Mission (almost, except for freaking Sudan) Accomplished!
Published by punkass marc June 18th, 2007 in Bush is a cock, Imperialism for DummiesYou said it couldn’t be done. You said he’d never make it happen, that Iraq would never make it to the top. And, yeah, it’s not there yet, but boy is it close:
Iraq has emerged as the world’s second most unstable country, behind Sudan, more than four years after President George W. Bush ordered the U.S. invasion to topple Saddam Hussein, according to a survey released on Monday.
The 2007 Failed States Index, produced by Foreign Policy magazine and the Fund for Peace, said Iraq suffered a third straight year of deterioration in 2006 with diminished results across a range of social, economic, political and military indicators. Iraq ranked fourth last year.
Can you believe he moved Iraq up 2 spots in just one year? And you know those are some of the toughest spots to climb over, what with all the bloodshed in Somalia and economic chaos in Zimbabwe. Well done, Mr. President!
And in case you doubt that this is exactly what he wants, check out what he said today about their progress:
President Bush had a nearly hour-long secure video teleconference with Iraqi leaders on Monday and came away impressed and reassured by the progress they’re making on political, security and economic reforms, the White House said.
See? He’s thrilled with the direction they’re going. He’s also thrilled about the recognition of his work, and in gratitude he sent the following letter to Foreign Policy magazine and the Fund for Peace:
Dear Eggheads,
Consistency. Like James Cameron on Titanic, we stayed the course. And just like him, we’re on a rocket ride to the top of the charts.
Because, if you think about it, James Cameron took naked photos of Kate Winslet; we took naked photos of our prisoners. James Cameron built one of the biggest sets of all time; we’re building the most fortified embassy of all time. And you didn’t hear this from me, but there was a rumor James Cameron used to rape up a few extras and ornery PAs, and you all know we’re beatin’ hard on Iraq with the rape stick!
When you envision yourself as a winner, like James Cameron, good things happen to you. All you smart people scoffed at me for trying to achieve my dream of a utopian Iraq, but look at it now — we got ourselves a genuine pleasure dome. You can kill two dozen innocent bystanders before lunch, or blow up anything that looks at you funny. The whole place is a real life Grand Theft Auto, and I made it happen!
My only complaint is with a sudan being ahead of us. I used to drive a Volvo sudan and there was nothing unstable or murderous about it. Please correct your clerical error.
Amen,
George
6 Responses to “Mission (almost, except for freaking Sudan) Accomplished!”
- 1 Pingback on Jun 21st, 2007 at 11:19 am
- 2 Pingback on Jun 21st, 2007 at 4:28 pm
But, hey, no new terrorist attacks, right? Which, as you may know, means the war has been a complete success.
The illusion of total security is sold at a price paid by perpetual war.
it is too bad they did not count palestine or the west bank and gaza as a state, it would have made the race to #1 yet more dramatic.
“Last season we raised them to Don’t Buy, now what the heck let’s raise them again to Risky!!!!”
“Did you hear that George Michael? Risky!!!”
Iraq really isn’t all that bad,
It’s just that all those federal funded faith-based abstinance programs have just been so darn good for those south African war lords.
Trully in Iraq we need more Jesus, less penis.