PunkAssBlog.com

As you might’ve heard, today is the two year anniversary of Jonah Goldberg offering a wager to Juan Cole that, within two years, Iraq:

won’t have a civil war, that it will have a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was worth it.

Staring down the barrel of his own foolishness, you’d think Jonah would be humble, or apologetic, or at least more realistic about the quagmire his idols created. Instead, he’s decided to gloat over Juan Cole’s refusal to take him up on the wager! Never mind that Juan didn’t think it was cool to wager money on the odds of human misery — Jonah dodged having to pay out, and that means it’s time to PARRRRR-TAY!

And how do wingnuts properly celebrate further abdication of responsibility for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocents? Why, by taking an official National Review Cruise to Alaska, of course!

Sadly, this isn’t a joke. They really have an official NR cruise. For just a tiny portion of your inheritance, you can buy the company of:
-Kathryn Jean Lopez
-Robert Bork (or a puppet master manipulating his cryogenically frozen corpse)
-Michael “Democrat” Steele
-Ed Gillespie
-Arthur Laffer
-Rich Lowry
-Ramesh Ponnuru
-And of course, Jonah himself!

Still aren’t sure you want to attend? Bask in the unattributed quotes from theoretical previous passengers:

“Although I’ve been a subscriber for about 40 years, I never had the time or opportunity to meet the people behind the magazine cover. This has been a very enjoyable experience and, I hope, an eye-opener for my 18 year old son.”

Translation: I may be old enough to be his grandfather, but my spoiled kid oughta heed the wisdom of his elders and quit giving a crap about people poorer than him. Hopefully this luxurious brainwashing experiment will do the trick!

“Most speakers made very sincere attempts at hospitality — a most special plus for National Review.”

Translation: I couldn’t believe you guys aren’t as petty and nasty as you come across in your columns. Most of you, anyway.

“The panel discussions were the highlight! I enjoyed the cigar smokers and the cocktail parties for the accessibility of the speakers.”

Translation: Living the stereotype is pretty sweet.

“We enjoyed seeing younger faces, which is so encouraging.”

Ah, yes. The younger faces. As you die off, surrounded by the money you can’t take with you, it helps to remind yourself there are plenty of youngsters to carry the torch for our unacknowledged caste system and its vindictive ringleaders.

The official cruise photo gallery shows alllllll the young people who attended last year. Let’s examine each of the photos for the adorable cherubic faces…

Here’s a spry chap with columnist Mary Ellen Bork.
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Kate O’Beirne hangs with a dude who’s figured out that a face tuck and a smidge of Just For Men can make you look like a 50 year old virgin again.
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A couple frat brothers ham it up at a kegger.
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Hey, there’s a youngster! Oh, wait, that’s columnist Rick Lowry. My bad.
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Could be a honeymoon cruise for these crazy kids.
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Ahhh, there’s the young- damn, just Goldberg. Sorry.
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Nope. That’s not it.
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Another false alarm. That’s just Nordinger.
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Nope.
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They were out of hundreds, so he had to light a fifty.
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…I really have no idea what to say. That’s the last photo on the page. For an event (anonymously) promoting all the youth on board, they sure seem light on proof. I mean, they had the other anonymous quote mentioning the 18-year-old who didn’t want to be there, but, um, other than the crew and the soulless enablers of evil doubling as NR columnists, our Rock the Vote generation doesn’t seem too well represented.

But if by chance you are that one lone kid on the boat, surrounded only by ocean and greed, just remember: you’ll always have Jonah. And by all accounts, he’s an easy mark.