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I want you to close your eyes and imagine, if you will, that you’re in the following situation…

…Okay, wait, open your eyes, because either you can read with your eyes closed or you’ve stopped reading this post all of a sudden; neither makes me comfortable.

*Anyway,* pretend you’re a doddering Republican presidential hopeful falling behind in the polls. If you were participating in a debate with the other Republican candidates, attacking which of the following topics would score you the most points:

a) Drugs.
b) Rudy Giuliani’s secret desire to be as hip and awesome as you.
c) Hippies. Dirty, commie-loving hippies.
d) Places where people learn things.
e) Spending public money on places where people learn things.
f) Rock music.
g) Fun.
h) Hillary Clinton.
i) All of the above.

Answer after the fold.

If you answered i), all of the above, you’re correct! Now, imagine you successfully pulled off that moment in the debate — you attacked each and every one of those things in one glorious beatdown that drew a standing ovation. What would be the next logical move? Would you:

a) Select a phrase from that moment as the new slogan for your campaign.
b) Call Rudy Giuliani and taunt him about how you verbally teabagged him in front of the nation.
c) Use drugs while listening to some fun rock music in a public place of learning while wanking it to a picture of Hillary Clinton.
d) Kill a hippie.
e) Turn that moment into a campaign ad.

I don’t have another fold, but if you selected e), the campaign ad, you’re correct!

Here it is:

So there you have it! John McCain successfully bottled his finest hour. He showed how he masterfully brought down the hate on all the tired stereotypes of the left and made sure to include the shot of Giuliani eating it up. For a guy who can’t even eke past Fed Thompson, that’s quite an achievement.

But there was one seriously disturbing element of that video. Was it:
a) McCain’s jowls.
b) The awkward way we’re supposed to be kinda turned on by the scantily-clad hippie chick and then shame ourselves for daring to feel.
c) Tye dye.
d) The crowd’s orgasmic response to the thought of a PoW.

I probably don’t have to tell you which of those is correct, do I?

John McCain was captured and tortured for a war now universally regarded as unjust and unwinnable. If anyone should have perspective on why we shouldn’t be doing what we’re doing out in the world, not to mention the effects on all the Americans supposedly supported by our ubiquitous bumper magnets, it’s McCain. And if anyone’s story should be a reminder to right-thinking individuals about the cost of such wars, it’s McCain’s. Heck, he even points out the joyful opportunity he was *missing* while being held captive.

But what does the crowd do? They go wild for him! They go wild for the thought of McCain’s noble sacrifice. These people don’t care why he was imprisoned or whether it was a gross injustice. They don’t care how many more dead soldiers and PoWs they’re piling up for unjust reasons right now. They just love PoW stories and the thought of soldiers sacrificing everything for the flag. Doesn’t matter why, doesn’t matter if it was worth it, it’s just sexy.

That unspoken fetish is real, and it’s another reason why our wars will continue to be rationalized by millions of Americans.