It doesn’t need to make sense if your market is those who confuse being funny with being a prick
Published by Kyso Kisaen April 4th, 2007 in Public Procrastination, SexI get a lot of t-shirts from threadless, and the shipping information gets sent to my gmail account, which means I get a lot of text ads for ‘funny t-shirt’ sites. So I clicked on the link today and at first, I was offended:
Ha ha, it’s funny because it’s about fetishizing underage girls!
Get it? It’s funny because its about sperm and lazy foriegners who just come over here to take advantage of our generous welfare system and free universal healthcare. Ahh, sperm. Tee hee!
But after a bit the site lost its ability to shock me with its crude, faddish humor (Anna Nicole: Thanks for the mammaries) and poor grasp of typography, and all that was left was the bewilderment.
Someone please explain to me what the hell that means. Is there some part of the country where fresh-beaver smacking is practiced and where this would be a witty double entendre, or is this just a random string of words that satisfies the two conditions of expressing a desire for sexualized violence and tying in vaguely with the beaver clip art? How do you determine that a beaver is so fresh it needs to be smacked? What happens if a beaver ages without a good smack?
Get it straight: asses are for smacking, not beavers. You don’t want your girlfriend and/or any animal protective services angry with you for treating the cuddly one like the tough one. Not that you’ll be getting near anything’s tail if you’re running around in shirts like these.
I think it’s trying to play off of the (incredibly old) use of the word ‘fresh’ as a synonym for ‘uppity’ or ’sarcastic’ or something, and so if your kid was fresh with you, you’d smack him, and maybe that’s somehow referencing masturbation and as you pointed out, sexualized violence, but…gah. What a trainwreck of lame metaphors. When I think fresh beaver, I think summer’s eve, and then the smacking reference is even more confusing.
See, I read the “cleverly disguised as an adult” is a statment of immaturity, not underage sex.
Antigone: Possible, as that shirt is also on the regular shirt list. But on the women’s shirt list, the sexual meaning jumped out at me first.
“See, I read the “cleverly disguised as an adult” is a statment of immaturity, not underage sex.”
I’m picturing a 40 to 50-year-old guy with gray hair and a beard…
The “fresh beaver” is one of those things that sounds dirty at first, but when you look at it again, it’s just nonsensical, like “Slartibartfast.”
That fresh beaver one is bringing back bad memories of literature classes where the teacher asks “what does this symbolize” and the class just takes a bunch of random, clueless guesses.
“Yes, you at the back”
“Uh…the beaver represents Canada and Canada is getting out of line?”
“No…not quite there…”
What a wonderful site! Think of it as evolution in action … or a superior version of contraception
From Wikipedia…
Fresh beaver smacking is a competitive sport started in 1908 in the logging town of Eatonville, Washington, as a way for bored loggers to pass time up in the Mt. Rainer forests. The game consists of a fresh beaver, the magic smacking wand, an offense, and a defense. On offense, a fresh beaver (a fresh beaver is one that has been cleanly shaven in the past 24 hours) is dropped into the smacking circle, where the fresh beaver smacker takes the magic smacking wand and has one chance in which to smack the fresh beaver. If the fresh beaver is smacked, the defense has 30 seconds to catch the fresh beaver and shove it down their pants. If the team cannot catch the fresh beaver within 30 seconds, a player from the defense has his hand chopped off and is \thrown into the river and disqualified. If the fresh beaver elludes smacking, the logger also has his hand chopped off and is thrown into the river and .
disqualified.
The game ends when either all players on a team has a fresh beaver shoved down their pants, or everyone on a team is dead.
***
So now you can plainly see how hilarious this t-shirt is.
“on the women’s shirt list, the sexual meaning jumped out at me first.”
You should question why that is.
A: Because it was surrounded by sexually explicit novelty t-shirt slogans.
There, that cleared that up.
“So what? If it was surrounded by elephants, would you think it was an elephant?”
Foiled! Damn you junk science!
I’m picturing a 40 to 50-year-old guy with gray hair and a beard…
Shut up!
Chris, I was also describing myself!…
The best thing about that site for me? The Curl up and Dye t-shirt. I live in Minneapolis and there is a salon on Franklin ave that is called that. I saw it and was kinda confused for a minute…
This is retarded. Does it have something to do with “cherry popping”? I’m not sure.
and this…
I’m not even at all sure what that’s supposed to be about. Like, the person feels descriminated against because they’re white? Huh? I totally don’t get it.
Just bizarre.
Oh! Sorry! I tried to put the images in there. These are the links for the ones I was talking about
http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=CHERRY_RK
http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/images/products/CRAYON_RK.jpg
Come on people, lighten up. It is a t-shirt, you don’t have to wear it. Many do…if you are offended…stay home, lock the doors and turn off the TV.
I prefer the ANYONE BUT HILLARY 2008. Why don’t you discuss this shirt….could it mean that Bill is bangin ALL the interns in 2008? Or does it mean don’t vote for Hillary…it is ALL IN YOUR MIND!!!!!
Have comments… email me…the email is on the site
http://www.roadkilltshirts.com
Yes…I own the site!
Thanks
Mike
Dear Mike,
Your t-shirts are stupid and lame. I’m more offended by them as an appreciateur of comedy and wit, than I am by their poli-social subtexts. Maybe you should make some shirts that make fun of gay people–now that would be funny.
Mike needs to work on the whole “sales pitch” thing.
That, and the idea that free speech is a no-tagbacks game, where you can say whatever you want and then nobody else gets to talk.
Note: Mike, the owner of the site, read this post and the comments and STILL didn’t answer what the hell the Beaver Smacking shirt means. Perhaps the world may never know…
Ok…i just found this again…
Jason C…here is a list of gay shirts for you…if the link doesn’t work, type gay in the search button…
http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/search.aspx?keyword=gay&page=1
Mythago…
here is a link for you…
http://www.roadkilltshirts.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=JOINT-ROLL
Casey,
It is a play on words, hence FRESH….
And yes, MikeEss got his correct….