When knowing that God is watching isn’t enough, we’re there to help.
Published by Kyso Kisaen February 27th, 2008 in For the ladies, Godbaggery, Sex, Shame on you for being a womanFocus on the Family’s Boundless Webzine (check out their podcasts! I told you they were hip) isn’t afraid to tackle the hard issues; as distasteful as Candace Watters finds answering this question, it’s her Christian duty to tell all the young ladies out there how they can avoid the fires of hell that surely await them for all that masturbating. The poor girl is a nymphomaniac, masturbating upwards of twice a week with only a few days of tortured guilt in between.
I’ve never even kissed a guy since I was a little kid, but there have been so many other things … porn, masturbation, cyber sex.
Or whacking off and whacking off accessories, as the case may be. Anyway, I have to warn against the cybering. I did it once and the knowledge that the ex who was my worst breakup keeps every log of every ICQ conversation he’s ever had will haunt me for the rest of my life. Masturbation is of course OK, and if looking at ‘porn’ bothers you switch to tasteful soft-focus black&white pictures and haughtily tell your friends that they can keep their uncouth porn, you much prefer ‘erotica.’
But nevermind, this is Boundless so of course masturbation is not “OK.” It is a sinful selfish act robbing your future spouse of what is rightfully his. Also, our poor masturbator is concerned that she’ll pass her super freaky freak genes onto her kids, so someone should probably explain to her that all infants touch themselves before she has some of her own, panics and accidentally gives them all sorts of weird complexes. Candice to the rescue, of course:
You may be wondering why I would answer such a candid question here. At first, I wasn’t sure it was appropriate. But given the stats on masturbation, porn use and sexual addiction among women — and the overwhelming cultural assurance that all this and more is normal and expected — I decided it was not only acceptable, but necessary…As you pointed out, these sins are harmful precisely because of the way they damage your shot at your real desire: a healthy marriage and family. The combination of masturbation, pornography and fantasy are deadly because they make godly intimacy with another, real, person so difficult, if not impossible.
It is such a filthy, filthy topic for Boundless. Candice should have just sent our writer to the MidwestTeenSexShow (Thanks, Masturbation!) and saved herself a bout of the vapors. They have excellent episodes on both pornography and female masturbation. Since the writer was concerned about her masturbating but Candice mostly gave porn-avoidance tips, as though you can’t have one without the other (Note to boundless: it’s not like oreos and milk. You can in fact masturbate without looking at porn first. Trust me) it seems like some other input would be helpful.
But she shouldered bravely on, letting us know that the letter-writer is right, every time she orgasms baby Jesus cries, and suggests you get rid of every computer in the house if that’s what it takes to stop looking at porn. Also, libraries are dens of iniquity; damn you First Amendment! damn you to hellllllL!!!! But the most interesting tip was signing up for “Covenant Eyes” a service that will literally email the “accountability partner” of your choice a report of your every online move. Not even kidding, the “sample report” lists the top 20 websites viewed by the suspect - I mean, repenting sinner- even if it’s not porn. My accountability partner would know where I bank, shop, and where I got my news from. But of course since I can trust him, there’s no reason to be concerned.
Surveys show at least 70 percent of men and 21 percent of women struggle with online pornography. Escape the temptation by removing the secrecy of the Internet with Covenant Eyes Accountability software.
Once Covenant Eyes software is installed on a Windows or Mac computer, it monitors and records all web activity and scores all sites according to the maturity of content. This information is presented in a customizable report that is emailed to the Accountability Partner(s) of your choice.
You can also cut off your own internet access to spite your face with the Panic Button. It’s easy, simply right click on the taskbar icon, select Panic and confirm that you are in fact panicking. Then your accountability partner will be notified and it’ll take a tech support call to get your internet back, which I assume is some kind of avoidance training.
The “Panic Button” is primarily designed for those who find themselves tempted beyond control, yet really have a desire for purity in their Internet use. In the face of temptation, the Panic Button allows the user to cut off all Internet use — surfing, email, chat, instant messaging, everything.
Internet use is cut off until the user calls in to our tech support, at which time it is turned back on. The Accountability Partners are notified when the Panic Button is used.
Why Big Brother yourself when you can let Covenant Eyes do it at a fraction of the cost?
…Covenant Eyes, the most secure and economical way of ensuring integrity through accountability. Not only are the church computers on the program now, but all of the board members, and many of the congregation are also on the program…
Weird, considering how James Dobson (Patriach-in-Cheif of Focus on the Family) is pro-wank.
http://www.focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000553.html
“As for the spiritual implications of masturbation, I will have to defer to the theologians for a more definitive response. It is interesting to me, however, that Scripture does not address this subject except for a single reference in the Old Testament to a man named Onan. He interrupted sexual intercourse with his sister-in-law and allowed his semen to fall on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother, which was his “duty” (Genesis 38:8-9). Although that verse is often cited as evidence of God’s disapproval of masturbation, the context doesn’t seem to fit.
What should you as a father say to your 13-year-old son about this subject? My advice is to say nothing after puberty has occurred. You will only cause embarrassment and discomfort. For those who are younger, it would be wise to include the subject of masturbation in the “Preparing for Adolescence” conversation I have recommended on other occasions. I would suggest that parents talk to their 12- or 13-year-old boys, especially, in the same general way my mother and father discussed this subject with me.
We were riding in the car, and my dad said, “Jim, when I was a boy, I worried so much about masturbation. It really became a scary thing for me because I thought God was condemning me for what I couldn’t help. So I’m telling you now that I hope you don’t feel the need to engage in this act when you reach the teen years, but if you do, you shouldn’t be too concerned about it. I don’t believe it has much to do with your relationship with God.”
What a compassionate thing my father did for me that night in the car. He was a very conservative minister who never compromised his standards of morality to the day of his death. He stood like a rock for biblical principles and commandments. Yet he cared enough about me to lift from my shoulders the burden of guilt that nearly destroyed some of my friends in the church. This kind of “reasonable” faith taught to me by my parents is one of the primary reasons I never felt it necessary to rebel against parental authority or defy God.”
I guess at FoF, what’s good for the gander isn’t good for the goose.
Well, maybe that’s why the question-answerer hedged on masturbation and made it all about pornography, though.
Hello from Covenant Eyes!
Couldn’t help but find your blog interesting. The title grabbed me right away.
I’ve talked to many people who think the idea of accountability reports and partners sound like a subplot from 1984. Some see Covenant Eyes accountability software as amateurish, heavy-handed, and intrusive. For those who see little to no problem with viewing pornography or who have never been entrenched in life-altering sexual addictions, I could see why someone would think this.
But the more I talk to our Members and Accountability Partners, the more I see the value of our product. Maturity in one’s faith should bring about a conviction that because God is watching and cares about our actions and our dispositions, we live differently. Many people begin using our program because the knowledge that God sees has not yet affected their conscience. Many continue using the program not as their main deterrent to watching porn, but as a safety net, and as one of the aspects of a good, healthy accountability relationship with a trusted person.
I’ve written a little about this on my blog: http://blogs.covenanteyes.com/2008/01/24/why-accountability-part-1/
Thanks for you comments,
Luke Gilkerson
Internet Community Manager
Covenant Eyes
This article leaves me with a strong desire to masturbate out of spite. Hey waddya know, my office door has a lock on it!
I love my Thanks Masturbation! tshirt. Now I’ll have to wear it tomorrow as a friendly reminder that I don’t live in the self-created hell of these people
If I didn’t know that the rest of James Dobson’s attitude to childraising was completely disturbing, I might think that quote was reassuring.
Luke’s comment marks the first time in all the years of this blog (I think it might be 2 now) that I’ve ever had to use “Despam marked comments” in the spam folder. Since a giant list of porn links made it into moderation, I am currently less than impressed with our filter at the moment.
“Covenant Eyes.” Sounds like something out of The Handmaid’s Tale.
Typical. Rather than try to control individual impulses (and in this case, said impulses aren’t really something that need to be super-controlled), these people just turn to technology and other people to do it for them. They really are stuck somewhere around the age of 7, aren’t they? This software is like the ultimate epitome of the whole idea of “Bronze-Age deity is watching every move, and will smite you for the slightest misstep” that is patriarchal religion.
I think we should distinguish between a world of blatant censorship and control in The Handmaid’s Tale and a choice made by adults to monitor their own Internet use. Governmental censorship is one issue. Individual choice is another entirely.
I would agree that monitoring software is powerless to really change people’s impulses. This is why the whole premise behind Covenant Eyes software is building authentic redemptive relationships between Accountability Partners, not using software as a band-aid for the immature to stay immature. In the end, all the software does it monitor, not block. Those who choose to use realize their need to let others into their secret world of Internet use that has presented a host of temptations and possible addictions. They surround themselves by those who can help them. The software is useless (in the area of sexual struggle) without the quality friendships.
As for the “Bronze age deity” comment, I would submit to you that it is really the other way around. There are countless numbers of people who are pinned under fear and shame about how they use the Internet, many who may also fear a “Mighty Smiter” because their temptations are not only shameful to them, but also secretive. The choice to sign up for Covenant Eyes Accountability Software is a first step in a direction towards reform. Covenant Eyes is a piece of software, not a god. It is entirely up to the accountability partnerships how “slight missteps” are handled.
Luke Gilkerson
Internet Community Manager
Covenant Eyes
Luke, why does the site turn over a top-20 list and every single website you’ve visited, even the ones that are clearly not pornography? In the case of the testimonial church, where every single church leader is on it and they’re all accountable to each other, it seems like having so much extraneous information on each other is just begging for problems if church politics go awry. Is there an option for people who want to prove they’re not spending any time at asiansluts.com without revealing that they’re diehard NPR listeners or that they were looking at infertility resource websites or any number of other personal and not-so-personal things that may not be the accountability partner’s business?
Kyso,
Good question. Others have also feared “having so much extraneous information on each other.” First, the software does complete monitoring to avoid holes in the system. Take, for instance, a similar program called X3watch which only monitors sites that are considered “objectionable” to put on the report. Because of the way the Internet constantly changes, the program can’t keep up. Covenant Eyes offers total accountability to keep up with the ever-changing Internet world.
Second, comments and complaints from our tens of thousands of members, most of them churchgoers, do not reveal that this sort of information about Internet viewing creates problems. There are many types of Internet addiction (beyond pornography) such as information addiction (people who spend 10 hours a day just reading the news), gambling, gaming, and cyber-relationships. The program we have is useful to keep track of our overall Internet use. So far no one has complained about this being a counterproductive thing.
Third, I will say that having an accountability partner can be a major change from our culture, which breeds individualism. Some reject use of the program because they simply can’t imagine letting anyone else into their “private” life. Many of our users testify to having had this hang up but later saw the value of friendships that are more open, honest, and transparent. Of course, the program isn’t for everyone.
Thanks for the question.
Luke Gilkerson