Abstinence advocates are sooooo cute when they’re young.
19 Comments Published by Kyso Kisaen January 23rd, 2008 in Contraception, Edumakashun, WankersAn Alaskan High School senior has it all figured out:
Abstinence is the only method that should be taught in schools. It is perfectly effective, protective and simple.
By teaching students anything but the most effective means of preventing pregnancy, we are doing them a disservice.
He’s really changed my views; before this, I had no idea that eraser-less pencils were considered easier to use. Also, did you know that other contraceptive feature failure rates? But not abstinence, it’s 100% effective due to the power of semantics! After all, the minute you start fornicating, you’re no longer abstinent, meaning any pregnancies are the result of your failure to use your newly chosen method of birth control properly, not your failure to refrain from knocking boots.
Actually, abstinence has a pretty high failure rate. In fact, even just promising to be chaste has a pretty high failure rate, with kids telling you less than a year later, nuh-uh, I never said nothing about refraining from sex.
Sam continues with his impeccable logic:
Furthermore, some antibiotics, such as doxycycline and tetracycline, can render the pill less effective or even invalid.
Though the two may seem unrelated, the doxycycline someone takes for acne can invalidate birth control.
In a science class, would a teacher assign a lab whose success was dependent on the color of pants each student was wearing? Of course not!
Right, drug interactions are just like wearing corduroy to science class. Just like wearing denim or leather pants should have no effect on how long it takes your pendulum to complete one full swing, two different chemicals in your bloodstream have nothing to do with each other. Looks like chemistry and biology are electives in Alaska.
Those two factors seem completely unrelated, but broad-spectrum antibiotics and the pill also seem unrelated. Should a teacher assign such a nonsensical lab? No.
In like manner, should a method of birth control as complex and as susceptible to arcane medication interactions as the pill is be taught? No.
Arcane? Drug interactions are arcane? Like latin or alchemy? That explains why I have to hire Sherpa guides for the arduous journey to see my pharmacist every month. He studies his cryptic craft in a remote monastery at the top of a dangerous mountain, and only those who prove themselves worthy are allowed a glimpse of his precious knowledge. And if you think I have it bad, you should talk to my dad – he’s medicated for high blood pressure and has mild diabetes; he has to fight over a dozen men trained in 4 different, obscure styles of Kung-Fu and solve an ancient riddle every time he needs his meds tweeked. If we had nationalized health care, he’d only have to fight 5 guys, but that’s just creeping socialism so forget I said anything.
In math classes, are students taught formulas that, if used correctly and consistently, will still fail at some point? Of course not. Students are taught formulas that work without fail.
Well sure, in high school you are only taught that math which leads to concrete answers that work without fail. Actually, not even, you’re just given problems that are carefully set up to avoid any pitfalls that may be contained in the equation. Even the quadratic equation can be a bitch to solve under the right circumstances. This idea of spoon-feeding high school students relevant but carefully screened information on subjects that get significantly less clear-cut out in the real world has no parallel to your sex education theory, so don’t worry about it.
Even if used perfectly, the pill can fail. If used perfectly, abstinence will never fail.
It is for that reason, not religious philosophy or ideals, that teaching abstinence-only in sex education classes has validity.
I’m not sure where this idea comes from that pills and condoms are bad because actual-use failure rates are higher than perfect-use failure rates, but abstinence gets a pass from this tut-tutting. Abstinence when used imperfectly (which, like all the other techniques, it will be) is worse than condoms or the pill even when they’re used imperfectly. To minimize risk should they not make it to the finish line, all teens should know where to get and how to use condoms. It is for that reason, not progressive philosophy or ideals, that teaching comprehensive sex education classes has validity.
I guess students at Steller Secondary School catch a cold or even the flu occasionally, just like everyone else. Don’t they teach them how to avoid these? Can it really be that Alaskan schools teach their students methods that do fail occasionally even if used perfectly? Or don’t they teach them anything at all?
Is medicine really an exact science? I would have thought human beings are too diverse, the body too non-standard to react to any stimulus in a wholly predictable manner. There are no two people who are alike, so no two people will react the same way to the same dose of any drug given under identical circumstances. If – and this is a big if – there should be a way of considering everything: size, performance, energy consumption of every organ, interaction between all parts of the body, external influences, previous illnesses, presence, excess or lack of nutrients or any substances the body synthesizes, and so on (this list would fill volumes without ever being complete), then one could possibly, just possibly, calculate the exact reaction to any given treatment. Provided you get a few days of runtime on a rig like MDGRAPE-3. Comparing college maths to real life medicine is ludicrous.
I am quite good at black-and-white thinking myself, quite prone to the classical all-or-nothing approach, at least when I’m tired or depressed. And I was worse when I went to highschool, but Sam is way beyond me – the pill can under certain circumstances be rendered ineffective, so dump it altogether. Ditto condoms with their atrociously high failure rate even when used correctly.
You don’t need railings or parapets, you know. Just don’t go near the edge and you run no risk of falling off. Just ignore the wind and the rain and the darkness and everything will turn out right. Brilliant thinking!
Of course, abstinence is the only contraception method that really works without fail as long as you use it correctly. But you have to really want to stick to it, and who really does? This would mean really not wanting any sex at all, and this makes abstinence unsuitable for about 99.7% of Sam’s target group. Sooner or later you’ll get into a situation where you want to quit. And you will quit, and then you have no fallback, no protection at all. But at least you didn’t fail with an ‘unsafe’ contraception method…
I can think of at least two other things that, when used perfectly, also prevent pregnancies. Homosexuality and abortions (well, full term pregnancies anyway).
I look forward to the implementation of my “homosexuality, and abortion-only” lesson plan in all US public schools. By teaching students anything but the most effective means of preventing pregnancy, we are doing them a disservice.
Too soft, Rabbit. Compulsory sterilization for all is the only method that will REALLY work without fail (as vasectomy does have a fail rate, castration would be the method of choice, of course). The – oops, thin ice, tread carefully; tragedies from the first half of the 20th century loom – most worthy males would be singled out as breeding stallions and be kept in breeding factories. Access would be restricted to sexually mature, healthy females of good stock.
This would immediatlely end the teenage pregnancies problem. There would be no unwanted babies anymore, probably less violence all round. The bottom feeders wouldn’t reproduce anymore, neither would illegal immigrants. A Golden Age would ensue. Hoo-bloody-ray!
Sam might want to check to see whether every single student in his math class is getting an A before proclaiming that the formulas taught there work without fail.
Abstinence fails sometimes too. It’s called rape.
Dear Sam-the-Wise,
When you practice abstinence but get raped, abstinence has probably failed. Can you give me a foolproof method to avoid rape? It would be really helpful.
Thanks for your time,
Sera
Stephen, if students fail to get an A, is this because a formula doesn’t work without fail, or is it because they don’t use said formula correctly and consistently? In a context of highschool maths, I should expect the latter to be the case.
A student’s failure to get an A doesn’t necessarily allow us to draw any conclusions as to the validity and correctnes of the formulae he used. On the other hand, there are a various ways to get an A without using the right formulae correctly and consistently – bribing the teacher, copying from your neighbour, preparing and using a cheat sheet, getting the calculation right through sheer luck (or by making a number of errors that cancel each other out). All these have to be ruled out before anything can be said about the formula.
Sam should get an independent appraiser to evaluate whether the formulae taught at his school do in fact work without fail.
A student’s failure to get an A doesn’t necessarily allow us to draw any conclusions as to the validity and correctnes of the formulae he used.
So the formulae have perfect use and imperfect use failure rates? We probably need to know both – if the students aren’t using their condoms or their exponents correctly, clearly we have problems at all levels of education.
But I remember reading an article about creative students dealing with the whole abstinence issue: Anal sex!
The girl is still ‘vaginally pure’ and the act isn’t considered ’sex’ and yet the boy still gets his rocks off. I also remember in high school there was a certain body fragrance that came in a strategically shaped container.
It seems like the only way to truly contain the pregnancy issue is to go veggie! Carrots, cucumbers, squash, potatoes, melons…
GO VEGGIE! Veggisexual…
If used perfectly, abstinence can cause divorce and instant amputations.
Everytime one of my earnest young (white guy) freshmen tells me abstinence is the only birth control method that never fails, I laugh and say, “You’re messing, right?”
They stare at me in confusion.
Then I add, “My mama had four kids using abstinence as her BC method, sweetie. Never fails, my back teeth.”
melons…
*blink blink…*
Giving or Recieving?
There is no question that 100% of the time, when morons on blogs STOP typing and STOP opening their putrid pie-holes, they also STOP babbling utter and complete idiocy. Works 100% of the time, guaranteed.
Abstinence works for both birth control and the creation of mindless ideas by idiots.
Of course, some idiots don’t wish to control themselves, and the babbling of utter and complete idiocy continues. More’s the pity for them.
Dear Nobody,
I’m afraid I just don’t understand. Are you angwy? Can you tell me how to always avoid rape 100%?
Love and kisses,
Sera
I happened to catch the bit of American Idol with a Catholic high school teen giving an abstinence speech prior to her audition. My first thought was that it’s generally inadvisable to take sex/life advice from high school kids.
“In math classes, are students taught formulas that, if used correctly and consistently, will still fail at some point? Of course not. Students are taught formulas that work without fail.”
Oh wow! Tell you what, in Economics 101 in college, we’re taught formulas that “work without fail”. And then when the newly enlightened freshmen leave the class and try and apply their simplistic ideas to the real world, they fail miserably and make the freshmen look like prats.
Is abstinence like Econ 101? Perhaps, perhaps.
What also never ceases to amaze me is when a sweet, baby faced little high schooler or middle schooler that talks about abstinence and the benefits of waiting until sex to have marriage to avoid undesired pregnancies and STDs actually has no response to my question for them:
“So you want to be constantly pregnant when you do get married? You want to be pregnant every nine months?”
pfffft.
hook.line.sinker. suckers.
I like the assumption that all married couples want unlimited kids. Because the only people who would want birth control are dirty fornicating sluts, of course.
Abstinence when used imperfectly (which, like all the other techniques, it will be)
I’m thinking abstinence works pretty damn well for high school kids who write articles like this one. They can certainly cite the awesome success rates of their own not-getting-laid initiatives.
The question is, are they not getting laid because they’re hideous losers, or are they hideous losers because they’re not getting laid? Where does a circle begin?