Someone please ask these men to shut the f*** up
Published by punkass marc December 2nd, 2007 in If I have to suffer you have to suffer, Zinczenko'dLife is good when I forget askmen.com exists. I sleep better, I smile more, I believe in a brighter future for our children.
But then they write an article on video games and it shoots to the top of the charts at n4g.com, my favorite aggregator of geeknews. You might be asking yourself, “why would an article from that shithole spark such interest from the gaming community?” And you probably don’t have to think too long before answering “boobs.”
Yep, AskMen.com tackled something completely refreshing — they rated the hotness of some women. In this case, they focused on what they’re calling the Top Ten Hottest Women in Tech. The article kicks off with one of the least coherent intros in paid-writing history:
While there used to be a social stigma attached to geekdom, nowadays it’s become fashionable to label oneself a nerd. While there are surely a cavalcade of factors behind this change, the rise of the internet has clearly played a substantial role in the nerd’s ascent.
The proliferation of scientifically minded women has proved instrumental in this shift, as the majority of contemporary tech pundits seem to belong to the fairer sex. Stranger still, many of these women possess the kind of looks one normally associates with supermodels and A-list actresses — which, admittedly, is a great way to capture the interest and attention of a garden-variety nerd. While there are certainly a number of drop-dead gorgeous ladies within the world of tech media to choose from, we’ve narrowed the list down to 10.
I confess I was delighted that the intro’s start was so eerily reminiscent of the “Since the dawn the dawn of time” openings we used to write in 4th grade. Was anyone else subjected to this diagram as a youth?
Clearly this guy was. But he didn’t seem to pick up much else, because the rest of those paragraphs came together like bleach and bowels.
First, the painfully obvious: the internet has played a role in the rise of geek-chic. GET. OUT.
Then, the absurd: that tech pundits are “scientifically-minded.” Kyso Kisaen is scientifically minded. Taking nothing away from the profession (I make a fantasy football show for pete’s sake), people who make TV shows about Grand Theft Auto have not necessarily proven their scientific credibility. After all, science is generally defined as:
1. a branch of knowledge or study dealing with a body of facts or truths systematically arranged and showing the operation of general laws: the mathematical sciences.
2. systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation.
The askmen.com definition apparently means “reporting on the use of gadgetry.”
Then, the moronic: claiming that it’s “stranger still” that women who are attractive might also be intelligent… and feigning surprise that women selected to talk tech on television possess the afore-mentioned good looks. It’s almost like he doesn’t write for a website that tries to draw an audience by showing pictures of attractive women. You’d think he might have a clue why pretty girls are picked to be on TV. Oh wait, he does — he says it’s how you get “garden variety nerds” to pay attention. So why is it strange to him then? Argh.
The intro’s the highlight, but the 10 awkwardly phrased summations of why these women were picked give it a run for its money.
Speaking of #10 Wendy Cheng, a blogger who also writes for Maxim:
And Wendy’s brutal honesty on estrogen-centric topics, such as sex, dating and fashion, has made her an icon with the fairer sex.
Now, I could be missing something, but I believe this writer just described sex and dating as topics pertaining only to women (to say nothing of fashion). Even askmen.com editors *probably* should’ve caught that one.
On #9, G4 TV writer/personality Blair Butler:
Blair’s natural charisma and quick-thinking demeanor made her an ideal fit for on-camera work, and it wasn’t long before she started popping up in a number of X-Play’s recurring sketches.
Quick-thinking demeanor. How would that work, exactly?
#7 Amanda Congdon manages to dress herself well AND have a personality:
Amanda Congdon is one of the hottest women in tech because she possesses the sort of unattainable looks one associates with a supermodel, yet she’s certainly proven herself to be a far more complex figure than your regular clotheshorse.
Note: “tech” in this case means making a web show about driving across country in a hybrid.
The others are all just as inane, but in case you missed the entire point of his article, he drives it home in his final sentence on, um, “winner” Amber MacArthur:
At any rate, Amber can’t help but come off as that rare beauty who’s as smart as she is attractive.
Got that? You ladies need to stop trying to be all that and pick hot or smart, because the two almost never go together. And if they do, you deserve to be covered in askmen.com drool. Now, who’s up for a Ten Hottest Readers of PAB piece?
…but I believe this writer just described sex and dating as topics pertaining only to women (to say nothing of fashion)
…all too easy. I’ll just leave that one alone.
Poor schmucks.
I love the idea that the ‘garden-variety nerd’ is necessarily a guy, and a straight one at that.
Does this mean an end to the days when anything with longish hair and a vagina could be the hottest thing at the convention? I guess I’d better re-start that Pilates program.
Besides the poor writing (could these women be any more ‘bubbly’ or modelesque?) I really love, love, love this guy’s conflation of techy with “scientifically minded.” Not that these people aren’t smart - like sports broadcasters the pressure is on to be 100% on with all your trivia and quick-witted so that you don’t bore people to death or make a complete ass of yourself, and if you can do that AND you’re pretty enough to be on TV, then great. (Although I do wonder if the author of this piece would consider those women so smart if they weren’t so very hot. I’m thinking…no.)
But it’s a special conceit among a certain type of techy-minded guy that conflates being an opinionated blowhard on obscure technical details with being Nikolai Freakin’ Tesla. And while the article seems to imply that these women are die-hard geeks who happened to land spots on television or gaming websites, it looks like most of them started out wanting to be in media and then found the niche that is the estrogen-free wastelands of geek chic-ery. I’d say the author is delusional on several levels.
And holy jesus god, the link about “hot women” in that first paragraph goes to a list of the top 10 babe-producing countries, with USA as #1. Are people actually getting paid for this shit?
Are people actually getting paid for this shit?
U-S-A! U-S-A!
Not only are we Babeland #1 but also Literary Capital of the World.
Now, I could be missing something, but I believe this writer just described sex and dating as topics pertaining only to women (to say nothing of fashion). Even askmen.com editors *probably* should’ve caught that one.
Maintaining the illusion that they’re not talking about “girl stuff”while talking about girl stuff is the only way to keep their readers coming, I suppose. The levels of denial are similar to those in Larry Craig’s brain when he’s giving a hummer in a bathroom.
Now, who’s up for a Ten Hottest Readers of PAB piece?
There could be a lot of potential for hurt feelings after the results come out. I don’t know if this makes me warmer or cooler towards the idea.
Huh. Given that there are plenty of conventionally beautiful women who have real tech cred, it’s telling that none of them were featured — evidently the notion of beautiful women out-engineering just about anyone is too threatening for askmen.com to handle.
Helen, you may be giving these guys too much credit. To claim that they are threatened by women with actual non-media-personality professional credibility is claiming that they actually are aware of where tech gadgets come from. This is an article written from the perspective of a man who thinks that writing articles praising/bitching about gadgets that have a sufficiently techy vocabulary requires as much knowledge and skill as making the PSP or the smaller iPod in the first place. The fact that he’s willing to extend that kind of cred to the female geek punditocracy may actually be a mark of how progressive he is. After all, it’s not his fault all the geek chicks on TV are slamming hotties, we have to blame the patriarchy.
Now, do any of these women who do real tech research or engineering have television shows or frequently updated websites? Because if they’re just sitting in their offices being all not-hot and not-on-television, then they are clearly way too much effort to find. If you got to the end of the article, you’ll notice that two of the three article sources are wikipedia and imdb.
Their “babe producing countries” article showed a little more effort - it looks like they just looked at how many times a woman got on their hottest whatever the hell lists and then to see where the top-rated women were from. However, their conclusions are pretty weak because their methodology is poor - of course American hotties make their lists more often, they’re an American magazine reacting to the rest of America’s American-centered media. The same study done by an Italian men’s magazine would probably find that Italy is the best babe-producing country in the world.
Point is, I can’t believe these guys get paid for this.
Considering that we can’t see anybody when we post here, where would the “hot” part come in? Hottest use of html? Hottest use of grammar? Hot exhuberance of diction?
I’m all for a hottest PAB reader competition. Especially since I have a fever at the moment.
*rimshot*
The way I see it working is we tell you to send in pictures, then we decide who sent in the hottest stock photo they found on the interwebs and award those who also sent paypal “donations” in with their pics.
I love the idea that the ‘garden-variety nerd’ is necessarily a guy, and a straight one at that.
I’m also guessing he thinks of himself as more Nice than physically attractive or charismatic.
I believe I’ve already posted my pic here, Antigone:
I don’t see why readers shouldn’t have to do the same.
Oh, so we’re going with Kyso’s idea?
I knew Blair Butler when she was an up and coming standup comic in Chicago. Besides being into the social scene around Quimby’s Bookstore and Chicago Comics, she was gay and feminist and yet another example of how those things don’t exclude filthy humor.
She was also adept at dealing with most obnoxious guys in the underground comedy circuit. She moved out west to be with a girlfriend and vanished off my radar until mutual friends told me she was on G4.
It was disconcerting to see Blair glammed up for TV, but she’s clearly not a bimbo. Alas, that doesn’t spare her from being objectified by the geek set, perhaps because they’re threatened by her. If they knew her in real life, they’d be even more threatened.
It’s ironic because she’s attractive and on TV makes and thus on stupid lists like this, some assume she’s devoid of real nerd cred. In fact, that’s the authentic core of her TV persona. Tolerance for nerd sexism, that’s likely a bit feigned for the camera.
I should also point out Blair’s specialty was, and apparently is, a deep knowledge of certain topics deemed nerdy and comedy. I doubt she’d call herself a tech specialist except in some satirical way.
Antigone,
If you want. I just like showing off.
hmpf,
Yeah, no disrespect intended to any of the “winners” at all — it’s not like they wrote their little “bios” for this trainwreck.