PunkAssBlog.com

Charles Morse tried to unseat Barney Frank in Massachusetts. Twice. In 2006, he had to give it a go as a write-in candidate, and it appears he totalled a whopping 145 votes.

Where do losers like that wind up after the bootprint finally fades from their pinched up asscheeks? Why, World Net Daily, of course. And Newsmax. Morse writes for both of them, as well as oh-my-god-is-that-really-their-name Enter Stage Right, the source for today’s gem.

It’s also worth noting Morse wrote a book called, and you can’t make this up, “The Nazi Connection to Islamic Terrorism.”

Methinks Chuck has a little too much Hitler on the brain, though, because the poor guy really has no perspective when it comes to Nazi analogies:

I’m driving my 8-year-old daughter home from school along with some of her fellow students and I hear giggling in the back seat. Asking to be let in on the joke, a young girl blurts out a vulgar and ugly little ditty about President Bush, the type of limerick that might have been told by a Nazi child about a Jew back in the 1930’s.

Kudos to Chuckie for such a subtle and considered opening to his essay expressing confusion over the liberal hatred of The Dubya Mafia. I, for one, can think of no better way to demonstrate objectivity than comparing an 8-year-old’s joke about the most powerful man in the world to Nazism. Also, kudos to him for letting his daughter hang out with a modern-day war criminal right in his own Volvo. That really shows tolerance for your enemies.

Or maybe it shows cowardice. I suspect he failed to confront this hatemonger with the truth behind her words, because it looks as though he was also too scared to ask where she heard them:

This is not the first time I’ve heard a little child spew hateful trash about the President. The impressionable child no doubt picked this little gem up at the breakfast table of her good liberal parents.

Really, the kid was right there, and probably restrained by a seatbelt. Was he seriously unable to ask about the limerick’s origin? Also, didn’t his kid just hear it from another kid? Why did it “no doubt” come from liberal parents? The Chuckmeister may be disappointed to hear this, but building your whole article around a faulty conclusion about the behavior of small children may not be the best way to build a career in journalism.

It also helps when your article contains fewer than 20 falsehoods. Let’s see if his musings on why we hate Bush pass the test.

Statement 1:
Certainly it couldn’t be the war in Iraq.

FALSE. Hundreds of thousands, possibly millions dead. Works for me as a reason.

Statement 2:
President Bush initiated the war to enforce United Nations sanctions that were being ignored by Saddam Hussein, an infamous dictator and a notorious human rights abuser.

FALSE. We knew there were no WMDs and we openly lied about Hussein’s connections to al-Qaeda to bolster support.

Statement 3:
Liberals revere the United Nations, claim to abhor human rights abuse, and have from time to time called for American military intervention to deal with intolerable situations of suffering and oppression in the world.

FALSE. Do you know any liberals who revere the UN? And I think we do hate human rights abuses, like the ones contradicting statement #1. Also, plenty of liberals hate military intervention, period.

Statement 4:
Bush went into Iraq softly and with a minimum of loss of innocent life.

FALSE. Again, see the refutation of statement #1, cobag. And how do you softly invade and occupy a country anyway? Isn’t that kind of what Hitler did in Czechoslovakia? Better not tell that 8 year old, or she might start to get some ideas.

Statement 5:
A more conservative approach, one that I would’ve supported, would’ve been a strategy of swift and total military victory against the enemy.

FALSE. Two words: Mission Accomplished.

Statement 6:
Bush proceeded to turn oil revenues over to the new Iraqi government and to preside over democratic elections.

FALSE. Anyone seeing the balance ledgers on those oil numbers? Plus, isn’t the real money in putting out the oil fires our own people started to line the pockets of Halliburton? And I guess we’re just so used to voter fraud right here in the US that it doesn’t stop us from calling Iraq’s fraudulent elections democratic.

Statement 7:
The American show of force in Iraq contributed to a decision by Libya to suspend its nuclear program.

TRUE. Probably. But what an utterly Machiavellian way to look at the world.

Statement 8:
I thought the stemming of nuclear proliferation was a devoutly held liberal goal.

FALSE. Again, means and ends, dude. We don’t want nukes, but we aren’t so into occupation and warfare as a way to reduce worldwide violence and arms escalation. Call us crazy.

Statement 9:
While continuing with a soft approach in Iraq, Bush has aided the new democratic government, the first ever in the region, in its difficult fight against religious fanatics.

FALSE. Continuing soft approach. Right.

Statement 10:
For a liberal, what’s not to like?

FALSE. If a question could ever be false, it’s that one.

Statement 11:
Certainly liberals couldn’t accuse the Bush administration of cutting the size of the government or of cutting any government programs.

TRUE. He likey the spendy.

Statement 12:
In seven years the President has still failed to veto a single pork-barrel spending bill submitted by Congress.

TRUE. Did you forget to mention it was a *Republican* congress for nearly all of that time, there, Chaz?

Statement 13:
Under the Bush administration, the government has continued to expand, always a liberal goal.

FALSE. Helpful hint to morons everywhere: liberals do not oppose government funding when it’s appropriate, for things like schools and job training. Extorting us for corporate greed? LESS COOL.

Statement 14:
The Bush administration has increased spending on education more than any administration in history through the “no child left behind” act endorsed by Senator Ted Kennedy.

TRUE. Maybe. But — and I know this will rock the foundation of this asshat’s world — Ted Kennedy’s endorsement is not the same thing as the Bible to liberals. Can you believe that shit?

Statement 15:
If there is one thing liberals love, its big and expensive government.

FALSE. Double negative points for being so unbelievably asinine in an article where you pretend to be looking for moderation and acceptance.

Statement 16:
Could liberals be upset about the immigration policy of the Bush administration?

FALSE. He knows we hate Bush’s xenophobic rhetoric.

Statement 17:
The President has demonstrated a complete lack of will when it comes to controlling the border with Mexico and stopping the massive flow of illegal aliens.

FALSE. The President has demonstrated grudging acknowledgment of the existence of Hispanics who vote.

Statement 18:
Building a fence along that border would be an obvious and cost-effective solution yet nothing has been done by this administration in this regard.

FALSE. Cost? High. Effect? Negligible.

Statement 19:
The worker-visa program, as advocated by Bush, could’ve been taken word for word right out of the liberal playbook.

FALSE. Our playboook has fewer awkward pauses.

Statement 19:
Yet liberals continue to wallow in this inexplicable hatred.

FALSE. Pretty explainable.

Statement 20:
I would suggest that liberals hate Bush more for what he represents than for who he actually is which is a centrist who governs slightly to the right of center.

FALSE. Jesus.

Statement 21:
Perhaps liberals would prefer a President who both espouses liberal ideas and governs liberally.

TRUE. Did you do the math yourself there, doctor?

Statement 22:
I shudder to think of how such a President would approach the war in Iraq, the budget, the growth of government programs, and the influx of illegal aliens.

TRUE. But only because of ignorance and paranoia.

Statement 23:
While Bush has not governed as conservatively as I would prefer, at least his liberal tendancies are tempered with a few conservative convictions.

FALSE. The only liberal tendency he has is the tendency to liberally combine liquor and highways.

Statement 24:
The answer to the question “why do liberals hate Bush” is one that I will continue to pose to liberals and I’m sure I will continue to hear a lot of double talk and non-answers.

FALSE. You hear the answers loudly and clearly. Unfortunately, the information has to pass through so much bullshit and double-talk on the way to your pea brain that it becomes difficult to process. I recommend hitting your head with a hammer until you pass out and then having dinner with the parents of your daughter’s friend. Perhaps that might clear the pathways a bit.

When you combine the 18 false statements above with the 2 falsehoods from that gem of an intro (the similarities between Nazism and anti-Dubyaism + the “no doubt” liberal brainwashing), it looks like Morsie’s budding career in the journalism field has hit a truthiness snag.

That’s okay, though. Maybe he can start up a new group of Nazi hunters that goes from elementary school to elementary school protecting the Bush family from harm.