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Boundless Answers the question: Am I wrong to dump a guy for being a bad kisser?

However, after kissing him, I started getting doubts. He is not a very good kisser. He is not experienced and I find myself not wanting to kiss him.

I feel awful about this, because I know that this seems shallow of me. If I “break up” with him over his ability to kiss, but click with him on so many other levels, it will literally break his heart and I know I will probably regret it.

The answer: right and wrong are such harsh terms, but kissing is the gateway to necking, which is a path to fornication, and there’s always the chance that he’ll get better at it once you’re married.

Think back to what it was like before you found out what his kisses are like. Did you anticipate a good physical connection? Did the idea of being kissed by him make you swoon? That’s a wonderful state of expectation to be in when you’re approaching marriage. In that state, you can trust that the passion will follow — after the wedding. Then you can coach each other on what you like. To do so now is to open the door too wide on temptation.

I dunno, I think we need more information, especially in the critical area of backwash. Everyone has their own personal limit on exactly how much saliva they’re willing to exchange per unit time; if he’s exceeding this limit there might be problems. And as someone who has personal experience in being involved with someone who is by all rights perfect for you in every way, but just isn’t doing it for you for some reason: DO NOT for the love of all that is holy wait until AFTER the wedding to sort that shit out.

But Boundless Blog sees things a bit differently, consensus seems to be that our petitioner is shallow and that the coolest couples wait until they’re on the alter to swap spit. And our petitioner may be just a little guilty of having obtained a set of tonsil-hockey standards in a manner that is displeasing to the Lord:

I’m going out on a limb but it seems that the boyfriend is suffering by comparison here. Meaning the girlfriend has been kissed before. And apparently her previous kiss or kisses clicked in a way that it didn’t with him. Sad.

All dating couples who engage in passionate kissing and beyond run the risk of being compared to someone else. They also run the risk of arousing passions with someone not yet their spouse that may adversely affect expectations of passion with the one they end up with.

Conversely, if we keep our legs crossed, then we can all benefit from the community-wide shared low expectations!

Believe me. On your wedding day, you will not regret your lack of physical intimacy experience. As Candice has said before, this is the one area where inexperience is a good thing.

If his kiss leaves you cold, well for starters, it’s partially your own fault for having eaten from the tree of knowledge, if you get my drift, and also why are you nattering females so obsessed over something so trivial?

Em:
I am surprised that no one has yet directly addressed a cultural expectation that we have, which is actually hidden in what Candice writes above; namely, that a guy *should* be more experienced. (Not saying this is right).

Marc:
To all the girls who’ve watched one-too-many chick-flicks, I’ve got a shocker for you… when you kiss your “one true love” or whatever you want to call him, chances are, the inexperience will show. In addition, you will not hear the sound of an orchestra in the background. For any gal who is stuck in the chick-flick mode in regards to kissing, you need to grow-up and come back to reality.

I know I sound harsh, but I am this way because I have seen many-a-relationship be shaken because “he [or she, depending on what gender you are] is not a good kisser.” And so, if being blunt snaps some couples back into reality, and prevents them from breaking-up because of an oh-so-stupid issue, then so be it.

Adam T.:
My initial reaction was to envision the letter-writer as one of these girls who sits around not understanding why she’s still single at 30. “Duh… I can’t believe I’m not married - I’m such a CATCH!”

So this leads to a discussion about whether or not pre-marital kissing is forbidden by the Bible or if refraining is just extra godly credit and a slight digression where one man’s ban on his kids receiving phone calls from members of the opposite sex for any reason was defended with the existence of phone sex. That last bit didn’t have anything to do with kissing, but it does serve to remind us that the goalposts can always be moved when it comes to being paranoid about kids and sex.

But the battle to allow our children to call each other is for a future day, now is the time for a slightly different battle: specifically, the battle against giving naive young girls horrible relationship advice:

As for the young woman in the original column, she may rest assured that not being a good kisser is easily rectifiable, the process of which is one of the more pleasant aspects of marriage.

Listen, I dated a guy who had clearly belonged to the Kung-Fu grip school of masturbation, and as a result getting him off by hand actually hurt my wrists (it took forever) and sex frequently resulted in mild vaginal bleeding, and was about as fun and delicate as tenderizing a pork chop. His saving grace was he was pretty good with his hands. At any rate, he was far too stuck in his ways to change by the time I got to him, and I was his first sexual partner! If this sort of thing is important to you, don’t go into marriage certain that he’ll just change if you work on him hard enough unless you have a history of being able to work stuff like that out as a couple. Unless he’s willing to work on it, there will be no “easily rectifiable” and you’re the one who’s stuck banging teeth together and gagging on his tongue.