Fellas Feeling Frenzied
Published by punkass marc November 9th, 2007 in A Punkass Original Production, Cock!, What Patriarchy?Dear diary,
Last night was the wildest freaking night ever, man. I was at Aaron’s party, and maybe I’d had a few too many, but whatever — I was feeling good, and I knew that in my boot-cuts and tight shirt, I was looking good, too.
The place was packed, and without realizing it, me and my buddy Mike had slowly gravitated towards the center of the room. The music was pretty loud, so we had to lean in real close to talk, and whenever a girl would walk by, she’d make some lewd joke about us looking like we were together. We acted annoyed, but we had to admit it was pretty funny.
I wish I could remember how it started (and if I did, it would probably involve the words “Jagr” and “meister”) but at some point we hit a critical mass, and the girls who were just making little comments before were now suddenly circling around us and calling for us to make out. Now, I’ve *never* thought of myself as gay or even bi, but like I said, I was feeling pretty saucy. I told Mike that we’d never get out of here without giving them at least a little show, and that’s when I lifted up his shirt and licked his nipple. Oh damn, were they hootin’ and hollerin’! The ladies started chanting “More! More! More!” and when I looked in Mike’s face, I could see he was a little flushed. Heck, he was turned on!
Well, that was it. Before we knew what hit us, we were both on the floor, naked as the day we were born, and smooching up a storm. Then Mike got this wicked gleam in his eye and slid down to my crotch. Boom! Just like that he was deep throating the cuss out of me. Felt damn good, too; guess if you have the pipes you know how to drain ‘em. As I was loving every minute of the attention, I noticed that the girls all around us were completely lost in lust. Lots of them had their hands down their pants going to town and everything; it was so sexy. To give them a real show, I flipped Mike on his back and started working him myself. I even went two knuckles deep in his butt!
I have no idea how long we were going at it, but it all climaxed with Mike’s girlfriend Darleen coming over and saying she had to get a piece of this hot action. She rode each of us like dogs, and man was it hot. The gals at the party cheered her on until both of us guys were coated in her love juices. I think I passed out after that.
I’m sort of embarrassed now, but I also feel closer to Mike than ever. If he and Darleen are ever up for another roll in the hay, they can count me in.
——
From Tanya Enberg in the Edmonton Sun yesterday:
If you’re a straight gal with considerable dating experience, you’re likely already well versed in the straight guy’s subtle — and not so subtle — approach to playing the menage a trois card.
You know the drill: He primes you with questions like, “Have you ever had a threesome?” or “Have you ever been with woman?”
He’s feeling you out, and his hopeful optimism is so potent it’s palpable.
If you answer “yes” and “yes,” he’s struck gold in the heterosexual guy’s fantasy jackpot.
Any explanation beyond this revelation (”I was totally inebriated,” “Just experimenting in college,” or “I’d never do it again”) isn’t being processed.
He’s already tuned you out.
All he’s thinking is ‘Cool! She’s been with a chick!’
In his mind, there’s a chance you’ll do it again.
He’s gripped onto this new information like a pit bull with a juicy rib eye, has promptly slapped on his director’s hat, cast himself in the role of “lead stud,” and is already crafting up a heated story line of you getting busy with another woman.
Notice that these titillating three-way scenarios rarely involve bringing in another guy?
If a dude ever denies there’s a patriarchy, feel free to remind him of all of this.
If there is a subtle way to suggest a threesome, I’d like to know what it is.
If you answer “yes” and “yes,” he’s struck gold in the heterosexual guy’s fantasy jackpot.
I once had a boyfriend who fixated on me being bi-curious because a female friend had kissed me on the lips (no tongue, just closed mouthed) and I was baffled by it and trying to figure out what she meant. Some men will cling to ANY hope that they can get two women at once.
I’m now keeping the, “Sure, I’ll do a three-some, but we have to find a guy both of us are attracted to,” in reserve for these moments.
Hey, didn’t I tell you what happens at the Feministing parties stays at the Feministing parties?
If there is a subtle way to suggest a threesome, I’d like to know what it is.
Hey honey, I was at the store yesterday and *cough* don’tyouwannadoitwithanotherchick *cough* they had the BEST drapes.
Hey, I’m not such a big fan of stereotypin’ all threesomes as bad either. That said though, I didn’t realize you weren’t being serious (and that you were trying to make a point,) till I got to the attached news article. I guess expectations are different where I’m from?
Man, I have to use some of those frequent flyer miles the next time there’s a Feministing party, apparently.
That was kinda hot.
No, actually, that was hot. I’ve got wood.
Count me in as another Feministing party-crasher. Though Jagermeister, ewwww.
I’d love to see the average, het guy’s reaction when “Have you ever had a threesome?” is met with “No, but I’ve thought about it, and I have your pal Gordon all picked out just in case.”
Ailurophile, I have tried it. I wish I’d had a camera. Priceless. Funny, he never brought it up again.
What makes this observation ironic for me is that, from what I’ve seen, three-ways that involve a woman and two men have been by far the easier scenario to arrange.
What makes this observation ironic for me is that, from what I’ve seen, three-ways that involve a woman and two men have been by far the easier scenario to arrange.
I had a friend who did that, with the two stuntmen who played Batman and Robin a show we had. Since by the end of the encounter it was clear that Batman and Robin were more into each other than her, she really didn’t do too much bragging afterwards.
I’m not gay, either, Marc. We should party sometime. You know… just me and you. Two really straight guys just having a good time.
Crashing the party from the Pandagon thread on Look Both Ways.
1. I don’t think wanting to have a threesome is in and of itself a bad thing. I think that much of the male desire for it comes from our society (I wonder for instance how many MFF threesomes there were in Ancient Greece, for example) and our media. I don’t think that a threesome in the past means that that person wants to have one now.
2. I do think that oftentimes, though certainly not all times, bar-sexuality is people pretending to be drunk or using alcohol as an excuse to do things that aren’t as acceptable, with alcohol as the back-up blame for their actions. I know women who specifically do things drunk or “drunk”- make out with women, hook up with men, or otherwise go wild- because they can use the alcohol as an excuse while exploring their sexuality in a societally acceptable format.
3. I have done this myself.
4. I therefore get annoyed at all the people who have attitude about women making out for the male gaze- because sometimes it really ia about exploring another side of themselves in a safe enviroment.
5. I totally want to have a threesome.
I had a conversation about the “young women making out for their male counterparts at college parties” phenomenon in one of my classes recently. How fucking depressing. A few of the guys were like, “What’s the big deal?” The backed down when asked if they’d do the same type of performance for a female group. Oy.
Yeah, that was really fucken hot. Brings back memories.
I’ve had F-F-F threesomes, F-F-M threesomes and F-M-M threesomes. The first and last combinations made me most politically comfortable because even though the F-F-M scenario [constantly] took place in a long-term triad where we were all very attached to each other and the dude was as unscumbaggy as a dude in a patriarchy can be, I was still very aware of the societal expectations that made what we were doing a male fantasy and that everyone who knew of our arrangement saw it as like, ‘Wow, he’s so lucky to have two ladies all over him,’ even though our actual sexing wasn’t like that at all.