May your underwear guide you towards sexual enlightment
Published by punkass marc April 8th, 2008 in Punkass!, Cock!, another fucking sex postOh, if underwear could talk, the things it would say. It would tease us about those secret times we got excited and had to hide it, and probably complain about the sheer number of times it was farted upon.
Yes, even this guy farts.
There are also times it would’ve been nice if other people’s underwear could talk, right? Or at least have important messages written on it. We could receive crucial information, like:
-That’s Not Just a Rash
-Contents May Explode Prematurely
-Stubble Ahoy
-Hasn’t Showered Today
-Was Just On the Floor at Your Best Friend’s House
And so forth.
Alas, while the secrets of our undergarments remain hidden within their fragrant folds, there is one message they can help us get across: use protection. That’s what the folks at ISIS (Internet Sexuality Information Services) are hoping, anyway. They’ve set up a design-the-underwear contest for college kids at http://www.undiescontest.com/, and first prize is a $1k scholarship. From Allegra Madsen, the ISIS Program Director:
We are asking people to design a pair of underwear that communicates a difficult truth about STDs or that can serve as a conversation starter about safe sex. We are imagining underwear as the last physical thing that separates a person from their partner. It would make a strong statement to have a message there that could remind people to talk with their partner about safe sex practices or that brings up STDs (which are often difficult to do in sexual situations-when you need to the most) in a non-threatening way.
Contest ends May 15th, so go forth and see if you can make the least-awkward pair of message skivvies possible.
There goes my evening. I hope I come up with something clever.
At 2:30 in the morning, I’m not coming up with anything that great. What I have so far is:
Remember your statistics class: what I’m hiding could be important.
Before I hit the floor, pull a condom out the drawer, or else exit through the door.
Make’em bright yellow with a big Biohazard symbol on the front.
Put one of those creepy Gerber babies on them.
Depends on your audience.
For the regular, everyday crowd:
Ever been too embarrassed to tell the truth? Me too.
For the devil-may-care crowd:
I have health insurance and no fear of death.
For the abstinence-only crowd:
Kid tested and approved.
“Militant Fecundity”
I saw that on a t-shirt but I think it’d be a lot more effective here.