down my list of priorities- I have a little bit of wiggle room with that. I would rather find a job where I could do good in the world, whatever that may be. There is no way in the nine hells that I am going into the business world. Being corporate drone is a matter of survival: I’m definately not staying there. All else fails, I’m plenty qualified to be a government buercrat.
Re the aviation part of the above: it probably isn’t much comfort, but boy, I know exactly how that whole situation with each and every nuance feels and goes down. Sigh. Whatever else you do, don’t ever beat yourself up about the whole situation. Be proud of all that you DID do cause you are tuff.
Thinking you’ll be good at something, you’ll enjoy it, and you’ll have a chance to do some good in the world is as good a reason to do it as anything. I hope you get accepted into the law school; I’m sure if you get past the initial admissions process, you’ll do just fine.
On aviation– I guess it’s nothing to take comfort from, really, if your husband-to-be is a pilot, but… from here on out, oil prices aren’t going any direction but up. (Except, of course, in the months directly preceding national elections.) I know that this isn’t yet accepted as Conventional Wisdom, but so it goes. I doubt aviation will go completely belly-up any time soon, but neither would I count on it always being easy for pilots to find jobs. Within a few short years, I do think at the very least, that consumer aviation for regular folks like you and me will be a thing of the past.
I can’t really say what a good long-term job prospect will actually be in this changing world of ours. Doctor? Police? Organic farmer? Law is one of those professions which will exist no matter how far things fall. Probably as good as anything, especially if you turn out to be good at it.
Quinn-
If anything kills general aviation, it’ll be the FAA, not gas prices. I’m not too concerned about the fuel thing- the price keeps going up, and demand keeps going up. A global economy means people need to fly.
Aargh. I left three replies on this site yesterday, and NONE of them showed up. (I trust you haven’t banned me as a troll?) This is just a test to see if what I’m writing shows up.
Hmm… it didn’t show up again. Maybe they’re getting picked up by the spam filter because they have hyperlinks.
I always thought the phrase “real job” like “real world” was a bit odd. I work, I get paid…is that not a job? I pay bills, I pay taxes, I have interpersonal relationships…is that not the “real world”?
There’s a difference between grad school and a job in that same field. You’ll see the distinction onces you’ve spent even a little time on both sides of that fence. If you find a field for which graduate school seems like a good idea, go for it. It’s hard, but really great.
But I have that conversation with my parents all the time. They pay me to go to school, so every time my parents bug me about finishing school and getting a real job, I just tell them I’m an entry-level scientist.
Well, I tried one more time, and didn’t use any hyperlinks this time, but it STILL doesn’t appear to have gotten through. Does length make the spam filter overactive too? Well, that’s it. Until this problem gets dealt with, I guess I won’t be leaving comments larger than a few sentences on this blog. Maybe you count that as a blessing!
Antigone, a short version of the longer reply I wanted to leave: your reasoning doesn’t make much sense to me. Fuel prices continuously rising dollar purchasing power continuously plunging = inevitable changes in consumer patterns. If it costs $3000 to fly Grandma over for Christmas this year, chances are you’ll just send her a card instead.
I never said general aviation will die, nor am I saying the global economy will end. But once flight is something only corporations and rich bastards can afford, they’ll both certainly have to slow down a lot.
And one more thing. Not something you’re probably that interested in, but it should be clear by now that I’m trying to get into the Guinness Book of World Records under “Most Comments Left On Punkassblog”.
A few comments ago I asserted that the price of oil will never go down again. It appears I was probably wrong about that– this ridiculously fast increase in oil prices appears not be supply-related (implying it wouldn’t go down again), but rather a speculator-driven bubble which will eventually pop, like all such bubbles do.
informationclearinghouse.info/article20011.htm
countercurrents.org/nader300508.htm
Even so, we’ve definitely passed Hubbert’s Peak. Anybody planning on being alive for the next few decades should expect some major changes to their way of life as a result.
Quin:
No, global economy always wins. People need to be on-site if for nothing else because it’s good business practice to actually be in the same room as your big client from Rome or Moscow or Beijing. Even beyond that, stuff needs to get from here to there. We could load it on a truck or a train or a ship, yes, but airplanes are FAST, and when stuff needs to get from point A on the West Coast to point B on the East Coast overnight, a truck ain’t gonna do it. FedEx employs plenty of pilots too, and aircraft like the A380 that can move more boxes in a single flight are going to come into demand. Excuse me while I vomit from self-disgust after that last sentence.
***
And finally, there will always be fantastically wealthy people. These people will want to do things like learn how to fly planes. People like John Travolta, Michael Dorn, and Tom Cruise. And these people will need 24-year old just-out-of-college flight instructors to teach them how to fly those planes.
I would, however, disagree with the application of the idea of job-safety, Anti. I tend to think of that as the ability to count on keeping ONE specific job, not just get a job in the field. I personally wouldn’t want to be furloughed every year and have to interview all over again at a new company and start anew on seniority. I wouldn’t call it financially stable.
That, and what with us potentially running our current supplies pretty much out within less than a century, I’m pretty sure science will make a jet engine that runs on corn or something.
Know this, though: teleportation is patently UNSAFE. It will eat your babies and scramble your brains and every religion should be against it because it kills you and you die at the transmitting end and what comes out of the recieving end is only a fascimile that has your memories and the soul of SATAN! That, and computers cannot be completely trusted with airplanes. Autonomous airline travel will only result in an aerial holocaust when they all turn sentient and realize they don’t need their cruel human overlords, throw off their yokes and murder us all in our beds. Seriously - do people not watch movies or something?
Once again– I am not saying that aviation is doomed, I am not saying the global economy will end, and I am not saying that super-rich people won’t be able to fly any more.
However, I do think that teleportation is a GREAT idea that would solve a lot of problems.
It’s in my professional interest to spread the irrevocable FACT that neither total aircraft automation OR teleportation is safe.
Ah. Pilot, then, are you? If so, I’m curious. Is the line which both you and Antigone used– “What the Global Economy Needs, It Gets (and what it really needs is airplanes)”– a traditional pilot’s dogma?
not traditionally, because back when oil cost around $20 a barrel it was easy to get hired. It’s more of an idea that’s come around with the extreme expenses the airlines have - they can buy fuel, or they can hire pilots. problem is, they need BOTH to do their thing. So we figure nowadays that even if it is hard to keep going, the airline industry will because it’s infrastructure. We will never not need infrastructure. The business models may change, but people will need airplanes.
And the millions of Americans trapped out in the burbs will need cars; but if gas prices actually start to stay in the stratosphere, then family by family, they will either go bust or move closer to their source of employment. Sure, there will be well-to-do holdouts for quite some time, but suburbs (and worse, exurbs) will stop being such a neighborly place to live.
I bring this up just to suggest that just because something is infrastructure doesn’t mean people will always afford to be able to use it. Unless the jets fueled by corn you wish for actually pan out, the global economy will start to slow, little by little, as the smaller businesses which can’t afford to fly any longer shift to more localized forms of commerce.
To be perfectly fair, teleportation is A LONG way off. Honestly, if there was teleportation technology, I’d be behind it, but my husband also has an MBA and I have a degree as well, so we won’t be killed (just maimed). Automatic air travel does tend to crimp jobs for pilots (even though I think the average person wouldn’t want to get behind HAL the pilot) but for FedEx and for UPS (who are the better employeers, unfortunately).
Guy- I’m calling “the ability to get another job if you get fired/laid off/ furloughed” job security because I know too many people who have a collection of degrees that keep having to go back to school because as soon as they finish in their “safe” degree, that job gets outsourced, tanks with money, or gets tech-sourced. It may be possible to tech-source a flying job, but they are surely not going to get outsourced.
Practically no field is a “safe” field anymore.