But what if you can’t lick your own cone fast enough and need help to finish it before it melts?
Published by Kyso Kisaen February 18th, 2007 in Bodily Autonomy, Godbaggery, Sex, Shame on you for being a womanA couple of Rebeloution groupies have their own petition up and running for the Rebeloutionettes to thank the Rebeloutionaries for taking the survey which cleared up, once and for all, the modesty issue.*
I mention it only because a quick look at their blog suggests that maybe Marc should expand his Bluey series to include more examples of this “bodily autonomy” concept. Because while I am neither a theologian or a lawyer, I’m pretty sure that just because some guy raped your ice cream it doesn’t make you a slut:
An employee behind the counter…begins to pile your order of ice cream into a glass bowl. [...] Your mouth waters as you wait expectantly for your order.
The tanned employee begins to pass you the ice cream, but instead, grabs a spoon and digs into your ice cream. Placing the spoon in his mouth, his green eyes roll back as he savors the bite.
You stare in horror and disgust.
The boy swallows. “Duuuude, that was awesome.”
[...]
It is a ridiculous situation. What employee in his right mind would ever steal a bite from a customer’s ice cream? What customer in their right mind would idly stand by, allowing him to do so?Yet purity is treated in a similar fashion. Sex is often ignored as a gift from God–that is, a part of the marriage union, and instead utilized for a moment’s pleasure. While it is most shocking to hear of someone assuming the rights to someone else’s ice cream, we merely shrug at the idea of sexual purity being flippantly surrendered.
Look, it was wrong of the employee to take your ice cream, just like it would be wrong of him to fling you down upon the marble slab and ravish you ravishingly while you begged him to stop. It doesn’t seem like the nameless protagonist “flippantly surrendered” her (I’m assuming ‘her’) ice cream to the big, bad, yet strangely appealing ice cream employee so why are you being so hard on her? She was clearly victimized here.
However, if you knew the guy and wanted to share the ice cream, if he asked first or if you offered, and you both used different plastic spoons after having an honest discussion about how you might handle any ramifications of ice-cream sharing- well, that’s a bit of a different story, isn’t it?
But you know what else is wrong? For committed, look-at-me-I’m-a-virgin-capital-V chastity cheerleaders to use such sexually charged purple prose. No more savoring ice-cream orgasms for your characters until you’ve passed at least one college-level fiction writing class.
*Disclaimer: Survey for entertainment use only and does not claim to be of any practical use. Survey results not responsible for expenses, damages, confusion, tears, or guilt suffered by persons attempting to use results to guide future wardrobe decisions.
Seriously. Who cares that his eyes are green? That kind of pointless detail is disturbing and gratuitious.
I’m not even going to get into the watering mouth and the tan. Jesus, just get laid already.
I thought if you “licked your own cone” you’d go blind and hair would grow on your palms. Or did all the adults in my life lie to me?…
Yeah, well, the slut was asking for it if you ask me- she was clearly leading him on. He couldn’t help himself! He’s only a man! A hungry, hungry man.
Mmm, green eyes. He sounds dreamy, he can have a bite out of my ice cream any day.
I thought if you “licked your own cone” you’d go blind and hair would grow on your palms.
You’re right. You’re not supposed to eat the ice cream at all, or let anyone else eat it. You’re just supposed to let it melt and make a sticky mess all over your hands. You’re probably not even allowed to wash them afterwards.
I never got to lick a girl’s ice-cream cone back in high school. I did hold them once or twice, but melting just left a sticky mess all over the car upholstery.
If you ask me, they’re definitely insulting the 50s archetype of good teenage dating. I mean, really, what else are good kids going to do at the soda shop together if they’re not sharing ice cream or milk shakes? Take that away from them and they might start holding each other’s hands!!!
I was reading your headline too fast and the “n” in “cone” got transmogrified to an “m”…
No, see, it’s God’s ice cream and the girl is the spoon…
I would never associate God with anything white and sticky. How irreverent.
Something that bothers me a lot about Christianity is this idea that sin is, essentially, a sort of actual physical substance.
It’s like, the reason we don’t like it when people lick our ice cream is that hey might have any number of diseases, and we don’t want to get them. And also slobbery ice cream probably doesn’t taste as good.
And, for this kind of Christian, it’s the same reason you shouldn’t fuck more then one guy; when you fuck, you become infected, and the sin lingers with you like germs on the ice cream cone.
You have a sort of metaphysical STD.
To me, this seems like a terribly harmful and gross way to think about right and wrong.
Of course, it’s kind of a necessary pre-requisite for original sin; if you don’t think of sin as a substance separate from actions, there can’t be such a thing as original sin.
Well, people used to think that the semen of the first man a woman had sex with would stay inside her forever, contaminating the genome of any child she had with any other man. Back then, Christianity would have had a point.
No! I bet it’s worse than that. I bet the girl is the ice cream. Or, more to the point, the girl’s sexual purity is the ice cream, which is to be reserved only for the male customer.
Disgusting, if my impression of this little parable is correct. Yet another woman-as-object scenario.
Of course it’s not “her” ice cream. The woman IS the ice cream in this analogy. The customer is her future husband, who is the one these asshats think is being harmed by someone consuming his property before he gets his hands on it. The ice cream, of course, doesn’t get to choose who eats it. That would be silly.