It’s sort of like a game of “Where’s Waldo” where the prize is a gag-inducing truth about our priorities.
Where Yahoo rates the loss of reproductive freedom in the grand scheme of things
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007Punkass Pimpage
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007Does this count as the first official “magazine-style” review of our site? I think it does!
I admit, AlphaBeta.com, a self-described “men’s lifestyle portal,” isn’t the first place I would’ve guessed I’d see a positive review of our site. Several of their articles send up the typical red flags associated with such communities (“how average dudes can land hot chixx!” etc.).
Though the review avoids the “f” word and instead primarily categorizes us as liberal (also a fair label), I’m thrilled to see a site that targets men encouraging its audience to check out to a feminist-friendly site like ours. As far as gender-based dialogue goes, I’m going to chalk this up as a sign of progress. Men’s Health himbo Steve Zinczenko could learn something from these guys.
Also, is it sexist to refer to something as “pimpage?” It is, isn’t it? Even if you’re doing it semi-ironically. Damn. I suck.
Not cool. On _so_ many levels.
School administrator’s investigative career foiled by super villian “Caller ID that does not automatically adjust for Daylight Savings”
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007A student near Pittsburgh spent 12 days in juvie hall because someone forgot to reset the clock on the caller ID.
Cody Webb was arrested last month, after Hempfield Area High School received a bomb threat on their student hotline…They believed they’d found the culprit when they traced the phone number they thought was responsible to Webb.
Unfortunately, the school forgot that the clocks had switched to Daylight Saving Time that morning. The time stamps left on the hotline were adjusted by an hour after Day Light Savings causing Webb’s call to logged as the same time the bomb threat was placed. Webb, who’s never even had a detention in his life, had actually made his call an hour before the bomb threat was placed.
Ahh, the legendary incompetence of school administrators. Well, at least they can defend themselves on the basis of their excellent investigative work and cool, even-handed treatment of the boy.
Webb gave an insight into the school’s impressive investigative techniques, saying that he was ushered in to see the principal, Kathy Charlton. She asked him what his phone number was, and , according to Webb, when he replied ‘she started waving her hands in the air and saying “we got him, we got him.”’
‘They just started flipping out, saying I made a bomb threat to the school,’ he told local television station KDKA. After he protested his innocence, Webb says that the principal said: ‘Well, why should we believe you? You’re a criminal. Criminals lie all the time.’
Cody, this is your chance to realize the dream of every high school student in America. Now that you’re no longer sitting in juvie for daring to call the school hotline, get a lawyer and don’t back down until every administrator in your (hopefully former) school has been replaced by someone who can tell his or her ass from a hole in the ground.
Females! Submit to your Biblically ordained roles or face a terrifying future as a bit part in a Polish film director’s 30 year old wankfest
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007Mrs Alexandra over at Homeliving Helper knows that feminists are out to destroy Western civilization. And we’re doing it by causing women to ‘forget’ that we actually like having to stroke a guy’s ego for 40+ years just to get some of those precious, precious resources. Doing this creates two new problems: one is girls are not being sufficiently trained to be all Victorian-like plus some guys are finding they like not having to worry that if they lose their jobs their wife and children will end up homeless, thanks to the wife’s income. Feminists hate these men, because feminists hate all men.
Well, Mrs Alexandra is out to tell you that men are wonderful. And we should be glad to serve them. And because feminists hate men so much, they’ve caused women to forget about how much better things were back in the day. And that chivalry is a privilege, not a right.
How many times does she have to tell you people this? It seems like it has been so many times. Will you not listen to Mrs Alexandra? Not even when she refers you to the learned words of Helen Andelin of Fascinating Womanhood fame? How about Britian’s newspaper of record, the Daily Mail? What about the Bible?
Ok, we can argue with Helen (and in fact, Mrs Alex does have a few bones to pick with her). We can dismiss the Daily Mail. We can even quibble a bit about the Bible, if our pastor says it’s OK. But there is one authority that no one can ignore, and today Mrs Alex was forced to bring out the big guns. That’s right, cult Polish soft-core sci-fi comedies.
I remember watching a film many years ago called Sexmission.[link added by me -K.K.] I don’t remember the story exactly but I think it was about a society after a nuclear war when nearly all men were killed and women built a matriarchy, which was totalitarian and fascistic. There were two men who survived and they were put to sleep or something, but when they woke up they set out on a mission to teach women about love and marriage. Women in the matriarchy were taught to hate men. They were shown parading in the streets and shouting “Man Is Our Enemy!!!” and taught that it was Adam who gave the apple to Eve in the garden, not vice versa.
It all happened in some bunker where women were kept by the matriarchy leaders lying to them that it was unsafe outside it. However, two women in the film fell in love with those two men, rejected matriarchy and ran out of the bunker to a free world. Like those women, we need to understand, that with some exceptions, a normal woman’s happiness consists in falling in love with a good man, marrying him, bearing children and taking care of the family. That’s how things have been since the Creation, that’s what most women want deep down in their hearts.
Men are not our enemy. Men are wonderful.
This is the future you wanted, feminists, and it is now. Look at it!
A serious study of a post-nuclear feminist world…and the lucky guys who get to tap that!
Two scientists are chosen as guinea pigs for a time experiment: they are placed in hibernation and should be brought back to life after three years. In the meantime, however, the World War III breaks out and life have been wiped out of the surface of the Earth. When they wake up, it turns out that not only 50 years have passed but also that they are the only living specimens of the male sex in a new, underground society composed exclusively of women. Max used to be woman-chaser so he finds himself in heaven. Albert, on the other hand, forgot all about love and sex as a serious scientist, but is willing to learn. So are the Amazons, who after a kiss turn into pliant kittens. The Council of Women is going to decide their fate, so they are trying to win more time. Eventually they make it to the surface, helped by beautiful Lamia. On the surface it turns out that there is life there and somebody has been living a decent life…
That’s right: in a future underground matriarchy, women will still train themselves to hate men, much like I spent most of last weekend training my boyfriend’s nephew to loathe the dodo bird like I loathe the dodo. Also, their head governing body will be called the Council of Women, just in case they forget. Can the two brave sets of masculine stereotypes fuck every mindbogglingly inept caricature of an angry feminist that made it to the underground pussy caves? We’ll find out as soon as I slog through the 30 other movies that are now ahead of this one on my netflix queue. As far as I can tell, most viewers respond well to the movie’s dire warning against the spectre of women’s lib, with one Amazon reviewer going so far as to declare it could “be very educational for kids.”
So, what are the odds that these beautful Amazons who need only a man to guide them hold high court in the sauna? Because that would be hot.
The perks of not being an asshole
Saturday, April 14th, 2007It turns out the Flash Gordon crew had nothing to worry about. Look what happened to Chris Clarke when he peeled off that male privilege and washed it down the sink. That’s what it’s often like when you’re a decent person because you want to be. For fuck’s sake, as long as you don’t tell anyone that you’re only being nice and understanding and shit to get women to stroke your ego, you’ll probably get the same results he did, if you can manage to be half as charming.
I mean, using your privilege is another option, and there’s certainly an argument for that. I imagine following strange women around to watch them squirm would make a guy feel pretty powerful. It might even get some of your friends to buy you a beer.
The one I wouldn’t go for is whining about how you want to be a nice guy, really you do, but you just can’t stand the thought of toiling away in the darkness and dying an unsung hero. You don’t get the gratitude or the asshole rush out of that, so what’s the point?
It’s our 1-year blogiversary!
Saturday, April 14th, 2007A year ago, I realized the blogosphere lacked a truly civilized hub of carefully qualified policy discussion. After considerable praying on what to do about it, God finally spoke to me. Well, not so much spoke to me as gave me a sign.
Kind of.
Because what happened was my middle finger got slammed in a door, and I was all hopping around and creatively praising His name when I looked down upon mine throbbing finger and realized it was pulsing like a beacon… a beacon calling to anyone who ever desired centrist political commentary delivered dispassionately and reverently.
[Insert choral "Aahhhh."]
After that, I scooted over to Pandagon to rescue a few souls from that hedonistic hellhole. I tossed my finger in the faces of Kyso Kisaen and R Mildred, awakening them from their Sapphic trance, and threw it in the face of a guy on the street corner who turned out to be McBoing. Together we agreed to become punkasses who fought for moderate interpretation and playing it safe. [We tried to make a cool handshake, but McBoing kept accidentally dislocating our thumbs.]
And lo, on April 14th, 2006, punkassblog.com was born. We hoisted a God-fearing image of my middle finger, now our middle finger, to the rafters so that it might be seen throughout these series of tubes by the masses.
Now, one year later, over 3200 unique visitors a day genuflect at the finger, devouring over 30,000 of our punkasswafers of truth a day. It’s truly been a miraculous adventure.
Along the way, we lost R Mildred to squirtier pastures, and McBoing became someone with a busy job and stuff, but we’ve also added our very own expert on the Science of Junk. Now, Kyso, junk science, and I forage bravely ahead into Year 2 of Our Finger ready for action:
We’re even better outfitted than our troops!
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to share with us — thanks to our regular readers, our occasional readers, and pretty much everyone except our trolls. Thanks to our first commenter, Betty Cracker, our first frequent commenter, elfinity, our most recent commenter, Jonah, and everyone else who took the time to comment in between.
And now, on this special day, if you could do us one favor, we’d be humbly grateful. Our first ever post, written by Kyso, has 0 comments. Instead of commenting here, if you have a minute, please head over to that first post and leave any comment you like. It would mean a lot to see how much we’ve really grown since day one on the spot where it all started.
For all of us, and for my middle finger, thanks again for being a part of our community.
Unless you’re a troll.
Sit in your car with the stick-on bullet holes, drink your fake cocaine and try to forget that you buy your identity in $2.50 over-hyped increments
Friday, April 13th, 2007I’ve always been a fan of cocaine and the way it provides that extra boost that coffee just can’t while also keeping my lovehandles to a minimum, but it’s just so bad for the heart, you know? Luckily, energy drink maker Redux Beverages has heard my cry.
The Food and Drug Administration said Redux Beverages LLC is illegally marketing the drink as both a street drug alternative and a dietary supplement…The FDA cites as evidence the drink’s own labeling and Web site, which include the statements “Speed in a Can,” “Liquid Cocaine” and “Cocaine – Instant Rush,”
The Cocaine Web site lists an ingredient called inositol and says it reduces cholesterol and helps prevent hardening of the arteries, among other health claims, the FDA said.
I don’t know from inositol, but I guess it’s fairly safe claim that if you are a regular consumer of “legal cocaine” and you have a heart attack, it probably wasn’t the cholesterol.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this drink. I dimly recall hearing of it earlier, and the article mentions that the drink owner has been trying for a year to trademark the word ‘cocaine.’
It seems that the federal government frowns upon marketing your overpriced sugar-and-uppers as a legal alternative to a highly illegal substance, and then going a step further and declaring that in addition to being way cool, it’s also like medicine that is good for you. When informed that marketing snake oil is illegal, owners James and Hannah Kirby responded: who, little old us? Aw, shucks.
“Our take on it is we are naive. Everything that we do in terms of marketing of the products, on to all the various marketing taglines, is intended to be tongue-in-cheek,” Kirby said.
Like, totally. These old guys at the FDA are all like, you can’t claim that this stuff is a legal alternative to real drugs AND that it a legit weightloss aid AND that it will lower your cholesterol, but they don’t get it, you know? The kids, they know what’s up. When we said on our website “it reduces cholesterol and helps prevent hardening of the arteries” what we meant was “this drink is wicked awesome,” and if you were cool you’d have gotten that.
The Kirbys are terrible liars, shilling a horrible product that is, at best in staggeringly bad taste.
At Club V20 starting at 9:00 pm free entrance until 10:30 pm on 81 Aquarium way, Long Beach California. You will also be able to try the 2 new flavors of Cocaine Energy Drink “Cut Cocaine” and “Free Cocaine”.
In bad taste and absolutely identical to all the other over-priced energy crap out there, but they’ll only admit that in the newspapers that their target market is most assuredly not reading.
They are such terrible liars and the product is so offensively wrong that I’m pretty sure they’re going to make a million dollars. Check out the cocaine website. Have you ever in your life seen anything so shameless? The word “cocaine” written in a faux-powdery font, the sex and flames and wrestling right on the front page, even before you see the product? And there are more cocaine related non-drink products than flavors of the drink. For $11, you can buy the “cocaine stash pak” featuring stickers, logo dog tags, and temporary tattoos. Cocaine rhinestone underpants, cocaine logo shirts, posters and more. They actually expect people to spend money on the shit that hot women should be giving them for free in bars while she tries to flirt them into replacing the Red Bull in their jagerbombs with her particular brand of energy drink.
That website is a near-perfect unabashed mix of sex, violence and consumerism. They want, nay, need the remaining customers in America who can watch a Saliva video where two hot tattooed women beat the living shit out of each other before enjoying a nice refreshing slug of Cocaine and not see the naked corporate manipulation. They are apparently working on the assumption that the average American consumer is no where near as savvy as the other guys seem to think, and there’s no reason on earth to spend perfectly good money coming up with a slightly more subtle campaign when you can just hold a mirror up to the darkest, saddest part of their soul, associate your product with it, and charge them $11 for shipping it to their door.
And I think their dasterdly plot will work, for their target is the stupidest of the stupid, and their strategy of absolute shamelessness is already working. Just today, my hick-town-gas-station-cashier boyfriend heard all about this new drink from a customer who was so glad that it was finally legalized after being all forbidden and banned. Hey, if The Man is against it, then it’s got to be good.
Congress sniffs our national teen panties, declares them sullied
Friday, April 13th, 2007File under “no doy:”
Students who took part in sexual abstinence programs were just as likely to have sex as those who did not, according to a study ordered by Congress.
Also, feel free to file this under “creepy old pervs,” as I’m a smidge uncomfortable with Congressional inquiries into teenage sexual habits. Maybe I’m still having Foley hangovers, but I’d prefer we keep our lawmakers’ noses out of the national teen crotch.
Back to the matter at hand, though. Along with the sky being blue and oil companies screwing us out of every dime, I’m pleased to learn abstinence ed doesn’t work. Because, really, we had _no_ idea.
But I’m sure the sexphobes will claim their cause was not lost. No doubt these kids at least learned the ‘value’ of monogamy and how easily you achieve richer sex with one partner forever.
Also, those who attended one of the four abstinence classes that were reviewed reported having similar numbers of sexual partners as those who did not attend the classes.
Oh. Well. Uh, I’m sure these kids at least waited to get busy until later in life, when something called maturity is rumored to set in.
And they first had sex at about the same age as other students — 14.9 years, according to Mathematica Policy Research Inc.
Okay, so maybe nothing about abstinence ed works very well, but whatever the churches out there wanna spend their money on is their garsh darn bidness.
The federal government now spends about $176 million annually on abstinence-until-marriage education.
Criminy. So when do liberals get to point the finger at wingnuts and mercilessly tease them for decades about their useless tax-and-spend social programs? Because last I checked, they were the only people subsidizing hugely profitable companies, paying for broken abstinence programs, and funding an unjust war with our future’s money.
At least they got the message about this program not being worth it.
Officials said one lesson they learned from the study is that the abstinence message should be reinforced in subsequent years to truly affect behavior.
Sigh. Only in America would we examine our expensive, pointless, ineffective anti-sex teen brainwashing campaign and decide we need to double our efforts and continue them into adulthood.
Supporting our troops since 2001! [Disclaimer: any soldier dumb enough to get hurt in the line of battle no longer qualifies as a 'troop' and therefore does not deserve our support.]
Thursday, April 12th, 2007If Ricky Bobby taught me one thing, it’s that America is for winners. You win, you reap the rewards. You lose, you deserve the kicking-to-the-curb that’s coming to you.
Don’t believe me? Just ask the US government, who’s knowingly taking advantage of soldiers so bad at their jobs they couldn’t keep from getting hurt:
The way the government rates service members’ disabilities is inconsistent, and the Army might be shortchanging injured soldiers, the chairman of a special commission said Thursday.
Fantastic system we have now. We recycle soldiers who expected to be done serving or are in desperate need of a break right back into unjust combat duty. We don’t equip them properly or provide them ample body protection. And now, when they get injured, we screw around with them.
And why? Because if you aren’t willing stop a bullet with your teeth or psychically sense mines and IEDs, you’ve failed to demonstrate your committment to our national excellence. Either that, or you just don’t measure up.
The first phase in ostracizing losertroops like that is to care for them poorly:
Among the complaints are the difficulties troops and veterans have in navigating the health care system, including long waits, lost paperwork and subjective ratings as they move from military hospitals to the VA’s vast network of 1,400 clinics and treatment facilities.
Once that’s done, we make sure the Department of Defense intentionally underclassifies the seriousness of their injuries so we can stiff them:
While the differing standards account for some inconsistencies, “it is also apparent that DOD has strong incentive to assign ratings less than 30 percent so that only separation pay is required,” [Lt. Gen. James Terry] Scott said in testimony.
The final step is to make sure they know you won’t be doing anything about their problems any time soon:
“A full solution is still several years away,” Deputy Defense Secretary Gordon England said, while offering assurances that he and Nicholson do confer “when issues need to be addressed at our level.”
If God doesn’t love you enough to keep you healthy on the battlefield, our government’s made it crystal clear it doesn’t need you or want you around.
I look forward to the day when these soldiers are sterilized. That way, we’ll have fewer loserdescendants around to gum up our well-oiled combat machine.
Knowing when your gals are on the rag is the key to keeping things running smoothly around the office
Wednesday, April 11th, 2007Female civil servants in the Indian government’s employ are a little miffed to find out that they work for a bunch of panty-sniffers.
Women civil servants in India have expressed shock at new appraisal rules which require them to reveal details of their menstrual cycles.
Under the new nationwide requirements, female officials also have to say when they last sought maternity leave.
Man, if there’s anything my boss cares about, it’s the details of my menstrual cycle. He’s always all, ‘so, Kyso, how’s the vaginal bleeding going? Normal? Good to hear!’ and I appreciate his concern.
The questions at the root of the controversy are on page 58 of the new appraisal forms for the current year issued by the federal Ministry for Personnel, Public Grievances and Pensions.
A 58-or-more page annual mandatory appraisal? Criminey.
Women officers must write down their “detailed menstrual history and history of LMP [last menstrual period] including date of last confinement [maternity leave],” the form says.
I would have trouble complying simply because I don’t really track this information. I suspect that most women, unless they have a reason, don’t really keep records of their periods for more than a month or two. Go ahead, ask me about a period I had 12 months ago. Then ask me what I had for dinner on June 12, 2005. The answers are the same: I don’t fucking remember.
India’s female government employees, clearly driven insane by their rampaging hormones (if only we could track their moods somehow!), reacted in a most unbecoming, feminine fashion:
“I am completely shocked!” said Sharwari Gokhale, environment secretary in western Maharashtra state.
“I have absolutely no words to describe how I feel and I have no intention of telling them anything about my personal life.
“It’s gob smacking.”
…Seema Vyas, agreed that the new questions were uncalled for…”But there is no need for these details as this does not have any bearing on our work,” she told the BBC.
“When we apply for maternity leave, we put in the appropriate application and the government already has those records so why ask again?”
Luckily, real leadership was displayed by that man who gave one newspaper a quote in which he blamed nameless ministry officials in language that implied he didn’t see what all the fuss was about. Surely everything will calm down soon.
Despite repeated attempts, the BBC was unable to speak to the head of the personnel department, Satyanand Mishra.
The Hindustan Times newspaper quoted him as saying the questions were based on advice from the Ministry of Health.
“We sought the ministry’s help to draw up a health-history format. I assume this will help evaluate the officer’s fitness,” he told the paper.
And the Lord did lay his hands upon me, and lo! Satan’s cellulite was banished from my thighs
Monday, April 9th, 2007Remember the DaVinci Code Diet? Well, fuck that Catholic-baiting calorie-control blasphemy. Why follow a diet based on heresy when God himself is waiting for you to pray those inches off of your fat ass?
Jordan Rubin is convinced God can help you lose weight. Rubin, author of The Maker’s Diet, is fresh from a speaking engagement at Toledo’s Cathedral of Praise. He’s in town to spread the word about his yearlong “Healthy Toledo” initiative, the name a church-friendly play on “holy Toledo.”
Am I the only one who would never have seen that pun on my own? Didn’t think so. Anyway, God wants you to be thin. Rubin knows this because God once helped him lose 80 pounds!
Just kidding, actually Rubin credits prayer with getting him through a serious illness and does not credit God with inflicting the disease in order to help him lose weight. But I think if he phrased it the way I just did, it would help him sell more diet books.
Somewhere in this experience Rubin was inspired to read a lot, which naturally lead to writing a book. You’d think a nice memior about the power of prayer to heal would be appropriate, but Rubin noticed that there might be more money and longer tours if he wrote a self-help book instead. Maybe the kind that helps insecure people solve their problems by tricking them into thinking that they’ve shunted the responsibility off onto someone else, then telling them to eat a balanced diet while they are waiting for God to work his magic. God, you see, wants you to be the kind of needy sponge that believes that He’s just hanging around waiting for you to hand him all of your problems. Then, he solves them! It’s that easy!*
“Before I came to First Place, I had never thought to pray about anything I ate—I just thought God thought I should have self-control,” says Carole Lewis, who was 39 when she first attended the Bible-centric healthy-living program in 1981, and has since become the group’s national director.
Attendees of the program practice a “biblical approach to weight management,” mixing Bible study with recipes for black-bean enchiladas. “I thought God was interested in my marriage, my finances, my kids—but now I do believe he is interested in everything about us.” For Lewis, “everything” includes her food choices.
Unfortunately for Carole, God wasn’t even interested in her marriage or her kids, He was just being polite.
*Disclaimer: God helps those who help themselves. That’s why in addition to prayer, “The Maker’s Diet eschews processed foods for pared-down preparations like broiled halibut, ginger carrots and cilantro lime chicken cacciatore, made with organic ingredients where possible.”
Lewis emphasizes the role prayer plays in helping her make good diet decisions. “My body is always going to want what it’s going to want, and that’s not always going to be healthy for me,” she says. “But God gives me strength.”
Yes, this is a diet for people who feel they need the support of an Omnipotent God in order to switch from ice cream to fat-free frozen yoghurt. Kind of makes you feel bad for a deity. Isn’t there a patron saint he could be delegating this shit to? Maybe it’s just my former Catholicism showing, but my God didn’t have the time or interest for this shit.
And not to raise any red flags or anything, but despite the claim that the God-diet market is “exploding,” their second example involves an honest-to-God fringe church that has been called a cult by former members.
Other programs, like Gwen Shamblin’s The Weigh Down Diet, speak more directly to modern-day conveniences like processed foods, and the ready availability of weight-loss pills and surgeries—all elements that have been decried by secular health-care professionals as well. (It’s crucial to note that Shamblin’s weight-loss program is associated with her Remnant Fellowship Church, which has been termed a cult by the group Spirit Watch; Shamblin filed a libel suit against the organization in March.)
But Shamblin addresses the emotional side of eating, too. “There are just two empty holes in the body—one is the longing heart, and one is the stomach. [The former] is for your relationship with God, and you cannot put chocolate cake in it—nothing will work, not money, porn, or drugs. You only want to eat when there’s an actual, physiological hunger.”
Hmmm, a weight-loss book affiliated with an alleged cult that, when you almost inevitably fail to keep the weight off, will then offer to help address the unfulfilled emotional needs that are clearly leading to your excessive weight. Nope, can’t see anything shady here. I hope someone glances over the fact that this is the church associated with the beating death of an 8-year-old boy and focuses on their more upbeat healthy living cottage industry.
All the same, it’s occasionally difficult to imagine a non-Christian feeling comfortable with such God-centric language, but all sources interviewed for this story emphasized their devotion to members of all faiths.
And of course we will take their word at face value, because really, why would non-Christians be feeling excluded or uncomfortable with evanglical Christan weightloss programs? Who tied their panties in a knot? Don’t they realize that everyone can enjoy losing 10, 20, even 30 or more pounds with the help of our One True Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Rubin hopes his healthy-living programs will expand well beyond Toledo, through the U.S. to “Asia, Africa, India, and hopefully Australia”—and of course, two of the three continents he mentions are not predominantly Christian.
This demonstrates the movement’s devotion to being welcoming and inclusive of non-Christians, because as everyone knows, evanglical Christians are dead set against missions and conversions.
It doesn’t need to make sense if your market is those who confuse being funny with being a prick
Wednesday, April 4th, 2007I get a lot of t-shirts from threadless, and the shipping information gets sent to my gmail account, which means I get a lot of text ads for ‘funny t-shirt’ sites. So I clicked on the link today and at first, I was offended:
Ha ha, it’s funny because it’s about fetishizing underage girls!
Get it? It’s funny because its about sperm and lazy foriegners who just come over here to take advantage of our generous welfare system and free universal healthcare. Ahh, sperm. Tee hee!
But after a bit the site lost its ability to shock me with its crude, faddish humor (Anna Nicole: Thanks for the mammaries) and poor grasp of typography, and all that was left was the bewilderment.
Someone please explain to me what the hell that means. Is there some part of the country where fresh-beaver smacking is practiced and where this would be a witty double entendre, or is this just a random string of words that satisfies the two conditions of expressing a desire for sexualized violence and tying in vaguely with the beaver clip art? How do you determine that a beaver is so fresh it needs to be smacked? What happens if a beaver ages without a good smack?
Get it straight: asses are for smacking, not beavers. You don’t want your girlfriend and/or any animal protective services angry with you for treating the cuddly one like the tough one. Not that you’ll be getting near anything’s tail if you’re running around in shirts like these.
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