“O Frailty, Thy Name is Woman!” or, How To Tell Well-Meant Sexist Behavior From, Er, Other Kinds of Sexist Behavior
Published by Lisa Kansas May 16th, 2008 in Feminism, What Patriarchy?, Wankers, Ze Goggles! Zey Do Nothing!
In a previous post, I described what is a not-uncommon on-the-job incident for me–to wit, having to deal with men who have been, shall we say, societally overprogrammed in terms of the proper roles and abilities of the female half of the human race. A commenter on the thread, after reading my little story, had this to say:
I guess I don’t get it, though - it sounded to me like he was trying to warn you about impending catcalling…? There must be some subtext or critical point I’m missing here - was it that he said it in front of everyone? Can someone please explain this to me?
God knows I’m not gonna let a chance like that to pontificate pass me by unnoticed! Cuz you know, like all women, I love to talk! especially about my feelings!
But seriously, this is a very good example of the differences between certain kinds of sexism.
It can, and should, be argued that there is no good kind of sexism. However, there is sexist behavior that is genuinely well-meant; there is sexist behavior that will genuinely not result in any harm to the recipent. And then there is the third kind, which was busily being demostrated by the dude in my small tale of workplace fun. Perhaps most irritatingly, he was attempting to project his unpleasant form of sexism on others who, if they practiced any sexist behavior at all, would almost guaranteed have not practiced the unpleasant kind.
I have spent a great deal of the past eight years on various shop and manufacturing floors, where I was often one of the few, or only, female(s) present. The men I have worked with have come in two flavors: shop floor employees and administrative employees. My role on the floor has been in one of two categories: an employee on the floor, or a visiting company rep. In this particular situation, I was a visiting company rep; the man speaking to me was an administrative employee, and the men he was warning me against were the shop floor employees.
There was, from the get-go, almost no chance in hell any of the male floor workers were going to so much as say Boo! to me, much less engage in sexually harrassing me. I was an outside company rep. I could have been strolling around stark naked and they wouldn’t have said a word. (They no doubt would have stared til their eyeballs fell out and starting generating workplace accidents in all directions, yeah. But I digress!) Whatever they may or may not do on their own time, whatever muttered comments about my noticeable femaleness they have made amongst themselves, whatever volume of sideways glances rating various portions of my anatomy they may have indulged in, they would never have overtly treated me in any way crass or crude. And the sim engineer knew that as well as I and everybody else did. What he was doing was playing into a few popular stereotypes (classism, anyone?) in a passive-aggressive attempt to communicate to me what a hottie he thought I was, while simultaneously expressing absolute contempt for my professional presence there at his facility.
Now, had I been strolling about on the floor all by myself, as opposed to being part of a guided tour–a situation I have been in multiple times before–I would no doubt have found myself engaged in conversation about (fill in the blank with something trivial) with a remarkably high volume of shop floor guys who just happened to be in my general vicinity. (I have been known to spend at least five minutes discussing the weather with three or four different guys in separate conversations over the course of a mere one hour.) Also, should I have found myself in the position of needing to lift anything heavier than a piece of paper or fit myself into any sort of mechanically restricted nook or cranny, I would have no doubt had a small horde of willing servants by my side unasked in a matter of seconds offering to do whatever it took to keep my dainty hands from getting dirty or my girlish muscles from feeling even a hint of strain. (I’m not really exaggerating here. It is very hard to do my job sometimes in these situations.) And as aggravating as all this can sometimes be–I never, and would never, make a public fool out of any of those guys like I did the sim engineer.
Why? Because they mean well. I know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, etc. etc. However, meaning well goes a long way with me, and also, what kind of guy is the kind most likely to spend a few days working with you and come to realize you are actually a smart competent engineer as well as being built like Marilyn Monroe and maybe, just maybe shift his perception of women in general a little bit, just a little bit to the left–the guy who is treating you courteously from the get-go, whose fault it is not that that is how he was raised to express genuine courtesy to a woman, or the guy who knows full well he is making shit up to try to manipulate you emotionally?
Practical Feminism 101: Work within to change the system when feasible, steamroller the opposition when not.
Thank you for taking the time to explain this. I got much of it the first time around, but what I was missing (or at least, the most important thing I was missing) was that the sim engineer didn’t “mean well.”
I guess I was being too charitable in my reading. I imagined that perhaps he’d toured other women around the floor in the past, and some workers had done some catcalling, and he was just forewarning you, as you might warn a guest in your home about a dog that jumps on visitors to greet them*.
But when I take into consideration all the facts of the situation - you’re an important visiting guest, you’re walking around with management right there - what he said takes on a whole new tenor. Probably what he was trying to hide-yet-communicate was that, given the opportunity, HE would likely “holler” at you. The fact that he said it (from your telling) in full earshot of the Head Honchos standing right behind him explains their horrified reactions.
Anyway, thanks again for walking me through this. I look forward to future stories, not least because they help me know what to look out for in order to keep my own work environment respectful and anti-sexist (although I work in a field with a historically much more equitable male/female distribution, both in raw numbers and in hierarchy). So there’s a practical side effect as incentive!
*And not to go all “but what about the menz” on you, but what struck me upon first reading was how very uncharitable the sim engineer was being towards the (male) floor workers, simply assuming they would act out uncontrollably, animal-like. So he was really being an ass to everyone (although obviously not equally)…which makes sense, I suppose.