Buy our product. Otherwise, vaginas win.
Published by punkass marc April 18th, 2008 in Cock!, Corporate IdiocyYou stupid weak baby. You pussy-whipped prissy-pants cooter-licking nancy boy.
You probably think this is about the spark plug, don’t you? And in some ways, it is. The spark plug is sort of like the cock of your car. Scratch that — it’s the cock of your SUV, truck, or (in certain select instances) your sports car. If you drive something that can be classified primarily as a “car,” then you’re pretty much driving around in a vag. You’re advertising to everybody that your ball-busting shrill-shrieking attention-demanding whore of a ball and chain calls the shots. Because they’re the only people with any interest in “cars.” Anyway, the sparkplug is your vehicle’s penis. It looks like a penis, especially when you light it just so for an ad. And you can’t get anything done until it shoots its load, which is pretty much the spark of life for your entire engine. So the least you can do to show your nagging bitch who’s boss is caress the cock of your ride. It’s not gay, it’s just man time. I mean Man Time.
Oh, I’m sorry, has this hurt your feelings? Your Tyra-Banks-coached little FEELINGS? Good lord, man. Look at yourself. I bet you spend your Sundays frolicking in fields of flowers, talking about the pitter-patter of your little heart. And I bet you actually LISTEN while your sexhole drones on about whatever’s rattling around in her head alllll the tiiiime. Probably a bunch of stuff about shopping and eating chocolates (probably too much chocolate if your wife’s like mine, dude) and what Missy said to Sherry about Dawn’s ex-hubby. God, I just threw up in my mouth.
There are plenty of things threatening to rip apart the fabric of this country, but nothing’s been more damaging than quality time. You see losers giving it up to their domineering whores left and right. Couples everywhere are doing stuff together. Constantly. It’s a national freaking epidemic. Overcommunication and/or excessive quality time has been blamed in 83% of divorces in the last ten years and it’s only getting worse.
It needs to stop, mostly because menfolk never get a moment to themselves anymore. And whenever we do try and do something ourselves, women butt in. First, it was reading. Then it was land ownership, then voting — or was that the other way around? Whatever. Anyway, you get my point. Women love nothing more than to take over and strip us of our god-given man time. Dammit, I mean Man Time.
So take yours back. Because the one thing most bitches hate is stroking a cock. [Unless you're buying them something.] And none of ‘em even know what a spark plug is. So jack off your car in private and take back Man Time.
Sincerely,
Autolite
My first thought about the “20 minutes your wife has no interest in” was “sex with a spouse who prefers his car to you?”
That’s the other thing — couples are clearly having too much sex, and that’s probably what’s ruining marriages the other 17% of the time. Bleh! Get *away* from each other, you know? Do things to annoy each other and purposefully exclude one another. That’s the key to lasting happiness.
I know a guy with a spark plug tattooed on his arm, and the artist who did it is his wife’s ex-boyfriend. That seems relevant somehow, at least in terms of “Reality all too often upends your stupid stereotypes, evil corporate media.”
The bad thing about the phallic nature of spark plugs is they aren’t very big.
The good thing is there’s usually many of them in your Manly Man Vehicle. Some of today’s truck have 10 of them in use at once! (both Ford and Dodge have available V-10 engines).
OTOH, trucks with diesel engines are even MORE manly, and they don’t have ANY spark plugs. I don’t know what that means to this discussion, but I thought I’d throw it out there…
My first 3 thoughts about the “20 solid minutes of doing something your wife has absolutely no interest in” were:
1. Scrubbing toilets
2. Cleaning out the refrigerator
3. Removing pet vomit and stains from furniture
Bet yer wife’s a lot more interested in changing out the sparkplugs on yer truck than doing THOSE. So if yer REALLY lookin’ for something to do that will get you those wifely-interest-free 20 minutes, man…
Conclusion: They’re not. Apparently it really IS about jacking off your studmobile.
When I think of “diesel vehicle,” I think of a shiny pink VW bug with rainbow stickers.
Just… sayin’.
“When I think of “diesel vehicle,” I think of a shiny pink VW bug with rainbow stickers.”
Where I live, in solid red SoCal away from the coast, a diesel vehicle is either a huge long-haul truck, or, more likely, some full-size Dodge or Ford (occasionally a Chevy or GMC), with big tires and a stance about 5-feet up off the ground, which gets used as a working vehicle during the week, and then on the weekend to haul “toys” to the desert/sand or “The River” (Colorado) for some redneck fun.
My god, sometimes it seems like there’s more of these behemoths around here than regular cars.
With diesel around here now selling for about $4.25 /gallon, I have to wonder how long these trucks will remain in vogue. While they get better fuel mileage than gasoline-powered equivalents, their efficiency is nothing to brag about (like 20-25mpg on the road or less).
Americans - we’re fascinating, aren’t we…
I was going to make a diesel comment but Mike beat me too it, and so did violet. Do diesels really make you think of pink VW bug’s? I don’t mean to be a spark plug but I don’t think you can even buy a diesel Beetle in the US. If you’re not in the US then sorry for the assumption, and lucky you. Peace
Wedding bands should come with a label that says WARNING: MARRIAGE CAUSES INCOMPETENCE IN BASIC CAR MAINTENANCE. As soon as that ring’s on your finger, BANG, that’s it, you’ll forget everything you’ve ever learned. The implications are worrisome. If we ever buy a car, I might have to get a divorce so I can do my share of car chores.
Or perhaps there are his’n'hers spark plugs. Ours would be, like, pink.
The phrase “man tips” is doing nothing to decrease the sexual undertones of that ad.
junk, I noticed that one too.
It reminded me of some “men’s shampoo” I have at home that gleefully states that it’s “The correct tool” for washing men’s hair.
I thought that was a little too blatant even for cynical advertising scum…but what the hell do I know…
Those spark plug tips are a little more nipply than I like my penises to be.
That’s because you’re a woman, Kyso, and penises weren’t made for women. Uh, I mean, women aren’t supposed to be the final judges of penis shape. Uh, I mean, don’t you have some dishes to wash?