Armchair Rebelutionaries
Published by junk science March 25th, 2007 in Sex, WankersLisa KS sums up my reaction to the Christian Masturbator Uprising of 2007.
I’m actually really getting into the idea here that I’m making a bunch of buttwipes suffer agonies by my mere presence in their line of sight. This is totally awesome. How often does a bunch of really dipsh*t guys advertise so blatantly how you can drive them all mad without the slightest effort on your part and without them having the teeniest ability to do a damn thing about it?
The problem with this attitude, I am aware, is that this is exactly the reaction they expect you to have, because they already know that you exist solely to make them miserable, and that you know exactly what you’re doing and are enjoying it. Frankly, I’d be afraid to piss off anyone who’s not sure he wouldn’t rape his sister if he saw her bend over to pick something up.* If he decided I was abusing my privilege of not being raped and proceeded to deprive me of it, there are a lot of people who wouldn’t exactly blame him.
Unfortunately for the brave soldiers, they live in a world where most people either have gotten laid or will get laid at some point, and do not wish to identify with pathetic losers who frantically try to stop thinking about their sisters while they touch themselves. If they could get up the courage to actually rape a girl (not a blood relative), they’d get a lot more sympathy from the general public. Once people figure out that you’re serious about not wanting to waste another erection, they start to fear you, and then they try to comfort themselves by deciding that maybe what you did made sense, so you’re not so scary after all. After all, what the hell was that slut doing wearing such a short skirt anyway? What did she expect?
Obviously, since these guys are only using their typing hand to share their sexual fantasies with each other, we can safely laugh at them. Like all fundamentalist wingnuts, they became obsolete when people figured out that you can sometimes get a girl to sleep with you by talking to her and that this Darwin guy seemed to know what he was talking about. It’s only when they stop whining and actually do something about their grievances with the world that they get any instinctive empathy from us. Not anything we’re proud of, but I guess they have to take what they can get.
*Go look for the damn quote yourself. I’m not touching that thing again.
As with most angry/desperate/lonely fundie men, these guys seem to suffer under the delusion that all of us are as warped as they are, and thus society needs to conform entirely to their creepy desires (or in this case, aid them in resisting them). Freakin’ irritating.