Jessica Valenti — a kind and gracious host if you’re ever in NYC, by the way — posted her concerns yesterday about Benetint, a product marketed as tint makeup for your nipples.
Benetint: Because we thought it’d be funny
if we stained the inside of your bras!
The product promo explains that women want their nips to be “pert and fresh-looking,” and Benefit, the makers of Benetint, believe their water-proof boob paint “makes them appear that way.”
a-MEN. Thank god someone entered this bone-dry market. Speaking as a man, there’s no greater turn-off than a stale nipple. You know the kind of nipple I’m talking about — all grey and withered, like a dirty dress sock or shrunken elephant head.
I’ve had far too many hot ladyfriend encounters spoiled by the exposure of a boob that looks more like it belongs at the morgue than in my manly grasp. But now I won’t have to look at a woman’s chestal embarrassments ever again, or at least not without the cover of God’s greatest gift to a fella’s sexual adventures: makeup. …Okay, technically alcohol is the greatest gift, followed closely by roofies and the appeals process, but you get the idea. Makeup makes it easier to imagine I’m banging an airbrushed Penthouse model or a RealDoll come to life, and that’s what it’s all about. [highfive]
But it’s not all fun and games being a guy on the prowl. Sure, it’s gross when I’m forced to fiddle with overripe boobs, but we all have our shortcomings. And with women these days getting all uppity and “experienced,” they’re not as easy to please in the penis department as they once were. I’m not talking about length or width, either — I’m talking about hue. If my cockhead doesn’t look rosy and rearin’ for a frontal (or the occasional rear) assault, then I’m likely to be laughed out of the boudoir.
Unfortunately, we’re not all able to sleep with sheltered virgins 24-7, so here’s hoping Benetint looks just as good on my tip as it does on the ladies’.
Uh….I thought BeneTint was originally created as a cheek and lip color? Who decided to reappropriate it as a nipple tint?! Please don’t tell me it was the female owners of BeneFit.
Seems to be. My guess is that women weren’t buying a product that was redundant to their blush and lip gloss, so they had to repackage it as something unique.
Also, I should make some smarmy comment about your current ladyfriend’s nipple color but I won’t. She’d kill me.
Unless you’re a “professional” – ah – “dancer” or something, what would be the point of having a product like this? I’m thinking a very (VERY) small market…(novelty?)
It also made me thing of the really creepy scene in Pennies From Heaven where Steve Martin’s character has been pressing his wife/girlfriend (I can’t remember anymore) to use lipstick “there”. She does eventually and the whole thing is just bizarre (very unpleasant…).
Agghh!….
I’d heard that Benetint was originally created when a dancer asked the Benefit people for some nipple darkener that wouldn’t sweat off, but I can’t seem to find any evidence of that online. I’m surprised that they’re trying to market it as nipple tint though.
work safe? um, are they monitoring this?
Mark, I hope no one uses that after you.
Unlike some of the other commenter’s here I think your blog entry was hilarious. Its too bad other people didn’t “get” your point (pun intended) Also an unfortunate coincidence is the fact that MY blog pales in comparison to yours in regards to hilarity… my stupid blog is only about my mundane life… without nipple tinting.