Focus on the Family’s Boundless Webzine (check out their podcasts! I told you they were hip) isn’t afraid to tackle the hard issues; as distasteful as Candace Watters finds answering this question, it’s her Christian duty to tell all the young ladies out there how they can avoid the fires of hell that surely await them for all that masturbating. The poor girl is a nymphomaniac, masturbating upwards of twice a week with only a few days of tortured guilt in between.
I’ve never even kissed a guy since I was a little kid, but there have been so many other things … porn, masturbation, cyber sex.
Or whacking off and whacking off accessories, as the case may be. Anyway, I have to warn against the cybering. I did it once and the knowledge that the ex who was my worst breakup keeps every log of every ICQ conversation he’s ever had will haunt me for the rest of my life. Masturbation is of course OK, and if looking at ‘porn’ bothers you switch to tasteful soft-focus black&white pictures and haughtily tell your friends that they can keep their uncouth porn, you much prefer ‘erotica.’
But nevermind, this is Boundless so of course masturbation is not “OK.” It is a sinful selfish act robbing your future spouse of what is rightfully his. Also, our poor masturbator is concerned that she’ll pass her super freaky freak genes onto her kids, so someone should probably explain to her that all infants touch themselves before she has some of her own, panics and accidentally gives them all sorts of weird complexes. Candice to the rescue, of course:
You may be wondering why I would answer such a candid question here. At first, I wasn’t sure it was appropriate. But given the stats on masturbation, porn use and sexual addiction among women — and the overwhelming cultural assurance that all this and more is normal and expected — I decided it was not only acceptable, but necessary…As you pointed out, these sins are harmful precisely because of the way they damage your shot at your real desire: a healthy marriage and family. The combination of masturbation, pornography and fantasy are deadly because they make godly intimacy with another, real, person so difficult, if not impossible.
It is such a filthy, filthy topic for Boundless. Candice should have just sent our writer to the MidwestTeenSexShow (Thanks, Masturbation!) and saved herself a bout of the vapors. They have excellent episodes on both pornography and female masturbation. Since the writer was concerned about her masturbating but Candice mostly gave porn-avoidance tips, as though you can’t have one without the other (Note to boundless: it’s not like oreos and milk. You can in fact masturbate without looking at porn first. Trust me) it seems like some other input would be helpful.
But she shouldered bravely on, letting us know that the letter-writer is right, every time she orgasms baby Jesus cries, and suggests you get rid of every computer in the house if that’s what it takes to stop looking at porn. Also, libraries are dens of iniquity; damn you First Amendment! damn you to hellllllL!!!! But the most interesting tip was signing up for “Covenant Eyes” a service that will literally email the “accountability partner” of your choice a report of your every online move. Not even kidding, the “sample report” lists the top 20 websites viewed by the suspect – I mean, repenting sinner- even if it’s not porn. My accountability partner would know where I bank, shop, and where I got my news from. But of course since I can trust him, there’s no reason to be concerned.
Surveys show at least 70 percent of men and 21 percent of women struggle with online pornography. Escape the temptation by removing the secrecy of the Internet with Covenant Eyes Accountability software.
Once Covenant Eyes software is installed on a Windows or Mac computer, it monitors and records all web activity and scores all sites according to the maturity of content. This information is presented in a customizable report that is emailed to the Accountability Partner(s) of your choice.
You can also cut off your own internet access to spite your face with the Panic Button. It’s easy, simply right click on the taskbar icon, select Panic and confirm that you are in fact panicking. Then your accountability partner will be notified and it’ll take a tech support call to get your internet back, which I assume is some kind of avoidance training.
The “Panic Button” is primarily designed for those who find themselves tempted beyond control, yet really have a desire for purity in their Internet use. In the face of temptation, the Panic Button allows the user to cut off all Internet use — surfing, email, chat, instant messaging, everything.
Internet use is cut off until the user calls in to our tech support, at which time it is turned back on. The Accountability Partners are notified when the Panic Button is used.
Why Big Brother yourself when you can let Covenant Eyes do it at a fraction of the cost?
…Covenant Eyes, the most secure and economical way of ensuring integrity through accountability. Not only are the church computers on the program now, but all of the board members, and many of the congregation are also on the program…