PunkAssBlog.com

Is it midterm time already? It must be - the weather is changing, the days grow shorter, and the wind blows over hill and dale, caressing the campus and picking up the smug cry of the newly hatched ‘concern’ feminist. Hearken to the self-righteously uninformed screed of the third-runner up of the Bestest Girl/Honorary Boy competition as she makes the first of many homes she’ll find in inferior, content-desperate publications across the land. Sure, today it’s the wretch that is your student paper (seriously, is there a student-run paper worth a damn anywhere in the country?) but tomorrow, it could be Townhall, or even, God willing, IWF.

But she’s got the routine down, she just needs some polish. Step 1: Pick a somewhat interesting non-topic over which to get your panties in a twitch. Ignore the fact that the vast majority of students have sex lives that rival that of their parents in terms of frequency and variation of partners and go straight to giving yourself a wedgie over the fraction of the 20% who are actually getting some who may be getting theirs in an irresponsible manner.

An online search of the phrase “hook up” returned some interesting - though nonscientific - results. The most benign definition I found came from dictionary.com - to join or become associated with.

I found the most disturbing definitions on open-source Web sites like wikipedia.com and urbandictionary.com. A hook up, according to Wikipedia, is “casual sexual activity.”

Really? Because the most disturbing definitions I found were when I did a safe-search-off Google Images search for “hook up.” Although I was impressed with the diversity; it’s not often the same search will bring you old men golfing AND a close-up of a fishhook injury AND a woman fucking a large dog in the top 10 results.

Two grafs in and already I’m thinking Callie Corley’s opinion isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Clearly she didn’t dive into the real nitty-gritty of her subject matter. Where is her outrage over what that dog is doing to that poor woman’s emotional fidelity?

And here, she fumbles again:

And if you ask most college students how they classify a hook up, their definitions echo those from the open-source Web sites. Also, forgive me for any wide-sweeping generalities I make. I know there are always exceptions.

NEVER apologize for getting your rage on, Callie! I mean, you are a girl and are therefore hardwired by genetics to apologize in advance for breathing, but if you want to moral scold with the big dogs, then you have to stifle that impulse, ESPECIALLY when you’re about to shoot your mouth off over something that you have no idea about.

Cosmopolitan magazine says hook up culture consists of “lots of partying and flirting, plenty of alcohol, and […] the idea that women can be just as bold and adventurous about sex as men are.”

Cosmo says alot of things, though, and almost all of it’s crap. For example, they routinely suggest “surprising” your partner with sexy-time props like ice when in reality that is the sort of thing you need to clear with your lover in advance. They also imply that you should feel comfortable spending $200 on a pair of jeans, and that the $80 range is a bargain.

Also, it’s a newb mistake so don’t feel bad for making it, but if you’re blaming feminists for something and your examples come mostly from your imagination and Cosmopolitan Magazine, prepared for a good old fashioned feminist mocking, because you have already torched your relevance as the voice of the young and hip-to-be-square.

College students around the country fall victim to this hook up culture everyday, not just women.

And the remaining 80% of students who have between 0-1 partners a year (but are all convinced, absolutely sure, that their contemporaries are getting more tail) would like to know how it’s done.

I won’t let the pig-headed college guy stereotype convince me that all guys only want to hook up. I refuse to believe that.

Hey! She’s right! Men might be individuals, too! Some may want things different than others! What bold and visionary thinking!

I do believe, however, that women are more affected emotionally - and, obviously, physically - by this culture.

This is the part that is feminism’s fault, for feminists told women they could reach for the stars, and then promptly fuck them, but failed to have the proper PR in place for when society ignored the boring thinky bits (”Women, long denied access to power, wealth or even bodily autonomy… *snzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* Boorrr-iiiing!”) and kept only the juicy bits (”Hotties, feel free to fuck, and ignore that ugly woman crying about how all sex is rape - what a nut!”).

You got a better theory? Patri-what? Booorrr-iiinnnggg!

I think when it comes to equality the genders should be equal.

If Plato had been a chick, and felt the same way about gender equality, he’d totally have been Callie Corley. Because that was deep.

Women and men should be able to achieve the same high-profile jobs with big-figure salaries. We should share the workload in the office and in the household.

Equality is fine for the boardroom, but in the bedroom, skanks and virgins only, the way God intended. We’re not all going to get high-profile jobs with big-figure salaries, and in the event that I’m pushing papers for a mere low-5-digits, I’m going to need a lightly used pussy to have some marriage market value. Feminists are destroying my plan B!

Thanks to feminism, women are doing better, going farther and achieving more than ever before. From childhood, men are taught to - hopefully - respect women and treat them equally.

With all the positive things feminism started, it did neglect to educate women about one certain thing. Though we can do whatever men can, we’re going to handle and react to it differently.

Let Callie say this slowly so you assholes get it. Cake. Eat. Too. Callie likes the college educating and the voting and the ability to get credit in her own name and everything, but she is not ready to go head-to-head on a level playing field when it comes to getting the best guys, and we all know it’s still all about getting the best guys. There is a script that she is comfortable with, and she’d prefer we not screw with it. So instead of saying that a fast and easy sexual culture upsets women because the patriarchy has distorted sex-positivity and young women rush into the new sexytime ‘feminism’ without properly internalizing real feminist principles, leaving them open for a big old shaming the morning after, let’s just say women and men are “wired differently.”

Grossman has seen thousands of students, but remembers one girl’s searching question vividly.

“Why, Dr. Grossman, do they warn you about STDs and pregnancy, but they don’t tell you what it does to your heart?”

With so much accessibility to birth control and other contraceptives, women can have as much sex as they think the average male has with less worry - though avoiding pregnancy or STDs is never guaranteed by any product….

Nothing, however, protects the heart or mind.

Which is why Grossman immediately developed the condom…for the heart. Buy with the Mind Sponge to prevent dangerous oxytocin saturation!

Women will, always, treat sex different emotionally and mentally than men. Men have the ability to compartmentalize and separate emotions. Women have a more difficult time disassociating from their emotions. It’s just the way our bodies are chemically designed.

…Feminism failed us, in this respect. We were given this freedom but not taught how to properly utilize it.

Is this what our sister suffragettes envisioned when they fought for women’s equality?

Right. Women are ‘wired’ to be clingy needballs, while men are basically Data from Star Trek but hornier. Just keep telling yourselves that.

Something needs to be done. Help women understand that nothing will change the way their brains chemically react, and give them the tools and courage to make good decisions about sexual health.

Silver Ring Things for everyone!

Educate men about this difference. Teach them to be understanding - when it comes to sex, a girl can never be one of the guys.

We must teach our children the difference. We must teach our boys of the Pussy Oversoul. For it seems as though the Oversoul taunts them, taunts them mercilessly, but there is a reason behind the torture, for first and foremost, the Oversoul must protect itself.

Had your fathers and your father’s fathers not been such bastards about the skank thing for oh, about the whole history of civilization, perhaps the Oversoul would be more generous and benevolent, but alas, they were and now you must respect the Oversoul, unless she’s put out in the past and is drunk, in which case, game on.

Relationship education is what’s needed. Somewhere college students are learning that it’s OK to hook up. Somewhere they’re learning that this represents the norm. Somewhere they’re learning that such behavior carries no consequences. Somewhere.

I blame the heart.

But that somewhere is not in the heart.

Oh, then I blame the patriarchy. It wasn’t the feminists; sure, we like for the wimmins to have a good time in the sack, but we emphasize that it often means being very discriminating and choosing sexual partners who are committed to sexual equal…*snnnnzzzzzzz snork!* Boorrrr-iiiinnngggg!