PunkAssBlog.com

Q: If you’re part of the mainstream media, how do you paint a lying, partisan, criminal hack on his way out the door?

A: As noble victim of the same types of crimes he actually committed.

The Houston Chronicle’s piece this morning by Patty Reinart should be inserted in journalism textbooks as the seminal example of how to reverse reality through the guise of supposed impartiality.

First off, it helps to open a story about a political criminal by painting his political opponents as dumbasses right out of the gate. Mission accomplished:

On whether embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales would keep his job, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., once offered a prediction: “I think he is gone. I don’t think he’ll last long.”

How long? “Days,” he said.

That was in March, after key Republicans had urged him to step down, too.

Ha-HAH! Now Gonzales looks like the kind of defiant job-keeping maverick this country adores. And why should he keep his job? Because, on the surface, he’s just the type of guy his political enemies are supposed to champion:

Today, senior aides at the White House told news organizations that Gonzales, who grew up in the Houston area and became the nation’s first Hispanic in the top legal and law enforcement job, has indeed resigned.

Next, make sure that everybody knows he isn’t the only guy leaving. Rather, he’s part of a large, nondescript crew that’s departing the administration casually, for no real reason or anything:

He follows out the door most of his senior staff at the Justice Department and close aides to President Bush such as Karl Rove.

Okay, we’re now several paragraphs in and the smokescreen’s looking good. No mention of any condemnable acts as AG, no mention of potential perjury before Congress, just a hard-working Hispanic guy who told those stuffy suits where to stick it until he and his buddies decided to mosey on for other reasons.

After reminding everyone again how long he nobly held out (which Reinart does), you then want to knock out all the criticisms of the guy first, before you explain why anyone might levy them:

Sen. Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania, the top Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, which is charged with overseeing the Justice Department called Gonzales’ operation “dysfunctional.” He accused the attorney general of lacking “personal credibility.”

Sen. Patrick Leahy, the Vermont Democrat who chairs the committee, was more direct: “I don’t trust you,” he told Gonzales.

So far, the article’s given us no idea why anyone would say those things, so they seem pretty ridiculous and without merit. That’s when we strike with state pride and buddy stories to butter up the audience:

Rep. Kevin Brady, R-The Woodlands, said he’s known Gonzales since 1999 when they both were named to the “Five Outstanding Young Texans” list and attended a ceremony together in Dallas.

Brady, who also is friends with Gonzales’ wife Becky, said Gonzales remained in office this summer “because the president believes this is a political attack rather than substantive criticism.”

“He is just not going to bend to political attacks,” he said. “I think the president believes that much of it is politically driven and he has confidence in Al Gonzales, who has got a very difficult post.”

Nice! See how Reinart uses a quote from Gonzales’ pal to say that what happened to him was a “political attack?” It saves her the trouble of making up the impartial truth herself; she lets cohorts of Gonzales do it for her. And again, we still have no idea why someone would strike at this misunderstood hero. Now that it’s been framed as Washington hooey, let’s let slip the most bland description possible of Gonzales’ actions:

But for Gonzales if not the White House, his decision to leave may have come after an evaluation of his remaining effectiveness as opposed to the motives for the criticism.

Much of the criticism arose over Gonzales’ explanations of why a group of chief federal prosecutors across the country were replaced.

Also questioned were his accounts of how his predecessor, John Ashcroft, interacted in his hospital room with administration officials seeking authorization for an eavesdropping program.

Hey, these things were just questioned, man, what’s the big deal? God forbid we explain why these things might be bad, or provide some of the backstory or evidence to put these things into context — that wouldn’t be impartial at all!

These claims look absurd. Time to let Gonzales defend himself:

To the accusation that the prosecutors were dismissed to blunt investigations of Republican politicians or for failing to probe Democrats, Gonzales this year told Congress. “I would not retaliate for partisan political reasons. That’s not something that I believe is acceptable, and would not tolerate.”

Now, it’s been awhile since we reminded you that this fine fella has some nasty little cobras biting at his heels in DC, and that some hubbub about staff turnover or talking to a guy in a hospital couldn’t be part of anything but a malicious agenda:

Some Republicans on the House Judiciary Committee aggressively cast the controversy as a partisan attack on the Bush administration.

Rep. Lamar Smith, R-San Antonio, said this summer that after two months of congressional inquiry, “the list of accusations has mushroomed, but the evidence of wrongdoing has not.”

He said some of the charges against Gonzales amounted to “the criminalization of politics” and urged his colleagues not to indulge in an endless fishing expedition.

Notice how we use the word “aggressively” in positive terms when describing Republicans? That’s because impartial people know that Republicans are paladins of freedom who toil against slimy goblin welfare leeches who criminalize politics to attack Hispanic heroes. [This also helps mask the stench of some of the criticisms of Gonzales coming from Republicans.]

After such a damning critique of the attacks, this is the best time to offer a tiny tidbit more about them, but we must be sure to follow it up with a response from Gonzales, no matter how unprovable or preposterous it is:

Along with the eight U.S. attorneys fired this year, a ninth, Todd Graves of Missouri has told committee investigators he was forced out more than a year earlier after he refused to back a Justice Department lawsuit charging Democratic voter fraud in the state.

Under intense questioning from Rep. Zoe Lofgren, D-Calif., about Graves, Gonzales insisted, “I have no basis to believe that case had anything to do with Mr. Graves’ departure.”

Whew, okay. Being a journalist is hard work! Framing all this impartiality can be exhausting, but thankfully we have only one step left: reminding the readers how much the President loved this guy at wanted him to stay.

White House spokesmen reiterated President Bush’s support for Gonzales throughout this year. “I think the president has full confidence in the attorney general and whenever that changes for any public servant, we’ll let you know — and I see no indication of that,” spokeswoman Dana Perino once said.

There you have it, folks! Gonzales — the man who ran the most partisan AG’s office in history and lied to Congress for partisan reasons — now looks like the victim of a partisan hack job.

Dem’s good impartialities.