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Even those of us young ‘uns born after 1980 know that Pat Boone is that guy who gave us mainstream rock’n'roll by sucking the soul right out of black artists’ songs, thus making them bland and palatable enough for a white audience:

Pat’s salad days of helping the black music community are long behind him (although I can’t be the only person who would pay good money even today for a Boone cover of MIMS “This is Why I’m Hot”) but that doesn’t mean he’s out of venues to display the self-awareness and cultural sensitivity that all of your conservative ex-entertainers (Chuck Norris, coughcough) are famous for. In his WorldNetDaily Exclusive Commentary Leave it to the Ladies, he wraps a shout-out to the leading ladies of conservative groups in a back-handed compliment and serves it hot with a side of WTF.

Consider the women, in our day, who have become the heads of state in India, Pakistan, Israel and Great Britain. Question: Is it likely that these very accomplished and brilliant women would have attained these positions if there had been men in evidence who seemed equally or perhaps even better qualified? Or was the ascendance of these women made possible by the public perception that there weren’t men of sufficient stature, integrity and experience available?

Don’t get all defensive, ladies; hear me out. I’m praising and complimenting you here. Thank God for you!

Yeah, ladies, don’t get your lacy unmentionables all in a knot just because Pat Boone wants to reduce your hard-won accomplishments in achieving some kind of representation in governance to the more properly feminine trait of picking up the pieces and soldiering on after your man let you down. Like Angela Merkel, she’s just like Lillian Gilbreth, who had eleven children when she was widowed. Not surprisingly, she was an expert in efficiency and was able to take over the leadership of her and her husband’s consulting firm and continue working until she was 80. Merkel’s just like that, except for instead of 11 kids, she has all of Germany, and instead of being widowed, it was just that all German male politicians are a bunch of pansies. Yeah, that’s it.

It’s a compliment. Really.

We’re getting used to seeing women as chief executives of huge international companies from Hewlett Packard to Xerox, Lucent and eBay.

These women have not only occupied positions of power, they’ve been doing man-sized jobs.

It boggles the mind. Women! Doing things! Just like they’re real people! And they’re doing it without the support and experience provided by the twigs and berries of leadership! How can this be?

At this point, Pat may have realized that he may have laid the retro 50’s style sexism on a bit thick, for here he brings out the requisite disclaimer of the privileged person who is vaguely aware that he or she has said something about which they can be brought roundly and rightfully to task:

A personal note: I grew up with two capable sisters, fathered four remarkable and exceptional daughters, and now have 10 terrific granddaughters to go with the five talented grandsons God gave Shirley and me. And my wife, Shirley, herself has proven so capable, so wise, so energetic and perceptive, that I’ve said honestly many times, “If somehow Shirley were made president, she’d have this country humming like never before, in a matter of weeks! She’s just that amazing!”

“I can’t be sexist! I’m surrounded by women, at least one of whom I’m willing to hypothetically place in the White House; but it’s just hyperbole that expresses how together I think she is. The idea of an actual woman I’m neither poking nor owning anywhere near the White House in real life actually discomforts me a great deal. Respect your elders, dammit!”

Like you I hope, I get scores of newsletters from activist organizations every week, groups that have been created to address the moral decay in our society; groups that are devoted to protecting our children and defending the institution of the family; huge groups of concerned parents determined to hold back the immoral influences in television, movies, music – and the school systems! – that are clearly corrupting the minds of our young. Of these valiant groups, so many are led by women!

OMGWTFBBQ!!11!! Like, they’re supposed to care about things like family, children, school, things that affect children, things that children may or may not encounter, and kids, but I thought they just sat at home, radiating care rays or searching for the perfect recipe that will fix the problem. I’d no idea they’d figured out how to organize. I didn’t even know they could use tools or write, yet here they were the whole time creating systems to address their concerns, just like a man would. Some of them also drive cars. Fancy that.

We’ll skip the shout-outs (have you heard of this Phyllis Schlafly woman? She’s just amazing!) and get straight back to the backhand:

And that’s my observation. As men, who are the obvious candidates for leadership, abdicate their responsibilities and sell their birthrights for personal gain, strong and dedicated women will – please, God – step into the gap, rally their fellow citizens, and point us back toward the prize of the high calling.

So women, thanks for the leadership, and Pat Boone looks forward to the day when you’ll lead us all to the bright shining future that will allow you to stop all this leadering nonsense and get back in the kitchen, where you will cease to make him feel vaguely uncomfortable about this ‘privilege’ concept those radical lesbian chicks are always yammering about.