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I realize we usually reserve Friday Cat Blogging for a lighthearted look at the wacky antics of our feline friends, but today, I’m compelled by my moral conscience to bring you cold, hard investigative journalism.

As mentioned yesterday, I recently stayed in the home of one Jessica Valenti, a noted feminist and wanton exhibitionist. I expected to find a home filled with all sorts of intensely feminist items, like ice picks and propaganda, but I never thought I’d uncover a major drug scandal.

Yes, I’m talking about steroids.

But this feminist was too clever to break out the juice on herself; that would be too obvious. Instead, she’s been using it to produce a new breed of super attack cat, one so muscular and vicious no man could fend it off. Though I lack medicinal proof and a single shred of corroborating evidence, I believe the photographs speak for themselves.

Prepare to be shocked below the fold…

Behold Niedra, Jessica’s feline war machine:

On the left is a photo rumored to be of Niedra before she fell into Jessica’s clutches. Note her slender neck and smallish body, as well as the polite, optimistic expression on her face.

On the right is a photo recently taken by me at Jessica’s residence. Observe how Niedra now displays all the characteristics of a chronic steroid user: swollen face, thick neck, and above all, a cranky disposition.

For comparison’s sake, let’s examine similar photos of the most famous alleged steroid abuser of our time, Barry Bonds:

Again, the head and neck seem to have enlarged exponentially, and while Mr. Bonds appears to be concentrating in the left photo, his expression still displays the wide-eyed wonder of purity. In the picture on the right, Mr. Bonds looks like someone shat in his Cheerios. The similarites between Bonds and Niedra are stunning.

Additionally, inappropriate violent outbursts are common amongst steroid users, and Niedra was no different. Here she is trapping another houseguest, one who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal:

How could any mere human expect to withstand this kind of ruthless, conquering behavior from such an unstoppable machine of raw power?

Valenti’s war kittens may not come after us now, they may not come after us tomorrow, but they are coming. And when they do, this may be the last face you see:

You’ve been warned.