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I (heart) me some birth control pill. I really do. I have to admit, I kind of fell for the scare stories about it and avoided it for a long time. I always had an excuse: I don’t see my boyfriend often enough to bother taking a pill every day, I don’t want to gain weight, I can’t afford the exam I need before they’ll write the prescription, blah blah blah.

Then I started dating my current boyfriend and heterosexual lifemate. I don’t want to brag here, but our condom expenditure was out of control. So I bit the bullet, looked up some information on the internets, went to planned parenthood, and started taking the pill.

And lo, there was light, and a heavenly chorus of angels sang the many glories of the birth control pill. None the least of which was that it made my periods bearable. What had previously been a week long hell that rendered me incapacitated for two days a month and the left me merely sickly and wallowing in what seemed like gallons of blood for another three days became a mildly uncomfortable day followed by a singularly non-alarming loss of blood.

The benefits were endless. Uninhibited sex no longer in danger of being curtailed when the Trojan box was emptied. Less pain and blood in my life. Even the enviornment is a big winner: I’ve cut my monthly maxi-pad use nearly in half, plus I used to ease the pain by taking baths so hot my skin turned grey. Now that I don’t have to do that, my hot water consumption is way down.

My life is so much better in every way since I started taking this thing, and yet, there are those who would take it from me. And from you. Pills, rings, condoms, they want it all gone.

Because they’re crazy.

Check out the fine folks at No Room for Contraception (Always Room for Love).

No Room for Contraception (NRFC) is an effort to expose the potential harms that contraception, birth control and sterilization bring to marriage and society. NRFC believes that the greatest goods of the sexual act are both the procreation of children and the union of the spouses.

The use of contraception has created a society that does not welcome children as the natural outcome of the sexual act. Many scholars, scientists, clergy, married couples, counselors and others have referred to this concept as the “contraceptive mentality”.

So that’s where Dawn Eden gets her phrases from! I call false dichotomy: there’s plenty of room for both contraception and love in my relationship. What there isn’t, however, is the resources to take care of a child or twelve.

Anyway, the best way to prove that contraception is harmful is to cherry-pick your data, as in this example from “The Role of Contraception in Increasing Abortion”

In 1972, the abortion rate for all women aged 15-19 was 19.1 per 1000 women (including married women). This figure jumped to 34.3 in 1976, and to 42.4 in 1979. 11

Abortion rates did not decrease with increased access to contraception – they increased instead. So did the pregnancy rates – the only thing that decreased was the birth rate (due to increased abortion).

You can look at the data here and tell me if you find any of those numbers on table 2.3. What you do find is that between 1972 and 1979, the number of abortions about doubles, no suprise there since when you increase the number of people who have access to something it’s no suprise that they, you know, access it. In fact, there’s no false statement in that quote: the pregancy rate did increase, but the birthrate decreased. Abortions and miscarraiges were up in that 7 year span.

What he neglects to mention is that by 2002, abortions are way down, closer to pre-Roe levels. But birthrates and total pregnancies have fallen below 1972 levels. After the 80’s, his thesis falls apart and all that remains is “given the option, most women will chose to limit their fertility.” This drives some people nuts:

Birth control was the first major step to a Have It Your Way! world which has led to abortion, feminism, homosexuality, IVF, stem cell research, designer babies, cloning, euthanasia. Not to mention materialism, overconsumption, and individual greed. We seem to have lost the idea of surrendering to the needs of others or to a plan greater than our individual desires:

Yes, there’s a regular Society for the Suppression of Vice a-brewin’ under the surface of the anti-abortion movement.

Let’s face it: Many who call themselves pro-life are merely anti-abortion. Monday, the anniversary of Roe v. Wade is a time for each of us to reflect: When it comes to pro-life issues, what is God’s will and where do we really stand?

You can pry most American’s birth control out of their cold, dead hands but that won’t stop these guys from trying. If they win the abortion fight, the pill is next. And then goes the condoms, and then whatever else is on their shitlist. America should be familiar with this, we’ve done it before.

So in addition to commemorating the anniversary of Roe V Wade, I am also declaring January 22 to be Anthony Comstock Day. Anthony Comstock was a nosy douchebag busybody of the highest calibre. He managed to get his own hangups enshrined in federal law, and was given the authority to hold a gun and snoop through people’s mail. Porno, literature, and educational material alike fell before his mighty prudery and he could detect purient material from a mile away even if it was encased in a lead box. He had laser vision that could actually see into your brain and scan for dirty thoughts. Birth control was on his list of immorality that the adults of the nation must be protected against, and even the very mention of it in a magazine or textbook was enough to earn you a bannin’.

He left behind an enviable legacy, the gold standard for moralizing scolds everywhere:

By his death in 1915, Comstock claimed to have pulped over 160 tons of literature, and had brought about the suicide of 15 people.

My photoshop skills are limited, so the inagural Comstock banner sucks. Any better versions would be greatly appreciated.