The line between shameless advertising for cosmetic surgery and soft-core porn is blurred, with hilarious results.
Published by Kyso Kisaen February 10th, 2007 in "Science", Cock!, Shame on you for being a womanIs your vagina up to snuff? Probably not.
We all know about designer vaginas and elective labioplasty by now, but how can we know if it’s right for us? We need guidance, but we can’t go around asking just anyone if our vaginas are pretty. We need help from a trusted source-some place reputable, with years of experience in the research of vaginal aethstetics and our best interests at heart.
We need a place like The Vagina Institute, which combines a reassuring concern for the health and happiness of women (”Need a little help getting your genitalia to be prettier or tighter heightening its femininity. Vagina enhancement is soaring all over the world.”) with a clear scientific bias (”The Vagina Institute has been collecting and processing statistical data and information since 1995.”) and a mastery of the both the technical vocabulary of their field (”So women with large vaginal cavities will tend to produce more odor then women with smaller vaginal cavities when vaginal funk arises.”) and standard English (”We have uncovered many interesting findings that may be of interest to you.”)
I took the quiz, and was reassured that my vagina is of very good quality. And thank god for that, because I’m not so sure that my boyfriend would be very supportive of my decision to go out and spend perfectly good money on unnecessary surgery to make my vagina the bestest, most feminine it could be. If only my significant other was as supportive of me as some of the Vagina Institute’s commenters are of their own girlfriends:
My first answer regarding vaginal cosmetic surgery would be I would not encourage her to do so, unless there was an underlying medical (i.e. not personal) reason to do so. But I would (attempt) to support her if that’s what she decided to do.
Bermuda: At times I have stopped perusing because of loose, sloppy vaginas. Girl, you’ve been destroyed and are lazy. Go have the tight stitch, do your Kegels then give me a call. I’ve felt that, but of course wouldn’t offend by saying it.
United States: A vagina should be as tight as it was before the first child was born. All women should exercise and pay attention to good nutrition to have a strong, small, healthy, pleasant smelling vagina.
Taking responsibility for your vagina is a very pro-woman thing to be doing. And the Vagina Intitute can help. They have proven (with Science! brand Scientific Science Studies) that men like nice, airbrushed, waxed, symmetric hyper-virginal vaginas (women who have had kids, I’m looking at you). In fact, men know that their own concerns about their penis size are in fact just society’s way of distracting from the real problem, which is loose, sloppy vaginas, ruined by use.
So don’t delay- subscribe now to learn more about the fascinating vagina. Men and women from both genders will find moist, hot education and support behind that subscription wall, and you can, too.
And a special note for the ladies: the plural of anecdote is not data. The Vagina Institute does its level best to slog through as many vaginas as it can, taking detailed measurements for your edification. But it is only one Institute; it needs your help. Please, send them as many pictures of your hoo-hahs as you can spare, along with the vital stats that you’ll collect by running your hands all over your nether regions, a full description of which will be necessary for archival purposes. So mail ‘em in, girls - bushes, labias, clits, urine streams (!!!), even boobs, all the pictures you can take. And if you feel exploited, uncomfortable, or creeped out, remember, you’re doing it for Science!
(H/t Twisty, who for some reason thinks that the clearly pure intentions of the humanitarian Vaginia Institute actually imply that they hate women. As if!)
So…do they…actually tell women that they’re vagina is of “low quality”? Just..wow. Bets on the number of women involved in creating that website? I’m gonna go with nil.
ugh, they’re = their
Yes, even women’s genitals must be judged on their attractiveness. I worry that soon it’ll be our internal organs “her spleen is of low quality”
I’m having a hard time imagining an “unfeminine” vagina. You might as well talk about a “libertarian socialist” or a “heterosexual megachurch pastor.”
The vagina is an internal organ, unlike the vulva.
I thought variety was the spice of life…different women like different types of men, different men like different shapes, sizes, and colors (hair, eyes, skin…) of women. Wouldn’t it be a shame to make everyone Barbie and Ken, even down to their perfect vaginas? That’s why beauty marks work…beauty IS imperfection.
“heterosexual megachurch pastor.”
NOW you’re talking rare and unusual…
Not until (or unless) some guy makes the awesome discovery that spleen-fucking results in his Most Mindblowing Orgasm Ever. When that day comes, please kill me.
I got psychological damage from thinking aboit that
My morning vision was a bit blurry the other day, and I came across an ad in our local rag (New Times) for laser vaginal ‘enhancement.’ I misread it that they were INSTALLING lasers in vaginas…
It’s about time vagina dentata got brought into the 21st century.
Hmmm. Droopy labia? Time for a nip & tuck? For crying out loud! Can’t a we just enjoy what God provided without man-made (cosmetic vaginal beautification experts) so-called improvements getting in the way?
TikiHead - “I misread it that they were INSTALLING lasers in vaginas…”
“You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin’ lasers in their vaginas! Throw me a bone here!…”
Punkass Marc - any ETA on Pandagon coming back? I’m starting to have withdrawals…
Pandagon’s awesome since they have like a thousand bloggers posting every three seconds. It makes me feel less silly for having it open on my firefox, hitting refresh so often.
I’m having a hard time imagining an “unfeminine” vagina. You might as well talk about a “libertarian socialist” or a “heterosexual megachurch pastor.”
not on topic, I know, but I just read an old norman mailer article today where he refers to himself as a libertarian socialist, and i was wondering what the fuck he meant by that?
So now I’ve got to worry if my pussy is pretty???
These people are nuts!!!
Seriously though, how does this adveristing differ from the multitude of penile enhancement shit men are bombarded with? Not up to snuff indeed.
Seriously though, how does this adveristing differ from the multitude of penile enhancement shit men are bombarded with? Not up to snuff indeed.
Well, for starters very few penile enhancement spams lead to subscription-only websites that feature pictures! pictures! and more pictures! of real penises sent in by real guys for YOU! to critique, purely in the interest of science, of course.
This isn’t just spam selling a few lead-flecked sugar pills. I mean, who actually buys those? I think we all agree that any man stupid enough to think that a pill he ordered over the internet will increase his penis size deserves to lose the $50 or whatever it costs, but other than that, no harm no foul. (Except, of course, when the pills are actually worse than useless and contain stuff that may hurt him. That’s no good.)
On the other hand, women are actually getting labioplasty because they think their vaginas are not pretty or they want to be revirginized. Which is at least as stupid as buying penis pills over the internet, yet for some reason growing numbers of women are hearing about it and thinking, hey that’s what I needed all along. As such, labioplasty deserves a swift and merciless mocking at every opportunity so that any misguided women googling it may be exposed to a more rational opinion on the matter.
Read Twisty Faster’s post on it at I Blame the Patriarchy.
We all know about designer vaginas and elective labioplasty by now, but how can we know if it’s right for us?
[Clutches at package] Wait - I have a clue…!
Sillyheads. A libertarian socialist is an Anarchist. Some comrades say it instead of Anarchist cuz most people don’t know what Anarchism is. They think it’s punk mallkore kids who break stuff and listen to bad music.
WWDS (What would Darwin say)?
Those trimmed lips aren’t gonna spread to make room for baby (scar tissue isn’t particularly elastic).
Okay, I just left a fecitious comment over at the ever-clever “CUSS and Other Rants” explaining that I understand that doctors and other medical professionals want a nice Brazilian twot when Mama delivers. I even went so far to say that I had had my labia reconstructed and my anus neatened up.
I guess I didn’t go far enough. I’m thinking rings, dark glasses, maybe a slot machine down there? I’d better take the quiz to be sure my pussy is tight as the assholes who do this demented stuff. Is this patriarchy or pediophilia?
Holy fucking shit I just visited the site and it was absolutely repulsive, degrading, disgusting and mysogynistic. Who the hell decides what an ugly vulva is? And whaddevah happened to pubic hair? I repeat: patriarchy or pedophilia?
Is this patriarchy or pediophilia?
This is more of a both/and blog rather than an either/or/
thank you so much for this. i went to the site and was so confused. was i the only on who found this offensive? patronizing? who runs that site ? really! to see the comparison pictures calling the 8 year old, anime-like looking vagina pretty and all the others not was almost funny.hey, who want to start “the penis institute” with me?
I found this site ages ago. And i think it’s ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous… Some people need to grow a brain. Penis institute… lets do it!