PunkAssBlog.com

You know what sucks up the resources? Those damn kids. Always sitting in school, burning money. They can’t be taking time off to work in the fields or the factories and they can’t consume Coke products fast enough to pay for their sports AND their education. Lazy little fucks. Luckily the invisible hand of the market has stepped in to provide the wealthiest damn nation on the planet with the solution to adaquate school funding:

OfficeMax is gearing up for a sophomore season of “Schooled,” a reality style special that will air on the CW on Aug. 5, as part of the office supply chain’s back-to-school efforts.

OfficeMax and CBS? Teaming up for the kids? This can only be awesome!

Hourlong program’s essentially “Punk’d” for middle schoolers, and tricks students at New Jersey’s New Milford High School into believing their school is musically deficient, forcing them to attend a music rehabilitation program in order to keep its state funding. Prank culminates with a surprise performance by the All American Rejects.

“Music rehabilitation program”? I know every parent says this, but when I have kids, they will be specially trained to call shenanigans when adults start shoveling around that kind of bullshit. This is the sort of shit that “never trust anyone over 35″ slogan was talking about. These poor, gullible middlehigh (!!?!!OMGWTF!) schoolers. The adults that are supposed to take care of them went and sold their souls to OfficeMax and CBS. And for what?

Show was co-developed by OfficeMax agency DDB in Chicago, as a time buy and piece of branded entertainment that would entice kids to choose the retailer over rivals for their school supplies.

OfficeMax is awarding 55 of the participating students with backpacks filled with MP3 players, digital cameras and school supplies. Teachers received laptop computers, and New Milford High School was rewarded with a $60,000 OfficeMax gift card.

$60,000! That’s a lot of money! That the schools can spend however they like! As long as they like OfficeMax! And backpacks full of stuff! Why, how can OfficeMax and CBS combine to be so generous? Giving away tens (tens!) of thousands of dollars and getting nothing out of it but a whole bunch of publicity, which is worth like what, nothing?

Company saw an uptick in sales after the special aired, and is looking at the CW to provide it a potentially bigger audience this time around.

Maybe I’m over-reacting; after all, in this complicated digital age, isn’t having your parents and school administrators pimp you out to multinational corporations in exchange for baubles the same thing as when these kids put their pictures on Facebook? Who am I to say there’s a giant fucking difference? Plus it’s TV, which makes these kids famous, which everyone knows is way important. Maybe they’ll air the special next to PussycatDolls: Search for the Next Doll, which can give the girls extra encouragement to reach for those stars. So nevermind, forget I said anything against this wonderful, win-win idea that has no shady side and no possible negative ramifications.