The Young Christian Person’s Conference is all wrapped up, and photos are available online. Lots of bluish haze and fresnels pointed directly at the audience, the hallmark of an lighting designer who totally knew someone who once did the lights for a Coldplay tour, but alas will never design the lights for Coldplay himself. But he’s still cool.
Our young heroes, Alex and Brett (who, to my infinite disappointment, are NOT as hot as their blog photo would have you believe), gathered their rebelutionaries and divided them into home groups, presumably to play patriarch. Let’s compare the photos (Alex vs Brett) and see who wins!
|
Patriarchy Catagories: |
Alex |
Brett |
|
|
Size of household |
+9 |
+11 |
|
|
Gender makeup of household |
-3 |
-6/5 |
|
|
Control over the bitches |
-5 |
-100 |
|
|
Total |
+1 |
-90.2 |
|
Final Commentary:
Brett starts out strong in important patriarch categories such as overall household size and ratio of valuable boys to resource-sucking females. However, both slip when it comes to keeping the wiminz under control: despite the much-lauded Modesty Survey, both boys’ groups were heavy on the t-shirts with decorations on the bust, and both showed signs of feminine kneecap. What points Alex’s team gained for proper use of lip gloss and shiny, lustrous manes they lose for low necklines and peak-a-boo camisoles. Brett’s team loses points mostly for bust-centered t-shirtage and excessive make-up, and the harlot standing second from the right. Now there’s a girl who took the modesty survey as a how-to guide to titillate her Christian brothers, 80′s style.
I award the harlot 10 points for the flirty knee-skimming skirt, 10 points for the sexay top, 100 points for that retro perm, and 500 points for that awesome belt. She also gets 10 NYT points for being up-to-date on clavicle style, 10 Chris Muir points for holding herself in an awkward, hip-and-butt enhancing pose, and 10 smug sense of self-satisfaction points because look at that smile: she knows she’s hot.
Convention winner: Harlot, for reading between the lines of that ridiculous modesty survey and serving up a steamy dish of hawt during a rare chance to get some face time with one of our well-funded wonder twins. I’ll give her another 1,000 points if it can be shown that an eligible male took her aside to ‘talk’ to her about her dress, and she feigned shock that her attire was at all inappropriate and asked said male to help her discover what the Lord says about modest dress, starting with a sincere prayer of repentance. The other five girls may hate her guts, but if you’re gonna play the boys’ game, ladies, you’d best play it to win.
*snerk*
Everything is funnier in table form.
I just learned that office 2007 has a blog post template, so expect to see a bunch of crazy new formatting in the near future as I test the limits of this new convenience.